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Continue The (Lola) Story - Literature (5) - Nairaland

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Lola Shoneyin Celebrates Her 42nd Birthday Today! / Writing Game:- Continue The Story; 5 Sentences / Continue The Story (Umuata) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 8:41pm On Oct 25, 2012
I must be dreaming, Lola thought serenely as she smiled wistfully to herself.

"Lola".

She felt her bed compress with the weight of someone sitting at the edge. Someone whose warm hands held hers gently in his, in a very familiar manner.

"Lola". There it was again. That deep, rich voice which seemed to fill every corner of her head. She squinted at the sunlight while trying to focus on him. Yes, it was him, without a doubt. Her Kingsley starring deep into her eyes with such fondness that made her feel weak. She could feel the rush of those old feelings as he gently touched her forehead. Having him so close to her was almost to good to be true. She bravely tried to fight back the tears that suddenly welled up in her eyes. She turned her head slightly away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice her moment of weakness, as she laid back on her pillow, grateful she wasn't on her feet.

"How do you feel?" He asked. Her throat suddenly felt very dry and the words choked up in her. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from him. She scanned every inch of his face, soaking up every little detail of his features. He still looked very much the same as he had, three years ago. Just as handsome as ever if not more, she felt with a pang. She did notice lines of tiredness etched on his handsome face and that his deep brown eyes had a hint of sadness to them too.

"I feel a bit dizzy" she croaked. "And thirsty too", as she cleared her throat.

"That's to be expected", he smiled gently at her. "You've been in a coma for a week now, but you're young and strong and would pull through", he added reassuringly. "Nurse, please fetch her a glass of water" he asked, turning to one of the nurses standing nearby.

"Yes, doctor" she responded as she complied with his request.

Taking her chart from the other nurse, he studied its contents and made a couple of notes on it. "We'll run a couple more test on you, but rest assured, you're now out of the danger zone. You should be fine to return home in a couple of days" he said, smiling at her once more. "In the meantime, if you need anything, be sure to ask" he added, while making to stand up from her bed.

"Kingsley." Lola called, suddenly not wanting him to leave.

"Yes, Lola", he responded gently, sitting back on her bed, as he held her hands once more in his.

"Thank you. For all you've done for me."

"It's okay", he said, squeezing her hands reassuringly in his. "You're in safe hands now Lola".


*********************************************************************

Back in the sanctuary of his office, Kingsley paced about restlessly like a caged animal. From the moment he'd seen her on that stretcher, rushed in by the paramedics a week ago - he hadn't been himself. He had thought those three years would have been enough to bury any thoughts or feelings he had left for her.

Oh how wrong he had been! He had gladly taken on extra shifts at the hospital, fighting tooth and nail to keep her alive. There was no way in heaven he was going to let her go, loose her again without a fight. Although not a deeply religious person, he had suddenly found God, even knelt down and prayed fervently for her recovery.

He had barely been able to restrain himself from running down to her like a love struck teenager, when he was alerted that she had regained consciousness. His professionalism had been sorely tested to the limit as he sat at the edge of her bed, badly wanting to scoop up that soft, beautiful body, into his arms. He had felt his body ache just to hold her possessively and never, never let her leave his sight again. He had had his fair share of regrets over loosing her and he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

He recalled how her eyes had welled up with tears whilst they stared at each other, although she had tried to hide it, he knew that the flame of passion between them had been relit. Yes, there was a lot that had to be said between them, but there would be time for that. He was going to make sure of it.

*************************************************

1 Like

Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 9:23pm On Oct 25, 2012
Efemena_xy: I must be dreaming, Lola thought serenely as she smiled wistfully to herself.

"Lola".

She felt her bed compress with the weight of someone sitting at the edge. Someone whose warm hands held hers gently in his, in a very familiar manner.

"Lola". There it was again. That deep, rich voice which seemed to fill every corner of her head. She squinted at the sunlight while trying to focus on him. Yes, it was him, without a doubt. Her Kingsley starring deep into her eyes with such fondness that made her feel weak. She could feel the rush of those old feelings as he gently touched her forehead. Having him so close to her was almost to good to be true. She bravely tried to fight back the tears that suddenly welled up in her eyes. She turned her head slightly away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice her moment of weakness, as she laid back on her pillow, grateful she wasn't on her feet.

"How do you feel?" He asked. Her throat suddenly felt very dry and the words choked up in her. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from him. She scanned every inch of his face, soaking up every little detail of his features. He still looked very much the same as he had, three years ago. Just as handsome as ever if not more, she felt with a pang. She did notice lines of tiredness etched on his handsome face and that his deep brown eyes had a hint of sadness to them too.

"I feel a bit dizzy" she croaked. "And thirsty too", as she cleared her throat.

"That's to be expected", he smiled gently at her. "You've been in a coma for a week now, but you're young and strong and would pull through", he added reassuringly. "Nurse, please fetch her a glass of water" he asked, turning to one of the nurses standing nearby.

"Yes, doctor" she responded as she complied with his request.

Taking her chart from the other nurse, he studied its contents and made a couple of notes on it. "We'll run a couple more test on you, but rest assured, you're now out of the danger zone. You should be fine to return home in a couple of days" he said, smiling at her once more. "In the meantime, if you need anything, be sure to ask" he added, while making to stand up from her bed.

"Kingsley." Lola called, suddenly not wanting him to leave.

"Yes, Lola", he responded gently, sitting back on her bed, as he held her hands once more in his.

"Thank you. For all you've done for me."

"It's okay", he said, squeezing her hands reassuringly in his. "You're in safe hands now Lola".


*************************************************************************************************************************

Back in the sanctuary of his office, Kingsley paced about restlessly like a caged animal. From the moment he'd seen her on that stretcher, rushed in by the paramedics a week ago - he hadn't been himself. He had thought those three years would have been enough to bury any thoughts or feelings he had left for her.

Oh how wrong he had been! He had gladly taken on extra shifts at the hospital, fighting tooth and nail to keep her alive. There was no way in heaven he was going to let her go, loose her again without a fight. Although not a deeply religious person, he had suddenly found God, even knelt down and prayed fervently for her recovery.

He had barely been able to restrain himself from running down to her like a love struck teenager, when he was alerted that she had regained consciousness. His professionalism had been sorely tested to the limit as he sat at the edge of her bed, badly wanting to scoop up that soft, beautiful body, into his arms. He had felt his body ache just to hold her possessively and never, never let her leave his sight again. He had had his fair share of regrets over loosing her and he wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

He recalled how her eyes had welled up with tears whilst they stared at each other, although she had tried to hide it, he knew that the flame of passion between them had been relit. Yes, there was a lot that had to be said between them, but there would be time for that. He was going to make sure of it.

*************************************************

*sigh* o ga o. Na this kind love dey vex person angry.

Mena you try grin
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 9:43pm On Oct 25, 2012
Thanks Ishi.

Wetin do the love now? grin
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 10:04pm On Oct 25, 2012
Am I imagining things or is Lola's daughter over-precocious (?) for a toddler? I mean, the kid is just about two years plus. undecided

Efemena_xy: Thanks Ishi.

Wetin do the love now? grin
grin
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 10:13pm On Oct 25, 2012
Amaka yawned, stretching tiredly at her desk as she crackled her entwined fingers.

I've got to stop doing this, otherwise I'll develop arthritis before my time, she thought ruefully to herself. She looked at the clock above her in the staff room. It was just a little over 11:30 am in the morning. Gosh! I swear the time was eleven thirty, 30 minutes ago! Either that clock moves backwards or it must be jinxed.

Twirling a pen between her well manicured nails, she made a mental list of what she needed to get from the market. They were expecting guests tonight and she wanted to cook a special meal for them, to show off her cooking prowess. She also wanted to do Uche proud too. Things between them had never been so good since that evening a week ago, when he came back home a changed man. Yes, whatever it was that had brought her husband back to his loving self towards her, she was grateful for it.

"It's going to be a hectic day" she said quietly to herself as she absent mindedly rubbed the tip of her fingers over her forehead. "I'll have to stop over at the saloon to get my hair done during my lunch break, then get some shopping done on my way home tonight..." She mused. Uche's best friend Donatus and his wife Dr Kemi (Mrs Adedayo's sister) were some of the guests they were expecting. Her in-laws, Ngozi (Uche's sister) and her husband would be there too.

A meal for six. Not sure if we've got any more wine left, so I'll need to pick up a bottle or two, just in case...

BUZZ...BUZZ.. her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by her phone viberating on her desk.

"Hello?"

"Darling, it's me." She smiled on hearing her husband's voice. "How are you baby?"

"I'm fine my darling. It's a bit slow today in school with most of the kids having gone out on a field trip to the local zoo" she responded. "So I'm basically begging the clock to move a bit faster so I can go on my lunch break", she added.

"Is my baby hungry so soon?" he teased her.

"Nooooooooooo....but I do need to nip over to the saloon and then squeeze in some shopping before our guests arrive" she replied.

"I can think of much better places for you to squeeze in right now" he said, lowering his voice a bit..."No where better than under the sheets m'lady"

"Ha! Stop teasing me baby" she laughed happily. "There'll be more than enough time for that later on"

"Stop what? Ravishing my wife?? You must be joking lady! Besides, what's for dinner?"

"Ah! That...my dear husband...is a surprise." She grinned cheekily.

"Okay then baby. I'll wait, but remember, I've got my own surprise for you under our sheets..."

"Uche!" She playfully admonished him.

"Okay, okay. See you later baby. Kiss-kiss??"

"Kissy-kiss-kiss" she responded on the phone.

"Ah, such a great kisser, my wife. Okay, love you darling...later" he added as they both hung up.

*************************************************************************************
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 10:17pm On Oct 25, 2012
Ishilove: Am I imagining things or is Lola's daughter over-precocious (?) for a toddler? I mean, the kid is just about two years plus. undecided


grin

huh? Sorry babes, you've lost me...

Children as young as 7 months go through a phase called separation anxiety. Google it up.

Nevertheless, this is a fictional piece of work - so don't take it too seriously.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 10:34pm On Oct 25, 2012
Lola stared at the carved patterns on the painted white ceiling. "How unfair can life get?", she wondered aloud. Using her eyes to trace the patterns, she subconsiously fitted her life into the little square boxes carved into the ceiling. . .

This box, my life. So full of unnecessary heartache drama.

That one at the corner, my struggle with jamb. Jamb number 1, jamb number 2, jamb number 3... I give up!

Ah yes, this one at the middle; poly-jamb,ND accounting, upper credit.

This one at my immediate left... Who? What?? Kingsley... O yes,Kingsley...

Immediately she thought of him, her mind started spinning again. It just wasn't fair. Why on earth did he have to show up when she was at her most vulnerable. He had ravished her and left her to bear the fruits of their 15, nay, make that 20 minutes of hot, sweaty madness. Bitter sweet madness. Bitter because of all the pain and drama it had caused her, sweet because Sandra had come forth from the pain. Sandra, her reason for living.

Speaking of Sandra, what on earth had caused her coma?? She knew that very soon her baby daddy would come again to attend to her on his ward rounds... She honestly didn't know what she would do when he showed up. It felt like a date with doom.

Mayhaps use what little strength she had to fly off the bed and go for his jugular with the drip stand at the edge bed, or simply melt into a mass of quivering, weeping flesh when he ministered to her with those hands of his that had touched in places she didn't know existed. . .

God, she raged silently, why was life so bloody unfair??
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 10:35pm On Oct 25, 2012
Efemena_xy:

huh? Sorry babes, you've lost me...

Children as young as 7 months go through a phase called separation anxiety. Google it up.

Nevertheless, this is a fictional piece of work - so don't take it too seriously.
What I mean is her language usage and speech seems too highly advanced for a toddler

1 Like

Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 10:40pm On Oct 25, 2012
^^ Some kids develop speech quite early. Moreso, girls.

Remember also that Sandra's dad (Kingsley) is gifted and showed signs of advanced development way ahead of his age from babyhood - i.e attempting to skip the stage of crawling before walking... So Sandra gets those genes from her daddy....
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 10:42pm On Oct 25, 2012
Efemena_xy:
"Ah! That...my dear husband...is a surprise." She grinned cheekily back at him.


*************************************************************************************
You grin "cheekily back at" a person who is in your presence and can see your facial expression. This is a telephone conversation so I think "she grinned cheekily to herself", "she grinned cheekily into the phone", "she said cheekily" or "she said mischievously" will be more appropriate.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 10:45pm On Oct 25, 2012
^^ Amended.

Cheers! smiley
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 11:25pm On Oct 25, 2012
Ishilove: Lola stared at the carved patterns on the painted white ceiling. "How unfair can life get?", she wondered aloud. Using her eyes to trace the patterns, she subconsiously fitted her life into the little square boxes carved into the ceiling. . .

This box, my life. So full of unnecessary heartache drama.

That one at the corner, my struggle with jamb. Jamb number 1, jamb number 2, jamb number 3... I give up!

Ah yes, this one at the middle; poly-jamb,ND accounting, upper credit.

This one at my immediate left... Who? What?? Kingsley... O yes,Kingsley...

Immediately she thought of him, her mind started spinning again. It just wasn't fair. Why on earth did he have to show up when she was at her most vulnerable. He had ravished her and left her to bear the fruits of their 15, nay, make that 20 minutes of hot, sweaty madness. Bitter sweet madness. Bitter because of all the pain and drama it had caused her, sweet because Sandra had come forth from the pain. Sandra, her reason for living.

Speaking of Sandra, what on earth had caused her coma?? She knew that very soon her baby daddy would come again to attend to her on his ward rounds... She honestly didn't know what she would do when he showed up. It felt like a date with doom.

Mayhaps use what little strength she had to fly off the bed and go for his jugular with the drip stand at the edge bed, or simply melt into a mass of quivering, weeping flesh when he ministered to her with those hands of his that had touched in places she didn't know existed. . .

God, she raged silently, why was life so bloody unfair??

**************************************************

But despite all the heartache I've been through, I do love him so! She thought sadly to herself.

Ever since her break-up with him, Lola hadn't been able to let go of her past and start a new relationship, let alone allow another man touch her. She could clearly recall the event that led to them parting way, almost as though it were yesterday. Sometimes, she did wonder if the capability to love any other man had shrivelled up. No one seemed remotely good enough and she always found herself unconsciously comparing others to him. No one ever seemed to match up to him.

She sighed again. Life had definitely not been a bed of roses for her. Come to think of it, at times she felt she was jinxed. The unfortunate turn of events at Sandra's nursery didn't help matters for her either. She frowned slightly as she recalled the events of that unfortunate day. Yes, she had been under a lot of pressure lately, but she had never lashed out at anyone, let alone Sandra's soft spoken teacher, Mrs Amaka. "I honestly owe that woman an apology. I need to put that down in writing and also let her know how sorry I really am", she said tiredly to herself.

Suddenly, it hit her like a bolt of lightening! Her interview! She'd received a text from Mrs Clark on the outcome of her interview but had been unable to read the contents! Gosh!! "That was a week ago! One whole week!" she muttered loudly to herself as she tried to get off her bed.

"Yes, you've been in a come for a week, young lady", a deep voice answered from the doorway.

"Kingsley!" She spun around quickly to find Kingsley smiling at her as he entered the room. She suddenly felt self-conscious in her hospital gown. Whoever designed these gowns sef? She thought to herself. Such revealing shapeless gowns with nothing other than a couple of "strings" at the back!

"I see you're on your feet and rearing to go", he noted.

"I can't stay here. I've got to go. There's so much I need to do", she said frantically looking about her for her own clothes, while clutching the back of her hospital gown tightly, in an attempt to cover her exposed back from him. Where did mama put my clothes? she wondered desperately.

"Slow down Lola. You've only just regained consciousness a few hours ago. Give your body a bit more time to adjust", he added.

"You don't understand. I'm late. I've got to things to sort out..." She stuttered. In just two long strides, he had covered the short distance between them and was holding her hands gently.

"Lola, please sit down. I'm sure whatever it is can wait. Your health and well-being should be the most important thing to you now."

"Second most important thing" she added too quickly before she could stop herself. She realised Kingsley didn't know about Sandra. She'd never had the chance to tell him.

"Second?" He looked enquiringly at her. "What could be more important?" He asked her. Lola was at a loss for words. This was neither the time, nor the place to tell him about his daughter. Not like this anyway.

"Lola?" He gently prodded.

"Oh, er..it's nothing. I'm just worried I've got a lot to catch up on" She added. She had always been a terrible liar, unable to hide things from him. Nevertheless, he smiled gently at her and didn't press on with questioning her - for which she was grateful for.

"Your test results came through, Lola. You're in the all clear and free to go home", he told her. "BUT, you must get plenty of rest at home."

"I understand Kingsley, and thanks".

"It's no problem. Look, I finish quite early today. If you don't mind, I'd like to drive you home Lola."

"But..."

"It's quicker and less stressful if I take you home" he gently persuaded her. "Besides, we can avoid the rush hour traffic and you struggling to get on public transportation", he quickly added.

"Alright then Kingsley", she quietly conceded.

"Good. I'll come back here for you by 3pm. In the meantime, I'll ensure we get your paper work done so you can be officially discharged", he added, smiling gently at her again.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by maclatunji: 11:45pm On Oct 25, 2012
Two talented writers crafting a nice story... I dey smile literally. Don't ask me to join yet, you ladies are "feeling it". Let's continue to feel your flow.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 2:29am On Oct 26, 2012
I would still like to know what kept Lola in the coma for one whole week. There was no physical trauma to the head,plus the fact that the doctors couldn't find what was wrong with her makes me wonder. I really don't understand why the coma part was brought in because it has sort of messed up the story up for me. We will now have to come up with a plausible reason why she went into a coma. *hiss* angry
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 3:02am On Oct 26, 2012
Efemena_xy:

**************************************************

But despite all the heartache I've been through, I do love him so! She thought sadly to herself.

Ever since her break-up with him, Lola hadn't been able to let go of her past and start a new relationship, let alone allow another man touch her. She could clearly recall the event that led to them parting way, almost as though it were yesterday. Sometimes, she did wonder if the capability to love any other man had shrivelled up. No one seemed remotely good enough and she always found herself unconsciously comparing others to him. No one ever seemed to match up to him.

She sighed again. Life had definitely not been a bed of roses for her. Come to think of it, at times she felt she was jinxed. The unfortunate turn of events at Sandra's nursery didn't help matters for her either. She frowned slightly as she recalled the events of that unfortunate day. Yes, she had been under a lot of pressure lately, but she had never lashed out at anyone, let alone Sandra's soft spoken teacher, Mrs Amaka. "I honestly owe that woman an apology. I need to put that down in writing and also let her know how sorry I really am", she said tiredly to herself.

Suddenly, it hit her like a bolt of lightening! Her interview! She'd received a text from Mrs Clark on the outcome of her interview but had been unable to read the contents! Gosh!! "That was a week ago! One whole week!" she muttered loudly to herself as she tried to get off her bed.

"Yes, you've been in a come for a week, young lady", a deep voice answered from the doorway.

"Kingsley!" She spun around quickly to find Kingsley smiling at her as he entered the room. She suddenly felt self-conscious in her hospital gown. Whoever designed these gowns sef? She thought to herself. Such revealing shapeless gowns with nothing other than a couple of "strings" at the back!

"I see you're on your feet and rearing to go", he noted.

"I can't stay here. I've got to go. There's so much I need to do", she said frantically looking about her for her own clothes, while clutching the back of her hospital gown tightly, in an attempt to cover her exposed back from him. Where did mama put my clothes? she wondered desperately.

"Slow down Lola. You've only just regained consciousness a few hours ago. Give your body a bit more time to adjust", he added.

"You don't understand. I'm late. I've got to things to sort out..." She stuttered. In just two long strides, he had covered the short distance between them and was holding her hands gently.

"Lola, please sit down. I'm sure whatever it is can wait. Your health and well-being should be the most important thing to you now."

"Second most important thing" she added too quickly before she could stop herself. She realised Kingsley didn't know about Sandra. She'd never had the chance to tell him.

"Second?" He looked enquiringly at her. "What could be more important?" He asked her. Lola was at a loss for words. This was neither the time, nor the place to tell him about his daughter. Not like this anyway.

"Lola?" He gently prodded.

"Oh, er..it's nothing. I'm just worried I've got a lot to catch up on" She added. She had always been a terrible liar, unable to hide things from him. Nevertheless, he smiled gently at her and didn't press on with questioning her - for which she was grateful for.

"Your test results came through, Lola. You're in the all clear and free to go home", he told her. "BUT, you must get plenty of rest at home."

"I understand Kingsley, and thanks".

"It's no problem. Look, I finish quite early today. If you don't mind, I'd like to drive you home Lola."

"But..."

"It's quicker and less stressful if I take you home" he gently persuaded her. "Besides, we can avoid the rush hour traffic and you struggling to get on public transportation", he quickly added.

"Alright then Kingsley", she quietly conceded.

"Good. I'll come back here for you by 3pm. In the meantime, I'll ensure we get your paper work done so you can be officially discharged", he added, smiling gently at her again.

Damn, damn, damn!!! Don't smile at me!, she thought frantically,struggling not to look into his eyes. Then she looked into his eyes,and she was lost in those dark, deep depths. The world stood still as they stared into each other's eyes.

"I've missed you,", Kingsley blurted out and instantly kicked himself mentally.

Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

She stiffened when she felt his warm hands on her wrist. "Relax, I am just checking your pulse", he said, sounding amused.

You will find my pulse beating erratically,doctor, and if you go further to check my heart, well, a greater shock awaits you because you will find out it still beats for you. Despite everything, it still beats for you. . .

Thankfully, he didn't go beyond her wrist. He noted something down in a notepad he fished out from the pocket of his white coat, gave her another one of his painfully familiar smiles and left the room.

She tried to get up but her treacherous body strangely refused to coperate. She sighed and slowly slumped back into the semi-hard bed with the semi-hard pillow. Blast this public hospitals and their cheap pillows, she thought wearily.

She eyed the clock on the wall opposite her. It was a few minutes past twelve pm. Suddenly, three o'clock seemed very far away.



[color=#006600][/color]
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 12:29pm On Oct 26, 2012
^^ Cool stuff you've got up there Ishi, well done! cheesy cheesy

A couple of corrections if you don't mind my saying so:

A character's thoughts, should be represented using Italics, while direct speech should be in quotes. These help readers distinguish between the character's thoughts and the actual words they speak. So for example (I'll use the blue colour to illustrate):

Ishilove:
Damn, damn, damn!!! Don't smile at me!, she thought frantically,struggling not to look into his eyes, then she looked into his eyes,and she was lost in those dark, deep depths. The world stood still as they stared into each other's eyes.

Should be represented like this:

Damn, damn, damn!!! Don't smile at me!, she thought frantically,struggling not to look into his eyes, then she looked into his eyes,and she was lost in those dark, deep depths. The world stood still as they stared into each other's eyes. [/quote]

And:

Ishilove: Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Should be represented as:

Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Again:

Ishilove: Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

Should be:

Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

Hope this helps (hey, I'm not perfect o! But I think we can help each other. What d'you think??) smiley wink
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 1:10pm On Oct 26, 2012
Efemena_xy: ^^ Cool stuff you've got up there Ishi, well done! cheesy cheesy

A couple of corrections if you don't mind my saying so:

A character's thoughts, should be represented using Italics, while direct speech should be in quotes. These help readers distinguish between the character's thoughts and the actual words they speak. So for example (I'll use the blue colour to illustrate):



Should be represented like this:

Damn, damn, damn!!! Don't smile at me!, she thought frantically,struggling not to look into his eyes, then she looked into his eyes,and she was lost in those dark, deep depths. The world stood still as they stared into each other's eyes.

And:

Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Should be represented as:

Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Again:

Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

Should be:

Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

Hope this helps (hey, I'm not perfect o! But I think we can help each other. What d'you think??) smiley wink
I perfectly understand and I am aware of this fact. The challenge is I am using a phone to type and I don't know how to colourise on NL. When I write with a computer usually I bold or italicise characters' thoughts , but since I am using a phone, abeg make una help me manage am like that grin.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 1:35pm On Oct 26, 2012
^^Lol!

Nope, I used the colour to emphasize the areas that could be amended.

Italics for thoughts is perfect...we don't really need colours here. smiley
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by maclatunji: 4:06pm On Oct 26, 2012
If you don't have italics, you can always use quotation marks.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 5:11pm On Oct 26, 2012
maclatunji: If you don't have italics, you can always use quotation marks.
I prefer quotation marks for monologues and dialogues.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 5:13pm On Oct 26, 2012
maclatunji: If you don't have italics, you can always use quotation marks.

You can't use quotes for both. You'll only serve to confuse your readers - who need to differentiate between your character's thoughts and their spoken speech.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by maclatunji: 5:18pm On Oct 26, 2012
Efemena_xy:

You can't use quotes for both. You'll only serve to confuse your readers - who need to differentiate between your character's thoughts and their spoken speech.

I get your point, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that the character was thinking not speaking. You're right.

You see one of the reasons I stopped writing here. I just can't concentrate enough.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 5:27pm On Oct 26, 2012
maclatunji:

I get your point, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that the character was thinking not speaking. You're right.

You see one of the reasons I stopped writing here. I just can't concentrate enough.
pele
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 5:51pm On Oct 26, 2012
Ishilove:
Damn, damn, damn!!! Don't smile at me!, she thought frantically,struggling not to look into his eyes. Then she looked into his eyes,and she was lost in those dark, deep depths. The world stood still as they stared into each other's eyes.

"I've missed you,", Kingsley blurted out and instantly kicked himself mentally.

Yo, cool it man, she is still not strong enough, he chided himself.

Startled, Lola looked away and found herself staring at the IV stand. How shiny and heavy they look, she mused. If I could just heft it and clobber him on the head with it,perhaps he will change his statement.

She stiffened when she felt his warm hands on her wrist. "Relax, I am just checking your pulse", he said, sounding amused.

You will find my pulse beating erratically,doctor, and if you go further to check my heart, well, a greater shock awaits you because you will find out it still beats for you. Despite everything, it still beats for you. . .

Thankfully, he didn't go beyond her wrist. He noted something down in a notepad he fished out from the pocket of his white coat, gave her another one of his painfully familiar smiles and left the room.

She tried to get up but her treacherous body strangely refused to coperate. She sighed and slowly slumped back into the semi-hard bed with the semi-hard pillow. Blast this public hospitals and their cheap pillows, she thought wearily.

She eyed the clock on the wall opposite her. It was a few minutes past twelve pm. Suddenly, three o'clock seemed very far away. [color=#006600][/color]

*************************************************************

Back at the Olatunji's residence, Lola's home was a beehive of activity. Her father had received a call from Kingsley informing him that Lola would be discharged later that afternoon. He had also insisted on personally bringing her home himself, to which her father had been very pleased. Words could not express the gratitude he felt towards this young doctor, who had taken it upon himself to bring his beloved Lola back from the brink of death.

Mama Lola was overjoyed and bubbled with excitement when her husband passed the good news to her. Her infectious happiness had no bounds and seemed to have rubbed off on her grand daughter, Sandra. The little girl had been trailing after her grand mother, getting in the way but that didn't deter her in the least. Picking the little girl off the floor, she started off again singing one of her favourite church hymns.

"Jesus power, super power....super!...super!!....super power!!!..." she sang whilst twirling the little girl in her arms.

"Ogbanje power, powerless power...powerless!.....powerless!!....powerless power!!!...."

Doing a little mini dance, she bent forward adjusting her wrapper with one hand, Sandra in the other, while she took a couple of quick steps backwards, then forward, still dancing.

"Heeeeyyyyy!!! ... holy ghost power... mighty power... mighty!... mighty!! ... mighty power!!!..." She sang louder, doing a sudden frenzied twirl around. Sandra clutched on for dear life, giggling in her grandmother's hands.

"Iya Lola, haba! It's okay now", her husband admonished her playfully. "Yes, we thank God our daughter has recovered and would be with us soon, but we need to prepare for her home coming."

"The lord is good!! All the time!!" She chanted happily. "Amen Baba Lola. Our enemies have been put to shame O!", she continued.

Her husband smiled fondly at his wife. "Iya Lola, give me the child while you go get things ready. Remember we have a guest to entertain too. Let us show our appreciation to the good doctor for all he's done for us and our Lola", he added.

"Yes O!" She replied, handing the child over to him. "You are right. Let me go boil some yams. Lola needs some serious hot, hot, pounded yam and Ogbolo soup with fresh fish, after all pure water they shook my pikin with in the hospital".

"Iya Lola!" Her husband wagged a finger playfully at her. "She was on IV drips not pure water, and nobody shooked her!", he added, smiling fondly at his wife.

*******************************************************
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 5:53pm On Oct 26, 2012
maclatunji:

I get your point, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that the character was thinking not speaking. You're right.

You see one of the reasons I stopped writing here. I just can't concentrate enough.

Ah! Woman trouble eh? tongue tongue
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by maclatunji: 7:23pm On Oct 26, 2012
Efemena_xy:

Ah! Woman trouble eh? tongue tongue

Errr... that is a minor issue. I just pack all of any woman issues I have on one side and don't let it get to me. The problem I have is more of a "over-responsibility" problem. Too many people holding me to do different things for them. Nairaland is more of an escape zone.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by EfemenaXY: 7:30pm On Oct 26, 2012
^^ Doh o! (sorry) smiley
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by avicky(f): 10:37pm On Oct 26, 2012
Ishi & Efe, du courage! More data to ur internet.
Pls dnt let us wait for another century b4 another update. Ejoo!
I knw it's nt easy, but our entertainment should be ur priority. Thanks duo.
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Ishilove: 2:03am On Oct 27, 2012
avicky: Ishi & Efe, du courage! More data to ur internet.
Pls dnt let us wait for another century b4 another update. Ejoo!
I knw it's nt easy, but our entertainment should be ur priority. Thanks duo.
Choi, aaavicky nnwannem o!!! You like story ehn
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by Infamous(m): 2:17am On Oct 27, 2012
I can see that you are online. May I ask whether you have plans of uploading a continuation of the story?. Thanks.
Ishilove:
Choi, aaavicky nnwannem o!!! You like story ehn
Re: Continue The (Lola) Story by lolaluv1(f): 9:06am On Oct 27, 2012
Ayam a fan o!grin

On a serious note, this is kosher...and your writings really mesh well....
Vivid descriptions too!
Well done!

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