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How Do I Handle This Issue - Family - Nairaland

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My Cousin Is A Torn In My Mother's Flesh. How Do I Handle It? / How Can I Handle An Intruding Mother? / Parents, How Will You Handle This Without Embarrasing Yourself ? (2) (3) (4)

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How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 4:43pm On Apr 28, 2012
my husband and i have been married for two years nw with a lovely handsome 8 mnth baby boy. Since then, we live with younger brother and sister. I am alittle older than his sister. The problem i have nw is with her. She doesnt realy help arround the house eg she'll wash plates and live the pots, whenever she cooks(once in a blue moon) she mess up the whole place and alot more. Right nw she just got a job 3 weeks ago and i started my bussiness same time. We both live the house very early 6:15 am while baby goes to a day care. When i wake up arround 4-5 am i am rushing preparing my baby, myself, my husband's breakfast and lunch, washing the plates, and sister inlaw experts me to make her own food seperate (she doest eat pepper) and when we come back arround 7-8pm she expects me to cook for her when she does absolutely nothing in the house anymore. What i do nw is this, i cook and put pepper in the whole food (except durring the weekends) because of dat she wont eat ip and she will nt cook anything for herself because she is lazy. I talk to my husband abt her nt helpin in d house and he said he would talk to her tomorrow. Should i still cooke for like i do b4 and see if she'll change or should i just let my husband talk to her.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by ifyalways(f): 4:55pm On Apr 28, 2012
2 relatives in my house and not for health reasons?Woman chop knuckle first,you try!!

@Topic,Why is she staying with you guys?how old is she?Anyhoos,she just got a job and hopefully she would leave for her own place soon.In the meantime,take a deep breath e and let your husband talk with her first BUT,do not make her food for her.Prepare the general food and if she wont have that and cant get her ass up either make she starve now.

Don't confrot her oh or tell her you wont make her food,just do what you are suppossed to do and ignore her.Btw,how old is the other relative living with you,s/he can help you with the chores.

Woman,don't over stress yourself with house chores,if u can afford,get an undergraduate or help that would come once or twice each week to help you.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 5:08pm On Apr 28, 2012
ifyalways: 2 relatives in my house and not for health reasons?Woman chop knuckle first,you try!!

@Topic,Why is she staying with you guys?how old is she?Anyhoos,she just got a job and hopefully she would leave for her own place soon.In the meantime,take a deep breath e and let your husband talk with her first BUT,do not make her food for her.Prepare the general food and if she wont have that and cant get her ass up either make she starve now.

Don't confrot her oh or tell her you wont make her food,just do what you are suppossed to do and ignore her.Btw,how old is the other relative living with you,s/he can help you with the chores.
if u can afford,get an undergraduate or help that would come once or twice each week to help you.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 5:15pm On Apr 28, 2012
thank alot. he is older than me and her and he does nt miss hiss dutties for anything( making sure there is water intge house.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Daresh(f): 5:50pm On Apr 28, 2012
Is she mad and are u mad? Why would hour cook seperately for her? Why would she mess up the kitchen and you wont set her straight? Listen to me very carefully, as you make your bed, so u will lay on it. If you let her get away with bullshit, that is what you will always get. I did not say fight her o! Handle it with maturity. Tell her to do stuff. Tell her to wash the plates and pots. Tell her to cook what she wants and clean up after herself. All in a polite manner since u are not fighting with her. Relatives who feel entitled just irks me angry
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Mumsluv: 5:55pm On Apr 28, 2012
I'l advise you not to inform your hubby yet so as not to escalate issues. As long as you are older than her you have to call her & talk to her the way you would to your own younger sister. Do not sound overbearing or confrontational because the way & manner you bring up the issue with her will determine how she will respond to you either as a senior sister with respect or this is my brothers house without respect. I dont expect you to cook a separate meal for her when she is not handicapped or lying ill in the hospital. If she does not give heed to what you have told her then you can involve your hubby. You have to look beyond today so that you dont have a strenous relationship with your inlaws tomorrow. Goodluck
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by tasandra: 5:55pm On Apr 28, 2012
Op,thank God ur oda inlaw s helpin u.....just do as Ifialways said grin dont confrnt her,let ur hubby do that...and do not cook 4 her...if she dey hungry,her belle go fone her cool
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by chioma134: 6:00pm On Apr 28, 2012
Heheheee!! Gracie,u don enter be that. U just have to put up with that until she leaves ur house. Trust me,I've seen it happen over and over again. Allow ur husband talk to her,but if she doesn't change,u just have to bear with her. Keep being nice and friendly towards her,and don't let malice enter. But never cook for her,she's a woman,let her cook her own food. It's probably from her upbringing,and u can't change her by force.
My sister had a similar issue and her hubby was understanding. He told his sisters they can't live with him and rented an apartment for them. Now they come as visitors and there's peace in the house.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by agiboma(f): 7:24pm On Apr 28, 2012
Let her cook for herself you are not her maid. You got enough to do on your hands. If she dont want to cook, let her LEARN to manag the food the you cook with pepper. I would not go out of my way to please her.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 7:35pm On Apr 28, 2012
thank you all for making my decision simpler
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by ferhyntorlah(f): 12:24am On Apr 29, 2012
Hello Gracie 1818, please take your time to go through this thread and learn one or two things from it:www.nairaland.com/917740/issues-marriage
I wish you all the best.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by 9lifes(m): 1:10am On Apr 29, 2012
Nigerian women dey suffer ooh..chai my sisters,Lord help them.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by moremi2008(m): 1:30am On Apr 29, 2012
LOL! Abeg free the sister-in-law jare! God provided her with an obedient housegirl and free rent, and you all are hating on her blessings! grin grin grin grin grin grin

@OP, you had better wake up from your slumber. Lots of good advice on this post already, so you know what to do. Good luck!

1 Like

Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by otokx(m): 3:23am On Apr 29, 2012
poster not saying the whole truth. B4 d marriage what used to happen?
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 10:41am On Apr 29, 2012
otokx. My husband and i didnt date for long . He lived in lag and i lived in abuja. I saw my sister inlaw once and briefly before traditional marriage (that was when he took me to meet his parent) and we did the wedding one month latter. Two months latter she moved in. The first time she came, (july 2010) she came with a small bag and was using my things and cloths for 6 mnths. She went home for christmas and came back with two biger bags in january 2011 and since she has nt gone anywhere.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Gracie1818(f): 10:46am On Apr 29, 2012
moremi2008. The problem here is that i took her like my own younger sister but wait a minute. The things i do for her, i wont even do for my own sister.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Mumsluv: 11:29am On Apr 29, 2012
Gracie1818: moremi2008. The problem here is that i took her like my own younger sister but wait a minute. The things i do for her, i wont even do for my own sister.
@op- you have to know when to draw the line so that boundaries are not crossed. Like i said earlier, call her & talk to her the way you would to your kid sister & if you know how you relate with your kid sister do the same with her but do not bring yourself too low so that she doesnt ride you. You have to strive to maintain PEACE & HARMONY in your home but that RESPECT must be there. So handle her firmly but maturedly. Goodluck!
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Oluwa4Sure: 5:21pm On Apr 29, 2012
@ Gracie1818

You must be a very loving person to allow 2 relatives in your house without giving them attitudes or complaining.
I am 100% with you on here, that girl really need to learn how to do something @least.
But on the other hand, please be a little more patient. From you explanation, it is not as if she is doing this to
purnish you or something. She is just lazy. And it is sometimes kind of difficult to change such people.

If you have being cooking her food before, I suggest you continue and look for a way to carry her along.
I just don't want you to be considerred a bad wife in the nearest future!!!!
You can try to gist more with her while you carry her along!!!!
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by ferhyntorlah(f): 1:02am On May 01, 2012
Oluwa4Sure: @ Gracie1818

You must be a very loving person to allow 2 relatives in your house without giving them attitudes or complaining.
I am 100% with you on here, that girl really need to learn how to do something @least.
But on the other hand, please be a little more patient. From you explanation, it is not as if she is doing this to
purnish you or something. She is just lazy. And it is sometimes kind of difficult to change such people.

If you have being cooking her food before, I suggest you continue and look for a way to carry her along.
I just don't want you to be considerred a bad wife in the nearest future!!!!
You can try to gist more with her while you carry her along!!!!
At the bolded part, bros what do you mean by this? This will encourage the Sil to be lazier. Let me ask you, can you allow your wife to cook for your younger sister when she has her hands and feet in good condition? Where is the home training then? I know my brothers won't allow such.

For me, I cannot allow my sil to cook for me. With her permission, I will cook myself and help her in her duties. Some families just breed lazy individuals all in the name of culture. Culture ko, culture ni! Me, I no send culture;let's do the appropriate things.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Ivynwa(f): 2:36am On May 01, 2012
Why can't she cook for herself if she is on a special diet?
You have to juggle family life, motherhood, child care, cooking etc and still have to prepare additional meal for some (handless??) sister in-law. What is going on with some sister-in-laws and wives. Your sister-in-law and brothers' wives are additional bonus sisters that one should enjoy not keep malice with. It gives me such wonderful feelings to welcome new wives (when any of my sweet brothers marry) to my family and add them up to my list of wives. grin grin
I can't forget the last time I spent time with my sister-in-law and my brother, nothing anybody said prevented me from making an unforgettable Ora Soup for her and my brother even when in my mind[i] (Ivynwa whispers)[/i] I was using style to teach her (indirectly and without telling her in words)to be making the sweetest Ora soup on earth for my brother, the only way my mother and I know how to. Hahaha!

Get her involved with things, get friendly with her and have her help around too. She is better off a friend than an enemy so know what you are doing.
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Nobody: 6:00am On May 01, 2012
Anyway, good advice has been given already. Tell ur SIL to go to blazes.
Not to be a tribalist or anything but is ur husband Igbo? The Igbo's have a knack for crowding their siblings even when they are married. I guess it's because they breed alot and then the parents who enjoyed the process of producing these kids cannot take care of them and hence the responsibility shifts to the older siblings.It's so annoying
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by moremi2008(m): 11:12am On May 01, 2012
Gaggi: Anyway, good advice has been given already. Tell ur SIL to go to blazes.
Not to be a tribalist or anything but is ur husband Igbo? The Igbo's have a knack for crowding their siblings even when they are married. I guess it's because they breed alot and then the parents who enjoyed the process of producing these kids cannot take care of them and hence the responsibility shifts to the older siblings.It's so annoying

You see hornet's nest hanging there, jeje, you go poke am with a stick! You like trouble! grin
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Saraha1(f): 8:57pm On May 02, 2012
Let concentrate on the topic and nt involve tribe for peace sake
Re: How Do I Handle This Issue by Busybody2(f): 10:24pm On May 02, 2012
shocked Chai, you have been cooking and clearing up after her and she has been wearing your clothes since July 2010 cheesy

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