I started with a guy four years ago. He is my first love.  We are both Nigerians and good muslims. I was going to level three while he was going to level four when we met in the Univerity(in Nigeria). We were both virgins then, and we agreed to remain so till we get married because he promised me marriage. Two years later, we graduated from school and we both went for youth service the same year (he studied a five-year course while mine was a four-year program). He was posted to Bauchi state and I was posted to Nassarawa state of Nigeria. During our youth service(in 2010), we had a disagreement that made us separate for 1month. After 1month, we resolved our disagreement and started relating well again up to the moment of this post.
Just yesterday, he confessed to me that he is no longer a virgin. That he lost his virginity while we separated during our youth service.

My dear readers, yesterday(Jan 11,2012) was the miserable and saddest day I ever had so far in my life. I couldn't  believe the shocking heart-breaking news because I have always thought we are still both keeping to our agreement to hold on till marriage. As of today, I'm still a virgin but he his not. The most painful part is that he didn't regret what he did, because according to him, he did it more than once or twice and that he will do it again if he has another opportunity. Another painful thing is that he kept this away from me for two good years. He betrayed my trust in him because I couldn't believe he has been deceiving me all this long. He also blames me for losing his virginity . He claims that he was lonely during the period and couldn't help it.

I know the deed is been done. I guess its God's will, and I have accepted fate. But as much as I love to continue with the relationship, I am not sure if I can ever erase the thoughts of his deceit over the years and his virginity loss from my memory. I treasure and adore him back then because its hard to find a man of his age who could still be virgin. But now that the virginity is gone, i doubt if i can ever love n adore him as I used to especially  now that he has a complete different view about chastity. He doesn't believe in keeping ones virginity till marriage again. Now, even if i want to continue with the relationship, there is no assurance that he will be faithful with me by not going behind my back to satisfy his sexual desire with other girls, because I have vowed that I would keep my virginity till marriage no matter what(so help me God). Another thing is that we are two different people now. He has completely lost his way two years ago but he still loves me very much. Is it really safe to continue relating with such man even if I still love him too?

Here is my story. Please I need your sincere advice.

The major question has been answered by you. You have said it yourself that he is no longer the person you fell in love with.
Except you are willing to change your standards, I advice that you move on. Not on the grounds that he is not a virgin because technically, he did not cheat on you. If you think you can Love this new him then by all means but something tells me that this religious you does not agree with him anymore so just move on and pray for the both of you

1.  He still loves you.
2.  It is hard to find a decent man of his nature (even if is no more a virgin) at that age and level (a graduate)
3.  Virginity doesnt count on men. All men are the same either virgin or not. Once a virgin man taste sex, he becomes like others. But, virginity counts for women, become its their value.
4.  A devil you know now is better than an unknown Malaika
5.  Do not put all ur trust in man (trust thou, but not totally). Be ready to accept what a son of Adam present to you without surprise.
6.  Lastly follow and trust ur heart, that is the on husband/wife Allah gave to you.

Hint: As a man, I lost my virginity lately too. My final year in school. But I have never felt different from the way I was as a virgin. It doesnt affect men.
BUt it can spoil a man. So what him closely and see if he drifting into promiscuity.

Piss outtttttt

@1st response,
hmmmmm,
Som pple & dia response.
I cnt beliv (clears throat) can actually talk lik dis.
Mmmh
#claps#

@Islamrules, I still care about him. But why i think I cant continue is that I believe he cheated on me. Though @Mynd_44 says he didnt cheat on me. Fine but the fact that we had a slight tiff shouldn't give him that freedom to go wayward. I could also have had an affair with someone else back then but i chose not to cos I believed we will still mend. Like i said in my narration, he doesnt reget what he did. He didnt even show any remorse. He told me bluntly that I should either leave with what happened on go on with the relationship or I quit cos what he did happened two years ago. Dont I deserve an apology for what he did? If it was only once he did it with the girl, I could have accepted that he wasnt thinking straight, but he confessed that he did it many times with her!How could he then blame me for what he did when its obvious that he was in his right senses?
@Wislet, please give ur advice. Everyone is entitled to his opinion.

@Islamrules, remember that he kept the truth away from me for two years. He has been fooling me for two years. Dont I deserve an apology for that?

remember that he kept the truth away from me for two years. He has been fooling me for two years. Dont I deserve an apology for that?

Its true he is a changed man. But u said he still loves u and u love him. I guess thats enough for a good relationship.

But the problem will be, if he is unrepentant, then u need to reconsider ur stand. i still see him as good only if he repents.

You fell im love with a virgin and you now realise that all that has been a lie and the guy did is not even sorry he lied. Girl shine your eyes

kaysquare:

@Islamrules, remember that he kept the truth away from me for two years. He has been fooling me for two years. Dont I deserve an apology for that?

@Kaysquare, if the virginity status of your boy friend is the basis of your considering calling your long relationship a quit, then you need to think again. Firstly,if he maintains that he is still virgin despite doing what he has just confessed, i guess there is no way you would have found out. The importance attached to virginity depends on individual. As for me, I do not actually care.

I think you should bother yourself with more important thing that would make your marriage fun(if you eventually get married to him). I mean something like, compatibility, values, companionship,character,love,opinions, etc. Please note that virginity does not determine a good a union , but some of the things i mentioned above. Also a bad bird you know, is worth more than trillion in the bush.

If you can't let it go as well as learning how to trust him again then save yourself the heartache by just breaking up with him.

No point being in a relationship and having a lingering doubt at the back of your mind about where is @ or what he has done at all times.


On the flip side though, you can always go and get the cherry popped as well if you aren't going to attach much sentimental value to it going forward.

You people should wait o,my own is.

The dude bluntly told her to either live with what happened and continue the relationship or she quits.

Doesn't the above count as him not caring about whatever decision she makes? Its like saying. if you like you stay,if you like go,I could care less.

I don't know about any other person o but for me that statement is enough to make my decision from.

claremont:

Nairaland seems to be filled with dodgy-looking "MOD-inspired" threads these days. Non-sense!

Why are you angry Mr Man? The weekend is around the corner so take a chill pill.

[img]http://chzgifs.files./2011/03/breathep1.gif[/img]

Its like the guy doesnt give dung about you anymore. May be he is fed up with ur sexless relationship due to the fact he has tasted sex and now know how sweet it is. And he knows u wont give him what he want no matter how he tries. He therefore now cherish the free flow somewhere else rather than starving himself with somebody who is not ready to shift ground.

if he is not cooperating, move on, else stay. shikehna

The thread descended into a Yo Momma kinda thread hence the lock treatment as i didn't have the time to go through each and every post to remove ones contrary to the thread's topic.

Once you eat of that seed, it’s difficult to control, added to the fact he shows no remorse.

I suggest you tell him you want to get behind that episode, but he needs to prove himself once more to you, as you’ve lost your trust in him. Also, ask if he is willing to continue with your original terms of engagement (lol) about hitting the sheets.

Whatever you decide, remember he has already tasted what is between your legs before, and he can get it again meaning, you’ve lost your bargaining chip.
If he agrees, it means he sees more in you, though that does not guarantee he won’t cheat before/after marriage or marry more wives. Good luck!

Thank you all. All points are clearly noted and understood. We had that conversation of phone. I will sit him down after this "strike subsidy" to make some clarifications as to whether he is remorseful, can live with my vow and be faithful with me till marriage or not. His look, expressions and answers will definitely give a clue to his true intentions and then, I will make my final decision. Thank you all. You have really helped lessen my burden.

kaysquare:

My dear readers, yesterday(Jan 11,2012) was the miserable and saddest day I ever had so far in my life. I couldn't  believe the shocking heart-breaking news because I have always thought we are still both keeping to our agreement to hold on till marriage. As of today, I'm still a virgin but he his not. The most painful part is that he didn't regret what he did, because according to him, he did it more than once or twice and that he will do it again if he has another opportunity. Another painful thing is that he kept this away from me for two good years. He betrayed my trust in him because I couldn't believe he has been deceiving me all this long. He also blames me for losing his virginity . He claims that he was lonely during the period and couldn't help it.

how did y'all miss that part?? run kaysquare, run!

you want to be with someone who deserves you, and will appreciate your gift for what it is. Don't wait this long and settle for someone who couldn't wait for you. if you go ahead, he will def straff at least a few more times before your vows. your choice.

^^^
The thing is when this thing called love is involved, people don't think straight

.

@Piechart, thanks too.

The guy will not only do it again but will also pressurise you for it if you guys are still together and don't get married on time. Like someone said, he doesn't care much about you any longer. And the value you both held about virginity no longer agrees with him. If after your discussion, he still appears to want to go ahead with you, then you two should get married asap, otherwise your relationship with him won't be fun any longer.

The guy will ask and pressurise you for sex, so if you know you want to be all virtous and all, them walk away

@kaysquare

It's an personal decision. Only you can decide how closely you want to live an devout life and follow scripture.

I commend you for keeping your legs closed and keep your part of the agreement during this ordeal.


http://muttaqun.com/dating.html

http://www.theholybook.org/content/view/6935/2/

Al-Ma'idah 5:5

, (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture

He will always cheat on you. that is just the truth, he claimed that virginity thingy because he wanted you pure for himself.

The guy does not deserve you jorh

Call it quit,he is a self-centered man.

Leave the guy jorh

Many thanks for ur sincere advice. The relationship has been dissolved already. I have hope that I will find the man of my dreams very soon. Thank you once again.