Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? - Family - Nairaland
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| Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by nexeee: 9:02am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Please i need matured and sincere advice from the house. I got married barely 5months ago to the most sweetest girl on earth..but am under immense pressure from her dad.He wants me to resign from my job and come work with him.He runs a massive haulage and transportation firm and has promised to make me a partner in the business. I currently work in a bank and earn a moderate pay that is enough for me and my wife.the snag is that i work very late most times.i love my wife and her family but i think its not right working for my father-inlaw...my wife thinks otherwise..she is of the opinion that her only brother is just 14years and somebody needs to know the business very well as her dad doesn't want to leave it in the hands of strangers,moreover she thinks the company will gain alot from my experience.most of my friends think i should gladly take the offer as i will have enough time and make more money. i really need your take on this...is it right for one to work for one's father-inlaw..or better put wife's family??  1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by maclatunji: 9:55am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Take the job, your Father-in-Law sees you as a bright young man who will do well for his business. The only thing I will advise you to do is to set-up your own small business on the side just in case of any eventuality. I think you are a lucky man, your wife loves you and her father is feeling you as well. What else could you ask for? |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by chuks49(m): 10:00am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Just hope you don't get your ego bruised in the long run. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by cynthiafred67(f): 10:04am On Mar 13, 2012 |
maclatunji: Take the job, your Father-in-Law sees you as a bright young man who will do well for his business. The only thing I will advise you to do is to set-up your own small business on the side just in case of any eventuality. I think you are a lucky man, your wife loves you and her father is feeling you as well. What else could you ask for? ^^ on point. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by meine: 10:07am On Mar 13, 2012 |
My dear i will strongly advise you against this, because family and business should not mix. What if you have good ideas that you want to introduce and the man puts them down, will you be happy? Can you imagine how that 14 year old boy will start viewing you when he grows up? Be very careful dont muddle emotional issues with your career. If you decide to work there briefly for a period of 1 or 2 years its okk but to build your career on that business may turn out to be a decision you will regret in the future. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Jemibee: 10:09am On Mar 13, 2012 |
This is a delicate one u know, working for one's in-law. When i read the post, i was hoping it'd be the lady asking if she could work for her husband's family. That'd have been an easy one. As it is, i'd advice that u stick to ur job because noone can guarantee it'd be a good experience. I am of the opinion that ur present job would give u more credibility in their eyes and that way, u'd also keep ur privacy. because working with them would mean they know ur worth,any mistakes in ur job, ur waife would be aware. Ur father in-law could be very bossy, ur brother in-law may feel u're taking away what rightfully belongs to him...In short too many thgs u may not be able to control. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by AreaFada2: 10:11am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Op, At the end of the day only you really know your in-laws. Your dad-in-law is clearly thinking about succession. That's a good thing. He clearly thinks you're a trustworthy guy. Remember he must have laboured hard to build that business. If your wife were a boy, she would most likely be the one doing what he wants you to do now. Consider the following: (1) How well did you know your in-laws before you married their daughter? (2) What do you know about your in-law's temper? Will you feel comfortable working for him? A working environment can have it's own challenges. (3) Can you build another business of your own alongside working for him just in case? Will he frown upon it? (4)How about your own family(dad, mum, siblings)? How will they view it? This may not seem important to some but it's not to be easily brushed aside? Also may affect your wife's relationship with your mum(your wife taking full control of you accusation etc). (5) Consider your income in the business and the nature of the partnership he has promised. Now you're independent earning your "moderate" income. But you can comfortably run your own family. You don't want what will seem like handouts from your dad-in-law. (5) Consider other factors not mentined above. If all seem postive BUT only your PRIDE as a man is at stake, I see no reason why you cannot work for him. my 2kobo. 4 Likes |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by tunnytox(m): 10:11am On Mar 13, 2012 |
It's a very tricky situation but there's nothing wrong with it. The main issue to consider us if all the 3 parties involved will be matured enough to acknowledge and maintain their boundaries, your wife need to know that you're going to WORK and not just his fathers work, you too bed to realise that you cannot be found complacent simply because you work for your father in law and your father in law too need to ensure he doesn't go over the board while dealing with you. Altogether it may be a risk worth taking because as for me I'll take any other job apart from a banking job especially in Naija. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by maclatunji: 10:13am On Mar 13, 2012 |
meine: The man is going to be well-paid and is Prime Minister/Regent until the Crown Prince becomes King. If he plays the game right, he will be the ultimate winner. Note that he has married the Princess and his children are also in-line to become king someday. Any of the things that you are highlighting could happen at the bank and there will be nothing he can do about it there too. It isn't everything that has to be doom and gloom. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by nexeee: 10:15am On Mar 13, 2012 |
@maclatunji..thanks pal i appreciate. @meine..you have a point bro..am just thinking of the best way to handle this..i hate it when people look at mme like a liability or gold-digger..i really do...i just need wisdom to handle this issue.. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by maclatunji: 10:18am On Mar 13, 2012 |
nexeee: @maclatunji..thanks pal i appreciate. It is only bad-belle and jealous people that will think and say such. See it as one of the blessings of your marriage, be mature all-round and be patient when things are rough. You should be okay! |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by nexeee: 10:28am On Mar 13, 2012 |
area fada....my dad is late..yet to tell my mum....i get along very well with other members of her family..infact her entire sibling all look up to me as their big brother..lol..the mum calls me her first son...they are really nice..  am just confused...seriously.. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by ifyalways(f): 10:30am On Mar 13, 2012 |
I wouldn't work for an in-law.Good fences makes good neighbours. @OP,Its your call.Weigh all options,consider both sides of the coin,life itself is a risk but is this one worth taking. If ever,things go wrong: you'd lose your wife and job. You have a 14 years old BIL,how would he take this in say 2-3 years from now?see you as a rival? Your boss calls the shots(FACT and true world over) and in this instance,your FIL would be the new boss,can you and ur FIL handle official disagreements without bringing it to the homefront and making it personal?. Your call,OP. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by sluvy4tune(m): 10:35am On Mar 13, 2012 |
nexeee: Please i need matured and sincere advice from the house.my dear forget dat family business no matter how juicy it is its not ur own |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Emperoh(m): 10:40am On Mar 13, 2012 |
OP The highest number of yes doesn't make this a good decision neither does the highest number of No make it bad. In cases like this, it is what is on ground and also forecast built on present knowledge that will determine. While i think your FIL has your interest at heart, we all know what has becomes of issues like this This can work out very well depending on how you handle it. If you the industry is what you will like to work in i do advice u give it a shot....no error in trying. While it all looks attractive, i suggest u thread warily. People are known to lose respect and the seeming mystery around them when they get more familiar. try to ensure this is not the case with you. above all, put everything to God in prayer. NB: Don't take the yes and nos but consider the reasons why a yes is given or a no is given 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by babaowo: 10:50am On Mar 13, 2012 |
@op....its good to ask for an advice from ppl,but God is always there for our answer because is the only who discern our future...seek God for option in prayers he will leed you through. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by tonymadus: 10:55am On Mar 13, 2012 |
well just be carefull cause will too attached to ur inlaws and as such ur respect will be less from them since they now pay ur salary |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Okontami: 11:01am On Mar 13, 2012 |
nexeee: Please i need matured and sincere advice from the house. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by stagger: 11:02am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Better read the story of Jacob and his father-in-law Laban and see for yourself all the intrigues that played out. Tomorrow if you have a probolem with your wife, your father-in-law will kick you out and you will be left with nothing. Preserve your dignity and self-respect; earn your own income as you are presently doing. Human beings have very short memories. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by maclatunji: 11:07am On Mar 13, 2012 |
People and their empty pride, a Father-in-Law sees his Son-in-Law as capable enough to marry his daughter, he has. Now, the same FIL sees the SIL as a capable Manager/Partner in his business and you are saying he won't respect him anymore. If that is what you call disrespect, he can disrespect me all he wants whilst I grow the business in multiple folds with God's help. Of course, he will cover his back by building his own business on the sides. A wife that wants to disrespect her husband will find an excuse, if she can't find any, she will just lie that he is no good in bed. So leave his wife disrespecting him out of the matter. OP, have a long talk with your FIL as a prospective partner/manager of the business, dot the 'Is' and cross the 'Ts' and you are good to go as Chief Operating Officer jor. I no fit shout! 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by KokoBeware: 11:09am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Does your father in-law have male children?? if yes.. its not a very good idea oooo.... Also it is very difficult to separate family and buisiness, there are so many times you may need to disobey your boss.. but u wldnt be able to do dat when FIL is attached to the boss. Anywayz if you are very good at wat he does and you are sure you can transform the buisiness it can be a win-win situation for you.. you can setup urself as a major pillar of the buisiness... |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by kokomuolo: 11:10am On Mar 13, 2012 |
nexeee: area fada....my dad is late..yet to tell my mum....i get along very well with other members of her family..infact her entire sibling all look up to me as their big brother..lol..the mum calls me her first son...they are really nice..[/b]Honestly most posters views are valid. My take is this: some families can really be nice however, life though has taught that if u have never lived or work with somebody u cannot determine the person's 'niceness'. You cannot be too sure of your father-in-law's niceness until you work with him. [b] ISSUES TO CONSIDER Are you ready to take the risk of finding out what he really is on the issue of business and money? What is your plan B just in case things dont work as thought or expected. How do u think he would react to your rejection and how do you intend to handle him? Would working with him not expose some of your privacy (like him knowing how much u earn)and do you mind? SUGGESTIONS Since he wants to do business with you then deal with the situation professionally. Have a man-man, heart-heart discussion with him. Honestly express your concerns and state your conditions (likes and dislikes). For now forget he is your father-in-law. What you see here is a business proposal by a business partner. Keenly watch his reaction (and draw your conclusion) Discuss with your wife And take a decision. Wishing you the best |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Nobody: 11:15am On Mar 13, 2012 |
Me i no fit do am sha................  |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Yujin(m): 11:17am On Mar 13, 2012 |
@OP, maclatunji's advice is quite insightful & more subscribable. However, the terms of engagement should be clearly spelt out. For instance, 1. Are you to work purely as an employee or a sort of arrangement can be put up? 2. How long does he expect you to work with him since his son(your brother in-law) will soon grow up to take over & you want to build your own family on a firm footing? Honestly, it is not going to be easy because your ego is at stake(your life is open to your in-laws) but if a good bargain is struck you will live to enjoy it. I wish you the best. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by afm4ever(m): 11:19am On Mar 13, 2012 |
stagger: Better read the story of Jacob and his father-in-law Laban and see for yourself all the intrigues that played out.gbam u hit d nail on d head 'A WORD IS ENOUGH 4 D WISE' |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by afm4ever(m): 11:25am On Mar 13, 2012 |
don't take d offer continue ur bank job because of prestige |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Baawaa(m): 11:32am On Mar 13, 2012 |
As yoruba use to says"Oun to be leyin eefa o ju eeje lo",meaning numbers behind six are more than seven.You know your wife and you know your father in-law,if you can manage the environment good accept the job.And you have to set time for yourself,you base your calculation of time limit on the age of your father in-law. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by Yujin(m): 11:39am On Mar 13, 2012 |
@OP, maclatunji's advice is quite insightful & more subscribable. However, the terms of engagement should be clearly spelt out. For instance, 1. Are you to work purely as an employee or a sort of arrangement can be put up? 2. How long does he expect you to work with him since his son(your brother in-law) will soon grow up to take over & you want to build your own family on a firm footing? Honestly, it is not going to be easy because your ego is at stake(your life is open to your in-laws) but if a good bargain is struck you will live to enjoy it. I wish you the best. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by laidol(f): 11:59am On Mar 13, 2012 |
you need to address the following issues(amongst others) b4 u decide which dept are u in banking? any relationship with haulaging? have u handled a pool of drivers b4? what do u know about mechanics and their tricks? what does the present manager working with ur father in law feel about him and the job in general? in what capacity are u going in? mgr/mgt/part owner? will u feel good feeding ur mum from money made from ur in laws biz? can u explore the possibility of taking ur annual leave and start with ur in laws during ur vacation so that b4 the end of a month you will know if you want to resign from banking or not all the best |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by gram: 12:08pm On Mar 13, 2012 |
I have a little advice. There are some universal laws of nature and one of them is" Never put too much power in the hands of an employer" , it does not matter who that employer is, one of the most predictable things about humans is their unpredictability. Believe me, someday you should want to be your own boss. The fact that the person in question is a father in law makes it more complicated. If you are a very proud guy ( like me), you won't take this offer, but if You decide to take it, you need to have a long and sincere talk with your Father in-law. Please don't assume anything, discuss every issue and leave a back door open if necessary, let them him know what you stand for and let him define his mission and vision for the company while you define your own vision for your family and career,find a meeting point and work for the good of the company while there, be respectful and be willing to shed some pride, let it be clear you won't be doing the job forever and be prepared to start your own business somehow...it may sound too diplomatic but diplomacy is one of the best ways of avoiding misunderstanding...from the 48 laws of power "Never step into the shoes of a great man"..Get the book. I wish you good luck. |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by gram: 12:08pm On Mar 13, 2012 |
I have a little advice. There are some universal laws of nature and one of them is" Never put too much power in the hands of an employer" , it does not matter who that employer is, one of the most predictable things about humans is their unpredictability. Believe me, someday you should want to be your own boss. The fact that the person in question is a father in law makes it more complicated. If you are a very proud guy ( like me), you won't take this offer, but if You decide to take it, you need to have a long and sincere talk with your Father in-law. Please don't assume anything, discuss every issue and leave a back door open if necessary, let them him know what you stand for and let him define his mission and vision for the company while you define your own vision for your family and career,find a meeting point and work for the good of the company while there, be respectful and be willing to shed some pride, let it be clear you won't be doing the job forever and be prepared to start your own business somehow...it may sound too diplomatic but diplomacy is one of the best ways of avoiding misunderstanding...from the 48 laws of power "Never step into the shoes of a great man"..Get the book. I wish you good luck. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Work For One's Father -inlaw/wife's Family?? by gram: 12:11pm On Mar 13, 2012 |
I have a little advice. There are some universal laws of nature and one of them is" Never put too much power in the hands of an employer" , it does not matter who that employer is, one of the most predictable things about humans is their unpredictability. Believe me, someday you should want to be your own boss. The fact that the person in question is a father in law makes it more complicated. If you are a very proud guy ( like me), you won't take this offer, but if You decide to take it, you need to have a long and sincere talk with your Father in-law. Please don't assume anything, discuss every issue and leave a back door open if necessary, let them him know what you stand for and let him define his mission and vision for the company while you define your own vision for your family and career,find a meeting point and work for the good of the company while there, be respectful and be willing to shed some pride, let it be clear you won't be doing the job forever and be prepared to start your own business somehow...it may sound too diplomatic but diplomacy is one of the best ways of avoiding misunderstanding...from the 48 laws of power "Never step into the shoes of a great man"..Get the book. I wish you good luck. |
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