Hi

I am a White British 27year old currently living in the uk. My partner is Nigerian born and has the majority of his family living in Nigeria. We have been discussing a possible move to Nigeria in the near future so as he can help his father with his business. We have 3 children the eldest being 11 this year and the youngest 4. I would like to point out that my questions are by no means intended to sound either derogoratory or ignorant. We are both decided that the Uk is not country that We wish to bring up two impressionable young boys and a beautiful and intelligent young girl. The trend in the Uk seems to be for girls to become pregnant at a very young age (i was one of them) and I fear for my eldest child going to high school amidst a high knife and violent crime rate amongst his age group. The British government is breeding a contemptible generation of youth and a society of lazy citizens living off the welfare system. We want out, however I do I have my reservations in regards to moving my young family to Nigeria. The country doesn't get the best media coverage in the Uk. Although I trust my partners opinions I feel them understandably biased towards his family and homeland. So I'm looking for honest opinions please .

I have many questions so for clarity I shall list them.

1- my partner has mentioned the possibility of living in 3 areas either Aba in abia state, the ebonyi state in general or Abuja. Are these safe areas for families? I am concerned as his father was only recently returned safely after being kidnapped for ransom.  Can I raise my family in either of these areas without fear if we are responsible and invest in good security ?

2- we enjoy quite a social life in the Uk, more so for my children, in your opinion could they enjoy the same in these locations. And will children of mixed race be accepted and make friends easily. (my children do suffer from racism from time to time in the uk and I would like somewhere they can be accepted freely and just be themselves)

3- I own my own business in the Uk, I have a uk law degree. Financial independence is extremely important to me, I like to make my own money almost as much as I like to spend it . Will I as a white British woman find it as easy to work in nigeria ?

4- I worry about schooling, my children may choose to return to the uk or stay in Nigeria either way it is important to me that they have good schooling, if possible at a British school, does nylon have more information about schooling for my age children ?

I jokingly told my partner that I would only live in Nigeria if I had high speed Internet access as I'm an avid online gamer lol. Joking aside I worry about the culture clash, are there many British people living successfully and happily in Nigeria, love to hear from them if so.

I thank you for reading my long post and appreciate all responses

Amy x


Thankyou for all of the replies.

I don't think I made my self very clear. I do not intend to move because I think the UK is not a suitable place to bring my children up (although I don't think it is at the moment) if that were the case I would be choosing elsewhere. I mentioned my misgivings about the UK because in a post on another forum ,y questions were deemed ignorant and a few confused my fears and questions as me trying to slate Nigeria. I was pointing out that I'm not trying to slate the country when I ask these questions, I think very little of my own so have no judgements to make.

Secondly - the reason for the move as i mentioned ever so slightly in my question is because my partners father runs a few businesses (in the areas i mentioned which is why they are my choice) his father grows old and as the only son the responsibility falls on his head to go and help.

Thirdly - I have visited, my children haven't and I only as a tourist so i realise this would be quite different. I intend to take the children beforehand however I am researching as I realise this is a big decision and one that will be made overnight.

Finally - Franktolk , yes I was 16 when I had my eldest son, I was 17 when I had my second and 23 and in my final year of university when I had my third.  However I am now a law graduate running my own business. One of the greatest things about the UK is that no matter what circumstances you either put yourself in or are put in if you have the determination to make something of yourself you have endless opportunities to do so. The shame is that few take those opportunities or do and squander them.

If I had the option I would be moving to a village in the UK and raising my children, but my partner has an obligation to his family and I to him. My children come first and If it means the family separating so be it, but I would not enter into any decision either way that may lead to the undoing of our relationship lightly.

And so I asked your advice.

Thankyou all

Amy

No you won't get a good job in Nigeria. You say you love working and making your own money? well that, you cannot do in Nigeria. The educational system in Nigeria is crap. I don't get why you wanno take those kids away from the better schools there to go and abandon them in ABA, Ebonyi or abuja?

Well it's your family. *Shrugs*

Amy ! if you're 27 years old now and ur eldest child is 11,it then implies that you had ur first child at the age of 16 !

franktolk:

Amy ! if you're 27 years old now and ur eldest child is 11,it then implies that you had ur first child at the age of 16 !

wow - thats not really what she started the topic to discuss

personally poster I would stay in the UK, like chaircover mentioned if you have not visited nigeria on a regular basis you will not find it easy at all to live in Nigeria.

There are a lot of issues to consider but if you do move I have no idea why Aba or ebonyi state is even on the list.

Many people who grow up in the UK turn out ok, depends on how u are brought up

jennykadry:

No you won't get a good job in Nigeria. You say you love working and making your own money? well that, you cannot do in Nigeria. The educational system in Nigeria is crap. I don't get why you wanno take those kids away from the better schools there to go and abandon them in ABA, Ebonyi or abuja?

Well it's your family. *Shrugs*

@jenny,u have spoken well.
@op, Left to me oooo,abeg stay were you are and enjoy your life with your family,the major problem you will have is convincin your hubby to let you stay. Alot of pple have done in the past and dint regret and alot have also done and regret. But if your husband insist then you dont have a choice. I hope your husband is a multimillioner so you can live a confortable life if you eventualy move down here.

1- my partner has mentioned the possibility of living in 3 areas either Aba in abia state, the ebonyi state in general or Abuja. Are these safe areas for families?

Of the three places you mentioned, Abuja is likely to be your best bet if availability of infrastructures and good social services rank tops on your priorities. By social services, this excludes 999 calls, fire service and regular power supply.

I am concerned as his father was only recently returned safely after being kidnapped for ransom.  Can I raise my family in either of these areas without fear if we are responsible and invest in good security ?

Kidnapping is no longer very prevalent in many areas of Abuja.  As a matter of fact, i once argued with someone that there are higher chances of getting shot, stabbed or beaten by a random sad fellow in London than in Abuja.  The safety rules in naija are simple; stay away from the core north, never argue with the Police even if you are right and don't talk to people about your business.

we enjoy quite a social life in the Uk, more so for my children, in your opinion could they enjoy the same in these locations.

Social life is a very subjective term and could be defined to mean anything.  You kids may likely find it very hard adapting to new location and making friends with people who were brought up under completely different conditions.  They won't be able to ride their bikes freely around the streets, and there aren't many parks to sit in and play with the dogs all day.  You must understand that the idea of having a good time in Nigeria for most people means going to the cinema, restaurants, owambes and clubs.

And will children of mixed race be accepted and make friends easily. (my children do suffer from racism from time to time in the uk and I would like somewhere they can be accepted freely and just be themselves)

Children of mixed races are well accepted and i can guarantee that there are very slim chances of racial abuse.  Nigerians are known to only discriminate among themselves, never against foreigners, much less ones with good accents.

I own my own business in the Uk, I have a uk law degree. Financial independence is extremely important to me, I like to make my own money almost as much as I like to spend it . Will I as a white British woman find it as easy to work in nigeria ?

IMF or the WHO may very well have positions that may fit into what you are looking for.  I would also consider banks like RenCap or Standard Chartered or companies like Shell, Chevron, British American Tobacco, Schlumberger, or Oando.  If you are also flexible, you may consider lecturing with some well paying Universities like the American University of Nigeria.

I worry about schooling, my children may choose to return to the uk or stay in Nigeria either way it is important to me that they have good schooling, if possible at a British school, does nylon have more information about schooling for my age children ?

There are good schools, although very expensive ones, in Nigeria.  Most expatriates have their kids attending these schools and could very well boast of a similar level of education that may be obtained in Britain.

Overall, I would suggest that you spend some time in Nigeria as suggested by many other posters.  This help you to form a better opinion of the place.

Hi Amy,

I'm a Canadian living in Nigeria now with my Canadian son he's 19 months and his father who is Nigerian. I got a question for you, have you ever visited this country. You need to see it befor you make such a BIG move.
1.) The places you mentioned i can only voice my opinion for 2 places Aba, DEFINETLY NOOOOOO, locals have labelled it the dirtiest city in Nigeria. Abuja is simply beautiful, but expensive, you would be best their imo. I never been to ebonyi so i cant comment. All the things you mentioned about the UK they understandable, but I dont think Nigeria is the answer. All the families i know both parents are Nigerian that moved back from Canada to Nigeria, their move did not last long and they had kids your age, the children hated it, no light so they cant watch t.v, the roads are bad, they missed their friends. If you think its the lesser of two evils please think again.
2.) Also as a white woman your always gonna be hearing them talk about "oyibo" (it means white person) i hate that word they call me it every time and im not even white,I'm black go figure smh. Their also gonna refer to your kids with that term. My hubby's biracial friends kids and his white wife, did not last long here and they hated it for all the reason's i stated previously but most of all the kids felt discriminated because of that word and the attention they got as being biracial.

I know you are afraid to raise black teenage boys in the UK, but honestly their life won't be much easier over here either. To an extent because of my accent I fell discriminated against at times. Talking to locals and they dont understand my English because of my heaven Canadian accent omg. These are hurdles that you are definetly gonna face. teach your kids the right things such as avoiding, drugs, gangs etc. Dont disrupt your lives and come to this messed up society.

3.) The school system is crap unless you got some serious cheddar, you can enrol your kid in a very nice school. The best school in my area the yearly tuition is like 50k USD a year.
4.) About your business you can defiently start your own business and make money in time

Please think really hard about this move, wishing you all the best

^^^^

Very good views!

agiboma:

Hi Amy,

I'm a Canadian living in Nigeria now with my Canadian son he's 19 months and his father who is Nigerian. I got a question for you, have you ever visited this country. You need to see it befor you make such a BIG move.
1.) The places you mentioned i can only voice my opinion for 2 places Aba, DEFINETLY NOOOOOO, locals have labelled it the dirtiest city in Nigeria. Abuja is simply beautiful, but expensive, you would be best their imo. I never been to ebonyi so i cant comment. All the things you mentioned about the UK they understandable, but I dont think Nigeria is the answer. All the families i know both parents are Nigerian that moved back from Canada to Nigeria, their move did not last long and they had kids your age, the children hated it, no light so they cant watch t.v, the roads are bad, they missed their friends. If you think its the lesser of two evils please think again.
2.)  Also as a white woman your always gonna be hearing them talk about "oyibo" (it means white person) i hate that word they call me it every time and im not even white,I'm black  go figure  smh. Their also gonna refer to your kids with that term. My hubby's biracial friends kids and his white wife, did not last long here and they hated it for all the reason's i stated previously but most of all the kids felt discriminated because of that word and the attention they got as being biracial.

I know you are afraid to raise black teenage boys in the UK, but honestly their life won't be much easier over here either. To an extent because of my accent I fell discriminated against at times. Talking to locals and they dont understand my English because of my heaven Canadian accent omg. These are hurdles that you are definetly gonna face. teach your kids the right things such as avoiding, drugs, gangs etc. Dont disrupt your lives and come to this messed up society.

3.) The school system is crap unless you got some serious cheddar, you can enrol your kid in a very nice school. The best school in my area the yearly tuition is like 50k USD a year.
4.) About your business you can defiently start your own business and make money in time

Please think really hard about this move, wishing you all the best

I totally agree

Thankyou for all of the replies.

I don't think I made my self very clear. I do not intend to move because I think the UK is not a suitable place to bring my children up (although I don't think it is at the moment) if that were the case I would be choosing elsewhere. I mentioned my misgivings about the UK because in a post on another forum ,y questions were deemed ignorant and a few confused my fears and questions as me trying to slate Nigeria. I was pointing out that I'm not trying to slate the country when I ask these questions, I think very little of my own so have no judgements to make.

Secondly - the reason for the move as i mentioned ever so slightly in my question is because my partners father runs a few businesses (in the areas i mentioned which is why they are my choice) his father grows old and as the only son the responsibility falls on his head to go and help.

Thirdly - I have visited, my children haven't and I only as a tourist so i realise this would be quite different. I intend to take the children beforehand however I am researching as I realise this is a big decision and one that will be made overnight.

Finally - Franktolk , yes I was 16 when I had my eldest son, I was 17 when I had my second and 23 and in my final year of university when I had my third.  However I am now a law graduate running my own business. One of the greatest things about the UK is that no matter what circumstances you either put yourself in or are put in if you have the determination to make something of yourself you have endless opportunities to do so. The shame is that few take those opportunities or do and squander them.

If I had the option I would be moving to a village in the UK and raising my children, but my partner has an obligation to his family and I to him. My children come first and If it means the family separating so be it, but I would not enter into any decision either way that may lead to the undoing of our relationship lightly.

I'm very glad that I asked, its all very helpful

Thankyou all

Amy

Do not be discouraged by folks who have a bitter story because they decided to move back to Nigeria. Not all stories ended badly. There is this African-American woman that moved to Nigeria because his husband said that the American society is not ideal to bring up his kids. They moved over to Nigeria, Owerri and are doing well. The story was aired on national television.

I live in Aba.  There are areas that have good environment. Even if Aba is being classified as the dirtiest city but not every nooks and crannies in Aba are dirty. There are many other cities to choose from like Owerri and others

I think you should choose a city that is nearer to your husband's business.

I think Amy would find Abuja meets her needs to a reasonable degree, it is a tough balancing act but it can be done. I would have recommended a particular website to you for more details but a lot of its members are prejudiced and might say hurtful things to you. It seems your husband is reasonably wealthy, you could live in Abuja then in my humble opinion.

Na woa me don tire to dey give advice o, first it was someone from US wanting to come to naija and study, now it's british family, wetin dey chase you people come naija when peole back here are looking for a way to runoff? goodluck to u anyway

And Y would you think about all the Locations you mentioned, The East, Home town for Kidnapping, Abuja Annex office of Boko Haram  ,

What is wrong with Lagos: Ikoyi, Lekki, VGC, VI, Even  GRA Ikeja. You would see your fellow Janded peeps and Fresh boys like me,  

But seriously, stay in your Jand if those are your only options, Lagos is the happening place or no other place, But you must be ready for the hustle sha.

U sabi enter Okada if traffic hold u down?  

amy:



One of the greatest things about the UK is that no matter what circumstances you either put yourself in or are put in if you have the determination to make something of yourself you have endless opportunities to do so. The shame is that few take those opportunities or do and squander them.

Guys are you thinking what I am thinking,erh! comparatively.

Don't hope for job except you have some resounding technical skills, if not, hope to stay your own business. This is the only way to beat the economy nowadays.

@POSTER

I don't know how fast your children adapt to things but I am afraid that they will find it hard adapting to Nigeria environment. Especially when it comes to electricity, the heat of the sun, and the internet speed. It will be a tough decision.

Moreover they don't have much friends. They will find everything almost boring not because Nigeria is a boring place but because things won't work out much for them.

Moreover, I want you to say bye bye to your online games because with the internet speed in Nigeria, maybe I should by NCHOR(an african game) for you . It will keep you busy when you are getting frustrated with the internet speed.

My suggestion is this, instead of moving all the family at once, since you have visited Nigeria before, maybe you and your husband should move first and allow the kids to come for vacation. See what they think and monitor how they adapt.

During my university days, there is this guy from United State that lives with us. The way he adapt to everything will make you wonder if he is really from United State of America or United State of Africa. Each vacation, he will fly back to United State. Everything depends on individual.

Wish you luck

Amy, I believe am in a better position to advise you on your migration home. I just moved home after 16 years aboard. Moving to Nigeria is not an easy task at all. You have lived in a country with a structure for so long that moving to Nigeria with no structure might pull a toll on you and your family.

Am not sure what kind of business your husband intends to run but it better be a solid business because you will need to be financially solid to feel far as comfortable as you did in the UK.

I also will not suggest Aba to you. Abuja is a better choice as per accommodation and it has to be places like maitama, Jabi, Wuse 2.

I came back home with my 4 year old daughter although she was 2 when we moved. I don't think I would have done it with teenagers. But I believe as time goes on the kids will adjust as long as you are financially solid.  I don't think I would have moved the way did if I had known better  meaning I would have found a job and then moved. We got so many promises about jobs, business opportunities before we moved and non of them came through for us once we got here.     


I also want you to be aware that when you move out of where you are raised it takes some time to get adjusted to the new environment. When I moved to America 16 years ago I hate it and once I settled down I got used to it and still felt that way when I came home. I did not believe it was where I grew up but I know once we all settle down it will be ok. _OK
As per schools, you would have to pay through your nose to get an Ok schOKl. Lagos might have better options when it comes to school but moving to Nigeria, Lagos should be your last choice. I also want to tell you that visiting Nigeria is not the same as moving. I visited a few times before moving and realize that you don't see a lot when you visit. If you need my phone #, let me know and I will email it to you if you have any questions.

I hate to comment because I see this as a scam! But I have to make a few statements. Imagine NLanders vomiting venomous substances about their country just because a faceless human seeks opinions that ordinarily her husbands family members and friends could have given without any stress. What business is he coming to manage here? Go ask Femi Otedola - upon his billions (in dollars), his wife and four kids are living in the UK. There are many like that and it does not mean they have two families - home and abroad. This is a family issue and you decide what you want. Besides, where in Nigeria is this "family business" that he want's to come home to manage? Common sense is that you live where your business is for effective management. Answer this simple question - does his father's business have branch(es) in Aba, Ebonyi or Abuja? If not, then living in any of the three locations (where the business does not exist) is the same as you living the UK and he living in Nigeria. In both cases, you are still away from each other.

If your hubby is financially comfortable, Abuja or Calabar is your best bet. Don't even think of Aba or Ebonyi cos even your hubby cant guaranty your security there. Just returned from the UK after 3yrs and I totally agree with you. There's no way you can raise responsible kids there. No disrespect but that society is sick. Wouldn't wish 4 my enemies' children to be raised there, although most ignorant Nigerians don't know that. As for discrimination, that shouldn't be an issue in Nigeria. Discrimination in Nigeria is mainly ethnic and religious and is usually not extended to foreigners. The educational system (Up to High school level) is way better than in the UK if you can afford to pay for a good private school. The GCSE exam is a joke compared to its 'O" level equivalent in Nigeria. As 4 Nigerian universities, don't even think of it. If you're still not sure about moving to Nigeria, you can consider moving to Ghana instead.

Also be preparing for your hubby family interference to your affairs at all time and regular visitors from village to your house with many hubby family palaver, also be ready to face some domestic hardship and insecurity. Goodluck.

LEXYLOV:

Also be preparing for your hubby family interference to your affairs at all time and regular visitors from village to your house with many hubby family palaver, also be ready to face some domestic hardship and insecurity. Goodluck.

lol ohh yes ooo and prepare for hubby reNATIONALIZING himself and becoming a Nigerian again

Sorry to burst everyones bubbles but everyone here is just concentrating on the kids, what of the woman? Her husband? Her happiness? Her family & marriage? This is a woman who wants to make her marriage work, thats why she is even paying attention to her husbands demands. With the high rate of divorce & independency women crave these days, she against all odds even with her degree & business wants her family to be one. Why should she convince her husband to let her stay back with her kids? Tomorrow if he remarries and she comes here for advice, u will all blame her for living apart from her husband. The children in question will be faced with problems of a broken home. How are u guys so sure that it wasnt from the same family business that the husband got to the UK in the first place, that thats what has been keeping him going? Now he wants to move back HOME and all hell is breaking loose.
Amy, u have a good heart & I know u are capable of raising ur kids where ever & in whatever environment u find urself. U knew what u were getting into when u married someone not from your place, also knowing fully well he has a family & a home to go back to, and also the fact that he is an only son makes it difficult for his parents to let him go. Follow ur heart, ur home will be as nice as u make it, Nigeria or not. U will adapt as well as ur kids too. Abuja is a nice place to live in & they have good schools too, lots of business opportunities abound too if u make a good feasibility study, u can also import things frm the UK & sell. Dont let ppl ruin ur mind, some are wishing to be in ur shoes, please stay with ur man & ur kids will adapt even with a rate u didnt expect.
Since u still have time, let them start visiting so as to get the feel of it first hand. Everybody here castigating ur movement, as long as they r nigerians, they all come back either alive or dead.
We r used to spoiling our homeland with our very hands, tomorrow they will say Naija aint moving forward, How e go take move na?
I rest my case!

The schools are expensive,for you to be able to be in the middle class ,you will need money and a stable income

makky:

Sorry to burst everyones bubbles but everyone here is just concentrating on the kids, what of the woman? Her husband? Her happiness? Her family & marriage? This is a woman who wants to make her marriage work, thats why she is even paying attention to her husbands demands. With the high rate of divorce & independency women crave these days, she against all odds even with her degree & business wants her family to be one. Why should she convince her husband to let her stay back with her kids? Tomorrow if he remarries and she comes here for advice, u will all blame her for living apart from her husband. The children in question will be faced with problems of a broken home. How are u guys so sure that it wasnt from the same family business that the husband got to the UK in the first place, that thats what has been keeping him going? Now he wants to move back HOME and all hell is breaking loose.
Amy, u have a good heart & I know u are capable of raising ur kids where ever & in whatever environment u find urself. U knew what u were getting into when u married someone not from your place, also knowing fully well he has a family & a home to go back to, and also the fact that he is an only son makes it difficult for his parents to let him go. Follow ur heart, ur home will be as nice as u make it, Nigeria or not. U will adapt as well as ur kids too. Abuja is a nice place to live in & they have good schools too, lots of business opportunities abound too if u make a good feasibility study, u can also import things frm the UK & sell. Dont let ppl ruin ur mind, some are wishing to be in ur shoes, please stay with ur man & ur kids will adapt even with a rate u didnt expect.
Since u still have time, let them start visiting so as to get the feel of it first hand. Everybody here castigating ur movement, as long as they r nigerians, they all come back either alive or dead.
We r used to spoiling our homeland with our very hands, tomorrow they will say Naija aint moving forward,  How e go take move na?
I rest my case!

nice points you raised up there, where are you located if you dont mind me asking?

agiboma:

lol ohh yes ooo and prepare for hubby reNATIONALIZING himself and becoming a Nigerian again

The bolded just gave you away. Omo naija turned oyinbo

The burden which comes along with being married and sharing one's life with another aren't easy. Tough luck Amy, but you'll need to be strong and with the help of your in-laws be able to make the transition you seek - of course after coming down first with your hubby ( @ the least a year's trial run) to forerun and put things in place. Water the ground, test and self-criticize the various comments you would have gathered herefrom.



Coming from where you are it may not be smooth more likely discomforting at the beginning but there's a kind of fulfilment you just may discover - a reward far reaching than self. Your narrative sounds like one that will end well if well managed at the outset. Unfortunately I don't have all the answers you seek but I do hope whatever direction your decision(s) take you, your hubby and children you do find hope in the things you'll learn in your sojourn.  

P.S: Keep and walk your faith, Amy

Too much off the point talk.

Answers:

Of the options you have, ABUJA happens to be the best, fair enough, good infrastructure, hygiene is fair enough. But accommodation and upkeep a bit pricey

Schooling isn't much of an issue There are International Schools in Nigeria But you could do well to post some kids offshore to Ghana. Very Safe. Spices up your activities and who knows explore oppurtunities across West Africa.

Entertainment is a big issue for your kids. The kind of entertainment they would desire really doesn't exist out there,  that could dampen their expectation in terms of social life. You can't call going to the moves daily such a pleasure.   neither is going to City Malls such a delight

With respect to Business,  ABUJA is best,  lot's of oppurtunities,  the market out there isn't as crowded as in the East and certainly not as competitive as in Lagos. What's more you have the country's richest and reasonably chic clientele base in ABUJA.

However you must be ready to face the following displeasures. Your desired UK food items are scarce (Substitute available), Electricity is not as cheap and available as in the UK. Transportation is heavily dependent on your owning a car, preferably a 4WD all the time. Luckily fuel  and Labour is fairly affordable and you get to  be chauffeur driven


LAGOS which happens to be quite cosmopolitan would have been a nice choice,  but it's rather quite a hectic place. Crazy traffic, too much competition for your business.
One thing for sure, you have a very large and diverse community of foreigners in Lagos than any other part of the country. This of course if you are so keen on mingling with Europeans more often