A kaffir's guide to muslim women (non-hijab)


Okay, since I have been rebuked here by many because of my relentless criticizing of things I dont agree with in Islam, I have decided to write a funny thread (Maclajunji willing) that all can enjoy! . Remember, this is for laughs.



So, I have dated 2 muslim girls and I am friends with many of them. These are muslim girls from Nigeria, UK Pakistan, UAE and other parts of Africa. I am going to explain the issues with dating muslim girls from a non-muslim perspective.

Firstly, there are two ground rules;

Rule 1;
First of all, hijab/burkah girls are off limit for Kaffir. I talk to them but I never, ever flirt with them. It takes a lot of guts to wear hijab in the UK and so, many of the hijab girls are actually devout. You cant get away with flirting with them. When I was in university, we had this marketing class we did where we discussed marketing in Islamic countries. You can not just go and ask muslim women in islamic countries "what type of underwear do you like" when doing a marketing survey unlike in the West where you will get both laughs and answers. So, my friends and I did this marketing test survey where we would ask student girls (face to face with clipboards to look as if we were seriousy working for a lingerie company) their favorite type of underwear. The hijab/niqaab/burkah girls were the ones who were more likely to ignore us. However, some of them answered, surprisingly!

www.nairaland.com/attachments/756280_Kaffir_pngb1e260d9a0eb5c1c2754c06f9d5dfa03


Rule 2;
Secondly, you must never say that you're an atheist and you must know something about islam. There is nothing more turning off for a religious lady from a guy than being an atheist. First, your stance is already an insult to Allah (denying) him and secondly, you will seem more like a capitalist infidel because atheism is the new "religion" of the West. It is easier to say that you're a christian (good, people of the book!) or you're an agnostic that is drawn to islam. You must make sure that you imprint it in her mind that you are drawn to certain islamic principles. The muslim girl will probably believe that you have a chance of converting .



Okay, so after the rules, here are some tips I learnt;

-Generally, find out how much "Westernized" or "devout" she is and act accordingly. Different girls have different levels. Use a scale from 1-5.

5 is the highest which means she likes to talk non-stop about the suffering of the Palestine a lot, she praises Allah every second and she is anti-capitalist.
4 is the next level which means she is still a bit devout but she uses the internet to watch islamic videos (She's a fan of Tariq Ramadan and Hamza Tzortis)
3 is the middle level which means she mixes capitalism with islam sometimes. She watches fashion shows but still prays five times a day.
2 is the lower level which means she mixes capitalism with islam always. She knows how to gyrate to hip ho music but is at the mosque on friday.
1 is the best level which means that she is a rebel, she dislikes the burkah, she is down for anything haraam but not in front of her family.

-Have some muslim friends. This will show her that you can relate to muslims and she will be able to introduce you to her "cool" muslim friends as well. In my case I was friends with a popular muslim student. Some even thought that I was muslim. Call me halal boy

-Find halal common ground. There will be islamic things that she likes that you will like as well. Use it to your advantage. For instance, when I was getting to know my girlfriend, we used to look at islamic fashion and also talk about Eid food. We both loved halal chicken. Also, we used to bash American imperialism together. We tag teamed and destroyed a british lawyer at a dinner discussion who was supporting the Iraq war and saying that Islam is evil. She probably fell in love with my debunking ability.


-Watch out for the muslim male relatives (aka the guardians). If they catch you, it is gameover. End of story. Some douchebags who are not relatives also appoint themselves as "the guardian" of the girl. You will know them by their actions- they are older guys who will tell the girl to be serious in her faith and give her islamic advice. In short, I dont know who appointed them as the girl's muezzin.


-Shave only a little. I got this advice from a muslim prince (not really, but a rich guy). If you leave too much beard, you will look like a radical and if you shave everything off, you're an infidel. Leave a little hair so that you will look muslim but not too much that you will look like someone that needs 4 wives and has a sword under his cloak.

-Also have clean floors for prayers in case she stays over at your place.

Interesting read.
I wonder what university it was that had so many Muslim women for you to be able to study and carry out this 'in-depth' analysis.

5 is the highest which means she likes to talk non-stop about the suffering of the Palestine a lot, she praises Allah every second and she is anti-capitalist.
4 is the next level which means she is still a bit devout but she uses the internet to watch islamic videos (She's a fan of Tariq Ramadan and Hamza Tzortis)
3 is the middle level which means she mixes capitalism with islam sometimes. She watches fashion shows but still prays five times a day.
2 is the lower level which means she mixes capitalism with islam always. She knows how to gyrate to hip ho music but is at the mosque on friday.
1 is the best level which means that she is a rebel, she dislikes the burkah, she is down for anything haraam but not in front of her family.

This type of classification is the same for basically every religious person, male or female. There is always the extremist, the moderate and the indifferent.

Secondly, you must never say that you're an atheist and you must know something about islam. There is nothing more turning off for a religious lady from a guy than being an atheist. First, your stance is already an insult to Allah (denying) him and secondly, you will seem more like a capitalist infidel because atheism is the new "religion" of the West. It is easier to say that you're a christian (good, people of the book!) or you're an agnostic that is drawn to islam. You must make sure that you imprint it in her mind that you are drawn to certain islamic principles. The muslim girl will probably believe that you have a chance of converting

Tsk tsk tsk . . . . . . .

@ Fellis,


Dont lie, you probably have a non-muslim boyfriend at school.


On a serious note, I just wrote this as a joke. I mixed some of my personal observations in there as well. So, please dont be insulted as a muslim girl, I am not an authority on muslim women.

Cheers01: @ Fellis,


Dont lie, you probably have a non-muslim boyfriend at school.

Lol. Na you sabi.

Cheers01:
On a serious note, I just wrote this as a joke. I mixed some of my personal observations in there as well. So, please dont be insulted as a muslim girl, I am not an authority on muslim women.

Ok. Why the obsessionfascination with them? Prior to this you used to almost always talk about your Muslim girlfriends . . .

fellis:

Lol. Na you sabi.



Ok. Why the obsessionfascination with them? Prior to this you used to almost always talk about your Muslim girlfriends . . .

Calm down. I am not obsessed with muslim girls. Rather, it is people (muslims) that are obsessed with my muslim girlfriends when I date them.

Look, I wouldnt be talking about muslim girls if people did not forbid me from dating them. This is what I use to bash islam. Have you ever heard me talking about my christian girlfriend? No. This is because it is normal (christian v atheist) unlike when my life is in danger because non-muslim men are not allowed to date muslim girls.


BTW, I am guessing that Tbaba and Big Mac aint your type. They wouldnt watch Naruto just because he eats ramen with pork or Shizune has a pig.

Cheers01:

BTW, I am guessing that Tbaba and Big Mac aint your type. They wouldnt watch Naruto just because he eats ramen with pork or Shizune has a pig.

Very funny. Using naruto as criteria for determining who is your type and who isn't.

They seem to be nice guys, taking their online personalities into consideration.I just assume they are mature men, married with kids.
Besides I am not on NL to find 'my type', so that is irrelevant.


What university were you talking about if you don't mind my asking?

fellis:

Very funny. Using naruto as criteria for determining who is your type and who isn't.

They seem to be nice guys, taking their online personalities into consideration.I just assume they are mature men, married with kids.
Besides I am not on NL to find 'my type', so that is irrelevant.


What university were you talking about if you don't mind my asking?

What are old men doing on nairaland? Seriously? Anyways, I was just joking about Tbaba and MAC. Of course, Nairaland is not a dating site. If you notice, I dont toast females here unlike some pervs here. "sweetie" "darling", "luv" . I am an equal opportunity basher- I debunk both men and women.



Anyways, I am sorry but I cant give you the name of my university. While I like to talk about my life in general, I dont give specific details on Nairaland.


As for Naruto. Once a girl watches naruto, she falls into a certain category. Sorry. I can guess some certain things about you.

Cheers01:

. I am an equal opportunity basher- I debunk both men and women.

Cool.

Cheers01:

As for Naruto. Once a girl watches naruto, she falls into a certain category. Sorry. I can guess some certain things about you.

I'm intrigued. What can you guess?

fellis:

Cool.




I'm intrigued. What can you guess?

A girl that watches Naruto;

-is very likely to be open to new things. (Ehem japanese?)
-is very likely to be a geek or at least, technology savvy
-is young.


I am too good at this

All this is nothing

Cheers01:
-is very likely to be a geek or at least, technology savvy

The first thread on my profile is tech related, that's probably why you wrote this.

Cheers01:
-is young.

Well obviously, I have said it over and over on this section that I am in the university

Cheers01:
I am too good at this

Go and sit down you didn't guess anything.

fellis: All this is nothing


The first thread on my profile is tech related, that's probably why you wrote this.



Well obviously, I have said it over and over on this section that I am in the university



Go and sit down you didn't guess anything.

Lmao, do you think that I check your profile or something?

But were you seriously thinking that I was going to reveal something personal? I am not some guru or prophet!


Anyways, I can say something for sure, you seem the type of girl that can date a non-muslim.

Cheers01:
Lmao, do you think that I check your profile or something?

No, you probably peeked in order to compile your list.

Cheers01:
Anyways, I can say something for sure, you seem the type of girl that can date a non-muslim.

Why do you say this? Because of Naruto?

fellis:

No, you probably peeked in order to compile your list.



Why do you say this? Because of Naruto?

Well, from talking with you, you dont sound like the "Aisha" type. You know, girls that actually act like they are married to the prophet.


Also, anyone that is into naruto or videogames has to be an open person. Technology knows no race or colour or religion.


You are also a skeptic. You said certain things about religion that shows that you can think for yourself.

I guess, i will be a bad influence on you because clearly, I'm a funny guy that can really argue against religion. I almost converted my first muslim girlfriend. I loved her too much to make her an atheist in the midst of her muslim family.

Cheers01:

Also, anyone that is into naruto or videogames has to be an open person. Technology knows no race or colour or religion.

I don't know about this, because the person that introduced me to Naruto was actually a serious Muslim.
That followed the show very ardently, had dvds upon dvds of the seasons.
Dude, Naruto is just interesting. I think anyone can like it, theist or atheist.

Cheers01:
You are also a skeptic. You said certain things about religion that shows that you can think for yourself.

Really? I don't remember saying anything skeptical about religion . . . . are you trying to play mind games or something?

Cheers01:
I guess, i will be a bad influence on you because clearly, I'm a funny guy that can really argue against religion. I almost converted my first muslim girlfriend. I loved her too much to make her an atheist in the midst of her muslim family.

Good. Please don't convert any of your Muslim girlfriends, leave them as they are. Thank you.

fellis:
I don't know about this, because the person that introduced me to Naruto was actually a serious Muslim.
That followed the show very ardently, had dvds upon dvds of the seasons.
Dude, Naruto is just interesting. I think anyone can like it, theist or atheist.

Calm down, I said "open". A muslim or christian can be open. Open means that you are ready to learn new things- it doesnt mean that you have no religion.

fellis:
Really? I don't remember saying anything skeptical about religion . . . . are you trying to play mind games or something?

Play mind games? Even the very fact that you are commenting on this thread shows that you're comfortable with what most muslims will see as haraam. We are here discussing pre-marital relationships between muslims and non-muslims.


Furthermore, I dont have time now to show you your past comments that are quite skeptical. I will do when I have time.

fellis:
Good. Please don't convert any of your Muslim girlfriends, leave them as they are. Thank you.

Okay. What about putting doubt? A muslim with doubt about the religion?

Cheers01:

Calm down, I said "open". A muslim or christian can be open. Open means that you are ready to learn new things- it doesnt mean that you have no religion.

I see.

Cheers01:
Play mind games? Even the very fact that you are commenting on this thread shows that you're comfortable with[b] what most muslims will see as haraam.[/b] We are here discussing pre-marital relationships between muslims and non-muslims.

Woah, that would be some really funny extremist behaviour.

Cheers01:
Okay. What about putting doubt? A muslim with doubt about the religion?

Haha. No.
No, putting doubt is not allowed either. If you put doubts she might end up converting and you said you don't want that to happen abi?

@ Fellis,

Remember this picture you put up?


www.nairaland.com/attachments/754141_Militants_jpg1b27d824229527725a40f3f58a6d151a


Can you explain how this is not a swipe at religion?

Cheers01: @ Fellis,
Can you explain how this is not a swipe at religion?

There was militant everything there, both theists and atheists. This is what I understand militant to mean by the way;

mil•i•tant [míllit'nt]
adjective
1. aggressive: extremely active in the defense or support of a cause, often to the point of extremism
2. involved in fighting: engaged in fighting or warfare

So I don't really support it whether from Muslims or non Muslims, I don't support any form of extremism.

fellis:


There was militant everything there, both theists and atheists. This is what I understand militant to mean by the way;



So I don't really support it whether from Muslims or non Muslims, I don't support any form of extremism.

Nope, the meaning of the picture is that religious militants of today will kill while atheists and agnostics are quite harmless on the computer.

Cheers01:
Nope, the meaning of the picture is that religious militants of today will kill while atheists are quite harmless on the computer.

Not completely harmless. Words can also have negative effects on the reader.

fellis:
Not completely harmless. Words can also have negative effects on the reader.

I have been writing articles critical about religion. How harmful have I been to you? Remember that I have been described many times as a "militant atheist", "nuisance", "evangelical atheist", "hatetheist" etc on Nairaland

Cheers01:

I have been writing articles critical about religion. How harmful have I been to you? Remember that I have been described many times as a "militant atheist", "nuisance", "evangelical atheist", "hatetheist" etc on Nairaland

lol, even satan.
You don't appear to be dangerous/harmful to me but I can't say the same for others. Besides you might have unwittingly caused harm to people, emotional or in any other form.

fellis:


lol, even satan.
You don't appear to be dangerous/harmful to me but I can't say the same for others. Besides you might have unwittingly caused harm to people, emotional or in any other form.

Emotional harm? Do you have any idea how it feels to be continually told that you're immoral, spawn of the devil and a fool? If someoen can dish it, the person can also take it.



However, in summary, you would either fall in love with a westernized muslim or a non-muslim. I say this without a doubt.


Love is not something you control. Lets try a hypothetical situation (disclaimer, I am in no way toasting you);

-You meet someone like me; a rich and handsome guy that is not muslim
-You find out that you have many things in common. You play videogames together, like the same food, like to travel to many countries.
-You find out that most of your muslim male friends do not understand you like he does.
-You miss him even though you dont want to be close to him since he is not a muslim
-He makes you laugh
-He respects your religion but he can give good debates with you on religion. He makes you even think about some things in your religion which you havent thought about



This is what happened between me and my muslim girlfriend. This happens to many religious girls around the world.

Cheers01:
However, in summary, you would either fall in love with a westernized muslim or a non-muslim. I say this without a doubt.


Love is not something you control. Lets try a hypothetical situation (disclaimer, I am in no way toasting you);

-You meet someone like me; [size=15pt]a rich and handsome guy[/size] that is not muslim

Hahahaha. Whatever you say.

Cheers01:
-You find out that you have many things in common. You play videogames together, like the same food, like to travel to many countries.
-You find out that most of your muslim male friends do not understand you like he does.
-You miss him even though you dont want to be close to him since he is not a muslim
-He makes you laugh
-He respects your religion but he can give good debates with you on religion. He makes you even think about some things in your religion which you havent thought about
This is what happened between me and my muslim girlfriend. This happens to many religious girls around the world.

I see your point. The sad thing is that those 'westernized Muslims as you put it, are the ones that actually like playing and goofing around like me.
I don't know if it's cos I am still sort of young. Maybe when I get older I'll be interested in more serious things like the non-westernized Muslims and probably marry one in the end.
I don't know, maybe.

fellis:
Hahahaha. Whatever you say.



I see your point. The sad thing is that those 'westernized Muslims as you put it, are the ones that actually like playing and goofing around like me.
I don't know if it's cos I am still sort of young. Maybe when I get older I'll be interested in more serious things like the non-westernized Muslims and probably marry one in the end.
I don't know, maybe.

We shall see. As for me, I am guessing that I would get married to an atheist or bhuddist. Many of my friends are Asian.

My latest thread;

https://www.nairaland.com/992457/atheist-afraid-dark

Cheers01:


We shall see. As for me, I am guessing that I would get married to an atheist or bhuddist. Many of my friends are Asian.

So what happens to the Muslim gf now? Heartbreak?

fellis:
So what happens to the Muslim gf now? Heartbreak?

First muslim girlfriend = heartbreak over a year ago thanks to the muslim bigots.

2nd muslim girlfriend= was always going to fail from experience. was just for fun

Cheers and fellis oya e don do
You should get a room

As for you cheers, kudos my guy
I like your tactics I have to say
I did a similar tactic to be close to a girl before
Am sure you created this thread not because of to reveal your affairs with your muslims girlfriend but to get a chance to set your p with fellis
I can see its working,
Kudos

xterra2: Cheers and fellis oya e don do
You should get a room

As for you cheers, kudos my guy
I like your tactics I have to say
I did a similar tactic to be close to a girl before
Am sure you created this thread not because of to reveal your affairs with your muslims girlfriend but to get a chance to set your p with fellis
I can see its working,
Kudos

Haba!


Fellis is too smart for my silly tricks.

Tooo smart ?
Not so afterall.
See the long conversation you guys had
Even very personal things :-x
I assume you don't stay in nigeria, maybe only for holidays but share your experiences with hausa muslims girls if you have any

E be like sey I go use your tactic for one girl here, am thinking of a thread to open
Where is fellis sef ?