It's something we're all familiar with and have encountered over time - either by experience or having met someone passing through the throes of it. Or seen it on TV. Whichever may be the case, what would you do if it were you? It's plaguing some of my boys and I and there seems to be no way out - no compromise, no common ground. Our spouses-to-be are tearing us to bits and our parents won't let us have peace of mind - even tried match-making (yup, old-school tactics). Not quite a cry for help - just an avenue to gather more knowledge and expand the database. Kind of like distributed thinking. Throw in all you've got - junk and all. Thanks!

Well, no response on these pages and even I had almost forgotten about this thread. Got a lot of calls from friends, family & well-wishers though.
The scenario remains the same but individuals involved have changed. Mostly. Ideas are still welcome as the circumstances motivating the thread are nonplussed & self-perpetuating, even as we speak. The thread might nonetheless serve as valuable reference for someone, someday.

Saipro: Well, no response on these pages and even I had almost forgotten about this thread. Got a lot of calls from friends, family & well-wishers though.
The scenario remains the same but individuals involved have changed. Mostly. Ideas are still welcome as the circumstances motivating the thread are nonplussed & self-perpetuating, even as we speak. The thread might nonetheless serve as valuable reference for someone, someday.

So you resurrected this thread after several years.

If you really really can't do without her, you better fight for it. I was in the same boat. Though the ex let go and remarried, all is not well as he is still stuck. Its saaaad! . Me, I am happy sha! But God dey! Would I have married him if he fought hard enough? With my 22yr old brain then? We may have eloped. . Still, I thank God for his mercies as I am very happy with the boo, drama free. . My parents were the troublemakers in this case. . Tribal and cultural differences.

Most times parents are right bout suitors...... I've come to learn the greatest principle that has been shaping my life since I became independent ..... ' don't push things and what will be will be' and it's been working for me , and I'm gonna apply it with my kids too.

I was gonna marry an amazing Igbo guy that is every woman's dream... 5.8'', I don't know if it's green eyes but he's very light skinned and weird eye color, hefty ... lemme stop there sha , my point is my Daddy never liked this guy , you know Igbo guys very generous especially when he just arrived from Netherlands.. my Daddy was like blah ,

So thank God I met my man same statistics cos I'm picky but brown eyes and brown Yoruba skin..., my Daddy gelled with him like snap ! And I couldn't have asked for more in a partner, very supportive and shares the same values with me.

jidegirl12: Most times parents are right bout suitors...... I've come to learn the greatest principle that has been shaping my life since I became independent ..... ' don't push things and what will be will be' and it's been working for me , and I'm gonna apply it with my kids too.

I was gonna marry an amazing Igbo guy that is every woman's dream... 5.8'', I don't know if it's green eyes but he's very light skinned and weird eye color, hefty ... lemme stop there sha , my point is my Daddy never liked this guy , you know Igbo guys very generous especially when he just arrived from Netherlands.. my Daddy was like blah ,

So thank God I met my man same statistics cos I'm picky but brown eyes and brown Yoruba skin..., my Daddy gelled with him like snap ! And I couldn't have asked for more in a partner, very supportive and shares the same values with me.

You never said what made them right? Honestly this ex has never left me alone. I feel so sad, bad and ashamed when I hear from him cause honestly he was a great guy. That drama almost killed him. My parents sha... We are just friends now and we talk about our lives. Before his wedding years later he was still talking of eloping, but I refused. How would the girl feel? Its not easy for him at all, he can't seem to let go.

'Them' as in Parents?

jidegirl12: 'Them' as in Parents?

Yea.

I guess they know what's best for us cause they have your best interest .... that's how I see it tho

Anyways he called me and talked about disadvantage of marrying from different tribe, what Igbos expectations are in a wife and traditions ( dont wanna say too much ato avoid tribal war)

Language barrier was huge issue too.... his dad doesn't speak English and all that stuff, my Daddy just wasn't feeling him .

Also he's Educated but prefers trade... My Daddy doesn't like that, he asked him why he prefers trade over a cooperate career and he said he likes to be his own boss ., Daddy gave him countless things he could do to be his own boss but I guess containers are his passion.

Also everytime we are hanging out and talked about our family structure, he's always particular bout his first child being a Boy! I told my Daddy and he was pissed.

Soo many instances but I'm glad I listened to him.... He'll never lead me astray ....

We contacted few times when I got here but had to cut him off finally cos what are we gonna talk about?

its called emotional cheating and it's not fair on my man... Don't dish out what you can't take.

jidegirl12: I guess they know what's best for us cause they have your best interest .... that's how I see it tho

Anyways he called me and talked about disadvantage of marrying from different tribe, what Igbos expectations are in a wife and traditions ( dont wanna say too much ato avoid tribal war)

Language barrier was huge issue too.... his dad doesn't speak English and all that stuff, my Daddy just wasn't feeling him .

Also he's Educated but prefers trade... My Daddy doesn't like that, he asked him why he prefers trade over a cooperate career and he said he likes to be his own boss ., Daddy gave him countless things he could do to be his own boss but I guess containers are his passion.

Also everytime we are hanging out and talked about our family structure, he's always particular bout his first child being a Boy! I told my Daddy and he was pissed.

Soo many instances but I'm glad I listened to him.... He'll never lead me astray ....

We contacted few times when I got here but had to cut him off finally cos what are we gonna talk about?

its called emotional cheating and it's not fair on my man... Don't dish out what you can't take.

Well this one was the smartest, most educated Nigerian I have met yet. He was also a good person. We were also so much more friends than anything else. But my parents refused. We are still really good friends and respect each other's spouses. Maybe I feel guilty, and trying to help him move on in my little way. . Its working sha .

Married women discussing about their ex.... This one na special "EXes" oh.

Vikin: Married women discussing about their ex.... This one na special "EXes" oh.

Well he asked a question. Fact remains though that parental consent is important. At the end of the day I am glad I didn't elope. I know countless others who were persistent and the parents backed off. But if they don't and parental consent is important to the person whose parents are giving trouble, then its best to save yourself the heartache and just move on.

baby_123:

Well he asked a question. Fact remains though that parental consent is important. At the end of the day I am glad I didn't elope. I know countless others who were persistent and the parents backed off. But if they don't and parental consent is important to the person whose parents are giving trouble, then its best to save yourself the heartache and just move on.

Majority of them crawl back home with their tails btw their legs..... yourba adage says ma ta ara e lopo...gboron si obi e lenu( don't sell yourself cheap, listen to your parents)

jidegirl12:

Majority of them crawl back home with their tails btw their legs..... yourba adage says ma ta ara e lopo...gboron si obi e lenu( don't sell yourself cheap, listen to your parents)

Parents do make mistakes as well you know. They can be blinded by sentiments. Mine really thought it would be too much for their baby. Not understanding language and culture. Plus he had many dependents and expectations being the first and most successful male.

baby_123:

Parents do make mistakes as well you know. They can be blinded by sentiments. Mine really thought it would be too much for their baby. Not understanding language and culture. Plus he had many dependents and expectations being the first and most successful male.

Rarely.... they can't see avalanche and tell their kids to go skiing. It's called experience.

jidegirl12:

Rarely.... they can't see avalanche and tell their kids to go skiing. It's called experience.

I concur. You see, we never truly know the alternative. Surely it would have been different; but would it have been better? Off-guard, nostalgia may creep on you from time-to-time but it's better sticking with your guns. Truly, it hurt like hell when I couldn't have the girl of my dreams but my wife (whom I met much later & at the time had few, if any of the qualities I admire) amazingly evolved to develop the traits I seek. Moreover, physically, she blossomed into a different woman altogether.

I hate to hand it to them but yes, my parents ultimately "forced" me onto a brighter path. Remember, it is often said that "what the youth standing cannot see, the sage sitting has already seen".

Not to say parents don't get it awfully wrong at times. I tell you, prayer is the key.

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apocalypse: To think you resurrected this thread on my birthday gives me the impression you are trying to tell me something. Anyways . . . . . . . .

Twas coincidental as much as it may seem otherwise. Considering the oddness of the coincidence, indeed, the Fates may be up to something!

jidegirl12:

Majority of them crawl back home with their tails btw their legs..... yourba adage says ma ta ara e lopo...gboron si obi e lenu( don't sell yourself cheap, listen to your parents)

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Hmmmm, o ma gbiyanju ke!!! Sugbon "gboro" ni o, ki i se "gboron"!!
Ara Eko spelling niyen o!!!

jidegirl12: I guess they know what's best for us cause they have your best interest .... that's how I see it tho



Language barrier was huge issue too.... his dad doesn't speak English and all that stuff,my Daddy just wasn't feeling him .

Also he's Educated but prefers trade... My Daddy doesn't like that, he asked him why he prefers trade over a cooperate career and he said he likes to be his own boss .,Daddy gave him countless things he could do to be his own boss but I guess containers are his passion.

Also everytime we are hanging out and talked about our family structure, he's always particular bout his first child being a Boy! I told my Daddy and he was pissed.

Don't dish out what you can't take.

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omo "my daddy".....hehehe...God bless my daddy o.!!!
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In reality parental consent & blessing is always important in marriages especially for the women folks!!!
Imagine baby_123, if she had eloped & something wrong happens? Will she be willing to tell her parents? Who will she fall back on in times of trouble? The parents she disregarded before running away? A lot of people still damn the consequences and move ahead with their spouse but hey.......remember, they want your happiness more than theirs!!!
If you have tried beyond reasonable doubt to convince them and they still are adamant, with good reasons, pls take a 2nd look o.!! A word is enough!!
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Oun ti agbalagba ri l'ori ijoko....bi omode ba gun ori iroko...ko ni ri o!!!

Saipro:
It's something we're all familiar with and have encountered over time - either by experience or having met someone passing through the throes of it. Or seen it on TV. Whichever may be the case, what would you do if it were you? It's plaguing some of my boys and I and there seems to be no way out - no compromise, no common ground. Our spouses-to-be are tearing us to bits and our parents won't let us have peace of mind - even tried match-making (yup, old-school tactics). Not quite a cry for help - just an avenue to gather more knowledge and expand the database. Kind of like distributed thinking. Throw in all you've got - junk and all. Thanks!

hmmm

Knock, knock ...