michelin89:

How much where you paid by the chauvinists on this board?

agiboma:

Nothing i'm a female. Since you have made up your mind go to the divorce court, you might think your going mad now, but when your kids are asking about their dad, you might find it hard to deal with. He is a womanizer he always gonna be that way, focus on your business ignore this man before you know it he gonna be chasing you and trying to spend time with you, I know from my own personal experience with such a man.
Whatever decision you make all the best.

moremi2008:
Different things work for different people.

agiboma:

Exactly well said so dont generalize my way of life, because my norm does not meet up to your standards whatever they may be. Unlike you i dont look towards my partner to be the source of my happiness @ lease the randy GOAT as you call him has a wife and family unlike you, single guy surfing NL. You are infact the true GOAT, jobless LOSER that needs to go get a life. FCK off you morone. I am very happy with my life and I'm not on here complaining about anything. See the problem is that people like you who have very little enlightenment cannot understand many concepts associated with marriage and children. I dont blame you, for having a lack of understanding and infact lack of intelligence. My reason's for staying you could never understand in this life unless you get an infusion of billions of brain cells. Dont worry hopefully one day some common sense will be your portion.

gabbytabby: If you have an unrepentant adulterer for a husband you dont need to leave him especially when you have 3 children. Provided he is a provider, contributes to helping raise the children, he is not a wife beater then my advice is for you to change the nature of your relationship (in your mind oh).


There is one things that men take note of and that is when they are doing something that they expect you to react negatively to and you act like you have not even noticed or worse you dont care. Be civil to him, talk to him about what is close to your heart and is making you happy ie your children etc he is expecting a miserable woman and you come across as happy. He go fear small oh and might start to gabble about what he is up to when you no ask am nothing oh.


Goodluck whatever you decide

ifyalways: @OP,have you got one already?

I sat myself down today and went soul searching.I love my husband and family sooooo very much that i wonder if i would "really" walk away without a fight if ever things go awry.Hmmn,my honest answers to myself hit me so hard that i quickly went down on my knees to pray.No be mouth oh,na only God!

@Agiboma,I don't know all the whats or whys to your marriage but all i got to say is that "you are strong,woman",very strong!

taryour:


i completely agree with u 100% ify,agiboma is indeed a strong woman,she is a true virtous woman. I respect her alot.
@agiboma,may God continue to bless ur family n may u never know pain in ur family IJN.

agiboma:

Thank you very much my sister NL needs someone on here that does not conform and belong to the divorce club

agiboma: @ Ify thanks very much its only when you are placed in a situation you will find your true strength. I have decided to be the true source of my happiness, i do things such as meditation and prayer to renew my spirit. I started a business and also keep busy with that, my marriage these days is good the dynamics have changed because i have changed my mind and the way i treat my husband. He in turn has changed, he spends more time @ home now, we talk, laugh and go out together, its like we are dating again. I would not be enjoying this in my marriage if i divorced. Things are working out great for us we are even planning another wedding ceremony to renew our vows. What I want to let OP know is that even womanizers can change and become the man the wife wants and needs. I have expereinced this in my home, but its only patience and understanding that saw me through. Once your husband see's the change in you he will begin to chase you and become interested in being a great husband to you again. That has been my advice to OP and all other women that come on NL with the "my husband is a womanizer complaint".

Well said.

Richvkunt:

Congratulations,dear.
I want to suggest that you invite all the members of the divorce club cabal/Kabal to the renewal of vows between you and your husband whenever it comes up.
Did you see them on this thread spewing their vitriol and giving the OP ideas on how to get a lawyer?
What they do not understand is people can change and a bad husband today can become a good husband tomorrow.
The only thing permanent in life is change.

kcheerful: thanks to all those who showed empathy. and to all the bad mouthed people. maybe i should ask God to let u av a feel of what i am going thru so we will see if u will react differently.
what m,akes the situation hopeless is dat is parents are dead. they died shortly after we got married. his mum just had 2 of dem and he he the one feeding his brother so dat one cant even open nhis mouth to advise him.
my parents av spoken with him severally and i av told them to leave him alone
in short he has no one to report him to. he acts like he is cursed with that womanising spirit.
sometimes when i catch him, he promise to stop, but he'll be back into it again in a few weeks.
and he is getting more and more reckless about it
10 years is no joke for those who think i av not persevered enough.
for me itsa a new dawn.
let me free him.

agiboma:

Nothing i'm a female. Since you have made up your mind go to the divorce court, you might think your going mad now, but when your kids are asking about their dad, you might find it hard to deal with. He is a womanizer he always gonna be that way, focus on your business ignore this man before you know it he gonna be chasing you and trying to spend time with you, I know from my own personal experience with such a man.
Whatever decision you make all the best.

ileobatojo:

As someone who grew up with a similar father to the OP's hubby, watched a lot of division and strife in my parents marriage and harboured resentment for my mother for not leaving him (all my 3 other siblings felt the same way); I completely disagree that the kids will be better off no matter how bad the father is. I'm not sure why you think every kid wants a dead beat, disconnected father in their lives just because he is their biological father.

Also when you say she should focus on herself and ignore the man, you are condemning her to a life without love, intimacy, emotional connection to a partner. Not every one wants that for the rest of their lives. She should at least give herself a chance to find love abi. Also she can't have her freedom as long as she stays married even if they are each doing their own thing. She is still in the eyes of the world a married woman and will still have to adhere to those standards.

She has tried, spent a decade with him without change. She has persevered enough, her decision for them to free each other is justified.

Sisi_Kill: Timbuktu. . .Tim-Buk-Tu!

Carry on!

moremi2008:

GBAM! So many traumatized children walking around today because their mum's couldn't muster the courage to walk away from really bad marriages. I still tell everyone that cares to listen that my mum walking away from her marriage to my late Dad was the best thing that happened to her and to us, the kids! I am so grateful to her for bearing the shame and carrying her cross to spare us the pain of living with my Dad. People that mocked us then or said we would turn out badly because we had no "father-figure" are stunned at how well each one of us turned out; in fact, we turned out so much better than children with two happily-married parents, our old friends still can't believe it! But nah so life be oh! If the world gives you lemons, you cry unto God and he'll help you make fantastic lemonade out of them! Ile oba to jo, ewa lo bu si, indeed!

991:

i've always said that few little attitude from people could tell a lot about them, i was being sceptic about you being a product of divorce the way you were posting comments in support of divorce. my dear divorce is NOT the ultimate solution to marriage-difficulties. 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'. don't forget you are a man, you will soon have your own family. it is better to make up than to break up, the failure is when we try to make up all by ourself. my message to you is that 'you should never be proud/boastful that your mum divorced your father(R.I.P)' it was never her wish from the wedding day, it was absolutely unfortunate, and you don't wish to experience the same in your time.

ileobatojo:


She has tried, spent a decade with him without change. She has persevered enough, her decision for them to free each other is justified.

agiboma:

I dont blame you she should leave. Then go to the Romance section put up an add single mature mother of 3, looking for a good man. ok oooo, good luck with that in this Nigeria i'm afraid the only thing she gonna find is married men looking for fun. Well all the best to OP.

moremi2008:

Blah, blah, blah... abeg, save the commentary for somebody that truly cares. You don't know the story; you didn't live our lives. Marriage is not a life sentence in jail; you can only fight for it for so long. Wisdom is knowing when to try harder and knowing when to walk away. My Mum walked away from the severe beatings and cheating after struggling to keep her marriage together for 9yrs; she had little regret. She remarried a richer and saner man, built a fantastic career and business and raised 4 amazing children. My Dad? He continued his lifestyle of wanton womanization, lavish spending on rubbish, heavy drinking and smoking. He died absolutely broke, having squandered his vast wealth; he was drinking while driving. It was my Mum and stepdad that paid for his funeral and none of his many girlfriends bothered to show-up.

No, I am NOT a product of divorce. I am the product of a woman's hard work, sheer determination and fervent prayers. Stop bothering me with your nonsense theories that have zero correlation with reality.

jay bee:
Are you basically saying Divorce is not advised under any circumstance whatsoever?
The OP never for once suggested she wanted to go find happiness outside (moving in with another man) so your talk of the grass is not greener outside just don't wash.

Why should someone be in something and be unhappy?

agiboma: [/quote]

lol I could not agree more, let her divorce him with 3 kids.

[quote author=Johndoe100]Sometimes I really wonder at the way people on this board think. Womanizing and being a serial womanizer is SOP (standard operating procedure) in Nigeria. Most women have come to understand that as long as the man takes care of his home and family they have nothing really to complain about. This woman is talking crap because the man has girlfriends?

agiboma:

I dont blame you she should leave. Then go to the Romance section put up an add single mature mother of 3, looking for a good man. ok oooo, good luck with that in this Nigeria i'm afraid the only thing she gonna find is married men looking for fun. Well all the best to OP.

agiboma:

I dont blame you she should leave. Then go to the Romance section put up an add single mature mother of 3, looking for a good man. ok oooo, good luck with that in this Nigeria i'm afraid the only thing she gonna find is married men looking for fun. Well all the best to OP.

agiboma:

What I am saying is:

Op says she wants romance, intimacy, faithfulness etc. Her husband does not give it to her because he is a womanizer, and she knew this befor entering into the marriage. Now she wants to leave with 3 children OP needs to be realistic about her life in this Society. The chances of her finding prince charming and a loving partner and bright future together is very low. She should know what most likely awaits her divorce. People on here cheering her on to divorce ok, they wont be the one raising those kids alone and being some married man's girlfriend. The future for OP with 3 kids is not looking very bright in terms of catching a young, rich faithful professional. But all the best to her.

livapul86:
To be very SINCERE, this is the most illogical, defeatist and low self esteem statement that i have ever seen. Woman, you need a serious REOREINTATION. So you define your own self worth and sanity on the ability to answer Mrs? Though, you've made your own choice of sticking with a Man that disrespected you and i totally applaud you for that, but that is your own CHOICE. As a man, i would feel disgusted if a woman defined her sanity and self-worth as a HUMAN BEING on being tied to the apron strings of a USELESS MAN. The Op is the one suffering a tide of abuses in her marriage and her DESIRE to end it all has my ABSOLUTE SUPPORT.