@tpia
He is not sick. And not that anyone wishes him such
When a man dies untimely in Nigerian society, and his wife is jobless, the family usually gets stranded
There are many women who have been in unpleasant,unfortunate situations like that
Respondents are advising the OP to see the wisdom of having a job of hers.
In some parts, when a man dies, his relations come to hijack his properties from his wife and kids leaving them emptyhanded.
Now supposing the wife is the jobless housewife, is that not frypan to fire in a society where the majority of husbands are ignorants who do not leave a Will behind?
The Op is an educated woman.She can get a laptop,take a course in online business such as information marketing and do it part-time at home to keep busy. The husband is not likely to disagree with that cos there's no harm in it.

@ topic

Don't stay at home mum freak out at the idea of spending 24/7 with their kids in the walls of their house, always with that kid?

If couples need a break from each other from time to time, even parents need a break from their kids.

Poor kids. . .having mum around all freaking day: get a life because the kid will get one once they start school.

tpia@:

the marriage is less than two years old- why is the husband's death the major issue here?

Had to do a double take on this one.

I’m sorry, are you suggesting that only people who have been married a long time can die? Is one guaranteed to live tomorrow just because they have only been married 2 yrs and are not sick? Death selects its victim based on the length of their marriage?

It is not normal to start thinking of your spouse's death right after your marriage.

Of course its a free world and all sorts of things pass for normal these days.

So you people should carry on.

dayokanu:

Dont you think its demeaning to have to explain that you spent 100 Naira on sanitary pad, razor blades and even Nasco biscuit when you were hungry.

The thing tire person. Some women just like being treated like footmat.
@topic, OP's husband should have married an illiterate village woman to keep in the house instead of making a well-educated woman lose her potentials.
Unmarried girls should learn from this and always make sure to know whether their to-be-husbands would force them to stay unemployed in future, after marriage.

My dad died unexpectedly and his extended family tried to take our property (what my mum and dad had worked for). My mum fought them off because she was exposed and had her own source of income (wish I could tell you all the things they did. The case even went to court).

My dad wasn't wealthy, but he was well connected and had a lot of famous and wealthy friends, yet they didn't help. It was my mum's little salary that sustained us. Things were hard, but we survived.

I wonder what would have happened to us if my mum didn't have that salary.

The issue is a case by case basis since generalization doesnt necessarily apply all the time.

If your husband is in a high stress job, and you also want to go into a high stress job where the two of you will be snapping at each other when you get home from work, then by all means go ahead and do what you like, @ poster.

However, its up to you or whoever what you feel like doing. If staying at home is a problem then by all means go and get a job with or without your husband's consent.


in any case, you said you used to mock others when you thought you were better off than them.

so, knock yourself out.

tpia@:

It is not normal to start thinking of your spouse's death right after your marriage.

I would say she is being forced to think about it by him not allowing her to return to work. It’s not like one is just thinking of death out of nowhere.

*OP herself has not mentioned anything about this*

the talk about death, submitting to your husband, taking care of the children is all incredibly vomit inducing,

can the OP not work simply because she wants to? Does marriage make one lose his/her free will? can she not work because she finds having a career fulfilling and doesnt want to be regarded as the uneducated jobless mother of 3 that lives down the street and has no friends because shes now the pathetic one they used to make fun of?

does the husband have a sensible digestible reason for not wanting her to work? no he doesnt so you all need to go and sit down. what kind of nonsense, one minute she shouldnt work the next she shouldnt get half of his money because she doenst deserve it?
i cannot! op better get her ass a job and pay for the nanny, if he doesnt like it he can quit his and become one!

queensmith:

the talk about death, submitting to your husband, taking care of the children is all incredibly vomit inducing,

can the OP not work simply because she wants to? Does marriage make one lose his/her free will? can she not work because she finds having a career fulfilling

Vomit inducing indeed. You know our naija people now. You need to have a 'humble looking' reason for wanting to ‘defy' your husband! I already posed the question to the OP before.

The facts that are currently true are that he’s alive, he’s healthy enough to work, he has a very good job, he loves you, you love him. One, several or all of these things could change at anytime (God forbid) but that is life. What happens then? Even if none of these happen what about your sense of personal fulfillment? Will being a housewife provide this for you? Just because you are married, does that automatically give your husband the power to take this away from you?

For me personally, that would be my primary stance. But me I’m a maverick I won’t advise everyone to be like me! lol

@XX01

Read this scenario on share with you husband.

My elder sister, our 2nd born was in exactly d same situation you are in now. She got married in year 2000. Husband was comfortable or so we thought. He married her straight out of university, infact she was heavily pregnant during nysc orientation.

The first thing he did, wen she gave birth was telling her not to work. And 2ndly not to ever take okada. They had jst one car, so wen he left for work, she was stuck at home. My mom fought tooth and nail dt decision, cos she was imagining a 2/1 graduate of a marketable course sitting down at home as a house wife. My sister's attitude then seemed to be like my mom wanted to scatter her marriage. The last ditch effort my mom did was getting my sis a Zenith bank job back in 2001, my sister refused to take that job and her husband insulted my mom for trying to break his home. So we all left them. She joyfully became a housewife and had all the time in d world for her daughter, they had all d coloring books and they colored together.

Like a few years later, my bro-in-law decided to quit his job in govt. The presidency to be precise. All of a sudden, private jobs looked attractive and he had someone's assurance he'd get a big telecoms job, so he resigned.
Things didn't work out as planned, so he became jobless. And as expexted, d 3 bedroom flat they were occupying given by govt was allocated to someone else. Right in our eyes, things took a turn for the worse, they were homeless, my sister was jobless and husband jobless.
Her husband's junior brother was at dis time relocating to UK wit his Family, so they got temporary accomodation. My bro in law, started doing some side gigs, money would come this month and nothing for the next 3 months. By now she had 2. See, I'm not hiding anything in dis story, I'm laying it out for you, so dt u won't open ur eyes and enter trouble.

Then, my sister decided she wanted to work. After years with no work, no further education, it was hard and the labour market was saturated plus you have to factor in her age. Yes, the jobs will be there, but will age be on ur side? Wen far younger pple have d same qualifications and more competing with u for d same jobs with experience to booth?
Suffice it to say, d jobs were not there as she thought. So she settled for a teaching job in a private school. Guess what, it didn't last. She was frustrated becos, a small girl with a degree in education will be employed and placed on a higher salary. Let's face it, she didn't study a course close to Education. She kept bumping around frm school to school and she kept leaving. At dis time, the owner of the house came bak and they were homeless again!

The both families raised up funds and rented a place for them. Then child number 3 came. Of course d depression caught up with her, cos all her younger ones and former classmates seemed to be doing well. It was termed a spiritual attack, so we were moving from prayer house to prayer house.

To cut a long story long, the mouth her husband used to insult my mother, is still d same mouth he's using to say thank u now. Cos, she's the one solely holding that family up. My sis calls all of us, everyone sends her money. They've managed to secure a place of their own, but they're living in it and building it at d same time. So technically, its an uncompleted building.

This has affected my sister so much, infact, as I type dis, I'm holding back tears. She called me aside once, and told me not to rush into marriage and that I should ensure I get to d peak of my career as a lawyer. Her biggest regret is not grabbing d Zenith job wen it came up. Her husband cud hv taken d gamble wit his job wit little or no consequences if she was working. The only thing keeping that family is that my sister is tenaciously holding unto God. Her husband is still working for himself, and d money isn't forthcoming and his family cannot be bothered. He was in my office the other day, and d sight I saw made me want to start crying. My mom is always weeping, when she sees d kids and is always packing foodstuff to their home. The fight has gone out of the husband, and I knw he won't say it out but if only he had seen all these back then, I'm sure nobody will tell him to allow his wife work.
My only consolation is that God that began that good work in them, will be faithful to complete it.

Use ur tongue to count your teeth. Things may look rosy now, but hindsight is always right.

Well your husband is lucky he has a good FIL.

If my OLD MAN is his FIL, then he should be expecting lawyers, and explaining why he is enslaving his daughter.

Just six months job he is showing super-man .

When even Adenuga, Dangote wife are working.

In marriage both parties has their rights and responsibilities.

It is your right to work, if he disagrees get a lawyer.

It is your right to work, if he disagrees get a lawyer

yes nah.

who born the husband sef.

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I do not interfere in other people's marriages and do not offer unsolicited counsel

if only [s]more people [including me] learned to mind their own business[/s], as the song goes.

however, not interfering in other people's marriages is considered the aberration, while interfering is regarded as the norm.

then again, the lady did open a thread inviting everybody to come and put mouth.

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It has never made sense to me how women with no marketable work skills + husbands who are not financially secure, can sit at home and pop children every year

try the same scenario but with multiple women attached to the man.

oh well!!!

sometimes things just dont work out as one would think.

ftmom:

@ tpia

Actually, I was referring to the person I know whose husband reviews her spending whether she's working or not. Someone had asked how I felt about her asking hubby for approval on every little thing.

Wetin concern me wit dat!!! She no borrow money from me nah!

they're both grown people and if neither of them is complaining, outsiders' feelings are irrelevant imo.

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sounds like they're trying to cut down on costs.

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that's one thing i never get about people. . . . . . .they spend so much time focusing on other folks' lives- when do they actually get around to living their own?

puzzling.

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^^true that.


i'm the same way myself.

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Now, combine that with the level of deliberate or inadvertent mischief most Naija people are capable of especially when it comes to other people's households.

that's why they say b'ogiri o lanu alangba o le wole.


but sometimes its hard coping with marriage, especially when newlywed but people learn with time sha.


its not only nigerians who can be mischievious in such things sha. . . . . . . . .there's a very strong anti-marriage element in the general culture. . . . . .

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Ftmom makes too much sense. Really. The deal with the unsolicited counsel, i will continue to one wonder.!

But not everyone is confident enough to take on things themselves. Its not as easy to keep things bottled up, im guessin thats why some ask for help. None of us are professional marriage consultants we'll just give our take good or bad.

ftmom:

Lol, I just wish more married couple could work on their marriage without outside interference. It's a lot easier to do when you marry someone you are in tune with. Differences do not have to become battle grounds when there is mutual trust and love. G'night, tpia. God bless you

you too.


as per oyibo thing- they do it covertly, not openly like naija's own.

na only God oh!!!!

Also get a maid for housework so you can have time for the baby solely.

I hope this maid you're advising her to get will be above 18 and will be paid, or that will be encouraging child enslavement. And if she's over 18, i hope she won't end up stealing her husband cos i've heard stories,