minute:

@nwando-------thank you very much. rightly said.

nwando:

moody ,it's not about hidden agenda,it's about respect.
It's about a woman having her own space
It's about her right to be an individual.

Can you imagine a situation where a woman's family member sends her an email complaining about something the husband or his family did or even calls him names.
Do you think the wife should shield her husband from such trauma or he ought to read it himself.
Or a potentially harmful news is received?

In marriage,yes,people become one but they don't lose their individuality.
A married woman can let her husband read her mail if she chooses but that should be her choice and I think she's entitled to it.

nwando:

moody ,it's not about hidden agenda,it's about respect.
It's about a woman having her own space
It's about her right to be an individual.[/b]Can you imagine a situation where a woman's family member sends her an email complaining about something the husband or his family did or even calls him names.
Do you think the wife should shield her husband from such trauma or he ought to read it himself.
Or a potentially harmful news is received?

In marriage,yes,people become one but they don't lose their individuality.
A married woman can let her husband read her mail [b]if she chooses but that should be her choice and I think she's entitled to it.

omoge:

@ Moodylady, i agree with you. couples should learn to be open/share with each other. Once they are married, they should have a joint email address. what are they hidding? well, there is nothing hidden under the sun.

@ Nwando, what kind of space? a guy/lady should not marry if they are looking for space. I have all my space right now and when i finally settle down i will still want the same space?

i think it is more fun to do things together. i heard of some guys putting their cell phone under the pillow while they sleep
easy to hack into your computer and read that emails you are hiding, don't forget phishing/many other ways to get that password u don't want to give out .

davidylan:

I disagree with Nwando . . . of course i don't believe in looking for her email password but what privacy are a husband and wife entitled to after marriage? Am i entitled to go out with the boys till goodness knows what time and the wife has no liberty or right to demand that i return home at a certain time?

Any family member is wise enough to know that you don't have ANY right to complain to me about my wife. If you don't like her that is your problem . . . na me marry am. Dont come to me with complaints for i wont listen to you and i expect it to be the same with her too.
If we have any problems it shld be solved between us and not with a third party coming to poke his/her nose.

omoge:

@ Moodylady, i agree with you. couples should learn to be open/share with each other. Once they are married, they should have a joint email address. what are they hidding? well, there is nothing hidden under the sun.

@ Nwando, what kind of space? a guy/lady should not marry if they are looking for space. I have all my space right now and when i finally settle down i will still want the same space? i think it is more fun to do things together. i heard of some guys putting their cell phone under the pillow while they sleep  
easy to hack into your computer and read that emails you are hiding anyway. don't forget phishing/many other ways to get that password u don't want to give out  .

my wife refuse to give me her e-mail password, is she up to something?

omoge:

@ Moodylady, i agree with you. couples should learn to be open/share with each other. Once they are married, they should have a joint email address. what are they hidding? well, there is nothing hidden under the sun.

diva_naija:

wel. . . am kind of confused here since a lotta peeps r soo against the readin yr spouse mail thing.

I for one if married wil most def let my man hav my password if it so pleases him cus am an open person.Now if it were the boyfriend/fiancee who can dump u anytime then that's a differnet story cus he ain't got no right.

Ma sister is happily married n her husband checks her mail 4 her n vis versa cus most times she forget to do that.I don't see anything wrong wit readin yr wife's E-mail unless maybe she's got some surprises she doesn't want u to kno about lik mayb she's planing to invite Micheal Jackson over for yr birthday??

Jus me and what i think.

nwando:

If I had a trumpet I would blow it loud and clear that a woman after marriage must have her own savings account,her own email ,her own retirement account,her own individuality.
She must never ever be solely dependent on anyman.


Marriage is a union where a man and woman become one.
The woman is not lost in that oneness.

I am dealing right now with a loved one who was married and sadly lost herself in the marriage.
She gave all,had all her hard earned cash in a joint account like every good woman is expected.
Now after 3 kids,the efulefu man cleared the whole account,moved out and she's stuck with no savings,nothing,nada,zilch,nunca!! plus 3 kids.

Women need to love their husbands but they ought to exercise their God given common sense.
That is my final answer.

almondjoy:

It is so, so, so, so amazing that those who are not married are the greatest advocates of this "read your wife's e-mail" gospel.  To take it a step further, saying there is no privacy in a marriage.

He he he he he he he he he! I dey laff welly, welly!!!!  You are in your boyfriend/girlfriend stages of your lives and how many times have you let your the other read your e-mails or check your text messages?

You think it "healthy" to share everything with your spouse? I say I dey laff!!!! Well, ignorance is definitely bliss. Most of you will soon learn the very hard way and cut the crap out of your "puppy crushes".


Please go and get married first and after the first 2 years, come back to Nairaland and tell us "how body"?  That is if you are still together oh!

just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others, and you thing hiding email passwords from your wife/husband is healthy

davidylan:

as i get small shame, i must concede that the married ones here must have a point. Nwando and Almondjoy, of a truth we are not married and thus are only speaking from an idealistic point of view. We can only learn from una wey dey kitchen proper.

Oya how una dey do am? oga dey read your emails

MoOdYLaDy:

We answered the question[b] based on experience[/b],

or don't we have parents that are married, and we have all witness both the success and failure of marriage.


And some of us have passed through that boy/girl friend level, and Yea I let my partner check my emails and I check his, in fact got the passwords to everything, neither do I go behind his back to check it, I notify him like "baby I was looking through your mail box and i found this", so people marriage and relationship are based on lies that’s why it so hard for them to give their partners the password to the emails
just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others, and you thing hiding email passwords from your wife/husband is healthy

almondjoy:

I say you are dreaming. You think boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is the same as husband wife relationship?

My dear, just leave your parents own for now. When you get your own--then you can really have the experience. That boyfriend/girlfriend thing is "universal studio" or "disneyland" kind of thing. I say you ain't seen nothing yet!!!!

Dreaming nope , i work towards my dreams by accomplishing what I want in life, and we have passed the boy/girlfriend thing haba .

Na wa ooooo 4 these married people oh, just because am not married yet, doesn't mean i haven't faced some obstacles in both life and relationship.

And yes i know marriage and been in a relationship isn't the same

I know been married isn't has sweet like it looks, trust me

almondjoy:

When you are gainfully employed and you know what you have in a relationship--confidence and trust goes a long way.   We understand that when the chips are down--you do not need e-mails to wake you up to tell you the marriage is over.  It is as simple as - I WANT OUT!!!

I can never disclose contents of my e-mails to anyone.  I do not go looking for his either.  Just don't care.  Because when you are in a marriage, you have to cover all bases and be prepared for "better for worse too"  This e-mail wahala is for people without trust and gainfull employment.

You only do such snooping around e-mails because you feel threatened by the other.  None existent in ma case.  

So the key is--do not go looking for trouble where there is none.  The "doors" of marriage have no emotional or physical locks---Everyone is free to leave--no wahala.    

MoOdYLaDy:

We answered the question based on experience, or don't we have parents that are married, and we have all witness both the success and failure of marriage.


And some of us have passed through that boy/girl friend level, and Yea I let my partner check my emails and I check his, in fact got the passwords to everything, neither do I go behind his back to check it, I notify him like "baby I was looking through your mail box and i found this", so people marriage and relationship are based on lies that’s why it so hard for them to give their partners the password to the emails
just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for others, and you thing hiding email passwords from your wife/husband is healthy

RichyBlacK:

I concur with you.

Some people have based their marriage on lies and somehow believe that it (lies) MUST be present in every marriage.

RichyBlacK:

I concur with you.

Some people have based their marriage on lies and somehow believe that it (lies) MUST be present in every marriage.

MoOdYLaDy:

Yes oh, lies has destroyed so many happy homes today, that is why the divorce percentage is very high now

almondjoy:

Sure, go and get married first and then come back and tell us how truthful you can be.  Some cannot even keep one spouse and you are here talking about lies.  You guys are really dreamers.

Please ask your parents how they survived so long without splitting.  I am sure some have seen worse things than e-mails!

almondjoy:

There are "sex, lies and videotapes" in every marriage.