If one expects a partner to possess some certain traits like the one listed below and they do, how can one also actually tell if the are pretending and acting it all up just to ensure the relationship ends in marraige?

Characteristics of a Wife/Husband are;

*One who Understands

*A Patient one

*A Conversationist (this is extremely important in every and any relationship)

*One who makes Sacrifices

*Someone who see your dream just as you see it or even clearer than you do (not a pessimist to your whole believe)

*A Comforter (who who will always pray for you and never use any negative or curse words on you)

*A friend (a true friend will correct you on things other people are scared, shy or reluctant to tell you I.e, "honey I bought you this body spray or mouth wash because I think you should use eat because I felt you sweated too much yesterday / your mouth felt dry while we were talking - no one else will tell you this only someone who really scares for you).

*A listener (someone who isn't quiet just because he/she is waiting for you to pulse so they can take over. But one who is really listening to bring about a positive impact in your conversation.)

*A Giver (a generous one who isn't weighing what he/she has given to you and expecting the equivalent or something better)

*One who shares your interest (Sports, fashion, current affiars, music, geography, movie, Sport, History, Politics, Religion, events, lifestyle - if your partner doesn't have at list 3 of these interest with you then please move on to the next because marriage goes way beyond the sex and food. There MUST be other similar interest to always keep communication going).

*Fear of God (this means differnt things to different people so sort yours out).

*Love (this came last because one must have 2 or more of the above triats before you can love them. And note; love rises and fades in every relationship and marriage but only the above will reignite the love you crave for).

A good partner should possess at least 3 or more of the above traits before you should consider him/her for marriage.

Pretenders will always like attention on themselves, sharing too much irrelevant details so you are distracted by what they are saying and not what you want to hear. Doesn't discuss much about your dreams, career plan and other such interests. And worse criticize men/women in general or their last boy/girlfriend, sharing your exes personal details that was meant to be a secret, complaining and being abusive that it was the other person's fault that the relationship ended, bla bla bla.

I will create scenarios, discuss alot of issues (general and family) and judge by the response, introduce to my trusted circle of friends because I might miss something they won't. I think the only way to find out is to spend time with the partner. No matter how good a liar the person is, if you spend enough time you will notice certain behaviours that don't feel right to you or add up. We are all imperfect but the problem is we tend to ignore the 'signs' and make excuses for them hoping its a one time thing and even worse we can change it. No love without sacrifice. Some people possess alot of positive traits but there is that one thing that will not just cut it. Anger is a very clear sign for me to know that if he doesn't work on controlling it now I will end up being a punching bag in the future.
There is no 'ONE WAY' to catch a pretender just take things slow and shine you eyes well.

@post
Simply give that partner the litmus test.
they will fail it most times.

Acid can never give a base like colour when tested.
Character is like pregnancy, u can only hide it for a short while.
and when judging character never trust ür feelings, they are most times very wrong.

Kingsleyinfo: @post
Simply give that partner the litmus test.
they will fail it most times.

Acid can never give a base like colour when tested.
Character is like pregnancy, u can only hide it for a short while.
and when judging character never trust ür feelings, they are most times very wrong.

In as much as I agree with you, do you know there are some PERFECT PRETENDERS? Even 10years with them, you can't still tell how dangerous they are.

Perfect pretenders my sexy foot! One can tell a pretender if e/she is damn Observant instead of bein carried away by distracters such as sex n money.

I agree with Cowgurl and Acidtalk. With good observation one can study his/her partner for hidden traits but some are damn good at hiding their true/bad characters and will reveal their true selves after successfully "caging" their spouses. When i was attending pre marriage counselling course in my church, we were thoroughly educated on the need to open up and reveal your true self to your spouse for the sake of peace in the marriage. Its better your spouse knows you have certain ugly character and loves you and the trait than finding out in marriage. If you don't love somebody, what is the point leading the person on to the point of marriage and pretend to love the person all thru courtship? I have heard of people who dated for up to 10 years before marriage but after wedding starts to discover unbearable characters? On the other hand you can court a man or woman for just 2months and live happily ever after. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one thing: prayer. Prayer to God to reveal the true character of the one you are courting to you.

A closed friend just called a few minutes ago to lament (and cry inbetween) that the girl he has been dating for 18months and was deemed fit to marry by all members of his family and friend was discovered to be a mother of a 7years old boy.

She kept this away from my friend all this while and it is only 5 months to their supposed wedding.

When he confronted her about it last night, she denied it for over 2 hours until when he started to dish out evidences she could no longer deny.


She swore she would have told him before their wedding day, but this friend is adamant saying he is over with her because only God knows the so many other secrets she is keeping from him.


He swore he would have almost thought she was even a virgin if he hadn't made love to her before. She looks so innocent and loving.


Human beings and pretence.

cowgurl: Perfect pretenders my sexy foot! One can tell a pretender if e/she is damn Observant instead of bein carried away by distracters such as sex n money.

Good luck with that
The lord know best

acidtalk: A closed friend just called a few minutes ago to lament (and cry inbetween) that the girl he has been dating for 18months and was deemed fit to marry by all members of his family and friend was discovered to be a mother of a 7years old boy.

She kept this away from my friend all this while and it is only 5 months to their supposed wedding.

When he confronted her about it last night, she denied it for over 2 hours until when he started to dish out evidences she could no longer deny.


She swore she would have told him before their wedding day, but this friend is adamant saying he is over with her because only God knows the so many other secrets she is keeping from him.


He swore he would have almost thought she was even a virgin if he hadn't made love to her before. She looks so innocent and loving.


Human beings and pretence.

Acid, how many friends u get sef,all ur threads or comments na my friend dis my friend da, it's neva U!

God is watching o!

@ poster, a lot of time and observation can help reveal who someone really is and thats probably all you can do.We just cant know everything. And even then,sometimes people dont even know who they really are until they are faced with certain situations.

Idowuogbo:
Acid, how many friends u get sef,all ur threads or comments na my friend dis my friend da, it's neva U!

God is watching o!

Why you dey step on my tail?
Seriously, if na me I go come out say na me.yeah! God is watching me.

@acid talk
Let's clear one thing.
from ür last example.
There is a huge difference between keeping secrets, and pretending to be who u are not.
Character can never be hidden for too long.

And also like someone said, some people don't even know they have some certain traits untill they are faced or exposed to certain situation.
So if I were to define pretence in its actual context, I would say it is pretty difficult for someone to pretend for a very long period of time. Except if the partner is one of those that believe that love is blind. As for me, my love dey peep....
But in the end, its only God that can really say what the heart of man holds.

So I agree with ür points also. So over all let's watch and pray.
May God deliver us from the wrong partner.

Any nairalanders in Tampa Florida would know this story;
There is dis very successful nigerian pharmacist in Florida. He even owns a nite club where all d big ballers in the NFL, NBA go to when they are playing in town. And all d big boys in tampa just go there to chill. He owns a couple of other businesses too...every1 always wondered why the police were always on his case. This guy has been taped, arrested, tasered, interogated by florida police so manty times dat it got to a point he was arrested at about 6am one morning. He was so messed up by police dat nigerians were always gossiping about him being in drugs or some kind f fraud. But the police always left him because there was just no strong evidence against him.
we just found out dat his wife of over 15yrs was d one giving police information about him and claiming he was involved in one crime or the other. She was looking to get him arrested so that she could get his properties and get off with another man. This a woman dat already had more than 2 kids for this guy.
he has now divorced her n is remarried.
There is no way to really know a person totally because circumstances and our environment can change us. We just have to hope and pray (for those who believe in praying) that we find our selves attached to good ppl.

Don't rush.
Expose yourselves to different kinds of environments constantly and observe reaction.I mean don't limit yourselves to one style of doing things or hanging out at particular places only.Mingle with all manner of people,expand your horizons,stretch your limits and capacity.
And after all is said and done people still fail,like in the above story.It's life.

Just pray for the right partner, u can't know we have some perfect pretender, infact u'll be the one telling them to reduce their affection for u, but all na wash, she get wetin she dey pursue.

It's hard to tell sometimes because some people are damn too good when it comes to pretense! Mine is a case in point, is it possible to fall out of love overnight when for 4 good years you were loving and caring? I just discovered (by chance and a stroke of luck) my ex has been seeing someone else although for a while she's been hinting that she wants a break up!

awww.he has all the quality listed.looks too good to be true

As one gets older we learn more about human nature
The number one pretender is you and the number one victim is yourself. We always pretend to ourselves about what we are really like. It is only when you are faced with the reality before you know whether you can kill, sell your mother or children or even eat human flesh out of starvation etc. Naturally we say NEVER just like Peter to his Master BUT he denied him 3 times in a short period. I am sure many participants in the ALUU lynching will be surprised at themselves with their conduct

Man is born weak and whatever failing we see in others we are ALL without exception capable of worse under the right situation. The issue is not whether the partner is a pretender or not BUT in the long run will you benefit from the relationship. A question requiring selfish but objective analysis.

I don tire for ACID ohh. He always have case scenarios.
www.allinksandtoners.com.ng

Idowuogbo:
Acid, how many friends u get sef,all ur threads or comments na my friend dis my friend da, it's neva U!

God is watching o!

Through close observation & prayers.

A pretender is very difficult to fish out,except by stroke of luck,cos most of them are master of oerfectionist, I know a guy that dated a girl from a church,who look innocent,but a pro in lying, stealing the guy stuff,the guy neva believed till she was caught red handed.
A pretender always appear tOo possessive,and try to build the relationship around themselves.
They appear too nice,and always suspect their partner of things they themselves are guilty of.
Most ladies are guilty of this,they are nothing but wolf in sheep skin.

Catching a pretender is not in all these because he can still pretends over them. But the best way to catch a pretender is in his relationship with other people. Here, a pretender would always be exposed because he cannot pretends with everybody except you and you should know those areas you can use in checking this. Example maybe the way he talks to others, his reaction to issues with friends, manners with neighbors and a whole lots. If the way he deals with you is different from the way he deals with others especially in these few areas, knows that he is a pretender. You can never catch a pretender just between you and the person.

acidtalk: If one expects a partner to possess some certain traits like the one listed below and they do, how can one also actually tell if the are pretending and acting it all up just to ensure the relationship ends in marraige?

Characteristics of a Wife/Husband are;

*One who Understands

*A Patient one

*A Conversationist (this is extremely important in every and any relationship)

*One who makes Sacrifices

*Someone who see your dream just as you see it or even clearer than you do (not a pessimist to your whole believe)

*A Comforter (who who will always pray for you and never use any negative or curse words on you)

*A friend (a true friend will correct you on things other people are scared, shy or reluctant to tell you I.e, "honey I bought you this body spray or mouth wash because I think you should use eat because I felt you sweated too much yesterday / your mouth felt dry while we were talking - no one else will tell you this only someone who really scares for you).

*A listener (someone who isn't quiet just because he/she is waiting for you to pulse so they can take over. But one who is really listening to bring about a positive impact in your conversation.)

*A Giver (a generous one who isn't weighing what he/she has given to you and expecting the equivalent or something better)

*One who shares your interest (Sports, fashion, current affiars, music, geography, movie, Sport, History, Politics, Religion, events, lifestyle - if your partner doesn't have at list 3 of these interest with you then please move on to the next because marriage goes way beyond the sex and food. There MUST be other similar interest to always keep communication going).

*Fear of God (this means differnt things to different people so sort yours out).

*Love (this came last because one must have 2 or more of the above triats before you can love them. And note; love rises and fades in every relationship and marriage but only the above will reignite the love you crave for).

A good partner should possess at least 3 or more of the above traits before you should consider him/her for marriage.

Ask my nyansh!

pufectskin: Any nairalanders in Tampa Florida would know this story;
There is dis very successful nigerian pharmacist in Florida. He even owns a nite club where all d big ballers in the NFL, NBA go to when they are playing in town. And all d big boys in tampa just go there to chill. He owns a couple of other businesses too...every1 always wondered why the police were always on his case. This guy has been taped, arrested, tasered, interogated by florida police so manty times dat it got to a point he was arrested at about 6am one morning. He was so messed up by police dat nigerians were always gossiping about him being in drugs or some kind f fraud. But the police always left him because there was just no strong evidence against him.
we just found out dat his wife of over 15yrs was d one giving police information about him and claiming he was involved in one crime or the other. She was looking to get him arrested so that she could get his properties and get off with another man. This a woman dat already had more than 2 kids for this guy.
he has now divorced her n is remarried.
There is no way to really know a person totally because circumstances and our environment can change us. We just have to hope and pray (for those who believe in praying) that we find our selves attached to good ppl.

what wrong did we men do to women??
i am just beginning to hate them. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt

It's practically impossible for one to have all those qualities. So just live your life the way you feel comfortable and don't worry about what others do.

.

acidtalk:


Why you dey step on my tail?
Seriously, if na me I go come out say na me.yeah! God is watching me.

Haaaaaaaaahaaaa ! acidtak i gbadu ur style

Pretenders get grade.. I swear die.. Sum even get Phd degree in pretending...

We got diff kinda pple,diff faces n names... No mata ow much u live wif sumone,dia r stil sum traits u'll neva discover...

U mite b close in gettin 2 known wat d person is up to,bur u'll beva get dem...

Letz jus pray we dnt fall into d hands of one,cos dey go don sell u finish b4 u get ur bearing...

1. If he/she uses his/her thumbs to type on his/her phone, na pretender (s)he be!
2. If when answering call, the 1st thing the person says is "hello", na babanla cheat!
3. Does he/she enter the toilet sometimes? What dyu thing he/she is going to do inside there? dump his/her arzzzze!! I hope I have been able to help u, cheers!

Idowuogbo:
Acid, how many friends u get sef,all ur threads or comments na my friend dis my friend da, it's neva U!

God is watching o!

you aint seen nothin yet..hehehehehe

yuzedo: 1. If he/she uses his/her thumbs to type on his/her phone, na pretender (s)he be!
2. If when answering call, the 1st thing the person says is "hello", na babanla cheat!
3. Does he/she enter the toilet sometimes? What dyu thing he/she is going to do inside there? dump his/her arzzzze!! I hope I have been able to help u, cheers!

i do all three.. Id1ot

acidtalk: If one expects a partner to possess some certain traits like the one listed below and they do, how can one also actually tell if the are pretending and acting it all up just to ensure the relationship ends in marraige?

Characteristics of a Wife/Husband are;

*One who Understands

*A Patient one

*A Conversationist (this is extremely important in every and any relationship)

*One who makes Sacrifices

*Someone who see your dream just as you see it or even clearer than you do (not a pessimist to your whole believe)

*A Comforter (who who will always pray for you and never use any negative or curse words on you)

*A friend (a true friend will correct you on things other people are scared, shy or reluctant to tell you I.e, "honey I bought you this body spray or mouth wash because I think you should use eat because I felt you sweated too much yesterday / your mouth felt dry while we were talking - no one else will tell you this only someone who really scares for you).

*A listener (someone who isn't quiet just because he/she is waiting for you to pulse so they can take over. But one who is really listening to bring about a positive impact in your conversation.)

*A Giver (a generous one who isn't weighing what he/she has given to you and expecting the equivalent or something better)

*One who shares your interest (Sports, fashion, current affiars, music, geography, movie, Sport, History, Politics, Religion, events, lifestyle - if your partner doesn't have at list 3 of these interest with you then please move on to the next because marriage goes way beyond the sex and food. There MUST be other similar interest to always keep communication going).

*Fear of God (this means differnt things to different people so sort yours out).

*Love (this came last because one must have 2 or more of the above triats before you can love them. And note; love rises and fades in every relationship and marriage but only the above will reignite the love you crave for).

A good partner should possess at least 3 or more of the above traits before you should consider him/her for marriage.

no be acid talk say him father-in-law no want make him marry his daughter because of NL. Acidtalk! I've lost taste for ur lie. I stopped believin in them longtym ago. Mor0n buruku.. Iro e lee wo ile