I just decided to take up writing as a hobby...who knows, I might just make something out of it.

So pls help me become better, constructive criticisms please!

"You're a useless man!" she screamed amidst tears.

"I will show you useless today, ashawooo" he retorted accompanying it with another hot slap, after which he pounced on her like a hungry lion and beat the life out of her.

Tope and I were curled up in a corner of our room, this had become a normal occurrence at home. We should have been used to it now but somehow, the fights seemed fresh every time. I held Tope close to me, as if to shield him. He was just 10years old but he had vowed uncountable times that he would protect mummy from daddy once he was grown and had enough money. He would call daddy a wicked man but mum always corrected him lovingly saying things like

"Your daddy was just angry because of something I did", " Your daddy is a loving father, he really loves us all"

 I honestly wished mummy would stop doing things that provoked Daddy, if she did, all the shouts, tears and fights would stop, wouldn't they? 

"Thank God I'll soon gain admission into the university sef" I whispered to myself wondering who will hold Tope at times like this. A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I rushed to check who was there, mum and dad always knew when to stop the noise, the knock on the door ushered in an immediate silence.

"Good afternoon Aunty" I smiled as I unlocked the padlock....

Anty Morenike was daddy's elder sister. She never really got along with mummy, well none of daddy family members did. Mummy had been married for eight years before I was conceived, it took another six years before Tope came. I had heard mums testimony countless times when addressing the ' Good women' fellowship, a group that consisted of married women. She taught them patience, the virtues of a good Christian wife, how to handle delays in childbearing amidst other things. She always painted daddy as the perfect husband.

" Tanwa baby! The undergraduate herself!" aunty Mo' had a way of teasing me, I liked her. " So what university are you going to now?" she asked. " Covenant university" I replied shyly. 

Daddy walked in and greeted his sister warmly, while I went in to get her water. I overheard him complain bitterly about something mummy had done. He was very close to his sister, he probably told her everything and as usual aunty would give a silent reply " We kuku told you oh, Akin, but lai lai you won't hear".

I guess aunty never wanted me to hear her discussions with daddy because she always lowered her voice when I was around. Just then mummy walked in...

This is a nice fictional piece.You have taken the first and most important step at becoming a better writer i.e writing.Keep writing and reading fictional writing aids.We are all on a journey continuous improvement and perfection.

Emmandus: This is a nice fictional piece.You have taken the first and most important step at becoming a better writer i.e writing.Keep writing and reading fictional writing aids.We are all on a journey continuous improvement and perfection.

Cheers!

@Olamide123, this is good

More pls

Efemena_xy: @Olamide123, this is good

More pls

Really? Yaay!

Her eyes were swollen and blood shot, she tried to hide them
"Ah, sister, you're around. Welcome ma, how is the family?" An almost in-audible "ehen" was the only reply mum got from the duo.

Mum knew better than to hand around to say any more, she briskly walked towards the kitchen and absent mindedly ran into the tray containing the cold cup of water I was carrying. I went back for a re-fill while she cleaned up the mess.

******************************************************************************************

I was enthusiastic as we approached Otta, where my new university was located. We had driven in total silence over the past hour. Tope slept all through, the only sound heard between mum and dad were the occasional coughs either of them had. I was finally free! This university provided a good get away from all the troubles at home. 

Daddy was a strict man, but he never failed to provide what we needed. I saw love in his eyes whenever he looked at Tope and I, but I guess he had a hard time expressing it verbally, however he always did materially. I always had more money than i needed but nothing could suffice for my parents love.

I alighted the car happily while mum helped me offload my luggage. When it was time to say our goodbyes, dad dug his hands into his pockets, gave me more money and started walking towards the car. Mum hugged me while Tope burst into tears. None of us said a word but our silence conveyed what we felt perfectly well. I held on to Tope but had to let go eventually and then I walked straight towards my hostel determined not to look back.

My first year at the university was uneventful. I went home during the holidays, nothing had changed, the same regular fights, seeing mum pray and cry aloud was the norm. Tope had matured quite fast, he was almost as tall as I was. 
" Gist me about your university" he would say and then i'ld begin all my stories about the crazy lecturers, difficult school life, having to wear skirts and papas sermons too. We would laugh and laugh, he made my holidays worth

I was in my second year, shortly after we resumed, precisely 28th January 2004 when Eno my class rep came to call me, my attention was needed at the Head of Departments' office. A call I still wish I never heeded....

**Seriously subscribing...**

Ola, your write up is really good. Infact, you shouldn't have any qualms whatsoever with contributing to the thread created by Oluch007 Continue the story...

and continue with this one too o!

Every writer thrives on Å perfectly threaded state of mind to channel each word into Å stream of fluent lines that shades Å great story line dude µ got some serious skills. Am Å writer too. Been doing this for 7 years now .. µ can add me on facebook. Search for "Angaye Da Afrikan Sonnet"

Yeah, this is good. I am feeling the flow.

Awwww. I'm flattered!...thank you

A good beginning but you have not edited this at all?

^ no I haven't. Thank you

I was in my second year, shortly after we resumed, precisely 28th January 2004 when Eno my class rep came to call me, my attention was needed at the Head of Departments' office. A call I still wish I never heeded....

As I walked towards Professor Okoros office, a million and one thoughts ran through my head. It was and still is the longest 5minute walk,  I have ever taken. 
"Was my name on the list of those caught cheating during last semesters exams?" "Had I failed his course?" I knew I was beautiful, some lecturers had subtly expressed their 'interest', but not Prof,  he would not do such a thing! I had been quiet over the past year, never got into any trouble, I shook vehemently and hoped that on the flip side it was for something good. Whatever could that even be?

As I stepped into the exquisitely furnished office, I saw uncle Wole, welcoming me with a broad smile. Uncle Wole was mums only brother, he was the only one mum trusted enough to ever discuss the true state of her marriage. He too like mum, knew what it felt like to wait on God for a child. He had been married for three years without one. He loved Tope and I and treated us like his own. Holidays at his place was bliss!

"Hello Tanwa" he said maintaining the now-annoying smile. I quickly knelt down to greet him and curtsied to Prof who had a funny smile across his lips too.

" Tanwa, you have been granted an exit to go home shortly" prof said and hastily stood up, I guess he must have had a lecture because we were dismissed and uncle expressed his gratitude in less than two minutes, or so it seemed. Uncle Wole said dad was slightly ill and wanted to see me. 
'Why would dad want to see me because he was ill' I thought to myself. My dad wasn't the perfect man but I definitely wouldn't wish him dead. I tried not to think throughout the journey because I just did not want to ponder anything worse. I said a silent prayer and hoped it was just one of my families' drama

As I walked into the sitting room, I saw quite a number of family members. I quickly glanced around for Dad and oh, there he was, he looked pale but thank God he wasn't dead. Mom was right there at the end of the room too, I walked towards her smiling and then she did something drastic, she  knelt down and hugged me ever so tightly,  everybody seemed to burst into tears immediately, then it dawned on me... where was Tope?

The death of a child is the most traumatic experience any parent can ever have, and I watched Dad and Mom shrivel over the next couple of days. The noise and fights that was all so commonplace in the mansion we called home died along with him, mum and I walked around the house like ghosts, afraid to breath in air; afraid to exhale the air we took in, silently waiting for the next step dad would take. He retreated back into his shell and hardly ever stepped out of his room. We never spoke of Tope after he passed; at least, Mom never did. Yet, I could tell there was so much bitterness in her heart because it also lingered in mine. I blamed God, as the rest of my family surreptitiously did, for the death of my brother. Thoughts such as “God should have saved my brother from the car accident” plagued me. Why didn’t He, if He was truly a good God, script the story of our lives such that Tope didn't try to cross the road to buy indomie. 

So everyone in my family internalized their pain, refusing to share.  I had heard the term 'heavy heart' being used several times but for the first time I knew the real meaning of the word. I felt my chest tighten whenever i thought of Tope, it felt like a was carrying a 20kg weight in there;  it's really a feeling I can't express in words.

Of course, my dad sent us packing a few weeks later from the pain caused by the inability to deal with Tope's death. The visions his  prophets has seen had begun to make sense. They said a particular curse trailed trailed moms family and she was not to have any children, and if she did they would die with time; this explained uncle Wole's predicament as well...

‎​A̶̲̥̅♏ not a writer bt i readd alot. I mst tell ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ d truth and D̶̲̥̅̊at̶̲̥̅̊ s i dnt see much difference btw ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ and most established authors or writers. For an amateur, i can confidently say ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ write brilliantly. More grease 2 U̶̲̥̅̊я pen and plz finish D̶̲̥̅̊at̶̲̥̅̊ story

cool olamide,this is very commendable, u shd not b writing as a hobby, u shd b published!!! I write too. I have four unpublished works. Find me on facebook search for David wilson, i wud luv us to share ideas!

@Olamide, you are good okay? Nice start, nice continuation, good flow; dropping the readers into every scene, seriously you are born to write, don't give up. Take it up for a career and not a hobby. Meanwhile, I want to use this opportunity to invite you specially to come & join this new club I initiated, it is called: Naija Young Writers Club, and the mission is to unite all aspiring and established youth writers in Nigeria to help us all achieve our dreams of being successful & renowned published authors in literary works. To that effect, we will be holding meetings, seminars, and also we will be doing joint critics amongst members to help each member grow & become polished in his/her writings. We will also go as far as doing joint publishing of our works, for instance, publishing an anthology of our own short stories, written by members, and jointly promoting it both on media, internet and everywhere. we will also be giving grants and assistances to members who have produced good manuscripts but have no money to fund their work, plus plenty other things, meanwhile, all aspiring and established young (18 to 40) Nigerian writers home or abroad, pls kindly come & join us & lets make a difference. Pls navigate through the literature section of this forum & u would see: Naija Young Writers Club- Join Now!, and kindly indicate your interest and by dropping your email for further communications. Thank u guys. u can as well email me at: dailyy.newss@gmail.com, by indicating your interest in the writers club.

I can visualise the scenes as i read......Great piece olamide, kip it up