Don't agree but don't go too far as some people here are advising like getting a lawyer or getting him to pay you salary cause it will break ur marriage Trust me. Make your man see reasons why you must have a job and also make sure you find a professional matured nanny for your children but don't take a job that will make you scarce in your home

dayokanu:

Word. The kids might not be too proud to tell their friends that my mom is a housewife When their friends are saying my mom is a lawyer, Accountant, doctor Engineer.

It would almost be like saying my mom is an illiterate.

OP Tell him you want to test it out and if its affecting the kid, you would quit in 3 months immediately, gradually he would get used to it.

Also get a maid for housework so you can have time for the baby solely.

@ POSTER just repeat to your hubby word for word, what DK has typed here and lets know what his reaction will be, but before you do, cook the best meal, give him the best Kpekusing, then ask him when you know he is all smiles and relaxing. I tell you that his reply will be ''yes, go and work for a while,'' if not, come back and we will tell you another route to follow.

Why marry in the first place if you are looking to abandon a 1 year old child to the mercy of strangers, not doing office jobs does not mean you should not do any other thing to make money, is HE BANNING YOU TOTALLY FROM DOING ANY KIND OF WORK BE IT BUSINESS?

@OP, this is a complex issue,and hv to be careful in watever decision u gonna take.if u can work for urself the better and easiest way out for this Delima. A parable in place says, when u thinking/preparing for the Good, u shld also think/prepare for the Bad. On a personal experience, wen I lost my Dad,if my Mum where not into her personal Business, it would hv been bloody for us. So be patient, and knw that somthing has to give in this situation u hv found urself. Ur Qualification mit just be it. And don't let ppl push with this is 2012 talk. Ur Marraige is very impt.my 1 cent

Let him set up a business for you

also pay you salary you're suppose to earn if you were working,

Its for your own good that he's doing this,

if you know you want to chase after your career, do that and leave out marriage or just get barren if possible so you don't worry about raising any child because of your "career".

BY THE TIME YOUR HOME STARTS CRUMBLING, ALL THESE PEOPLE TELLING YOU SHITX WON'T BE THERE TO FIX IT, Responsible men protects their "family" and i believe your husband wants to play that role to the fullest.

freshcvv:

is HE BANNING YOU TOTALLY FROM DOING ANY KIND OF WORK BE IT BUSINESS?

He is. He said no business until the child is about 3 yrs old. (knowing fully well that she will probably be pregnant or have another child by then). What do you have to say to her now?

^^^

She can never be idle, if he said no business, then here's where there should be negotiation, she can't sit idle LAILAI, i wont even allow my own wife sit idle no matter what, the man must let her do something to make money but still have access to family time.

Go back to work, have your own money/account, be a responsible marital fiscal partner.

Any other situation is just setting yourself up for failure.

I'm actually disappointed in you a little bit, you left a good bank job in a country like Nigeria where unemployment is rampant?

Helo posta. My own view is distinct from d earlier posta. (1)what is joy of been a carrier lady like okonjo iweala and never a hapi home 2. To me b4 u got mary ur M.a, Phd et ce te ra maters. Once u mary u must be able 2 sacrifice 4 ur home but u can get a lawyer 4 futurf sake 3. The joy of motherhood lies with d children. There is diference btw a wife,woman and mother.conclusion. Talk to ur husband romanticaly d way u do it about settin a business, atleast dat one is ok. I am sure u wont buy a tin 4 #2 and sell it 4 #1

I think

Today.the four of us are university graduates.My immediate younger brother is in the Uk doing Masters Programme.Courtesy of the state government.He graduated with First Class Honors.We were able to get to this level because we were exceptionally intellectually endowed.I do not wish the offspring of my worst enemy pass through our experience.

Tbh with you its not a decision your husband is in place to make. If he doesnt want a nanny caring for the child then maybe he can quit his own job and become a househusband. How are you meant to raise a child when you are depressed and unhapy? Nothing good can come out of it. Make arrangements for childcare and tell him you must work to keep your sanity. And if he disagrees hes free to quit so he can raise your child himself. You have stayed at home now its his turn

@op get urself a shop nearby and start doing biz ur husbd wil nt mind that

Madam,My candid advise:There are three feasible options available to you,viz:1.Ask your spouse to establish a business,such that in the event of incapacitation or death,God forbid,going concern will not be interrupted. 2.He should allow you to get a job or 3.He should establish a business for you to manage.All the best.

@OP, U and your hubby both have valid points. My only sadness about your story is that U don't want to be mocked as a "housewife" because U once mocked others. See, Naija mentality?? Why on earth will U mock someone who has chosen something for herself(good or bad, life is a choice). Maybe, U were even mocking ur mother-in-law, yet she raised a decent and enviable guy for you. U see? Not all housewives do it because they didn't go to school or because they are lazy. Since U schooled in UK, can we borrow the most appropriate word for them: STAY HOME MOMS

@Topic, Find this book "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman, read it. By the time U are done with the book, give it to ur hubby if U think it's worth it. After that, both of U will see the need to redress this issue again.
If he's aim is to show off his ego as the man, then he should rethink. Also, if ur aim is not to be mocked or seen as a 'housewife', then U are need to think twice. But if it is borne out of desire for personal fulfillment, the both of U need to MEET IN THE MIDDLE. Mind U, many career women take time off their career to train their kids. Good Luck!!

MADAM PRAY ABOUT IT, SEEK GODS ADVICE AND DIRECTION. GUUUD NITE

Abeg work oh, if not you will hear wen. Just try and persuade him, you know hw to get him jo'or. Dont fall mugun oh.

#gbagaun!!

Please don't put dis on twitter!! Or else, I will be waiting to trend d gbagaun!!

single lady needed here please, i will allow you to work 24 hours if you want, add me up lets gist 32eb5b2d

Bia, ngwa, those of you saying she should start business, did you not read OP's post where she said she is not good at doing business?
And those saying obey your husband because the Bible says so, do you mean she has to do whatever her husband asks even if it is to her detriment? Is that what the Bible teaches? To obey your husband even when you will be harmed by doing so?
Op, sorry o. I pity you sha. Imagine after all that hardwork, sleepless nights and stress in School, and all the millions your parents paid to train you. . . . .
I wonder what Seun has to say about this.

@ OP I cant understand why you think being a stay @ home mom is something you should be ashamed of, motherhood and rearing children is so rewarding. My husband also wants me to raise our son for a while, my baby is 18 months and I think thats ok, I also have a degree from a university overseas and currently working on my master's your husband seems so loving and supportive, I think you should just chill out for a while and raise your child. Jobs will always be there, talk to your husband agree that perhapes in the next 2 years when the kids are older you can return to work. Your hubby seems like an understnding guy, talk to him and come to a joint conclusion. Suggest even working part time or reduced hours as an option.

Your husband is a selfish egocentric man! no offense. Please go back to work, his mentality is so 1920's. If it is not in your bone to be a house wife, then u must go back to work! Some women don't mind being housewives, but from all indications, you are not one of em'. Talk to your husband respectfully and let him know your point of view.

Situations like this make me *vomit* unless the ops husband is a millionaire (in POUNDS) then the man is a slowpoke!

.

OP, sorry to say this, your husband married you because he thinks you will be a good mother to HIS kids (considering your Educational background) and not because he LOVES you. Two different things. If he really LOVES you he should make you haPpy first. That's all I got to say. Cheers

agiboma:

@ OP I cant understand why you think being a stay @ home mom is something you should be ashamed of, motherhood and rearing children is so rewarding. My husband also wants me to raise our son for a while, my baby is 18 months and I think thats ok, I also have a degree from a university overseas and currently working on my master's your husband seems so loving and supportive, I think you should just chill out for a while and raise your child. Jobs will always be there, talk to your husband agree that perhapes in the next 2 years when the kids are older you can return to work. Your hubby seems like an understnding guy, talk to him and come to a joint conclusion. Suggest even working part time or reduced hours as an option.

I am with U on this. I think some of our worries in life will vanish or reduce if we do away with stereotypes. The OP has no problem at all. Just that she and her sweet hubby need to redefine priorities!!!

@OP; Your husband doesnt trust you. I could sense that you are a pretty young woman and he thinks the bank job and any other job will bring advances and may be you could be made an offer you can not refuse. "Taking care of a child" is just an excuse. You will have to prove to him that you can be trusted. No man should trust in any paid employments, so your husband should understand that there is no job security till death. Sack, resignation and retirements are realities. so a wife has to be empowered. Its better done now than later. Many of us make over 5million naira monthly and still detest having our wife stay home as housewives. Its suicide of personal industry and career. It is not fair of him, forget his money, you need to achieve your aims in life. Marriage is transient.

@ALL, why do we always seize the slightest opportunity online to show how bitter, rude, and unsympathetic we are. The OPs did bring up this topic for us to start bashing her husband. She told us how loving and nice they are to each other, yet most persons here find it amusing to start abusing the man. Most persons are just psychopaths!!
If U don't have reasonable thing to offer, please pass. Habba!!!!

^^^^ u have to understand that not everyone will be happy or content being a housewife. Decision to be one should be made by the woman and not shoved down her throat as if its a sin not to be a housewife (especially if the husband is okay financially)

@XX01, to be candid with you, i speak as a man, he wants the best for his' children and from what he got from his' mother compared to what he is seeing in our environment today, i think that is what is drawing him to make that decision. But, it is not right at all. there is a way you can balance work and child upbringing in a family. i pushed my wife to look for a job to keep her busy, not for supporting the family cos i have a good job that pays very well. I have seen things happen in this life and i tell you, we don't pray for anything bad to happen, those family members that you think loves you will surely come for your wealth when he is no more.
if he doesn't want you to work, let him fix you up with a business that will give you time for your child, like becoming a distributor etc. but not sitting at home doing nothing. My mother was not educated but she was never a full housewife. she supports the family with her petty trade and she moves round the state to get her wares to sell.
talk to him again and let him see reason with you.

All and All Forbid Housewife, Dear pal.

2OP, honestly, I still find it hard to believe that there is a true Nigerian woman, lady or girl, who would truly want to work when she has a slave-man working his asss off to provide her with the best of human comfort, most pretend to love work, when actually they don't. For instance, even when she is finally allowed to work (and she is married to a rich guy), she becomes a terrorist in her work place, terrorizing and oppressing her co-workers simply because she knows her husband is rich, and she would always make reference to the fact that she can quit the job and still lives big, especially when a little scuffles erupts at the office. So therefore, majority of Nigerian women still love to be housewives irrespective of how much they claim  to love being a working class woman. They rather prefer to sit at home in front of Africa Magic, ordering maids and slaves up and down, and cruising around city in their husband's cars, jumping from one shopping mall to another, squandering our hard earned CASH, lolz, are you truly sure you desire to WORK Ma'am?