maclatunji:

^Why are you going back bro.? I and Efemena had passed Ms. Olatunji's office now.

wisemen045:

@Maclatunji


Quite sorry. I wrote it at my spare time based on your earlier submission where the headteacher had Lola discharged from her office. Sincerely, I didn't realise yourself and Efemena had added two more posts. You guys are quite prolific.

Do accept my apology. And, my submission wasn't completely off. Read it well please. It can be merged with your post and that of Efemena. The story line is still intact.

I believe all contributors come here to sharpen their writting skills; your stern rebuttals and retorts have the capacity to discourage contributions. Not everybody writes as well as you do; let people make mistakes and learn from them. Do be more flexible. This is a forum my brother ooo.

My two kobos all through.

Thank you.

maclatunji:

Don't mind me, I think I should stop being eerrrr what's the word? A mixture of being competitive + ambitious. I tend to like excellence for anything I am involved in. I was hoping you would modify your post to follow logically from where I stopped. You obviously have the capacity to do so.

No offence meant to you guys, but we can learn by just reading a lot more before trying to write. I just got a great idea from this.

maclatunji:

Don't mind me, I think I should stop being eerrrr what's the word? A mixture of being competitive + ambitious. I tend to like excellence for anything I am involved in. I was hoping you would modify your post to follow logically from where I stopped. You obviously have the capacity to do so.

No offence meant to you guys, [b]but we can learn by just reading a lot more before trying to write. [/b]I just got a great idea from this.

lola.luv:
The heroine shares my name! Okies!!

Efemena_xy: The journey home from her daughter’s nursery had been uneventful although Lola was grateful for her daughter’s constant chatter about her everyday activities, as this kept her from dwelling too much on her own pressing issues. There had been a long queue at the bus stop as the never ending sea of anxious faces of commuters struggled to get home during the evening rush hour. Five buses later, amidst the tight squeeze of being sandwiched between two hefty ladies, Lola finally managed to get a seat with her daughter placed firmly on her lap in the rickety old bus. During the bumpy ride home, she mentally went over the day’s activities whilst half listening to her two year old daughter.

“Madam oya pay come” the bus conductor asked, arms outstretched to her as they approached her final destination. Lola reached for her purse and paid her bus fare to the conductor as requested. That was all the money she had in the world and not a Kobo left. She grimaced ruefully at the thought of having to “borrow” some more money from her mother again. But what choice did she have? She couldn’t bear to bring herself to ask her father for financial aid as he had reiterated for the millionth time that she should consider herself lucky at her age, to be able to live under his roof rent free whilst making no contributions to feeding either…

Later on that evening having given an exuberant Sandra her dinner, a bath and eventually settling her in bed (after reading her favourite Teletubbies story to her for the third time), an exhausted Lola finally slumped tiredly into the armchair in her parents' living room. Her daughter had been overly excited at the thought of having a birthday cake larger than her cousin’s Bayo and had seemingly forgotten all about the upheaval at her school earlier in the day. “Oh the joys of being a child once again”, a bemused Lola thought to herself. “Free from the everyday hustle and bustle of simply trying to keep one’s head financially above the deep waters…”

She was in deep thought and hadn’t heard her mother come into the candlelit living room whilst she stared blankly at the wall. “How did your day go my dear?” asked her mother.

“Hmm?” Lola turned towards her mother. “Oh, it was okay” she responded. “I had an interview earlier today and it looks like I’ve got some feedback, but I don’t know exactly what it is yet.”

“Oh? How do you mean?” her mother queried. She was a tall dark skinned woman who like Lola would rather deal with life’s uncertainties stoically than perceive to be a burden to her family. Nevertheless, being a mother, she didn’t miss the small frown that crossed over Lola’s face and knew her daughter was holding back something.

“Well, I did receive an email from my interviewers but wasn’t able to access it as my battery went flat out on me” she sighed. “I’m just waiting for the power to be restored so I can charge up my phone, then I’ll know for sure if I was successful today or not.” She continued.

“I see” replied her mother. “Why don’t you go over to the Adeosuns’? I’m sure Mama Bisi wouldn’t mind if you charged your phone at theirs or better still, if you asked to use Bisi’s laptop to check your mail?”

“No, I don’t think that would be necessary mum.” Lola firmly responded. She remembered all too clearly what happened the last time she went over to Bisi’s for a similar request. Neither Bisi nor her mum had been home then except for Mr. Adeosun. Lola had barely been able to restrain the urge not to smack the leery look from his face as he had ogled at her, assuming she was there for the picking.

Nickydrake: I was gonna write something, but fellis just kicked the zeal outta me with that annoying piece of heroine-demeaning prose.

Nickydrake: Yeah, i saw what you did there; really neat. Cue is taken.


I couldn't help noticing certain spelling errors in your recent post, and seeing as you have rightly affirmed yourself that the purpose of the thread is to hone our skills and woo perfection, i feel i should draw them to your attention.

You wrote "raft" when i believe you meant "rapt". And "great" where again i think you had "greet" in mind.


I'm absolutely certain that the mistakes were merely the result of an absent mind, and i sincerely hope i have not made myself seem pedantic and presumptuous.

what I don't like is people
spoiling the story when they
realize that their writing skills
do not match what is currently
available on the thread.
I encourage people to be active
readers before trying to be
writers.

Efemena_xy: Amaka seethed inwardly with resentment at her husband's display of aggression towards her. After the day she had had at work - being subjected to an unprovoked attack from a parent - she really could do with a little bit more civility from him.

She and Uche were approaching their third wedding anniversary and compared to many of their friends and acquaintances, they were by far much more well-to-do financially. The only speck of imperfection in their otherwise perfect marriage was the absence of any children to bless the union. Oh how she longed to fill her home with the patter of tiny feet! Although Uche had been very understanding and supportive of their plight initially, she could sense that the constant pressure from extended family members was wearing him down and as the years rolled by, he became less understanding and more uptight with her. She always noticed, with a sharp searing pain through her heart - how gently, how patiently he interacted with his young nieces and nephews whenever they came visiting.

That was why taking up the job of nursery assistant at Ms Olatunji's posh Little Angels Nursery School had seemed like a welcome diversion from her predicament. Not that she needed the money at all, but it was something to pre-occupy her mind with, a reason to get up in the mornings and hopefully, an opportunity to gain some experience in child-minding pending when she eventually, hopefully had her own baby.

Efemena_xy: @Wisemen045 thanks for your contribution. A couple of comments if you don't mind:

1. Although the general consensus here is to ensure the storyline flows seamlessly, there still needs to be a distinction between each writer's contribution. I see that you've inserted your write-up within my quotation. Pls amend this as each of us have our own individual / unique style of writing and these should be reflected and appreciated accordingly. This may have been an unintended mistake on your part and all you need to do is simply place your writeup after the closing [i][/i] tag.

2. The story is completely fictitious so there was no need to include my name (Efemena) in there as the doctor. Would appreciate it if you could pls amend this accordingly.

3. If you look closely at my last post concerning the character Lola, she was determined not to go over to the Adeosun's for reasons stated earlier.

Thanks & I hope you view this in the spirit it's intended...

wisemen045:

......……..A baby that may be coming soon she muttered as she collected herself from the sofa and made towards the kitchen; it was Friday night and Amaka had made thick ‘akpu’ with ‘ofe onugbu’ for Uche in the hope that she could placate Uche who since their major fight in March had withdrawn from Amaka. A little smile crossed her face as she dwelt on the possibility of being intimate with Uche. She had her hopes high and the timing was perfect. She just ovulated and being guided by the words of Dr. Eno she knew that the chance of getting pregnant was great. Amaka placed Uche’s dinner in the microwave and set the timer for two minutes.

*************************************************************************************************************

Fyn gal: Amaka swallowed hard. 'Fruitful' was not a word in Uche's usual vocabulary. She turned and looked at him searchingly but his face was unreadable. What did he mean by 'fruitful'? A small knot of fear twisted in her stomach as she replied with a forced cheerfulness '' oh! That's great news . I can't wait to hear about it''
Uche smiled in a mysterious way. "i'm very hungry" he said over his shoulder as he strolled lazily out of the kitchen.
Amaka stood staring at the door, trying to calm her nerves; her heart threatening to spin out of control as she recalled something Ngozi, Uche's sister had told her recently: "marriage is like a race and every one in it tries to stay on the track, not only so they can run to the end, but also, to emerge as a winner. As it is now, you are almost off the track."
Was Ngozi's statement a veiled warning? Or a message? Could it be......?
No! Amaka forced the thoughts out of her mind and tried on focus on the present. Tonight was seduction night and she would not allow anything distract her.
**********************************************************
Lola waited in exasperation. It had been almost two minutes since she had stated her name and mission, yet no one emerged from the Adedayo's home, neither did she receive permission to enter.

maclatunji:

She had decided against trying her luck with the Adeosuns because she really hated Mr. Adeosun with his ogling eyes which she knew always stripped her unclad whenever he saw her. Yet, the sense of expectation from her interview that now occupied her mind would not let her wait for the Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) to restore electricity to her area by midnight as they usually did. Hence, she decided to cross the street and charge her phone at the Adedayos' residence. The Adedayos were a close-knit family comprising of Chief Adedayo who was the head of the Amuludun Community Development Association (CDA). Amuludun was the outskirt of Lagos where Lola and her parents lived. Mrs. Adedayo was a popular grocery seller at Ojuwoye market and was a force to be reckoned with within the community especially when political issues were up for consideration. The couple had a daughter, Shade who was a year older than Lola, they had both attended Amuludun Secondary School together and graduated from the same class five years ago. However, the duo had drifted apart based on their different outlooks to life; Shade was a classic city girl who had little or no reservations when it came to men, drugs and alcohol whilst Lola had always been a model young women in terms of character except for her 10-minutes of indiscretion which now traumatized her like a terminal disease wherever she went. She remembered the day she met Uche...

wisemen045:

@Maclatunji, Lola’s ex-boyfriend had been established as ‘’Kingsley’’ and not ‘’Uche’’. Please, modify your last sentence to ‘’....she remembered the day she met Kingsley......’’.

wisemen045:

Kingsley had been the reason Lola dropped out of school after her OND. She almost didn’t complete the diploma programme due to the severe complications she developed during pregnancy. ‘’It was all worth it’’ she told herself as she remembered the first time she saw Sandra in the incubator. ‘’It was all worth it’’ she said again. Sandra was a carbon copy of Kingsley and would have passed as his clone if not that Sandra was a girl. ‘’Oh Kingsley’’ she muttered as she recalled how Kingsley’s deft hands had sent sensual shivers down her spine the first night of their tryst at Kingsley’s single room apartment ‘’off K’’ as off campus students’ accommodations were known. It turned out to be a long night for Lola; the night she lost her virtue. And now, jobless with just the OND to hold on to as her ticket to a better tomorrow, she wondered if she hadn’t lost it all.
**************************************************************************

It was 10 PM and the Adedayos , who normally were late sleepers, were getting ready to go to bed. ‘’Shade, Shade, Shade’’, Chief Adedayo bellowed from the bedroom. ‘’Petrol doesn’t fall from heaven ooooo; put off that ‘’gen’’ now’’ Chief Adedayo said to a surprised Shade who was unaccustomed to his father demanding that the ‘’I better pass my neighbour’’ generator be put off at that early hour.