I am a 24year old lady, I finished my NYSC service october 2011 and i just got a very good job in lagos last month(may). Now, i am about to get married, my husband to be resides in Abuja and my traditional and church wedding would be comming up on september. My fiance said that i would quit my job immediately after the wedding and relocate to Abuja.
Considering all the stress, depression, troubles and anxiety that i went through when i was searching for a job, i dont think it would be wise for me to quit the job that i just got and relocate to Abuja where i will be staying idle until i get another job which i dont even know how long that will take.
I am thinking of canceling the wedding because i dont want to go through what i went through when i was jobless. But my best friend thinks that canceling the wedding would be a VERY BIG mistake, according to her, "husband is scarce". I am so confused, i dont want to quit my job.
Please, i need some advice from married and experienced people in the house. Which should i choose, marriage or my job?.

How old is your fiancé?

How long have you been together?

Have you considered applying for a job in Abuja now that you've still got the time to?

Never lose a GOOD MAN because of a career, cos that career won't dry your tears when you marry the wrong person

Marriage is about compromise. You must be able to give up the 'I' for the 'us'. So you want to cancel your marriage because of a job? Do you really love the man you want to get married to?
What are his plans for you? I mean if he is willing for you to sacrifice your job to relocate down to abj he must have made provisions for your well being pending the time you get a job.
What's your definition of a job? So many single ladies at the peak of their careers will give up their career for a man to ask for their hand in marriage. Yet you are throwing urs away because of a job. Let me ask is the salary that huge?
I feel you really need to sit and ask yourself deep questions and equally know what you want for yourself and don't expect the man to wait for you coz am sure he won't.

The two ladies above have spoken well. The only reason you will want to cancel the marriage is because you don't love the man. If you love him deeply, that thought won't be in your head.
On another note, i understand why you are confused. I know how difficult it is to get a job, much more a very good one like you mentioned. Whatever decision you arrive at, make sure you apply wisdom ok so won't regret it later.

Since you knew your fiance lives in Abuja, why didn't you look for job there? Am sure you knew he would object to distant marriage so why bother with Lagos in the first place?

Pls leave your marriage and face your career, you think you are still young? Don't worry when a mature lady will take your man away you will C☺M̶̲̥̅ǝ̩̩̩̥ back here and cry a river.

Atleast work 4 d few mnths b4 ur weddin, u cld b lucky dey v a branch in abj, afta ur weddin apply 4 a transfer and if otherwise, u only know wat u want

This situation is not so clear-cut. OP should tell us the financial status of her Fiance. If he can take care of her without a job; girl, you better run and leave that job. Dyt, has given you a good tip that you should try first. However, if you are not sure about the financial status of the man or about him in totality, you might want to think twice!

@OP: U cant just cancel ur wedding cos of ur career, it just doesnt make sense, just like others av said maybe u dont really love him...if not i dnt see why u shld cancel ur wedding. I know a lady who just got a very big job but has refused the offer cos she is gettin married and her hubby stays in Zaria cos he is in d military. Babe, marriage is about compromise and u shld learn to do just dat

Everyday, "choose choose" mentality,why not believe u can have it all,atleast to an extent then make up with compromises and sacrifices
@OP,when are u expected to resume work?
when are u getting married?
Have u and ur husband made efforts or making an effort to get something for u in abuja?

If i were in ur shoes,i wont be thinking of choices,which means one has to go for one to stay but i'd rather be looking for solutions that would allow me have both. . .to an extent.

What kind of person is the fiancee? Was he asleep when she was job hunting? Now the lady has gotten a job he wants her to quit if they are to get married? I suspect, but could be completely wrong, its this kind of person that see's a wife not as an equal with aspirations and ambitions too but just as a glorified house keeper.

You certainly should not put a job before your marriage because a marriage if it works well is for a lifetime.
Besides you are just at the start of your career and so you can make that move to Abuja as soon as you get married. I am sure that if you do well in the short time you work some of your senior colleagues might be able to give you job recommendations in Abuja.
Marriage is about sacrifices and I think you are still going to meet some more.
Distance in a marriage should be avoided as much as possible and there is nothing wrong in a man wanting his wife to be with him after he gets married.
I hope you married a man worthy of respect? If so you should realise that he is making the best decision in the interest of the family.
Then if this is the case you need to submit yourself to his wishes and look forward to a lovely marriage that would be blessed with kids.
Many career women who reached the peak of their career feel empty and unfulfilled without a family.
Just realise you can`t have your cake and eat it so sometimes you have to give up one thing for the other.
I can assure you it is easier to find a job than a husband and...
it is certainly much easier to manage a bad job than a bad husband.
If you have a man that loves you and is ready to share his life with you do not throw it awayf or something material ...

I believe you are still very angry at your husband. Yes its hard to find a real man that wants to share his life with you because well adjusted, right thinking men are few in number. If your husband is one of those that are few in number you should talk to him and let him know the importance of the job to you. Being a house wife will be very hard for someone like you and it may cause you to resent your hubby. Balance is key in everything don't throw a real man away because of a job at the same time marriage is not about the husband's fulfillment your personal fulfillment too matters.

After all you can get a transfer to where ever husband is after working for like a year depending on the organization. The way I see it its both of you that need to make the right sacrifices not just you.

Hold ur man tight my dear,jobs will always come but husbands dont. If ur hubby dosnt love u he wuldnt tell u to resign but rather tell u both to mantain a distance affair which isnt healthy for ur early union. Be wise my dear.

chaircover: In the car so excuse my "disjointed" post

My take is somewhat different. I dont believe in resentful wives and I dont believe in one sided decisions.

This girl has explained how long it took her to find this job. We all know what that means; the disappointments, the frustrations, the questioning herself if she is good enough and so on. She was probably offered sex in exchange for jobs severally, she would have watched people not as qualified as her stroll in and get the job simply because their dads were friends with the managing director. This is Nigeria.

She finally gets the job and now hubby to be has told her to resign. My question is what was he looking at all the while his finance was looking for a job in Lagos, when he knew that she will be settling down in Abuja with him. Question number two what is he doing/strings he is pulling to get his wife a job in Abuja? Its not just good enough saying resign.

LOVE!!! works both ways. If she loves him, yes to give up a career and marry him, but if he loves her he wouldn't want to put her in an unhappy situation either.

without any information to hand such as the length of the relationship, the guys financial status, his age, and if the wife has any dependents etc. I can only advise blindly and that is to say that they meet halfway; they start looking for a job in Abuja and postpone the marriage for a few months which will give the wife enough time to save up some money, satisfy her need to work and time for them to both find a job or start a business in Abuja.

1. Poster where are you? see people asking you questions and you are not here to reply, this attitude iritates me.

2. CC, infact it is as if you were using my mind and fingers to type out exactly what i was thinking, i was already frowning at some posts till i saw yours, then i smiled, at least i am not alone..in my thoughts*****

3. Poster look for a job in Abuja, or try to work out a transfer if you could, it will be unwise for you to cancel your wedding because of a job and also crazy to leave your job for a life you don't know how it is going to be. So think very well before you act.

I don't understand. WOuld you rather work in Lagos while your husband is in Abuja. Interesting.
But really its obvious you are not feeling this marriage thing. So i'll advise you cancel the marriage, go and enjoy working for a while and hope for the better. At 24 you are quite young, so that should give you time to enjoy your youthfulness and also get a husband. If you enter marriage with the way you are feeling, you will only make a sulky, very angry and useless wife. You have to enter marriage believing that is the best thing that ever happen to you, so you'll be able to give it your best. Marriage is as good as the couple want it to be. If you show love you'll surely get it, if you married a good man. But, you have to be ready to show love. I think it would be difficult for you to show this love when thinking of the missed opportunities.

At 24,some women don born 3 pikin. . .if na lie make crocodile bite my nyansh.

abeg, from her explanation i feeel she should suspend the wedding for now, prolly till next year. she has gone through some rough 'ish before getting this job. suspend and give yourself time to think and plan your life well. if where she's got dis job is a good place then getting a good man wont be her problem

jennykadry: How old is your fiancé?

How long have you been together?

Have you considered applying for a job in Abuja now that you've still got the time to?

Never lose a GOOD MAN because of a career, cos that career won't dry your tears when you marry the wrong person

U too much, GOOD MEN , we are not many

no1madman: At 24,some women don born 3 pikin. . .if na lie make crocodile bite my nyansh.

. Those are illiterate women who see a man as God.

contemplating trading your husband to be for a job ? This is not funny....

I believe the man is comfortable and ready to take care of you... right ? if yes, then what's your problem ? must your work ? can't he establish a biz for you ?

Use your head...

Follow your mind....

Simple answer. If you have to ask the question, dont marry the man.

Marriage is all about compromise. Does the company have a branch in Abuja? If yes, somebody out there might also be seeking a transfer to lagos !!!
Seek options and speak to your future husband about all options available.
Good luck.

I know how difficult it is to get a job, much more a very good one like you mentioned. Whatever decision you arrive at, make sure you apply wisdom ok so won't regret it later.[img]http://www.keyforex.info/iPad.gif[/img]

chaircover: In the car so excuse my "disjointed" post

My take is somewhat different. I dont believe in resentful wives and I dont believe in one sided decisions.

This girl has explained how long it took her to find this job. We all know what that means; the disappointments, the frustrations, the questioning herself if she is good enough and so on. She was probably offered sex in exchange for jobs severally, she would have watched people not as qualified as her stroll in and get the job simply because their dads were friends with the managing director. This is Nigeria.

She finally gets the job and now hubby to be has told her to resign. My question is what was he looking at all the while his finance was looking for a job in Lagos, when he knew that she will be settling down in Abuja with him. Question number two what is he doing/strings he is pulling to get his wife a job in Abuja? Its not just good enough saying resign.

LOVE!!! works both ways. If she loves him, yes to give up a career and marry him, but if he loves her he wouldn't want to put her in an unhappy situation either.

without any information to hand such as the length of the relationship, the guys financial status, his age, and if the wife has any dependents etc. I can only advise blindly and that is to say that they meet halfway; they start looking for a job in Abuja and postpone the marriage for a few months which will give the wife enough time to save up some money, satisfy her need to work and time for them to both find a job or start a business in Abuja.

You really read my mind....what if she has family/siblings depending on her for their upkeep? If the fiance is in love that much to want to marry her,let him ask her what she truly and really want with this job,moreover,must a woman be d one to make sacrifices in every relationship?yea yea!!!I get it women must be submissive right? Rubbish!!!!!!!!

When u picked a wedding date, u shud have moved ur job search to abuja. . . But from the tone of ur message, u don't love ur fiancee so u can afford to dump him

if he'e "FINANCIALLY BUOYANT", go ahead n quit d job Babe..... offer valid while stock last!

i dont think its wise to cancel your wedding because of your job. you may want to terminate your job, you will find another in abuja, hopefully