MRbrownJAY: sadly, there is no way you can win this battle. either you get together and live a "miserable" life away and rejected by his family, or you guys break up and go on your merry way.i doubt waiting is going to change anything, you guys have to make a decision, and live with the consequences!

btw, this is bigger than your race, as this sort of discrimination happens very often in Nigeria........ between Igbos, Hausas and Yorubas, Christians and Muslims or Rich and poor.

liyah27:

Thank you for that input. Sadly, it is looking like those are our only options, although, we are still trying to find some way to convince them.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^ you should try, but if it doesnt work then you shouldnt waste time......and simply do whatever you have both chosen and start to be HAPPY and POSITIVE again. remember that if your man choses to be with you then he should do so wholeheartedly and not 50/50......... as it seems that HE is the weakest link. you best be sure about what he REALLY wants (not to SAY it to you but to SHOW you)

btw what about your family, how do they view this whole issue of interracial marriage?

liyah27: Hello all, I am new to this site and so far have found some threads to be very helpful.

So here it is. For the last two years I have been dating the most amazing Nigerian man (age 29). I am Mexican (Spanish and English speaking), Christian and 27 years old. I was born and raised in the U.S. My boyfriend was born in Nigeria and is Igbo. His family has strong roots in Christianity. He was raised all over the world, with most of his teen years and adult hood living in the states. He has grown siblings who also live in the states. Two of his siblings are married to Nigerian spouses. One of his siblings is dating an American bi-racial lady. My boyfriend's mother lives between Nigeria and the states. Sadly, his father has passed. I have met his siblings (and they have been nice and accepting), but not yet his mother. My boyfriend's mother believes he needs to be with a Nigerian, Igbo woman and feels very strongly about this. So much so that she and some of his other relatives have attempted and nearly succeeded at running my boyfriend's brother's bi-racial, non-Nigerian girlfriend away. Recently my boyfriend and I have made plans to spend our future together, not so much an engagement, but planning to move to another state together and move in together. He told his mother and family of these plans and it has been horrible. She does not approve and is very vocal to him about this, getting many relatives to call him and tell him how our relationship will not work, how I will not be accepted, how he needs to be with a Nigerian woman to fully be included in his family. His relatives go on to tell him that he will not be happy with me that he has to be with a Nigerian women because after all love feelings fade the "family" (meaning mother, siblings and extended family) is what will keep a couple together. My boyfriend's mother calls him and tells him "you need to break up with her, you have three days" and then will go weeks without talking to him because of me. My boyfriends siblings are passive about it, and some feel he should follow his heart and the other siblings feel he should follow their mother's word.

My boyfriend and I are so much in love. We have both never been in love like this. We have looked at all avenues, have cried over this and have thrown our hands up over our heads in defeat. He feels this may be a losing battle because if we continue on this path we will both be made miserable. He feels it could get so bad as to them showing up at our house and throwing me out. He has been told stories recently of his relatives shutting people out because they chose to marry outside of their culture and tribe. He doesn't want this for our future and feels he will be heartbroken when/if we stay together and I am constantly not accepted and made fun of and outcasted. He feels he cannot stand up to them, nor do I want him to have to choose sides. It feels we have hit a brick wall and I know he is ready to give up. We both WANT very much to be together and both LOVE each other and both can imagine a happy future together if his family would accept me and accept us together.

Is there anyone who has been through this? Anyone who relates and has a similar family structure? Anyone who has been with an American and got their family to accept their partner. We want so much to work and love one another whole heartedly. But it hurts to feel our future may be doomed.

I thought I could contact his mother and talk to her candidly. He does not feel this is a good idea. I want to respect her and Nigerian Igbo culture. I love this man so much and respect him and his family. I want to be with him and him with me. I am committed to learning and celebrating the culture, to visiting, to doing whatever we can. I just don't feel it's over or that we should give up.

I am so heartbroken over this and trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. We love each other so much. Family is very important to both of us and cutting anyone out is just not an option. Any honest open advice would be greatly appreciated. Things we can do together and things I can do to gain acceptance into this amazing culture and family...ideas please!

Thanks!!

Mrs.Chima:


There are thousands of Igbo families with mixed culture and ethnicities family members....It has nothing to do with YOUR ETHNICITY...they just don't like YOU. Your choice....leave it or deal with it.

kitty kat: At OP pls don't waste ur time. Move on as if u r being chased by a wild man eating beast. Its very difficult to win a Nigerian mother when she says she does not want u and ur mother inlaw is the the really strong type. If you refuse now, she will keep coming up with different strategies to scare her son and put him under pressure. Some could go as far as faking a life threatening condition and blaming you and the son for it. While on her supposed sick bed in the hospital, her son will be called and pressurized to leave u. This is just an example of the kind of tricks the can come up.

And its a pity that ur man is weak. His type can't withstand the battle ahed. My dear run for ur life and sanity.

I have been there, seen it all and I narrowly escaped to tell ppl like u that the fear of an angry Nigerian Monther In law who deosnt want u is the beginning of wisdom.

liyah27:

Well I haven't ever met his mother, so I'm confused as you might imagine.

Mrs.Chima:


You don't have to meet his mother in order for your boy to tell his mother about you. He doesn't have an international calling card?

liyah27: Also, just out of curiosity, not at all that this is the intent for us, how do viewpoints shifts if couples have children together?

liyah27:

True... But he would not tell her anything bad. Thanks for the input.

Mrs.Chima:


I agree with the weakest link part but what do we really expect a weak nigga to do? If he is so concerned with his family and how they perceived of her then he doesn't love her.

I also want to say that there is a big difference between lust and love. You can lust someone so much that it becomes delusionalized love that it isn't real.

If someone love you the way they should love you....THEY WILL SHOW IT not just say it and depend on their families to speak for their life.

Sometimes I wonder if people understand the dynamics and fundamentals of love. I also want to stress there is also a difference between conditional love and unconditional love.

Mrs.Chima:


There are thousands of Igbo families with mixed culture and ethnicities family members....It has nothing to do with YOUR ETHNICITY...they just don't like YOU. Your choice....leave it or deal with it.

Must u quote her again??

tellwisdom:

Must u quote her again??

blasterman: Dis mrs chima character r u Nigerian?

blasterman: Dis mrs chima character r u Nigerian?

BLuddy jamaican hoodlum

tellwisdom:

BLuddy jamaican hoodlum

Mrs.Chima:


That's your mammy.