I had a problem with my husband about 2 months before our wedding, he suspected and accused me of having an affairs he later found was not true and this was after we have dated for 5 years. That broke my heart because i was a very decent girl and infact he disvirgined me after 4 years into our courtship after i had graduated from UI. He did apologize though and even though i tried to stop the wedding he begged me and made the whole world beg me i was no longer interested but it was too late. When we got married i realised i never enjoyed sex it is always pain and i tried to see if something was wrong with me, i tried to forgive him and free my mind and yet i still never enjoyed it. One day i listened to a voice mail a girl left for him of how much she enjoyed him and how he should not because of marriage forget her as he was too sweet on the bed, this broke my heart because i trusted him and now i realised its not as if he doesnt know how to make love it was my problem. Though i regret it now and feel quilty, i slept with an ex who never slept with me as a single girl and i must confess i enjoyed it, now i can't say what my problem is, i never did it after then and i still don't enjoy sex with my husband. I feel so guilty and i wish i could confess to him and ask for his forgiveness. Is it wise to do this and please if you have ever had like problem what can i do to enjoy sex with my husband. Please, this is a marital and serious and real issue will appreciate genuine and helpful advise.

Well am not married so i cant give any useful advice on sex and enjoying it / marriage , all i want to say is dont confess to him (it may sound evil yeah? ) but usually guys cant handle these confession, and he most likely wont understand that you are remorseful and guilty but will think its a pattern that will repeat itself and view you with distrustful eyes.

This is just [b]MY [/b]opinion, maybe from experience

@poster,
you'd better not add salt to your injury. Don't tell him else you would cause more problem. My reason is simple: since he is had cheated on you before, he would not believe in you. He would feel you have been cheating on him for long and may even start doubting the authencity of your virginity in the past.

My advice is for you to find out what is wrong with your sex life. Find out how he feel about your sex life without raising issue of infidelity. It is better you two talk about it. That is the first step.

The next step is to find out why he still cheat on you. Maybe he is not enjoying sex with you. I don't know much about that since l am not married. Perhaps you may need expert counselling. Go for it.

Things like this can create problem in a family. Fortunately, it is not yet a full-blown problem. Act now before your marriage hit the rock.

There is much to be done, do it anyway.

My Dear,
This is beyond me. I'm definitely not qualified to advice you on this. But

I sincerly fear for what could happen if you tell your husband. This could lead to an immidiate break down of your marriage and girl, trust me, he'll never trust you again if he decides to stay on in the marriage.

Meanwhile, you need a very good councellor for your marriage otherwise, it is bound to crumble like a pack of cards.
Fact is that  you never really forgave him for accusing your falsely and the lady's voice message served as a very good excuse  to cheat on him and get your vengeance which you have always unconsciously craved for.

My problem here is that African women are begining to take marriage too lightly like their western counterpart. Look, this is a taboo, it's wrong, it's forbidden, it's something that shouldn't have ever happend.

Girl, if only you had accused him, if only you had asked  him, if only you cared enough to find out if he actually knows you don't enjoy his love making. Human beings are very sensitive and if your partner is merely pretending, you'lll get to find out in the long run.

I don't want to make you feel more guilty than you already are, but please tell your husband you don't enjoy his love making and suggest you both go and see a therapist otherwise, this is bound to happen again and when it does, you won't feel half as guilty as you do today. Chances are you'll keep making excuses and after a while, it just won't matter anymore.
Good luck.

Well said, Anti mi.

Don't ever dare telling him. Think of romantic things you could introduce to your sex life, tell him your problem if possible introduce blue films into your love making.

Thanks Jare Olanajim. How has your day been?

Dull without you on Nairaland. Tis ok now!

my sister,
am not married but everyday that marriage continues, there is an unspoken statement that both parties grow in their confidence in tolerance.

don't confess until he confess 2 u first that he has been cheating on u.infact don't tell him even if he confessed 2 u. don't be like the archaelogist that live by digging up the past.

infact clear ur mind. nothing happened ok.

sit him down and tell him about the pains that u feel each time u he goes down.if u can't tell him, the pain will continue. rather both of u should see a doctor.

don't 4get NOT 2 TELL HIM. men are more jealous than us.

words,it kind of really difficult to keep that kind of secret,but ur guilt will be taken care of by his own sins,that however does not make it right,am sure u still wants to stay married and it seems there are more issues at the background ,if you are not carefull u will do it again and it will become a pattern ,pls talk to him,he probably does not know of ur pains ,try to talk to him,and get help too,and maybe u will have guts later to tell him ,the timing must be right ,sin ,destroys,take care of ur home ,good luck

@ poster, a lady left a message about how he 'enjoyed' your hussy and instead of u confronting him about that ure busy contemplating on whether to tell him that u cheated on him. Something might be amiss here cause I don't see what will give the lady the audacity to leave such a message knowing he's married and that u might listen too it. No offense but there might be a possibility that they are still intimate especially, considering the fact that u guys had a problem for 2mths which was among the factors that led u to cheat. Might it be that he did the same? If he had been faithful all along that would be a d/f issue. Confront him about the message on the phone and then work on your r/ship if u choose to. If he agrees to sleeping with another woman then u can confess too. If he has been faithful confess too cause someday he might find out and that would be terrible cause he may not trust u again. The r/ship is left to BOTH of u to make it work and not just u. Also tell him u don't enjoy having sex with him. Communication helps a lot. If y'all still want the r/ship to be on then u two should pray together about it, have a deep heart to heart conversation and make some changes for the better. I cant even blame u cause I dont know the dealio with ur hussy. Am against spouses that cheat but in ur case there's a probability he did the same too. Oh, and if ure damn sure he cheated and he's lying, still work on ur r/ship but then tell him nada about the fling.

I don't understand what people mean by saying that men can't handle a situation like this. Does it mean that women are better at handling stuff like this. Maybe many women are good at accepting cheating husbands with open arms and a kiss

you have two options,

either you decide to deal with your guilt or with problem

a man that kills another man by accident feels guilty all his life whereas an armed robber that kills many innocent victims doesn't give a damn.

likewise a girl that slept with one man by mistake feels guilty. therefore the solution is to do it a few more times and and you live happilly ever after

but if you wanna deal with the problem

first confront him with the voice message and ask him to explain. then you act up for a few days and finally tell him you forgive him. then tell him to tell you his sexual fantasies and you try and fulfill them all. and live hapilly ever after.

Two wrongs will never make a right. There are problems at hand already, you will however complicate this problem if you tell your hussy. Using myself as an example, I think men are not well equiped to handle issues like this and this could end your marriage abruptly and you wont find support even among your relatives and friends. To remarry? The tag would be "she was divorced by her hussy as a result of promiscuity". Now what man would hear this and would still want to go ahead and have you as his wife? Imagine the complications! I'll rather you pray to God for forgiveness and work on your mind especially as regards making love with him.

pls dnt tell him u cheated,cos u will be in 4 a whole let of trouble.jus stop any affair outside.

I am not a cousellor but this is what I think is the right thing to do. It would seem that there is a communication problem in your relationship. As a probable cause of this you two are cheating behind each other. You two need to sit down and find the solution for your problems. You two need to come out clean. Hiding things from each other would not solve anythng. TbIt would not matter whether you tell your husband whats happened at the moment does not entirely depends upon you what come out clean. as You two There is a crack in your relationship already. You two need to mend it fast.

Sorry could not quite finish in my last post what I meant to say

I am not a cousellor but this is what I think is the right thing to do. It would seem that there is a communication problem in your relationship. As a probable cause of this you two are cheating behind each other. You two need to sit down and find the solution for your problems. You two need to come out clean. Hiding things from each other would not solve anythng. There is a crack in your relationship already. It would get bigger unless you two find out the cause of your problems. It would a lot depend upon your husband how far he is prepared to spaek to you about whatever is happening in his life. You would then have to tell him about your affair. In the mean time you would need to stop your affair. Good luck.

[size=34pt]Go ahead and let the cat out of the bag, [/size]

just keep the secret and confess ur sins to God, He will forgive you and tell him to give u a heart to love ur husband the more, c'est fini

Dont dear it and tell him.While in school my babe cheated on me and confessed,i just had to let her go cuz i couldnt handle it.A married man would even take it more personally.As for the sex part,why dont you discuss this with him.

I wish you are reading this, The truth about marriage is that the solution of any marital problems lie within the hands of both parties. Even if Bimbo was alive( of blessed memories) would not give you the rite solution. You know him better than anybody would suggest. if you listen to yourself the solution lie within you.
To enjoy sex with your husband is something you need to also tell yourself to get used to. You need to free yourself, its either that you are always tensed up or your husband is always in a hurry. there should be passion. Love making is not fight, if you are not relaxed you wont enjoy it, if your husband is not your friend you will not enjoy if too. maybe you have not forgiven him yet and you are not free with him. Not enjoying love making with ones husband is like making love to a stanger.
Get it right you will take his face from other girls. i wish i can talk more about this to you
Mr Romantic

My advice?------- Tell him!

raydome,thats wise, mr romantic,is dat an award?

the truth of the matter is just dat u have to come to an understanding that everything lies withing u. u really need to work on ur self and clear every nasty thoughts preventing u from haviing a wonderful sex with u husband. the fact is just dat after creeping, u enjoyed it with some1 else, dats just to show dat u have to sort ur self out with u husband. besides, u guys can go for a romantic dinner and pour ur heart to him about wat u feel about ur sex life( pls don't tell him u had sex wit anoda man cos u are packing out dat nite, u knw nigerian men don't joke wit stuffs like dat and resituition is not in there dictionary). communication goes a long way

sista,

i am not married but if i were toi be ur husband, u just wrote your epitaph, just gave me a reason to hate u, i may stay for the kids but happiness, love, care, trust, etc, all those soulful moments will die.

i mite even have a douvble outside, i might, but if u hide it and i fiond out later, my furty will be little compared to hell's garage.


clearly, u have a psychological ossue. u dont enjoy sex wwith ur husband, ? girl, meet a doctor alone, but make sure that i dont know, but if na me, i go know, phc is a small city, i go know

u should have confronted him over the voice message and not to start shooting blanks, man that is a sick mind. using wrong to solve a wrong

if a girl friend does that to me and tells me, man, i go murd am but my wife, i go murder her

girl, lay this to heart.

stop that dat and dont do it again
keep it to ur sef
pray to God to help you
confront him over the mail
beleive in God and put ur energy into things athat will enhance ur marriage not KILL IT

kappish

hi dear,
Tell him on the condition that ur Ex might divulge d information to him otherwise if there is no other means of him knowing about it, keep short and let sleeping dog lie!!!

Furthermore, u guys should discuss ur sexual lives and see how best to have fun and enjoy ur marriage!!!
cheers

"Two wrongs don't a right" and "wat goes around definately comes around"!!

I can feel your pain my sister.I think i am qualified to advice you on this matter. I have a similar problem in my marriage of 10 years. i love my wife but the of her office takes her awya fron the family and ofcourse our marriage and sex life was not any better for it. i caught stumbled on several love letters wrtten to her by a man she claims to be her biz partner. unknown to me she was seeing the man and only God knows if she has not slept with him cos, one of the mails talked of the kisses they shared and the secrets known to both of them. That shartered me and for sure i broke loose. i must say i usually dont enjoy sex with my wife but when i do it outside, its very pleasurable. i love to be the christian that i am but this issue has been a recurring decimalin my marriage. i prayed, fasted but it seems like a cross i have to bear. i dont think i deserve to carry that cross since all was finished at the \cross of Christ. At tghe moment i have a steady relationship outside of my marriage and it keeps me going emotionally and sexually. before now, i may be denied sex for 2 months.or just twice a month. i am a sexually active person.
To your problem, confess and forsake, seek counsel and forgive him too.
i have sought counsel and prayed but i think my wife is frigid wen it comes to sex. her clit was cut off as a result of female circumcision.
Keep praying for me.

You have to tell him if you love him as you claim.

DON'T TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

just try to make the whole thing(marriage) work.Afterall,he also sinned against u(and God) ,why should it be u to confess when he didnt confess his sins.

make sure it never repeats it self that is all.And PLEASE, LOVE UR HUSBAND and try to satisfy him SEXUALLY.afterall we ladies(decent ones) have kept ourselves for our husbands,when married we should be able to EXPODE sexually.u can read books on this to help u to be enlightened(now that u r married it is allowed not to only read them but practice them too)

Cheers!!!

confront him that u know he has a girlfriend first - did he confess that to you yet? why hurt yourself while he enjoys what he does?

@poster
You are not serious a bit,you heard such voice mail,instead of you confronting your husby,you went ahead and have sex with another man.Is it 100% sure that he has cheated on you?Sometimes,you'll be almost sure something has happened but explanation will make you look like a fool.Now,you enjoy sex with the man and not your husband again, i bet you,one way or the other you will still go back to your ex for more sex and will eventually lead to you packing out from your husby's house sooner than later.Didn't even think of how faithful you had been,it's not that easy been a virgin until marriage, when you were free to have sex with people,you didn't and now that it may lead you to having a miserable life for the rest of your life(what if he gets to know?)you now do it.My advice is that you don't tell your husband,you MUST find a way to enjoy sex with him(your husband) and never go back to your ex again.NA WETIN DEY SWEET DEY KILL PERSON OOO!

I would have advised you to tell him but some men like me will never forgive you.Even if i manage to do so(which is not likely),i will never never forget,i will always talk about it when we talk at times and the incidence will give me the right to do whatever i like with other women,i wouldn't even mind if you get to know about it.I don't think there's a way he'll know if you don't tell him nor continue with the act.