PRIDE

GboyegaD: Like the FECA anthem, although I am not so sure how they sing it cos I only heard it once but one part I like is "We shall keep the feeble knees that stoops to fall". When we all live with the conciousness of "Life being Vanity", we would learn to show love even when we seem hurt.

Like, you know FECA?

Nickydrake:

Like, you know FECA?

Yea, I was invited once in 1998 July or thereabout. They were welcoming new sets of students that just left high school then. I went and got there late and all I enjoyed was the anthem "Here and now in our time". The wordings made sense to me and each time I think about it I love the song.

I believe strongly that it has to do with upbringing.I,for example,did not learn brotherly love at home.My mum always discriminated a lot like my immediate sister always used expensive things (perfumes,cloths,shoes,jeweries&so on)&my mum wil neva allow her 2share it with me instead she'l b rubbing it on my face that I worth nothing but my sister is diamond&all those shits so she grew up feeling like queen of England but God blessed me;gave me a good job&a good husband while sh didn't have a job&a loving husband like me;then jealousy set in.Its been over 6months since we spoke last.She stopped picking my calls&all that&when I complained to my mum,she said d reason is because my sister doesn't like my husband.WTF.So lame so I resorted to myself cos she biased all my other siblings' minds too.So sibling rivalry?? I am a victim

Jade William: I believe strongly that it has to do with upbringing.I,for example,did not learn brotherly love at home.My mum always discriminated a lot like my immediate sister always used expensive things (perfumes,cloths,shoes,jeweries&so on)&my mum wil neva allow her 2share it with me instead she'l b rubbing it on my face that I worth nothing but my sister is diamond&all those shits so she grew up feeling like queen of England but God blessed me;gave me a good job&a good husband while sh didn't have a job&a loving husband like me;then jealousy set in.Its been over 6months since we spoke last.She stopped picking my calls&all that&when I complained to my mum,she said d reason is because my sister doesn't like my husband.WTF.So lame so I resorted to myself cos she biased all my other siblings' minds too.So sibling rivalry?? I am a victim

That is one of the reason however, you keep trying to call her because she may not feel good calling you. Pray for her God touches her heart and keep trying to talk to your mum to find a solution to the rivalry and the best way I think she can go about this is letting her know life is vanity thus, why would you want to beef someone else over things that we are leaving behind when we die.

I will rather die than be the first to talk to my brother (younger). I assisted him to travel to germany to study,when he got there he became a demi god. And expect every body to run down to him,oh boy I bow for the guy oh.
@ops wat u said is true,its all about individual pride,abegi I am ok as I am with me and my wife and kids my siblings na when we see we see oh

I noticed this btw my mom and her younger sister,
to the extent that when her daughter got married she didn't tell my mom it was someone else who told my mom.
When I asked her why the sister is hating her,
she told me that she received so much blessings from their parents than her before they died.
I now come to know may be it's because she's still in the fathers house while my mom is in her marital home.
I had to tell my mom that she should stop going to their family house after all, her parents are no more.
A lot of things causes siblings falling apart.

Its not restricted to polygamous homes. At least I'm from a monogamous home with just three children. Parents are to blame, when during those early years, they begin to sow the seeds of discord through a brazen preference for a particular sibling or siblings, or try to shield the other siblings from the one who has been cast as the black sheep of the family. The siblings grow into adulthood with resentment and grudges. At this point it is usually difficult for parents to correct things (i.e if one or both are still alive) because they're all leading seperate, independent lives.

SimonAndal: But really, @ChickWith7Siblings, what the hell drove your 'rents to having that absurd number of kids? I mean really! One is enough. Two is even stretching it.

Hey Mr, seems u forgot ur readin glasses, so go find it, put it ryt on n den scrol up n read my post again.

azpekuliar: Its not restricted to polygamous homes. At least I'm from a monogamous home with just three children. Parents are to blame, when during those early years, they begin to sow the seeds of discord through a brazen preference for a particular sibling or siblings, or try to shield the other siblings from the one who has been cast as the black sheep of the family. The siblings grow into adulthood with resentment and grudges. At this point it is usually difficult for parents to correct things (i.e if one or both are still alive) because they're all leading seperate, independent lives.

AGREED...In almost all cases of sibling hate,bad parenting has a lot to do with it. parents bad mouthing one child to another,showing preference for some children over others,etc are indicators of future family battles ahead

It boils down to poor parenting.

Not all children are equal physically or intellectually. A situation were parents tell an older sibling that the younger one is better at a task instead of identifying individual weaknesses and strengths and providing support were necessary or encouraging siblings to support themselves hard-wires a competitive edge into the kids without even the kids knowing it.

Then there is also the favourite child syndrome. Children would always be children and any information fed into their brains at an early stage has positive and negative consequences when they grow older. It is natural to love a child more than the other even as Jacob loved Joseph more than the others (we know the result). However, some parents take this too far especially when both parents are involved.

A child might be slow initially but that does not mean he or she will not be a scholar tomorrow. A child may be sickly initially but that does not mean he would not win an Olympic gold medal tomorrow.

How do I know? I come from a home were there are cliques and each clique do not see eye to eye. Unfortunately we all have the same parents so polygamy has nothing to do with it.

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ekitikan: I will rather die than be the first to talk to my brother (younger). I assisted him to travel to germany to study,when he got there he became a demi god. And expect every body to run down to him,oh boy I bow for the guy oh.
@ops wat u said is true,its all about individual pride,abegi I am ok as I am with me and my wife and kids my siblings na when we see we see oh

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Don't you think you are guilty of same offence you charged your brother with There is no crime calling one another saying hello once in a while. You have done what is expected of a good sibling and that is helping a brother. Whether or not he sees himself as a demi god I think is your perception of him perhaps because you feel he owes you the honor for helping him travel. I think if you think of it that you did your part and do not expect anything in return you would be able to overlook his childish behaviors.

azpekuliar: Its not restricted to polygamous homes. At least I'm from a monogamous home with just three children. Parents are to blame, when during those early years, they begin to sow the seeds of discord through a brazen preference for a particular sibling or siblings, or try to shield the other siblings from the one who has been cast as the black sheep of the family. The siblings grow into adulthood with resentment and grudges. At this point it is usually difficult for parents to correct things (i.e if one or both are still alive) because they're all leading seperate, independent lives.

Nevertheless, are we meant to continue living in the past Our parents might have made the earlier mistake but living by it is our choice and it could be corrected. I used to feel that way about my eldest sister sometimes but later, I was able to fight it and now, I try as much as I can to be the mediator whenever I sense any form of strife amongst my siblings.

[left][/left] i think it boils down to envy and jealousy,its happenin in my family now,whereby our elder brother detest seeing us,especially the male ones.he expects us to be submissive to him,and none of us want that.he has distance himself from the family unnecessary..

1. Parenting style. Didn't stress the nid for unity. D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ neva did tins 2gada as a family.
2. Different life style. A christian brother wil nt like his sister wil low morals cos of his values
3. Human nature. like sumbody said D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ jst grow up. Different environment,mindset etc creeps in

Na today?

M.O.M:
PRIDE

Yes! I know better and it is either my way on no way!
Inbility to forgive each other.
Simply put, where there is no LOVE there is fertile ground for HATRED.

Marriage is the biggest cause of siblings segregation. Once people starts choosing thier spouses they neglect their siblings. This happens especially when your or your siblings choose an arrogant, selfish and evil minded spouses. These spouses feel that families are intrusive and as such they erect fences between siblings. Note that these evile spouse will be in good terms with their own immediate siblings. Another cause of siblings segration is religous brainwashing. Once your siblings get's captivated in the doom of false religion and you do not see things the way they see them, they find fault in you. You cannot help these situations. As long as you take time to debrief and think right and your mind and hands are faultless, silence is always the best answer. Keep your silence and distance from any of your siblings that is lost. Time will resolve the differences.

GboyegaD:

Yea, I was invited once in 1998 July or thereabout. They were welcoming new sets of students that just left high school then. I went and got there late and all I enjoyed was the anthem "Here and now in our time". The wordings made sense to me and each time I think about it I love the song.

1998! And you still remember those lyrics! Wow. Must've made quite an impression.

Blood is thicker than water.

victorian: it happens,very sad and its due to envy and another strange reason too, is if a girl is the eldest and a boy the next. Some boys that are naturally evil and control freak, would wish they are the one before the girl, instead of the other way round. Forgeting that God has a reason, he brought the girl first into this world. Its a terrible and heartbreaking experience, u wont wish anyone to go through but its real.

You just had to figure out a way to bash boys. I guess the 'boys' in your family are like that.


@ post

There are several possible reasons for this. Could be the way the siblings were brought up. Some parents would beat up one for the other, or scold one in prescense(sp) of the other. This may not be big to you but some people hold on to it.

In other cases, the rivalry could be cause by the siblings' spouses. Watch P-Sqaure now and after they become married. Could be the reason they are still single.

Envy, jealousy, greed. You all are saying the same thing, as far as i'm concerned, sibling rivalry is caused by bad parenting. i'm the last boy, i'm a uni graduate, and everytime i see the way my dad address my immediate elder bro cos he's a doctor, already has a car. i do almost all of the house chores. Really, if not for the love of God in me, i would feel very envious of him. But u know wat? i'm not. i'm working hard to make it too. When parents shower more love or attention on one kid than the other, the other kid feels left out. i've really learnt how to treat my kids from my parent's mistakes

This is one issue that still bothers me till today. Would hear my dad talk about how they enjoyed their days with his siblings, but now, its civil war between them. But that has not stopped me from relating with my cousins well. Am the first in a family of 4 correct guys nd a luvly gal. Just hope it wouldn't happen in our own time. I love my wonderful siblings!

In most cases its d fault of d parents especially d mothers,for instance,d role rebecca play btw jacob and esau.that type of act causes a lot of rift among siblings.

Nickydrake:


1998! And you still remember those lyrics! Wow. Must've made quite an impression.

It did and it is still making. Do you have the full lyrics of the song?

I Totally agree with some people here who mentioned Poor Parenting.
I remember vividly when I ws growing up, as an only daughter, I ws closer to my dad, and my mum had a fav child (my immediate kid bro) which ws knwn to all of us @ d time. He kid bro never did any wrong where my mom ws concerned, it ws so obvious to everyone. I recall when I ws in secondary sch bak in d days, when mom or dad ws too busy to drop us, mom wld give me very little money and ask me to pair up with my mates, but wld give kid bro extra momey saying d bus conductor wldnt like him pairing up with his mates. Eventually, I grew up feeling so bitter towrds her and my kid bro... Anyways, after a while, my dad had to bring order back to his house wen kid bro started going wayward and mama ws alwys been blamed for it all..and as the elderest and the only girl, I just had to let go so that peace reigned in d house. Now, we are very close now, cos of that singular act of letting go as he kid bro calls me like daily same with Mama and d rest of my sibs and I do same...

http: This happen irrespective of either poly or monogamy families.I am a living proof of this, Am the last in the family of 8, i know some of my elder brother are not in good term, i figure that its the fault of our parent, they tend to like and invest heavily in the eldest son n first child to the detriment of others, at the end of the day, they get nothing back.

The problem arise when the eldest became over bearing and kinda dragging us back, he is not up to the task, cos he doesn't give a poo about his siblings, its a long story but it come to to someone not being able to accommodate, help his sibling when in need and even wanting other to do things for him just cos he is the OLORI EBI (Head of the Family).

Parent should give equal love, care, investment in all their kids, no special treatment.

God bless you. I completely agree.This is the exact case in my family.

Siblings are two separate human beings with different tastes, preferences, and personalities. If the personalities and preferences conflict, then they may not get along well. As children, they will be forced to live together relatively peacefully because of parental supervision. As adults, they will be freer to express their dislike and to avoid each other or fight.

I love my siblings dearly and as children we fought over things all the time, but not over personalities. Scarcity in resources often produces violence and hostility whether the resource is love, attention, money, or property. Other family members may prove to be good mediators, but counseling may also be in order.

My case: i had academic challenge in primary skl,so my elder brodas started calling m names.anytym they were going out & i wanted 2 go wt them,they wld send m back that they can't walk wt an olodo. So i started making friends & confiding in outsiders who accepted & trusted m. As teenagers wen they wanted 2 discus,they wl tell m 2 excuss them.also,they hadly see anytyn good in whatever i did. I later got in2 d university while they were struggling wt O/L. Now we r in our 30s, they only hear abt my plans & activities 4rm outsiders.though we call each other once in a while,they want us 2 b close now but it's not working cause i don't feel that bond wt them.i only see them as my siblings and not friends. While all these were happening then our parents never had any idea of what was going on b/cus we never had open confrontation and we were sleeping in thesame room.

In fact, I have witnessed a situation whereby twins of same s-ex, don;t like each other. I had a female friend and they are twins, both graduates. She told me that her twin sister don;t talk with her,eat with her and even cant sleep same bed with her.

I doubted her when she said this until a day I went to drop her off home. As we came into the house she was watching TV. She stood up and varnished from the house. She told me that can I see what she was telling me/ I was amazed and shocked.

GboyegaD: I truly cannot place what but I think often times, it is selfishness that leads to the break up. No matter how loving a family could be, if each child is not taught how to live a selfless life, there is bound to be rift in the future because often times, once the selfish one is not attended to the way he wants, you discover he starts beefing those who are more successful than he is and before you say Jack, he starts generating unnecessary enemity with siblings.
Also, another cause of rift among siblings in my opinion is when we forget that A not making it despite his hardwork and B making it is a result of grace and not just by hardwork. Siblings should learn to help one another in times of need. I understand people grow up and have their families nonetheless, there is need to show some kind of understanding. An example is a sister who despite being a graduate is not having a good job and a brother who is very successful and when his sister comes to him claims he is not okay for now and yet chooses to change the car of his wife or child. This often times is not a good idea and as kith and kin, we should strive to ensure we all make it so as to reduce all forms of strife that may want to arise amongst us.
Like the FECA anthem, although I am not so sure how they sing it cos I only heard it once but one part I like is "We shall keep the feeble knees that stoops to fall". When we all live with the conciousness of "Life being Vanity", we would learn to show love even when we seem hurt.

Are you a FECAITE? Keep The Vision Burning!

Poor parenting skills is the root of the problem and for those that grew without their parents their guardians did a poor job too.I'm not a mother yet but from what I have observed once favoritism from the parents to the kids start so does the sibling rivalry and then it snowballs from there,one kid grows up feeling superior and the other one grows up feeling neglected and unloved.