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Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? - Family - Nairaland

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Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by lettingsales(m): 3:45pm On May 11, 2012
It is a very important issue that is eroding the family. Values, neglet of children education, and even destroys the social fabric. However, the issue of broken homes and divorce has increased the rate of social miscreants in every corner of the society. Most importantly, at this junction, is it really necessarily important to divorce? After we do, do we actually find the total joy that we are in need of that made us broke up with our old partner? Do we usually look at the repercussions? Or we just want to do it because one or two of our friends have done it and she or he is successful? I tell you that he or she also have problems that yet to be revealed to you, moreso, what about his or her children? These are few of the many problems affecting the broken homes.


If your home is still stable, try and keep it stable and if yours has broken, try do something to mend it. Being a single parent is a total disaster. BEWARE OF DIVORCE
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by taryour(f): 4:03pm On May 11, 2012
letting&sales:
It is a very important issue that is eroding the family. Values, neglet of children education, and even destroys the social fabric. However, the issue of broken homes and divorce has increased the rate of social miscreants in every corner of the society. Most importantly, at this junction, is it really necessarily important to divorce? After we do, do we actually find the total joy that we are in need of that made us broke up with our old partner? Do we usually look at the repercussions? Or we just want to do it because one or two of our friends have done it and she or he is successful? I tell you that he or she also have problems that yet to be revealed to you, moreso, what about his or her children? These are few of the many problems affecting the broken homes.


If your home is still stable, try and keep it stable and if yours has broken, try do something to mend it. Being a single parent is a total disaster. BEWARE OF DIVORCE

very well said n i totally agree with u. As far as i am concerned divorce isnt an option. As long as kids are already in d union am willing to give it all...

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Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by TheShopKeeper(m): 4:53pm On May 11, 2012
letting&sales:
It is a very important issue that is eroding the family. Values, neglet of children education, and even destroys the social fabric. However, the issue of broken homes and divorce has increased the rate of social miscreants in every corner of the society. Most importantly, at this junction, is it really necessarily important to divorce? After we do, do we actually find the total joy that we are in need of that made us broke up with our old partner? Do we usually look at the repercussions? Or we just want to do it because one or two of our friends have done it and she or he is successful? I tell you that he or she also have problems that yet to be revealed to you, moreso, what about his or her children? These are few of the many problems affecting the broken homes.


If your home is still stable, try and keep it stable and if yours has broken, try do something to mend it. Being a single parent is a total disaster. BEWARE OF DIVORCE

Yes, divorce is not a good. It surely is not the most sensible thing to do.
It takes away so much, that it can take a life time to get things back on track
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Johndoe100(m): 7:02pm On May 11, 2012
@OP
You are right, divorce is bad, and its real victims are the children.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Busybody2(f): 7:41pm On May 11, 2012
All I can add is that it is a relative thing to each individual, but what should be first and foremost in everyone's mind is to think of the children involved, their ages, and remember the fact that:

There is HUSBAND AND WIFE
And then there is DADDY AND MUMMY


So the departing party needs to weigh his or her options properly and maturedly to make sure they are not doing it for selfish reasons or think it is only the other party being punished.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by ezicat: 2:47am On May 12, 2012
I disagree - is this why women stay with men that cheat, and abusive husbands? Will you still sticking with it is a good idea after you get some STD; perhaps HIV? If you're not happy in a relationship you try to make it work depending on what is causing your unhappiness. There are some things that can be worked out and some things that cannot; somethings that are a definite crossing of the line. If you're unhappy in your relationship, don't stay just because of the "children." You don't think they sense it? You don't think they hear you sobbing at night? It's naive to think that just because there's a "mommy" and "daddy," the home is stable.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Nobody: 2:53am On May 12, 2012
I know this thread would lean towards blaming women. Most African women I know who are divorced don't opt out of their marriages, just because. . . It would have taken much fasting and praying, heartbreak, torture, family meetings before they throw in the towel. None of them left the first time husband cheated, neither the second time. One impregnated his wife's cousin, and the wife still took him back. To cut the long story short, eventually she had to tell him to leave because he hadn't changed. Another I know of, husband cheating again, she took him back. Few months later she contracted gonorrhea. That was the final deal breaker. Before staying in okokomaiko to judge a case on why people divorce, try to find out why. Treat each case on divorce on individual basis. The marriage can only be mended if the partner is willing to stick it through with you. If your husband is good to you, thank your God. Not many are blessed with such.

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Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by moremi2008(m): 3:57am On May 12, 2012
I am sorry... the gbagauns gave me a headache. Some people really need to spend more time learning basic syntax and grammar instead of wasting time on NL. grin grin grin grin

PS - @ OP, please stop thinking simple thoughts. There's nothing you said here that's beyond a primary school level of reasoning. In addition to English, please go to school and read-up on life beyond the Bible.

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Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by tasandra: 7:34am On May 12, 2012
lol @ moremi2008,Op, wiil u allow ur sista,to sta in an abusive marriage nawa
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Nobody: 10:08am On May 12, 2012
I also do not agree wt d op, yes divorce is not good, but there re some marriages dt really cannot be managed or saved.

Imagine living with so much depression, frustration and sadness, enduring all thru for d rest of ur life all b/c of d children.
Just as ezicat pointed out, these children sense it dt thgs re nt right wt daddy n mummy and it xposes dem to an unhealthy home to grow up in, nt gud for their psyche
Every human being has a rite to be happy in life, even God desires same for us!
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Tgirl4real(f): 10:27am On May 12, 2012
Busy_body:
All I can add is that it is a relative thing to each individual,

U are right dere BB.

but what should be first and foremost in everyone's mind is to think of the children involved, their ages, and remember the fact that:

There is HUSBAND AND WIFE
And then there is DADDY AND MUMMY

This shouldn't be the first thing to consider. What if the existence of the union poses greater risk to the children involved?

So the departing party needs to weigh his or her options properly and maturedly to make sure they are not doing it for selfish reasons or think it is only the other party being punished.

Absolutely true.

peaceheartt: I also do not agree wt d op, yes divorce is not good, but there re some marriages dt really cannot be managed or saved.

Imagine living with so much depression, frustration and sadness, enduring all thru for d rest of ur life all b/c of d children.
Just as ezicat pointed out, these children sense it dt thgs re nt right wt daddy n mummy and it xposes dem to an unhealthy home to grow up in, nt gud for their psyche
Every human being has a rite to be happy in life, even God desires same for us!

Well said sis. Just that God expects us to make certain sacrifices. Hapiness is not the ultimate, as long as there is joy within that you are on the right path then u are good to go.

In as much as I do not support divorce based on my religion (but I advocate for seperation when it is extremely necessary), it would be unfair n inhuman to ask someone that is suffering to stay put and continue to endure. I believe that is evil esp when the person doesn't share the same faith as me.

What solace will I be giving the person? Just like it is popularly said, suffering is not stew to be enjoyed but sometimes it can be endured. cool
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by mazaje(m): 6:25am On May 13, 2012
Divorce is good in some cases. . .There is a thing called marrying the wrong person, many people make that mistake and if you do then the best thing is to leave the person and move on. . .Some people are not just it, staying away from them is the best because living with them will only bring you pains and sorrow, it will eventual kill you. . . .I advised my aunt to leave her husband and she did, she was just looking for somebody to support her and I supported her, now she is a very happy person living on her own with her daughter than when she was living with that monster. . .So YES divorce is good sometimes. . .It is always an option in marriages that can not be salvaged. .
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by agiboma(f): 9:32am On May 13, 2012
Busy_body:
All I can add is that it is a relative thing to each individual, but what should be first and foremost in everyone's mind is to think of the children involved, their ages, and remember the fact that:

There is HUSBAND AND WIFE
And then there is DADDY AND MUMMY


So the departing party needs to weigh his or her options properly and maturedly to make sure they are not doing it for selfish reasons or think it is only the other party being punished.

Very true, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by moremi2008(m): 9:49am On May 13, 2012
agiboma:

Very true, the grass is not always greener on the other side.


The same old st[i]u[/i]pid arguments of women with no self-esteem! Agiboma, you need to stop pushing this sorry bandwagon. Time to pack-it-up and go ply another trade! grin
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by jason123: 11:22am On May 13, 2012
I have heard so many stories where a wife will say she wants to leave because her husband cheats, beats etc. The question is, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS WHEN YOU ACCEPTED HIS PROPOSAL?!

Likewise the men, when they say their wives don't give them pleasure in bed, can't cook etc. Did you not see this when you proposed to her?

Once you are IN,its FOR BETTER FOR WORSE!
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Nobody: 12:47pm On May 13, 2012
interesting topic and there is no right or wrong answer as each case has to be judged on its own individual merits. like someone mentioned here, most african woman do not divorce just like that, I can only speak for myself when I say I did it all to stay "married" (I put it in quotes cos sometimes you can be married but living worse than a single person). I took him back after beatings and cheating, insults and everything else you can imagine. However, there comes a time when enough is enough and trust me bringing up children in a toxic environment is the WORSE thing you can do.

so this staying for the kids has also got to be dealt with on an individual basis. I don't wish divorce on anybody and both parties (not just the woman) have to work on their marriage but there comes a point where one has to look at their life and wonder is this life? when you are driven to the point of suicide that is not marriage. Some things cannot be fixed and some people can never change.

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Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by mazaje(m): 1:24pm On May 13, 2012
cotton101: interesting topic and there is no right or wrong answer as each case has to be judged on its own individual merits. like someone mentioned here, most african woman do not divorce just like that, I can only speak for myself when I say I did it all to stay "married" (I put it in quotes cos sometimes you can be married but living worse than a single person). I took him back after beatings and cheating, insults and everything else you can imagine. However, there comes a time when enough is enough and trust me bringing up children in a toxic environment is the WORSE thing you can do.

so this staying for the kids has also got to be dealt with on an individual basis. I don't wish divorce on anybody and both parties (not just the woman) have to work on their marriage but there comes a point where one has to look at their life and wonder is this life? when you are driven to the point of suicide that is not marriage. Some things cannot be fixed and some people can never change.

Word. . . .
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Daresh(f): 4:58pm On May 13, 2012
taryour:

very well said n i totally agree with u. As far as i am concerned divorce isnt an option. As long as kids are already in d union am willing to give it all...

Taryour forgive me but sometimes I don't think you realise that there is another world outside your comfort zone.let me cite examples for you of men and women that left abusive marriages. If you had a lying, cheating, wife beater as a husband, that pummels you at every opportunity and even cuts you with a knife would you say divorce is no option? Will you still think that home a safe place for your kids especially your daughters? I know of a couple, an inlaw, that left his wife and followed another woman. After some years he came back and she forgave him because of theur chikdren. You know where they are now? Both dead of AIDS and the kids they had to protect have bn shared to relatives while the eldest daughter was seen prostituting in Lagos. The other couple is the guy who cut up his wife last year. What happens to the child she did not want to come from a broken home?
Do you think that Nigerian women want to be divorced? With all the stigma attached to single women in this country? Do you know how hard it is for a woman to leave her home? Please some men and women do not deserve to the killed in the name of making it work.

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Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by dayokanu(m): 7:10pm On May 13, 2012
There is no answer to this.

Some issues can be resolved amicably

Some especially those involving violence, Divorce might be a good option
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Johndoe100(m): 9:43pm On May 13, 2012
jason123: I have heard so many stories where a wife will say she wants to leave because her husband cheats, beats etc. The question is, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS WHEN YOU ACCEPTED HIS PROPOSAL?!

Once you are IN,its FOR BETTER FOR WORSE!

Thank you, this is the correct way to view this issue. All the women who say that divorce is ok, they should be ashamed of themselves. They must be loose women of easy virtue. A real woman would stay and fix her home.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by mazaje(m): 9:47pm On May 13, 2012
Johndoe100:

Thank you, this is the correct way to view this issue. All the women who say that divorce is ok, they should be ashamed of themselves. They must be loose women of easy virtue. A real woman would stay and fix her home.

How can only one person fix her home?. . .How can one person alone fight to save her marriage?. . .Will you advise you daughter to stay with a man that does not love her any more and constantly beats her up?. . .Will you remain in a marriage if your wife beats you up constantly?. . .
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by moremi2008(m): 10:10pm On May 13, 2012
jason123: I have heard so many stories where a wife will say she wants to leave because her husband cheats, beats etc. The question is, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS WHEN YOU ACCEPTED HIS PROPOSAL?!

Likewise the men, when they say their wives don't give them pleasure in bed, can't cook etc. Did you not see this when you proposed to her?

Once you are IN,its FOR BETTER FOR WORSE!

This idea that marriage is a life sentence in jail is antiquated. We have had this conversation over and over again in this section. Some people hide their true nature during courtship. Some people change after marriage. There are a thousand and one genuine reasons why marriages fall apart; the onus shouldn't be on the woman to "make it work" regardless of her husband's abuse and philandering. The real challenge is knowing when to draw the line and walk away.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Dimples316(f): 12:38am On May 14, 2012
I get sort of conflicted within me on this issue of divorce, because as a christian woman I've learnt from scripture that God hates divorce and His original plan when creating male and female didn't include divorce. As much as I would like to honour God in all that I do, I struggle with this (divorce),and am not even married yet. grin

I have personally identified 4 circumstances I will not live with in marraiage, and the D word may be an option.
1. Homosexuality: I don't see myself staying married to a man who fancies men.
2. A serial cheater who flaunts his affairs in my face and is un-repentant about his infidelity.
3. A lazy bum who continuously allows me to pick up the bills and fails in his responsibilities as a husband/father,with no justification.
4. Domestice violence/abuse.

God help me but I don't see the phrase "For better, For worse" applying in the scenarios above, for me that phrase means in wealth or poverty, in good or bad times, in sickness and health I will stick with you. In my dictionary that doesn't include 1 to 4 above, I often take my thoughts and feelings on this to Christ, I figure He will deal with me accordingly when the time is right. On the other hand there are so many miserable stories about marriages in this section and in my world I am not sure I want to even go there.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by jason123: 2:05am On May 14, 2012
Johndoe100:

Thank you, this is the correct way to view this issue. All the women who say that divorce is ok, they should be ashamed of themselves. They must be loose women of easy virtue. A real woman would stay and fix her home.

No mind them jare! When they where enjoying the courtship and doing shakara, did they not know it would come back to bite them?! Any small issue in the house now, na divorce! WEAKLINGS (Both the men and women).

moremi2008:

This idea that marriage is a life sentence in jail is antiquated. We have had this conversation over and over again in this section. Some people hide their true nature during courtship. Some people change after marriage. There are a thousand and one genuine reasons why marriages fall apart; the onus shouldn't be on the woman to "make it work" regardless of her husband's abuse and philandering. The real challenge is knowing when to draw the line and walk away.

. . . And that is why it is imperative to PRAY TO GOD for WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING and the ability to be DISCERNING! [/b]It's only cowards who never loved their partners that would run awaydivorce. I mean, it is a family for goodness sake! [b][size=13pt]Would you, as a man, run away from your mother or sister because she did something bad to you?!!

As a woman, would you run away from your brother because he beat you?! (I used these examples because love goes beyond sex although, sex is important!)
[/size]
C'mon, what happens in the family STAYS in the family. If you are not ready, for better for worse, then don't make that vow!!!

You said people change, the question is, WHAT MADE THEM CHANGE?! It's always so easy to blame your partner without looking at yourself. You have to constantly improve yourself. A marriage is a life long learning process, you certainly cannot know everything about your partner (only God can).


Point is, DON'T SAY FOR BETTER FOR WORSE just so you can walk away at the slightest misunderstanding!


. . .and yes, it is a LIFE LONG SENTENCE! It is not a dating trip, you know?!



What in the world happened to the marriage institution?!
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by moremi2008(m): 4:56am On May 14, 2012
jason123:
. . . And that is why it is imperative to PRAY TO GOD for WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING and the ability to be DISCERNING! [/b]It's only cowards who never loved their partners that would run awaydivorce. I mean, it is a family for goodness sake! [b][size=13pt]Would you, as a man, run away from your mother or sister because she did something bad to you?!!

As a woman, would you run away from your brother because he beat you?! (I used these examples because love goes beyond sex although, sex is important!)
[/size]
C'mon, what happens in the family STAYS in the family. If you are not ready, for better for worse, then don't make that vow!!!

You said people change, the question is, WHAT MADE THEM CHANGE?! It's always so easy to blame your partner without looking at yourself. You have to constantly improve yourself. A marriage is a life long learning process, you certainly cannot know everything about your partner (only God can).


Point is, DON'T SAY FOR BETTER FOR WORSE just so you can walk away at the slightest misunderstanding!


. . .and yes, it is a LIFE LONG SENTENCE! It is not a dating trip, you know?!

What in the world happened to the marriage institution?!

If we were all clairvoyant and wise as Solomon, then I guess the world would be a perfect place. Many pastors pray and fast for God's "direction" but still end up marrying the wrong spouses and consequently, getting divorced! Even then, what if you're not religious? Please save st[i]u[/i]pid arguments like this for Bible study.

Your argument comparing one's relationship to a mother/brother to a spousal relationship is a non-starter because its premise is simply false. Lots of people have estranged fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters! People choose to walk away from these relationships ALL the time! No sane adult woman will hang around an adult brother that beats her! Why should she then stay with a violent husband?

Stop advocating stuff you simply picked up from your pastor's interpretation of the Bible. Stop holding half-baked truths and figments of somebody else's imagination as dogma. Divorce IS an option! Nobody prays for a failed marriage but like I said earlier, marriages fail for thousands of legitimate reasons. This construct of marriage as eternal jail-cell is just plain daft.

Sure, you should give it your all but when your all isn't enough, then you have every right to move on with your life! After all, Jesus himself said that marriage isn't recognized in heaven!!! You'll be shocked that even God will laugh at you when you show up at the Pearly Gates before your appointed time because you allowed some earthly husband to beat you to death!
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by omomoller(m): 8:51am On May 14, 2012
Just got married to a london based woman,we spent some weeks together and she traveled back to london.She already filed in for me as her husband at the court but we are having some issues after 3 weeks of her absence.She said i am trying to control her and she hates it with a passion.And dat she has the right to her own fun after i complained about her status on bb.And i asked her y she married me,she replied and said she's fed up and that she cant bear it anymore,we should talk to our pastors to take a decision on the issue.I couldnt sleep all tru the night and am thinking maybe a divorce will help let go all these emotional pains and troubles.I dont knw wot to do right now.could you please advise me b4 i take the wrong step.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by moremi2008(m): 12:47pm On May 14, 2012
omomoller: Just got married to a london based woman,we spent some weeks together and she traveled back to london.She already filed in for me as her husband at the court but we are having some issues after 3 weeks of her absence.She said i am trying to control her and she hates it with a passion.And dat she has the right to her own fun after i complained about her status on bb.And i asked her y she married me,she replied and said she's fed up and that she cant bear it anymore,we should talk to our pastors to take a decision on the issue.I couldnt sleep all tru the night and am thinking maybe a divorce will help let go all these emotional pains and troubles.I dont knw wot to do right now.could you please advise me b4 i take the wrong step.

These are just teething problems and you guys are just working out boundaries. There are no grounds for divorce in your case. Work on your union with love and diligence. Sort out your immigration issues and live as a family for a while. Good luck.
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Nobody: 1:42pm On May 14, 2012
jason123:

No mind them jare! When they where enjoying the courtship and doing shakara, did they not know it would come back to bite them?! Any small issue in the house now, na divorce! WEAKLINGS (Both the men and women).
. . . And that is why it is imperative to PRAY TO GOD for WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, UNDERSTANDING and the ability to be DISCERNING! [/b]It's only cowards who never loved their partners that would run awaydivorce. I mean, it is a family for goodness sake! [b][size=13pt]Would you, as a man, run away from your mother or sister because she did something bad to you?!!

As a woman, would you run away from your brother because he beat you?! (I used these examples because love goes beyond sex although, sex is important!)
[/size]
C'mon, what happens in the family STAYS in the family. If you are not ready, for better for worse, then don't make that vow!!!

You said people change, the question is, WHAT MADE THEM CHANGE?! It's always so easy to blame your partner without looking at yourself. You have to constantly improve yourself. A marriage is a life long learning process, you certainly cannot know everything about your partner (only God can).


Point is, DON'T SAY FOR BETTER FOR WORSE just so you can walk away at the slightest misunderstanding!
. . .and yes, it is a LIFE LONG SENTENCE! It is not a dating trip, you know?!

What in the world happened to the marriage institution?!


You have a few valid points but you are still wrong. Marriage lasts for many years and people do change with time. I am not the person I was when I initially got married and it has nothing to do with my wife. Thank God I have changed for the better (I could have been worse).

Divorce should be the last option after all else has failed but it is still an option. Even the Bible makes it clear what the grounds for divorce are and one of which is sexual immorality (I interprete that as cheating). If there are women out there in abusive relationships (husband beats you everytime) please divorce him. I am sure if he beats you he probably cheats on you as well so you can divorce him and re-marry without committing any sin!
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by kpolli(m): 1:55pm On May 14, 2012
So one should remain unhappy and maybe killed all because she/he doesn't want a divorce. . . O ma se ooo
Re: Do We Actually Need To Divorce Our Partner? by Nobody: 12:34pm On May 15, 2012
......or remain unhappy and alone for the rest of ur life while u parade urself as MARRIED!..........so u wouldnt do the D-word!!! angry

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