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Insecurity In A Lady(a Story Untold) - Literature - Nairaland

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Insecurity In A Lady(a Story Untold) by AdetoyeAyomikun: 5:25pm On Dec 08, 2023
My name is Kemisola. Wow, I feel happy to share this with you. I feel glad to share this; I learned it in the hard way. I passed through it, and I am happy I came out of it. I hope I will be able to inspire a young and even an old lady or woman out there. Here is my story, a story I have not shared before.

I grew up pretty well, though there were many dysfunctions. But this is not where my story started. It all started when I entered university. I entered with excitement and joy. I made friends, but that where my mistake started. I chose the wrong set of friends. Was this even my mistake?

I was a jovial girl. I joked and laughed a lot, but all this started to fade away when this set of friends started to pinpoint the way I looked, the way my body shape is. When they said something like, "the way you are slim" or something like "your bre… is small" and words like that, I usually laughed it off and said, "Am I God? Leave me alone like that."

Even though they kept on saying stuff like that, it continued, and I kept on dusting it off, thinking it does not mean anything. But one day, one of my friends, Bimpe, I will never forget, said, "Will you see a husband like this? There is no boy that will ask you out with this kind of body." The words did not affect me at first, but the next day, I checked the mirror, and I saw myself in a different way. I saw myself less. I gradually became conscious of people around, what they say, or what they are saying.

Gradually, I became depressed. I rarely went out. Even when I went out, if someone said I should shut up, immediately I felt I should just shut up. Hmm, I talked with people less. I kept things to myself. Not until Femi came into my life. He told me I was beautiful; he told me I looked good. Daily, he messaged me, daily he sent sweet words to me. I felt good; I felt perfect.

When he said if I would be his girlfriend, I had no reason to think twice about it. I saw no reason at all. I said yes. That few months were the best of my life. I felt awake again; I felt happy again. Something led to something; he requested s_x, even though I wanted to reject it. But I felt indebted to my joy giver; I accepted it. But after a few days, his behavior towards me changed. I complained about his recent attitude but kept on saying nothing is wrong. After a week or so, he said, "I am no longer feeling this relationship; let's break up." Even if it was all he said, it would be okay. When I asked why, he started to complain about this and this and this.

I felt lost, shattered, disturbed. I told myself I won't commit suicide. I went back to my cave. Oh yes, after some time, I rarely went to class. Someone came to me and asked what was wrong. I despised him many times, but later, I shared with him what was going on. And all he said was, "Will you follow me to my church?" I can vividly remember the way I looked at him. He then said, "You may be expecting me to tell you how beautiful you are, BUT UNTIL YOU PERSONALLY REALIZE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, THEN YOU CAN’T OVERCOME THIS."

Those words struck me hard. I decided to go to his church, even though I wondered how church would help me overcome insecurity. Attending weekly services and him, his name is Segun, talked to me, telling me I have to love myself. I wondered, telling him I love myself. He then said, "Really?" He introduced me to the love of Christ, instructing me on how Jesus can help me see myself in a better way, how Jesus can help me see a better version of myself.

The way some reading this and are wondering, how come, I wondered too. I woke up in the morning, faced the mirror, and told myself, "I am beautiful, I am perfect. Anyone that thinks otherwise is either blind or has a problem."

Gradually, I began to confess, "I am wonderfully and beautifully made." Then insecurity and shame disappeared, and I became close to the love of Christ. That loving Jesus can make me love myself, still a mystery to me till date.

Can I tell you that you are beautiful? You are not less; you are unique. In the journey of self-realization, I understood three things:

You need to know and love Christ, and understand that THE LOVE OF CHRIST IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF; the love of Christ can help you love yourself. You will love yourself to a level that it’s either they love you or leave you alone. Even if they will hate you, they will hate you from afar.

Know When To Leave A Cycle Of Friends.

I am not annoyed at what Femi did to me because I now realize that he was able to deceive me because of my state of not loving myself well enough. And very painfully, some young ladies are passing through the same.

Guess what? I am happily married. When I say happily, I mean joyfully married with two kids. You know my husband; he is Segun, the one that preached to me.

I hope my message and story get to a young lady out there feeling insecure. Are you blessed by this message at all? Tell me what you learned if you read it, don't forget to share it 🤗


Writer: Adetoye Ayomikun

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