i am a cute mother of one, we were planning our marriage when my husbands people says my husband must not follow me to registry& i was heavily pregnant for him, up till now we haven't legalize our union and im becoming unsecure for my husband utterances atimes when there is differences, what should i do.
Praise God as my marriage has been legalized, i posted dis topic last year, i want to use this medium to thank all those dat encouraged me&for those dat just opened their mouth and talk thank u too.

Rolahun:

i am a cute mother of one, we were planning our marriage when my husbands people says my husband must not follow me to registry& i was heavily pregnant for him, up till now we haven't legalize our union and im becoming unsecure for my husband utterances atimes when there is differences, what should i do.

I am not one to judge you getting pregnant outside wedlock? But how does your sister-in-law (to be) come in? Talk to him to take you to the registry sharp-sharp and if he refuses then know something is really wrong

How does your SIL come in . I am confused.
If he is against the registry marriage start with the traditional one. With time the other one will come.
I do not like the word control, could it be that you want to have control over the man yourself?

How is she your SIL?You must be living in foools paradise.
You are co-habiting with a man that haven't legalized the union and you're already moaning about SIL.

My dear,you better wisen up.The man according to your rant has started making "hurtful/unkind utterances" and instead of tackling that you are more concerened abt in-laws.

Is your baby daddy's sister living with you guys?
why is the marriage plans delayed?was there one in the first place or u were banking on the sweet BS the man told u during kpekus?
What are some of the so called "utterances",what do u guys quarrell over?
Hope you are employed?
How secured is the childs future with or without the man?
Does ur family know abt the child,and the guys family and what are they doing/saying towards legalizing the union?
Hope the pregnancy was not an "unplanned one or forced down anyones throat"?It was mutually agreed on?

whatever you do,concentrate on knowing where u stand in the guys life first. . .all other things shall fall in place laterz.

well i quite appreciate all ur views, the marriage has been done since 2years ago and we've been living fine, but do you expect me to turn the marriage plan down at that stage ofpregnancy? study peoples matter very well before u could conclude, all i need to hear from people is positive response and not abusive words.

^Stop confusing yourself and others with English jor.In your first post you claimed you are yet to legalize the union,now you are saying you've been married for 2 years.

Anyhoos,goodluck.

From the little I can gather you are yet to marry but you are living together with a kid in between. So he is not ur husband. Move out of the house aNd start your life again. If he really loves you he will come and ask for your hand in marriage. But living with him and fulfilling all feminine role in his home on the pretext that he will marry you is a deceit. Brace up,take the next step which is move out so that you can have value in his sight and his family's. If he comes begging good if not move on.

mutter:

How does your SIL come in . I am confused.
If he is against the registry marriage start with the traditional one. With time the other one will come.
I do not like the word control, could it be that you want to have control over the man yourself?

I have to disagree with you. No be by force to marry. If teh sister inlaw is part of the reason why he has refused to go to the registry it is because that wicked woman knows that going to the registry means that the wife gets her right ful legal position. She does not want that because she has the mentality that she must chop "her brother's money". The man is not ready to marry why force him. The only part I agree with you is that she should not blame the SIL. Blame the child that she is forcing to marry her

The poster is not married yet, and she is already talking about sister-in-law, you don't have any inlaw yet, you are making yourself cheap already, by thinking he is your husband when he is not, Am sure his family is thinking you are trying to tie their son/brother down with the pregnancy. I don't know when women will open their eyes and wise-up.

is like u all are not getting my point,we are planning our marriage when they say he's not going to the registry,that does not stop the engagement&reception which was held 2years ago,and me getting pregnant is not by mistake, infact all the registry form has been processed and our passport photograph was pasted for 21days at the local govt. this particular sis is the one behind all this trauma, get this clearer now.

Rolahun:

is like u all are not getting my point,we are planning our marriage when they say he's not going to the registry,that does not stop the engagement&reception which was held 2years ago,and me getting pregnant is not by mistake, infact all the registry form has been processed and our passport photograph was pasted for 21days at the local govt. this particular sis is the one behind all this trauma, get this clearer now.

Your previous posts were not clear, now I understand. So you had a traditional wedding but not registery and you now have a child. What is here reason for being against your legal marriage? Why does your husband allow this? I will advice you to face your husband and get him to Man up and not join issues with your sister in law. You are married to your husband and not her. What is his reason for obeying his sister to the detriment of his wife?
Find out from your husband why he will not marry you in court. Focus on him, you are married to him not his sister.

If he doesn't want d court registry, I don't c anything wrong with it. They're some men who doesn't like it. Just get urself smthg doing and make investment.

Meanwhile, in Nija does dat court registry matters or work? The country is corrupt.

Face d reality of life.

Until u guys "legalise ur union" stop referring to him as ur husband, for he is not yet; perhaps there's something about u that put this guy and his sister off; try 2 find out what it is and if u can correct it do it ASAP b4 this guy start turning his eyes the other way and u know what that means nw that u're pregnant 4 him; all the best!

If you have already done the traditional, then why are you insistent on registry.

Women sabi pursue unnecesary things when there are more pressing issues

Doesnt your husband take care of the family?

A man is busy hustling how to feed you and your baby, but your own concern is Registry

Abeg do you work? How much do you contribute to upkeep? and how would the registry change your life

Please go and watch "Delivery us from EVA"

That is why, as a woman you have to do what you have to do before you start to make babies, once pickin enter, matter don finish!!! Do introduction, traditional, registry then church wedding, before belle!!!! . infact, registry before traditional wedding gan sef.

How many ceremony

4?

Say wetin happen

Registry, Introduction, traditional, Church is wedding the only thing one comes to the world to do?

Who would be sponsoring all these ceremonies?

^^^^^ Little wonder you are not married yet. ' and who says you have to spend much on each, it depends on how classy you wnat it to be.

1. Intro mimo
2. Registry ( should not be more than N10,000.00, infact it is not up to)
3. traditional
4. church.
All of the above is not expensive at all, na the party be d koko.

Why should you do 4 different ceremonies to achieve the same aim?

The oyinbos you all like to point to do just one

That is Oyinbo, we have our culture and our own way of doing things, even this Oyinbo people sef do at least two, registry (which is a must for them and church wedding), so whatt are we adding our traditional wedding!!! The into-mimo is no big deal at all.

When its convenient for you you jump on the African tradition train e.g do 4 different ceremony, Man must pay for this for that, No 50-50

But on the flip side when it comes to divorce you are quick to throw the way of the West into the fore front

The man has already married her, What difference does the registry make.

Our grandparents only did traditional, No registry, no court, Does that make their union illegal?

''Time changes yesterday'' ( did you read that book) Anyways, with how things are, this days, anyone, especially women, just packing her luggage and moving into a man's house would be thrown out when he is tired of her anyways, it is not yet certain for the couple that is backed-up by the law,talk more of someone who has willfully decided to put ''wedding'' aside because it is not impotant !!!!

You said he put wedding aside

The Traditional wedding and introduction

Is that not wedding on its own?

Who says only the men pay for weddings ? my husband did not pay for everything!!! infact i personally would not want a man to pay for the whole wedding, that is when he will start beating his chest and ridiculing the wife's family, that he paid for everything. Mbanu!!!

dayokanu:

You said he put wedding aside

The Traditional wedding and introduction

Is that not wedding on its own?

Well he has given the girls family the things they required, what of what the wife herself wants?, wedding makes no difference to men, but to a woman it makes all the difference in the world, it is a sense of pride for a woman to be properly wedded, i really cannot trade any affection for it, I can say '' my husband'' confidently, without thinking ''oops we are yet to do our wedding'' i see it as an emotional torture.

The man has gone to the girls family and sought her hand properly in marriage

What else does she want?

If he hadnt done anything now, we might crucify him, He has done intro, done traditional wedding yet you want to yoke him to a registry again?

dayokanu:

The man has gone to the girls family and sought her hand properly in marriage

What else does she want?

If he hadnt done anything now, we might crucify him, He has done intro, done traditional wedding yet you want to yoke him to a registry again?

How long is it going to take him to sign paper?

What are you people talking about? He hasn't married her yet not even Traditional marriage. She said they have done "engagement and reception" that to me is not trad marriage. I had an engagement party as well after my husband proposed before going back to Naija for the Wedding Proper. People do this a lot. This poste is not married and is living in a fools paradise. Her English is not helping matters

the registry is not something to be listed. shebi two of them just go in there and in the presence of some law person sign paper/pay/collect certificate eh?
i may be wrong.

you make it more harder on yourself OP. should have waited to get everything done. Well, focus on yourself and baby. Talk to him to see what his plans are for wedding proper. Maybe he feels you are already his wife with traditional wedding done??

ronkebp:

Who says only the men pay for weddings ? my husband did not pay for everything!!! infact i personally would not want a man to pay for the whole wedding, that is when he will start beating his chest and ridiculing the wife's family, that he paid for everything. Mbanu!!!

Speak for your own culture

There are cultures in Nigeria where the man is expected to pay for the whole wedding (both traditional and church) and his inability to do so is sufficient cause for the wife to remind him in future that her family 'helped' him to marry her

OP,

If you don't mind my asking, what ethnic group(s) do you and the father of your child belong?

Not asking to mock you; just trying to understand better the status or legality of the ceremony that you described as an 'engagement and reception'.

ronkebp:

Who says only the men pay for weddings ? my husband did not pay for everything!!! infact i personally would not want a man to pay for the whole wedding, that is when he will start beating his chest and ridiculing the wife's family, that he paid for everything. Mbanu!!!

Speak for your husband and your culture. Such things happen when you are married to an eediot and not man. Where I come from, the men pay for the wedding. I was a student when i got  married and even if i wasnt, i wouldn't contribute a dime. My parents are free to contribute if they want to but not me. My husband married me and not the other way around. I am not paying for any wedding because i am not desperate. The girls family contribute because they want to not because they have to. And not all men ridicule their inlaw. Some of these so called men Marry into very wealthy family so they will have to think twice before making unnecessary mouth.

And yea, my husband has a very strong relationship with his in-laws, my mum calls him her rival because if the strong bond he has with my father. So stop generalizing ronke