JOB OPPORTUNITIES

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory.
This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja, is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:

1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment (Iraq, Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:
militant_recruitmen t@OsamaConsultin g.com and copy nonsrule @yahoo.co.uk

help, help, help, hhaaa hhaaaa hhahaaaa haaahh,
I neva laugh like this b4.
U go take ex-biafra war lord?
haahhhaa haahhaaahhhaaa,

victronics:

help, help, help, hhaaa hhaaaa hhahaaaa haaahh,
I never laugh like this before.
You go take ex-biafra war lord?
haahhhaa haahhaaahhhaaa,

Sure, send -in your application
if ex-biafra,why not

Crazy guy!!

I signed in for the first time just to say nice innovation[/s][/s][/s]

u have got a hell of imagination!

who ever did this ,is GOOOD !
I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF.HAVE A NICE DAY

Pls 911, We got some terrorists in da house,
I hope frustrated persons wont come accross this!
@Teetalk, na wa for u ooo. Thank Heavens, your kindred are not here.

henryarm:

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[li][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]Hi guys,

Immediately I read the original post I took an offense and then smiled. I think I understand the aim of the Originator; the guy was trying to crack a joke for humor.
Nevertheless, this is not a joke section, it's a section for serious job hunters & job providers. Besides, that joke could raise some external eye brows considering the present state of things in the country. Please, we should learn how, when and where to post relevant issues, and make jokes that are really harmless.

I wouldn't like a situation where the Forum is probed and shut down for making a 'simple joke.'

Have a nice day Y'all [/font][/li]
[li][/li]
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[li][/li]
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@ henryman.
believe me, i was in desperate mood geting a job,
but when i got this same message i posted in the thread, my perspective
took another dimension ,i have no other Choice than to trust God more
and less of my so-called desperate effort, what is life!? is it not about
having fun at every phase of human life and trusting God for a devine direction
And as for the this forum being Shut down,take my word, that wont happen,
cos SEUN's sense of Humour is far more remarkable

aawodumila:

u have got a hell of imagination!

@ aawodumila
is that all you gat to say?.
be informed !, I Actaully got 26 applicant resume, just yesterday, day 1

Is this an evidence of joblessness. It is not everything you joke with.I think this is a column for serious minded people who are job seekers or intend posting a job.

Meldrick:

Is this an evidence of joblessness. It is not everything you joke with.I think this is a column for serious minded people who are job seekers or intend posting a job.

@meldrick
as much as i understand how emotional you are(being seroius
or desperate),i was too,
all am saying is RELAX, trust God and do your best bit

nice one! U're good!

Nice one, You are the Bomb rib cracking and mouth expansion.

any body know the venue of intercontinental test in the eastern region?

@teetalks,
dammmmm! almost got ma rib cracked, na waooo, lets us know how many application at the end of day 2.

You are so funny
Thanks for the joke bro, i just had a rough day.

@ rexfx2
the pleasure is all mine and sincerely at your service
you will get an update on the number of interested Applicant
by COB

just had to reply this,Omo u funny no be small o.

i really laughed my head off.nice and well composed "advert".
i sure will apply immediately.after all na cool bucks(ransom) dem dey collect.

teetalks,keep up the good work,i really cooled off with that.
Thanks alot.

hey i,m really interested oh. especialy since jobless graduates will be given special attention. hahaha

i googled my email address and got a link to this post, how things fly about!, this was a joke i sent to my colleagues at the office and am wondering how it ended up here, and it has my email on it, teetalks should ave at least removed me email before posting this here, well maybe he was too excited,

@u are in deed a creative guy. but na copy copy u do sha, weldone

Poster!!

This site is suppose to be for serious minded job seeekers/posters. I am not disputing your ignorant posting here, but mind you, don't discourage the geniuen poster/reader.

Let's behave matured pls.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you should be careful what you post. You might just end up in jail, please don't joke with such things man.

Everyone cannot be impressed no matter what, Guy i love your creativity, 3 gbosa for u, one utd