Hi Everyone,

I need your insight and two cents on this matter. I have been in a relationship with Dele going on almost two years now and we 've been engaged for precisely one year. Here is my wahala. We are having things that I consider serious problems in our relationship. Most of it stems from Trust, Jealousy and Insecurity. My man does not trust me at all for any reason and he is insanely insecure. Within a month of meeting, Dele accused me planning to sleep with another man because the guy called me and I didnot pickup the call. This guy was interested in me way before I even met Dele and I had not spoken to me in almost nine months until he called because he was in town visiting his relatives. Since, I did not pick up the call Dele accuses me that I would have pick up his call and slept with him if he did not make an unscheduled visit (his birthday weekend). Everytime we have a quarrel, he refers to the incident of my "fu*k buddy". I can't put everything in words and it hurts so much especially since it is not true. I was sick recently, and he commented that if it was STD then I should let him know because he knows that I would not tell him. Dele calls me names like bit*h, wh*re. The last straw was this past weekend, when he visited me for my birthday but stormed out later in the day that he was leaving early. I thanked him for ruining my birthday and I would not forgive him for it. His response was to return inside, pickup his gift, and said at least it was better than *the birthday gift I gave him two years ago when my my fu*k buddy was calling to visit me. Then called me bit*h and stormed out.  Our familes are about to meet formally in about a week, and begin planning a marriage ceremony. I am so confused. I wonder if I should call it off.

eeyah. i think u shld take a break. think things thru. remember marriage is a life long commitment. u ve every right to be happy so dnt rush into anything that will cause u life long sadness. and i also think that u deserve beta names ur fiance is calling u

There no 2 ways about this.You cann't be very in this kind of relationship let alone alone committing your remaining lifetime to it in the name of marriage.It's of no use marrying and getting divorced later, work out now that it will not hurt much.

STOP[color=#990000][/color]

this is danger you are about stepping into. don't go ahead if you want to enjoy the next 3 or more decades of your life.

insecurity is a dangerous trait in a man

If you marry this man then welcome to a lifetime of sorrow.

naaaaaaaaaaaaah please kick dele to the kerb! he aint worth shit! from what am reading above! the guy has no lick of sense in him!proper manamun, mugun!
you ! his future wife a bitch? naaaaaaah
@topic trust is very important in a relationship,if he does not trust you now ! he is never going to trust you.
if you marry this dude! you are only setting your self up for future stress and heart-break!

omo-girl run while you still can! ^{prolly dude was never really into you in the 1st place}

Abeg run and leave the conniving human.
He is emotionally abusing you. How dare he call the future mother of his kids a b***h? That's not accepted anywhere. Please leave him now before it's too late. Very soon he'll start beating you.

@poster
The signs are right in front of you o.Its hard but you know what you have to do

The problem i see here SERIOUSLY, is a girl that wants to flush her happiness down the gutter.

The thoughts that you are even considering to spend the rest of you life with someone that doesnt respect you?? _{he actually calls you B**ch, w***e and what have you is totally incomprehensible to me}

I am pretty sure he hits you, you just didnt want to put that in here.

Galfriend, don't have the notion that you can "change him" ok 'because you can't, no 1 can except he makes that change contiously._{why do gals think that they can ever change guys}

look at it this way since u dont have the courage to leave

this is what ur life will be if u marry him, nothin will change

is that what u want?

u already know what to do , no one will take that step for u , u have to do it for urself

i cant imagine my bf calling me a bitch let alone my supposed future husband, very sad
i will only say one word in capital letter; RUN

if u aint gat some goggles, let me lend u mine. . . u will be able to read the hand writings on the wall

if you think some1 here is going to say " hey rikki , it happens like that continue with it, he still loves you" then that person is dumb.

marriage is a life contract for crying out loud and this is nigeria where you cannot divorce easily like that.

don't be a SLAVE OF CIRCUMSTANCE BECAUSE OF MARRIAGE O!!!!!

@ topic
sure u've heard it all, U can't change a man except he's ready to change.

U have an option to make or ruin ur future, choose one.

I FEEL 4 U! AM SO SORRY.

I THINK U SHOULD JUST LEAVE THIS GUY COS

HE NEITHER LOVES U NOR RESPECTS U.

He does not have respect for for and u want to marry him. He disrespects u at this stage of relationship, what do u think will be the outcome when you finally say " I DO", PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE

@topic

do u really wanna marry this man?

think hard hun!

As you can see or read from many wise Nairalanders--there are some problems even God cannot help you with--having given you all the signs to run for your dear life.

Even davidylan don put mouth!

If you venture any further, prepare to meet your maker.  This guy is not only emotionally abusive, he is spiritually abusive.  Gosh!  This one will beat the living shit out of you as soon as cross the doorsteps of matrimony I swear!!!!

As the Binis will say--- LA HOR WO WO --- SI-KOR-DOR!!!!   Translated---please? I Beg you in the name of everything in this world oh--MOVE -----------Just "Dress" je je!!!!

I Say-------Just D-R-E-S-S--WEAR YOUR SHOE--COMOT!!!!!

Rikki, as usual i will be blunt with you. Why would you ever want to marry a guy who obviously has no regard for you whatsoever? who calls what i wont call my pet, and yet you are confused. Believe me today its name calling, tomorrow it will be a slap, next probably a punch, then you will realize that you are not as confused as you thought you were. Somethings proceed out of anger, but you see, they say out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Save yourself now while you can, show the nigger the way and get a man who appreciates you and loves you. Thank God im a confirmed bachelor!

For better for worst marry him jare. lol

Insecurity in a man is a big red flag o; if after 2 years he still can't trust you then it's not worth trying to spend a lifetime with him. On the other hand, just to play devil's advocate, has he always been like this if not what could have made him change? We've only heard your side and I'm sure he's side is going to be totally different from yours, is there anything else you're not telling us. Not that I condone the name-calling but there might be more to this that we don't know. But if all you've said is in fact true, then there's no point wasting your time o cause things will not get better but worse o. Peace!

Ezinwannem:

He does not have respect for for and u want to marry him. He disrespects u at this stage of relationship, what do u think will be the outcome when you finally say " I DO", PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE

Thanks for all your insight.

Truth me, I have asked him the same question on numerous occasions but, I do not receive an answer. I am so scared, my mom has already broadcasted the coming introduction to everyone. This is one of the hardest decisions that I ever have to make. We have stopped short of punching each other. This is the last thing that I expected in my life.

The ball is really in your court whether your whole village has gathered for the "wine carrying" or not. You still have time to think things over and call it "quits" if you do not feel safe. We are waiting for you to tell us what you want to do. We cannot make the decision for you.

Wow. Well do whatever your heart tells you.

@rikki
nice to note that you have both only just stopped short of punching each other. do you wanna wait till he kills you? then he'd just walk over your grave and hook up with the next available missus.

and just so you know what you are getting into, read up this very lovely poem about flowers (you'll understand the correlation when you do) and THEN if you still wanna stick with him its your choice dearie.http://www.angelfire.com/la2/heartprints/FlowersToday.html or http://www.angelfire.com/tn/jackiepierce7/gotflowerstoday.html

i wish you all the best.

An insecure guy starts first with verbal abuse and then when his level of frustration (read insecurity) peaks, he resorts to physical abuse. For a guy who is petty enough to go back and pick the gift he got for you I think he has a big issue to deal with.

I think it is time you start loving with your head and let your legs do the talking, Break the world 100 metre record.

@poster: theres nothing to be confused about, God has given u more than a sign that the guy aint rite 4u, if i were u , i'd thank my stars and run as far as i can from that proposed cursed life with him.

babes like bad boys
this boy is bad and this babe love him for that.
MARRY HIM GIRL, AND I PROMISE YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT

ettehgate:

babes like bad boys
this boy is bad and this babe love him for that.
MARRY HIM GIRL, AND I PROMISE YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT

hmmm, ,, special adviser to madam etteh, u do well

@ Poster; The Handwritting is on the wall; leave the Prick- This is the time u need to be close to your family; confide in them; i can bet you my top dollar that your mum will rather lose face amongst her friends than lose her daughter.

@ Ettehgate- Hope you will advise your sister to do the same