peaceheartt: Oh, I love dis topic,cos im a living example of siblings falling apart. my family is a great one, we are all so so united and love each oda greatly, even tho we are all adults now and live apart, we still do get in touch until 2009...........b4 den I was very very close to my immediate younger sis, she was my friend, my sister, my confidant, infact other friends usually wondered abt the closeness btw us, we were never apart, her friends were mine and mine were hers. We cd not do without speaking with one another for a day. even after we both got married, every opportunity we had, we try to spend time together, our husbands even wondered at our closeness, it was so superb, i loved her to pieces, but what happened?

In 2009, we had a very big fight and it separated us ever since, Not dat we never had fights and missunderstandings, we did and it was always resolved amicably btw us. This one was just so bad, I felt betrayed and back stabbed by her....(long story). We settled it somehow, but everything changed btw us, now we hardly talk evn on phone. Birthdays and festive periods pass by without an 'hello sis'...... I've forgiven her of course, but i guess its better to be just a sibling and apart!

My take on this, : I learnt a big lesson, never get too close to any of ur siblings, let dem remain siblings, and not ur friends or confidante.

thinking back i remember i friend of mine warned me abt my closeness with my sis, that it was not always good to make ur sis ur best friend and confidant, but i waived it off. When what happened btw my sis I happened, i remembered that advice.

slimyem: i've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and i'm sure they feel the same way towards me so i can't really magine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they dont ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

dynamite2012:

This is NOT true. I am the oldest boy and my younger sister (the oldest girl) and I are not close. She thinks we are mates because there is only one year and a few months between us and that I am our parents' favorite. To be honest, I am only the favorite because in addition to being the oldest son, I am nice, generous, jovial and very openly loving towards them. My sister is quiet, loves to keep malice and is very stingy. I am the type of guy that can give all my life savings to my parents if they need it but my sister is the type of person who can't buy $10 pant for my Mum without agonizing (of course, like all stingy people, she loves receiving expensive gifts). We just have very different natures and it's too bad that her nature is not the most lovable one.

To be honest, I am tired of her already. I want to love her but it's just so damn hard to love this girl, especially when she won't respect me as her older brother. Thank God that we are both pretty successful. I don't need her and she doesn't need me. These days, I pretty much just leave her alone. The only thing I am waiting for is for her to find a husband so I can stop feeling responsible for her. I am just tired of faking closeness because of blood ties. I wouldn't even be talking to her at all if not for the love and devotion I have for my parents. It's the sad but true reality and at this point, only God can intervene to reverse the situation.

ronkebp: it depends on the foundation the parents have laid down in the house.

maryini:

Your description of your sister seems like what my elder sister could say about me...except I think and strongly hope I am not stingy (I also agonise over every penny I have to spend).

Favoritism should not be an excuse for sibling rivalry. You can choose to ignore it. Like in my case, my elder sis receives more money from our parents than I do cause she spends money quickly. I don't get angry because I don't need it. It has not caused any problem between us.

GboyegaD:

It did and it is still making. Do you have the full lyrics of the song?

Okija_juju: Continuation. . .

3. PEER INFLUENCE: Many people grow up to become more attached to their friends at the expense of family. This atimes is borne out of poverty or the need to be accepted by their peers. Most times its not a concious decision but it just so happens that the person is always there for their friend than they are for family. . . .

4. INDEPENDENCE: This happens mostly to siblings from poor homes and abusive homes. Poor homes. . This occurs for example when a child grows up to get a good job and starts supporting their younger ones. Most times, especially when the pressure of work, coupled with the pressures of the responsibilities to their siblings become overwhelming. This could lead to a break that most times leave the dependent sibling eternally angry with the other as they always feel betrayed. In cases of abusive homes, I know a case where a girl grew up in a home with overly strict parents who for some reason were harder on her than they were on her other siblings who for once never came to her rescue. . This went on till he point when she found her way out the door and never looked back.

5. THE "STEP" EFFECT: Simply put, step mother/step-siblings. . This is one reason why I am against "stepping" as 95% of the time, it always leads to sibling rivalry. I remember a case were a girl was thrown out at night in the middle of winter in the U.S with no place to go to, no money and the nearest relative over 8hours away by air. . . . That singular act broke the camels back that she dosent even talk to her step-brother who she confesses was very close to her when they were kids.

WATCH OUT FOR PART 3

dynamite2012:

I am glad to read that you and your sister are fine. This post was a true God-send. I had been feeling badly about my relationship with my sister lately. I am beginning to see things from her perspective: she's just wired differently and I can imagine that she feels a bit left-out and unloved. I'll do a better job of being nice to her going forward. To be honest, I would hate for us to have a bad relationship. Despite her minor flaws, she's a great girl and a pride to the whole family. I just need to stop getting angry anytime she disrespects me and stop reporting her to my parents. Hopefully, God will heal our relationship.

maryini:

LOL....you report her to your parents. That is what my sister does to me. And she says I disrespect her..I seriously don't understand why she says that because I have younger siblings and they talk back to me and I never see it as disrespect because they have the right to say what they are feeling. Moreover, I dont think people should be entitled to respect just because they where born first - something they have no control or made any contribution to. Respect should be earned. Please explain how you see it because I have tried to no sucess to see things from her own point of view.

dynamite2012:

Your question is a complicated but important one. I'll try to do it as much justice as I can. In most Nigerian cultures, being first born is not just a biological accident, it comes with cultural expectations and duties. First born children are raised to be surrogate parents from very young; parents and society at large expect them to look out for their younger ones and take responsibility for them in small but important ways.

However, you can't feel responsible for a sibling that doesn't respect you. You can't be a big brother or big sister to a sibling that doesn't recognize you as one. When a younger sibling disrespects the first born, it strains the implicit bond forged by a sense of responsibility and it forces first borns to either break that bond or try to re-establish that respect. It's not surprising the first born typically turns to the parents, the ones who have implicitly made first born children responsible for their younger ones, to restore the relationship/respect.

I want my sister to respect me because I am her big brother and I am ultimately responsible for her. If she can't respect me, then I will simply start regarding her just like I regard my extended family. She is a full independent adult now and she doesn't need me to be her daddy. However, if she still expects me to play "big brother" when she needs it, then she needs to respect me! If she's too big now to respect me, then she needs to just leave me alone jeje, no be by force.

dynamite2012:

Your question is a complicated but important one. I'll try to do it as much justice as I can. In most Nigerian cultures, being first born is not just a biological accident, it comes with cultural expectations and duties. First born children are raised to be surrogate parents from very young; parents and society at large expect them to look out for their younger ones and take responsibility for them in small but important ways.

However, you can't feel responsible for a sibling that doesn't respect you. You can't be a big brother or big sister to a sibling that doesn't recognize you as one. When a younger sibling disrespects the first born, it strains the implicit bond forged by a sense of responsibility and it forces first borns to either break that bond or try to re-establish that respect. It's not surprising the first born typically turns to the parents, the ones who have implicitly made first born children responsible for their younger ones, to restore the relationship/respect.

I want my sister to respect me because I am her big brother and I am ultimately responsible for her. If she can't respect me, then I will simply start regarding her just like I regard my extended family. She is a full independent adult now and she doesn't need me to be her daddy. However, if she still expects me to play "big brother" when she needs it, then she needs to respect me! If she's too big now to respect me, then she needs to just leave me alone jeje, no be by force.

Reference: Poor parenting.

lepasharon:


Spot on

Blackteeth:
Well, am currently having issues with my younger sister now. Not about greed or envy. But she always bad mouth me behind my back. Thats the genesis of the whole rift.

chronique:
Well,I think sometimes,these things just happen and there's nothing we can do about it. I love my siblings very much and would do anything to protect them. But lately,things have changed between me and my baby sister and I don't see us getting close again. It happened when I tried to correct and instill some form of discipline into her,last month. For so long,she's had this habit of staying out late at night and coming home quite late(sometimes around almost 12midnight) and was fond of blaming it on traffic. I kept reminding her that my younger brother who leaves the house 5am to work on the island,still manages to get home by 9pm or 10pm and that there's no tenable excuse why she who doesn't work,should be coming home that late. Even with the volatile and tensed situation of the country in the build-up to the last elections,she'd still come home late. This time,she blamed it on her job she recently took up on the island. Later-on,she quit the job but would still come home late. At times,she'd sleep over at her bf's place for some days. She had become so unruly that she wouldn't even tell you she's not coming home that night,until you start calling her phone to ask where she is,and she'd now say she's not coming home. I had gotten tired of scolding her and worrying over her safety and I told her not to ever repeat it again. But like the stubborn and unruly human she has developed into,she did again. What was more annoying this time,was that she got to the gate around 11:30pm or to 12,and was calling me to come open a gate that had already been bolted. I was already sleeping. I refused to answer her. Then she called my mum amd my elder sister and they started using phone to disturb with calls to go open for her. I promised them that anything that makes me open the gate for her,I was going to beat her... Eventually,I opened for her and beat her with belt and since that day,we became enemies. She didn't greet me for about a week after then and whe she eventually greeted,she murmured the greeting. If fact,the next day after I beat her,she went to stay with the bf(I guess) for a week. By the time she came back home,she started cooking separate food from whatever I cook and was just behaving stupidly and erratic. This is a child I carried as a baby,washed napkins for,dropped off at daycare and would go pick up from the daycare. I felt rerribly insulted and embarrassed at her attitude. My dad had complained about how she was misbehaving when she had to stay with my half brother while she was still in school but whenever I asked her what happened,she would say the story in a different way and because I know my dad exergerates when He reports an event,I always felt she was the tone telling the truth. But now that I know how irresponsible she has turned out to be,it hurts badly. All I wanted to do was to help correct and mould her into a responsible person but she felt otherwise. I have since then promised not to ever correct her again on her irresponsible behaviour. I had to swear to my mum and sisters that they should call me a bastard if I ever attempt to correct her again. To sweep the house we live in,is a problem. She won't even lift a hand to wash the bathroom we both use,or clean the kitchen tiles. With the way she has behaved so far,I don't see how I'd allow my kids go spend holidays with her kids in future cos I wouldn't want the discipline and manners I'd instill into my kids,to be corrupted by kids of someone who basically refused to be corrected while growing up. The person I'm talking about here,is a 24 yeas old child. She's just unfortunate to have shown me this part of her that I never knew existed.

In all,we can never tell when siblings would part ways and stop being close. I and my immediate elder sister fought physically all through our growing up years,but today,we are very close.