Husbands used to be the sole providers for their families while the women stayed at home to take care of children and the house, and the few women who worked did so for a few hours. But in recent times, many women go to work, working their way right to the top, putting in long hours and choosing careers that would give them more money and an edge in life. As such, an increasing number of women earn as much as their spouses or even more. According to statistics, about20 per cent of wives out-earn their spouses.

A curse or a blessing?

A situation where the woman works and earns a good salary is supposed to be a blessing as more money is available to the family, but quite a number of men are still uncomfortable about this. Her better income means that she will have to do more financially such as paying school fees, bills, taking care of the family's needs and holiday trips. In some families, this big shift in responsibilities has created serious problems. It appears that quite a number of people still prefer the traditional role where the man supports and provides for the family and the woman takes care of the home front.

There have been cases of wives who had become disrespectful and uncontrollable because they earned more incomes than their husbands. Of course, not all women are like this because what people do is a matter of who they are and what they believe.

There are women who feel very uncomfortable or guilty for earning more, while some others have the attitude that says, ˜I am the main bread winner, why must I do any other thing in the house? There are instances where husbands no longer eat at home simply because their wives insult them every time they give them food. There are husbands who go to people outside to borrow money because they dare not ask their wives for loans or grants.

A man in such a situation would go out to borrow in order to avoid insults from his wife, who sees her money as solely belonging to her. You would often hear such a wife refer to her personal belongings as ˜my money, ˜my car,˜my house. One of the women I spoke to about this issue said earning more would make the woman lose all respect for her husband which would eventually affect the marriage as a whole. I immediately asked her,˜Why should she lose respect for her husband? The word of God reads, Who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

(1Corinthians 4:7) (NIV) Indeed, what do we have which has not been given to us by God? Whenever the wife earns more than her husband, it is by God's grace! And who knows, maybe for this reason she has been put in that position: to complement the efforts of her husband in her God-given role as a ˜help meet, that is, a helper that is suitable for her husband. In Esther 4:14, the Scripture says, “For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise¦ from another place ¦ Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

(NKJV) A wife who has more money should support her husband and family. At the time my husband and I were starting out, I sponsored and bought most of the things we had. And I am sure many people before me have done likewise, and many more will still support their husbands. Why do you need to support him? Because marriage is a union of two people. You are married to him to provide that part of him that may not be there at present, realising too that no condition is permanent, as positions could be reversed as God wishes! You married him as the solution to that God-observed gap of loneliness which could be financial, physical or emotional. You should be friends, and friends support each other.

Don't let money destroy your marriage; rather utilise money and other resources to save it. Remind yourself regularly that money should not be an issue. Let it make no difference to your marriage; if something needs to be done, let it get done without looking around or thinking of what your husband is doing or bringing into the family. A wife who is in a better financial position should watch her attitude and manners because it is possible to begin to react negatively (and hence, seemingly proudly) each time her husband or her family makes demands on her. She should not think that her husband is trying to take advantage of her. Instead, she should see what she can do to better empower her husband.

While she's at it, she should also encourage and let him know he is still loved and appreciated for what he does for the family. Additionally, the woman should try to keep things balanced in her family. She should not allow her job to take precedence over her family and if her husband is doing things that upset or discourage her, then it's time for them to talk.

For husbands

Don't feel bad, threatened, insecure or resentful towards your wife if she earns more than you. Some men feel threatened to the extent that they suspect or even accuse their wives of having extra marital affairs, and whenever she returns home late, she's in trouble.

There was an instance of a wife who kept telling her husband that she could never cheat on him but he didn't believe her, and he beat her up several times simply because he was jealous of her success. Such reaction is both demeaning and absolutely wrong! He should see her achievement as a good thing and be happy for her, support her and enjoy what they have together. If she hasn't changed, there is no reason for you to change.

But if you think she's behaving in a way you don't like, then talk to her about it.

For couples

Couples in this situation should embrace dialogue. They should talk, talk and talk! They should discuss and agree on how they can work together to improve their lot and keep the family happy and running smoothly. Some of the issues to be discussed should include first, whether or not he needs to get a better job, and second, what should be the areas of responsibility of each party, in regard to meeting the financial needs of the family? Third, how can they have a good relationship? And fourth, has either of them changed since she began to earn more than the man?

They should also focus on their marriage, loving each other and doing things that would make them happy. If they can't agree, they should go for counselling because there is no reason for the marriage to end in divorce or not work
http://www.nigeriamasterweb.com/paperfrmes.html

why not? except she won't use her 'money' to cross her boundaries. i might be a proud guy but i don't have foolish pride

There is nothing wrong if the husband is facing tough time and the wife use her money to lift the family, no condition is permanent, life is not straight. Things may look rough for the man today, but that does not mean, the man will not rise up again. A good wife should be able to assist her husband in the period of hardship. The woman should not forget that they are no longer two but one. So, directly or indirectly she is helping herself by standing up to do something to move the family forward. God bless you. God2man.

Women earning more money than her husband should not be an issue
The big problem in the develop world. Nigerian women who are nurses some of them make more money than their husbands. The man know that their pay check cannot pay a mortgage of 400,000.00 house but they want the house for 400,000.00
Now the wife is working 70hours a week to pay the mortgage. Yes you are going to get disrespected.
I use to make more money than my wife but now she run her business. She made a little more this year. Want us to go get a new house. Guess what. NO

Yes, it can work. It has worked, it is working and it will keep working once both parties decide to make it work.

i think the problem is the lack of understanding of some historical philosophy

Men have been traditionally saddled with the responsibility of providing for the family because history and culture empowered them and made women totally dependent on them. in history, traditionally survival and work required enourmous physical strength which women lacked or were believed to lack

now the world has changed and work does not necessarily require physical strength, women can work just as long as men. women fought for liberation and empowerment, the right to work and be ranked equally as men

unfortunately, with the economic power now shared equally, women have refused to accept that the responsibilities that come with that power must also be shared equally

when the man used to be the only one who worked, whatever he earns becomes the family pot by which the family willl run. now a woman who goes out to work 12-16hrs a day just like her husband wants to keep her own earnings for herself alone whilst her husband's money is used to buy rice and beans for the family. at the end of the year her husband has been able to save only 5% of his income while she has been able to save about 95% of hers and she goes about bragging that she has more money than her husband

i believe that is wrong and that is where the problem comes from.

any coalition of equals will still need to have a leader. it can be the man or the woman. if a woman wants to be the head of the family because she has the capacity to earn more, she just has to look for a man who is naturally docile and will not have a problem with that scenario rather than try to force-fit a guy who does not want to be subservient husband.

if a couple decides that the woman will be the leader because she earns more, then so be it but that will be premised on the fact that all monies that accrue to the family through the couple is put on the table, the use is discussed but the final call is made by the woman and the same applies for a traditional scenario