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Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? - Romance - Nairaland

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Please Help, My 4 Years Relationship Seems To Be Crashing Down / He Has Been After Her For 4 Years.......She's More Educated, Older And Richer / Is Dating Someone For Ten Years Too Long? (2) (3) (4)

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Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by justbazick: 8:38pm On Nov 06, 2007
How long does everyone think it appropriate for courtship?
What are the advantages and this-advantages of long term courtship.
Educate someone today. Peace out.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by ima1(f): 8:42pm On Nov 06, 2007
In my opinion it is too long, if a man cannot decide if he wants to marry you after like 6 months of dating then he is not sure he wants to marry you, because a guy who is 100% sure of the woman he wants to spend his life with would not hesistate, my dad married my mum after 3 months and they have been married for 30 years and still going, so whats the point of taking to long, i believe you can find out as much as you want about a person in the first month of dating.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Ivvie: 8:58pm On Nov 06, 2007
ima1:

In my opinion it is too long, if a man cannot decide if he wants to marry you after like 6 months of dating then he is not sure he wants to marry you, because a guy who is 100% sure of the woman he wants to spend his life with would not hesistate, my dad married my mum after 3 months and they have been married for 30 years and still going, so whats the point of taking to long, i believe you can find out as much as you want about a person in the first month of dating.


Wow! Some advice! And some wonder why people opt for other choices.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by dejia(m): 10:01pm On Nov 06, 2007
it all depends. on if they are ready to get married.
Relationship/ courtship cld last for 6yrs, it cld last for 3months; it all depends on both of them. if they matured enough to get married.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by ThoniaSlim(f): 12:13am On Nov 07, 2007
hhhmmmm, i think its too long, geeez why wait for four years. shocked
if the man can't decide if he wants to get married to her at least within at a year and half, then he should leave the lady in question to try somewhere else.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by vigasimple(m): 12:23am On Nov 07, 2007
Depending on how old are the couple and what stage they are in their study/carrer but nothwithstanding 1 year minimum and 2 years maximum to know each other a bit and then decide whether or not there is weeding beel.

@ IMAM1

Your parent relationship is one of the exceptions when people can meet and marry just like that. Also there generation is quite different from the present impatient and selfish generation we are now.

4 years is too long especially from the woman point of view because if she kept spending 4 years courtship in 3 relationship that will be 12 years with say even age 20 that will make her 32 years, so 2 years maximum.

Also 4 years is a long time to avoid temptation and if you having pre-marital sex you as good as married and what is it to look forward to. More like 1 year to 1 year and half , i concur with Thoniaslim on this point
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by justbazick: 8:28am On Nov 07, 2007
Hmnnnn, nice advises.

But in a situation where by both have made up their mind to get married to each other but the age isn't right enough for marriage.

Say for instance the guy is 25 and the girl is 24. And you know girls for what they are wants to get married at 27 but the guy wants to get married at 29.

What do you guys think?
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by gbegbs: 9:41am On Nov 07, 2007
i think it really depend on the stage of life and maturity . for instance if they are hi school lovers and have interest in getting married but they both still want to finish college , if they dont break up or go with other people while in college then 4 years might not be too long maybe even 6 years will be good for them but if they ar both out of college and ar working adults what could they be waiting for ( 4 years ? ) if nothing is behind it 2 years the most i can agree. or else u want someone else to carry ur sweetee away
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by opokonwa(m): 10:16am On Nov 07, 2007
Four years?!

Wetin una dey 'court' for four years?!

It's enough to produce three kids! tongue
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by onyekang1(f): 10:50am On Nov 07, 2007
opokonwa:

Four years?!

Wetin una dey 'court' for four years?!

It's enough to produce three kids! tongue
i wonda
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by opokonwa(m): 11:24am On Nov 07, 2007
6 months

Longest One year! tongue
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Nobody: 11:36am On Nov 07, 2007
maybe we'll call that a mock marriage grin
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by mamaput(f): 11:41am On Nov 07, 2007
dose it not depnd on how old they were when they started.
if both of them were 16, they can even court for 10 years.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by uchetobi(f): 11:50am On Nov 07, 2007
It depends on what is holding it back from transiting to marriage, is it logical reasons like age (too young), education, finances etc, if there is no logical reason then there is a problem, if there is then it is not too long, patience
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by kilasos(f): 12:08pm On Nov 07, 2007
in my opinion 4 years in not too long,if the girl was in her late teens and is stil in school.it is acceptable.
If she is in her 20s and its through with her education,it might just be cold feet on either part.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by folabim(f): 12:21pm On Nov 07, 2007
It all depends on the people involved. What worked for A might not be okay for B, my husband & I dated for 10yrs before getting married. We met during our first year in school and till today we are best of friends with a beautiful baby boy to show for it. There's no point rushing into marriage if you will end up rushing out or enduring the marriage.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Nobody: 12:27pm On Nov 07, 2007
i dated my wife from 2001(was in 500 level at that time)  to 2006 (after i got a job with a reasonable salary).

my closest friend dated his wife from 1998 (they were medical students in 200 level at the time) to 2006.

I guess it depends alot on your outlook. in my case and my friends case we started dating our spouses while we were still in school. in some ways, i consider school the best place to meet your future spouse for a simple reason - in most school environments, you will always be able to find out about your spouse's true character.Once you meet a girl/guy out of the school environment, you know next to NOTHING about him/her.he may have been a cult capo- she may have been the school slag. (i knew a chick who was a mistress of deception- was basically telling me that she was a virgin - meanwhile the grapevine said diff - she'd been getting it on since 100 level. it made for a very peculiar pursuit - I was looking for a long term relationship, while she was (all things considered) looking to get laid.I didn't know about her history at first. i pity the poor sucker who eventually marries her. . .if he falls for her spiel- that is - )

the downside of dating in school is that your guy/girl may turn out to be a slacker in the long run. ie he/she may not make the transition from handsome/beautiful/cool  hunk/hottie to responsible upwardly mobile , family man/woman. being married to a person whose act is not together can take its toll on love. . .
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by nana(f): 12:38pm On Nov 07, 2007
I think the lenght of courtship should depend on the the people involved i.e. their ages etc.It's all about determination and God's help.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Shinatu: 1:02pm On Nov 07, 2007
@oyb

Your responce is one of the most objective and analytical posts I have read on Nairaland.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Nobody: 1:07pm On Nov 07, 2007
Shinatu:

@oyb

Your responce is one of the most objective and analytical posts I have read on Nairaland.

thank you. . . embarassed
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by henchmark: 1:17pm On Nov 07, 2007
her nairalanders,

WAIT!!!!!WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We shouldnt just jump and start talking and blabbing when we see a topic. courting can take 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, years.look, circumstances differ in people, see a scenario like this: a guy has been dating a girl for 4months hoping to marry her the sixth month as some suggest, he did a business and lost  all the money he had saved,that if she has to wait, it might take another 2 years, what will you do if you really love the guy and most certainly you guys will get married, so how LONG IS YOUR COURTSHIP NOW? YOU ANSWER
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by henchmark: 1:19pm On Nov 07, 2007
PUT SIMPLY ANYTIME IS APPROPRIATE DEPENDING ON THE PEOPLE AND THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES,

GREAT DAY HOUSE
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by adeboo(f): 1:21pm On Nov 07, 2007
I feel 4 years is too long.
I would say at least a year - cut out temptations etc.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by ademiife(m): 1:23pm On Nov 07, 2007
dear oyb,

you got it right on spot! i was tempted to stop at that spot,

as it is often said, it's much easier to be critical than to be correct; as it is also dangerous to base judgment of a matter in isolated circumstance[s].

in my eyes six months may be too long for sourtship! in another's eyes it may be six years, so, is there a universal yardstick for courting? who owns the yardstick? and who does the measurement? in the case of the courting couple they're [to me it seems] in the very good position to decide how long or how short they want the courtship to be,

some digression: i've been in a relationship since 2005, and i'm only getting married in 2009, yep, for some reasons. without words upon words, only you and your beloved partner can decide whether four years is too long for courtship or not! ces't finis!

flipsides? yes! especially when the two of you get to see each other too often, there's the sexual tension building up; there's the feeling that what's there new to know about this person? there's the possibility of you developing new fancies, and so on and so forth; none the less, selfless commitment can greatly help to weather these storms.

upsides? yea!over time, you learn to trust more, be more patient, your love for the person grows with endurance, the love becomes tested and trusted; your partner becomes a real friend - not just a lover; you learn more easily over time how to do things together, et cetera!

the call is yours, yours and that of your partner: outsiders may have opinions, you are and your heart-throb must make the decision for how long you want to date,

see dear, i feel like getting married like yesterday!

and lest i should forget, given his circumstance[s] for how many years did jacob court his wife[ves]?

for me, to love is to sacrifice: you either take it or drop it! take care to care, and i wish you the very best in your dating life, and remember, love doesn't behave indecently!
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by iykedee: 1:25pm On Nov 07, 2007
If one of the years out of the four is a leap-year, then it's too long (imagine that extra 24 hrs) but if not, it's fine but unfortunately one outta every 4 yrs is a leap year. grin
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by parislomo(f): 1:31pm On Nov 07, 2007
Four years used to be my ideal for courtship, But trust me, that has changed! If I can have my way, I'd date for 2weeks, do a bit of come-my-house-I-go-your-house for 1month and then we'll marry! haba! person de tire o. Seriously 4yrs are enough to produce 3 children and if we could have stayed that long; ceteris paribus, na werin person still de wait for? Confirmation?! . And like someone noted 4yrs of courtship na MOCK-MARRIAGE. So when will you do the proper thing? Afterall, after MOCK na real EXAM, And to FLEE FORNICATION, please Keep It Short & Simple with no shady 'blockings'. It's not easy with marriage but then with everything in place, you need not wait that long, Don't give the serpent a hedge to crawl in, I'm tired jo,
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by Bestglo(f): 1:34pm On Nov 07, 2007
No number of years is too long for courtship.It depends on what is holding it

     two people may be deeply in love and the financial capability for the marriage is just  
     not there.They have to endure things with each other until they have the means
     It actually depends on the understanding of the two parties.Four years is not forever
     but just another number.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by henchmark: 1:35pm On Nov 07, 2007
LONG COURTSHIP
ADVANTAGES
1. you understand your to be spouse better.

DISAVANTAGES
1. You get tired of your  to be spouse before marriage, especially when there is sex.
2. there can be a break up .
3. if there is no sex any one of the to be spouses  might be cheating on the other if they are not god fearing.
4. she might get pregnant before marriage.
short courtship
advantages
1. you must answer mister or MRS
2.You settle fast.

disadvantage

1. no time to study your to be spouse expecially in this ever busy world.
2. you may discover what you didnt bargain for, leading to frustration, and cheating on your spouse.

they are many, let me give space to other people
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by oshoyombo(m): 1:46pm On Nov 07, 2007
@mamaput,
u said it all, it depends on when dey start,
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by otokx(m): 2:21pm On Nov 07, 2007
Which one be court ship again? am not a lawyer or a judge.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by achitext(m): 2:35pm On Nov 07, 2007
Hi,
I always tell some of my male friends that, is not good to marry
someone you don't know very well. But is not good to have a long
Relationship before marriage. Four years of courtship is too much
for a person who really want to marry. In my onw opinion i will say,
one or two years is good for courtship. Because some women will
never show you who there are untill you stay with them for longer time
likewise some men. If i understand about 60% of a woman's life, I will marry her.
finally, one to two years is good for courtship & marriage not four years.
cj.
Re: Is 4 Years Too Long For Courtship? by parislomo(f): 2:41pm On Nov 07, 2007
I believe '4' it's another number but then it's a heavy one at that! We are looking at 48months altogether! (of cos '48' is yet another number!). Anyway, something dropped in my head a moment ago, that is why I'm back and that thing is the marriage oath of for BETTER or WORSE. So I thought to myself, if you are optimistic then you really do not have to wait forever no matter the constraints, cos for you it will always get better. And for the pessimist, don't stop at 4yrs, cos it might get worse. . .

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