₦airaland Forum

Truvelisback:
In Nigeria, once your education doesn't make you financially bouyant or put food on your table, it seems useless to them. As a matter of fact, most of us believed that finishing tertiary institutions would make us turn rich over night, build our own houses and have our own cars. That was the drive we had that prompted us to tertiary schools.

Not so in some society

Nobody wants to be Lord of the rings. Engagement is not marriage. Tick says the clock tick tick, what you have to do, do quick.

Although engagement ring is a symbol of commitment to courtship that precedes the marriage ceremony, some ladies feel shy wearing it everywhere. You can talk to her, let her know what it symbolises and that her wearing it means a lot to you. Don't let it be a weapon you're using to 'tie' her down. If you ask me, the courtship shouldn't precede more than a year before marriage. Do what you have to do on time. Goodluck!

Education should not be a criterion for success. Many in this part of the world are wrongly trained to believe education should/ would yield success. So they think acquiring degrees/ certificates would give them success. It does pave the way for success for some people but not all.

Education is a necessity. It cures the mind of ignorance, illiteracy and brings enlightenment. But you shouldn't stop there, you must give yourself 'real education' that involves mindset refinement based on truths, quality information, etc that would shape your life, right thinking, interaction, relationship and personality.

Success is also relative. Your personal wins are your successes but we(especially in Africa)are shaped to believe that money, houses, statuses, cars etc equates success. That is why I said education is not enough, mindset refinement is required.

Note:
Money, houses, statuses, cars, etc are measurable indicators of personal wins( success). Your success should be your own personal wins, no matter how ' little' it may seem to you.

Emancipate yourself. Rather than wallowing in self pity and cursing your gender. Search within yourself for answers. Why is pussy chasing your primary agender? Have you taken care of your physical appearance, character, confidence, personality, spirituality and finances? When you do, people will be attracted to you. Have you built friendship first with people or you're more interested in getting a 'yes' from random people who hardly know you. That will be unfair to them. Leave 'clout' chasing for now and focus on yourself and your happiness, the right one will come your way when you do. Mind you, women are also not having it easy.

Life is actually getting tougher for people especially in this part of our world. If that will save your budget and you are certain you'll have your privacy and freedom and respect, why do you need validation from anyone? I mean N850k Nigerian Naira is a big money to save, invest, buy land in the future and build.
If you are given an apartment in your father's compound, you can marry and have your kids. Just look for a lady who shares the same vision with you.

I have seen a family whose children are all living with them with their grandchildren. Their dad(grandpa) has about 6 flats in one compound and his 3 sons have a flat each(where they stay with their wives and kids). Wisdom today is profitable to direct.

If you are broke as a man, please don't stay broke. You do not need validation from a woman to move yourself up the pedestal. You just need to do it for yourself and your growth especially if you're in this part of our world. Get yourself skilled, even in small skills like driving, barbing, building and construction work,etc; these are menial skills that a man can earn 3-5k Nigerian Naira per day. Don't stay broke as this is not good for your mental health, relationship,etc.

Light skinned, dark skinned. People have their preferences and are entitled to it. I have seen light skinned that are attractive and dark skinned that are shiny and attractive and I have seen otherwise. Whatever skin you find yourself, be secure and confident, do not let anyone make you feel otherwise. Anyone who despises you or make you look little based on your looks does not deserve you but is carnal and insecure.

mirrael68:
Praise God for you and all who extol His Holy name.

Thank you.






























































All thanks to God.

Till date, I'll forever be grateful to God Almighty for my husband and the father of my kids. My husband is a perfect fit for me.
I thank God for bringing such a man my way. It could only have been God.

When I see the very wicked men, heartless ones, immatured ones, foolish ones, selfish ones, women haters, women shamers, abusers,etc that have infiltrated our world, I just keep thanking God. Guess I am among the few lucky ones cause I haven't faced marital challenges that is beyond me.

If you're single and wishing to be married to be the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. I'll advice you don't ridicule yourself with a list( I want a man or woman who is blah blah blah). Be the list. Build yourself to maturity. Strip yourself of every carnal desires and you'll get who/what you want.

I don't want to believe that people marry who they deserve 'cause He's a God of mercy.

Your use of words says a lot about your character and personality. Truly, you are what you attract. Before you start bragging about how many 'old cargoes' and 'feminist' you've slept with. Take time to work on your mindset and build your character so you can attract the good.
Reading through your post got me irritated because there was nothing beautiful about what you wrote. I thank God for the good young guys out there. Atleast there's hope for our daughters. Also learn discipline so you wouldn't be hopping from one old hag to another. Of course it will take a desperado to be attracted to someone like you.

1. Relief your wife of every trauma she might be experiencing.
2. Relief her of every stress.when some women are stressed, they hardly think of sex.
3. Keep clean, dress well and smell good.
4. Play with your wife and buy her new stuff.
5. Exrecise patience and pray for her. With time, she'll come around. 'e thing is even if you cheat, some women don't care.

Did you post this to make fun of christianity? But if your post is real. Here are my answers to your questions.

1. No, you cannot become a second wife to a married man as a christian. It is unlawful and unscriptural. If you were already married before converting, then it's permissible but as a christian. It's called an unequal yoking and you're seen as living in fornication or unmarried.

2. You cannot love a married man as a christian. It's misplaced priority, inordinate affection, lust and misplaced affection. Not having sex with him doesn't make it right. It should help you cut off from him immediately.

3. According to what you said, the man is not rich. You'll hate yourself if you enter that marriage. A poor man who's struggling to cater for his 3 kids and wife is who you want to rope yourself with. Be ready to sponsor your marriage, pay bills and handle your responsibilities when the time comes. It is when you start handling marriage responsibilities your eyes will clear.

4. Desperation won't help you unless you have your own plans figured out. If you don't mind later becoming a single mother, then you can go ahead, but ensure you have your own money, apartment, job/business and mentally ready to be sharing d.ck and 'maydeymaydey' with his wife.

5. Best you cut off that man. This is infatuation not love.

You removed the initial post but from what i was able to read from what someone quoted, i would say if you must leave or have left, Please stick to this statement you made.

Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

I say so because I faulted many things in you from what you posted. Did you not court your man before marriage? Are you very unforgiving? Do you take your husband's words so much into heart that it gives you sleepless night? Why do you care so much about who does the dishes or laundry or who doesn't? I'm not saying your husband is right or you should stay if you don't want to but i'm saying some people could make this same situation of yours work by making life easy for themselves. Marriage can sometimes be two very different people who just found a wise and sensible way of living, managing, enduring and enjoying themselves. I'm sure partners who have lived for years would say it's not been a bed of roses but roses have definitely been shared.

Well, I told you to stick to your statement because once you leave with two kids, there are men waiting to take advantage of you. You may find love again but it's going to be another level to deal with and you know you can't keep amorous relationships because you have kids looking up to you and you wouldn't want them to see you as an irresponsible mother. All the best and please heal fast.

From your write-up, you're spending too much time on the academical or book learning. Look out for what your son is good at and let him build a skill/skills on it/them, albeit ensure he gets education even if he's poor at it. I am not a professional therapist but from environmental experience, your child may have had a trauma(brain injury, etc) when he was born/young that has affected his learning.

I'd say you build him on his inate skills and let him be excellent at them. The education aspect is just to get his reading, writing and communication skills aright.

I've had school colleagues whom people termed as dullard outstandingly succeed in different endeavours more than the bright ones.

If you're well-off, you can enroll him in a special school and give him a personal therapist. It may not cure him but it would definitely help him become the best of him.

I'd rate a 9. My childhood days were some of my best: genuine friends, pure and youthful exuberance, funfilled education and plenty jolliment without having to worry about money. The missing 1 mark is that i didn't get to study abroad which was my childhood dream.

This is a common occurrence in many nigerian homes. I do not think you have an entitlement mentality because in this case, you're not making any demands from anyone. It is natural to seek or desire help from someone so close to you.

I would advice you redirect your mind. Stop seeing that your sister as a breadwinner. Act like she isn't in the picture while maintaining cordial relationship with all. If you don't, you'll build hatred and enemity in your heart. Thing is, you can't force people to help you, regardless of who they are. Live your life and try make a success of it.

Even if dem call family meeting ontop this matter. E no sure say that your rich sister money go reach you. I bin dey wonder if na all the lineage of Dangote get money?Our help comes from God. Look to God for your help.

People(not just married men) cheat because they want to. It's a choice they choose to make.

It has nothing to do with who or what the other partner is or does. You cheat because you want to.

I hope he didn't infect her with sexually transmitted disease, cause when they plead like this, it's either he's gotten someone pregnant or.... just kidding though. Maybe he's come to his senses. wonders!

It's the least promoted birth control method in my opinion, yet the only contraceptive that protects against stds.

More awareness, mindset reorientation, and implementation, condoms would compete with other contraceptive methods.

Most naija men would rather go skin to skin for clumsy reasons, diring the consequences.

Oga, before you travel to Ghana, how much do you have with you? So with all the states in Nigeria, it is Ghana you're thinking of. A country where some universities there are like some nigerian secondary schools. Ok, they have steady light and water, but do you know how much they pay for the basic amenities when you convert their currency to nigerian naira. with their good roads(there are still many bad roads), accidents still happen there.

Well, having been to the west african countries(Ghana, benin republic, togo)Nigeria is still the best west african country. In infrastructure, job, etc. They pay rent monthly but do you know what they pay monthly is what some people pay yearly in some suburban states in Nigeria. Dey play. Many nigerians don't pay for water if they have a borehole.

The irony is that even though their currency is higher, what you'll get there is practically the same amount or value you get for goods and services here in Nigeria. So you're practically losing your money being there.

Another thing is the language. Yes, Ghana is an english speaking country but just as most people communicate in pidgin here and still mix their local languages. It is the same in Ghana. If you're thinking of being away from family and friends, that may be a good reason but there are so many nigerians in Ghana that you may not really feel you're in another country.

Regardless, moving to Ghana should depend on your purpose and budget. You should have enough money for travel, accommodation, living expenses before getting a job or starting a business, else you'll join the train of nigerians living hand to mouth and robbing Ghanaians.

You say you want to save 200k to relocate. 100k may not even take you to Ghana.

BafanaBafana:
Assuming I noticed a girl has infections, vagina infection I mean. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings?

Do not tell her outrightly. Ask to take her out, you can take her to an eatery first, pay for her meal, then take her to a laboratory. There and then, tell her what you noticed/ observed, tell her to run tests and that you're willing to pay for her tests and treatment. Also advice her on keeping good hygiene and sexual health.
A little kindness can go a long way and if she's a sensible girl, she'll forever thank you for it.

I think I may tell my son this someday. There's truth hidden behind your post, even though you didn't communicate it well. People came about this stuff as a result of pornography and misrepresented facts. There're even those who parade themselves as marriage counsellors who promote stuffs like this including sexchatting and nudes exchange between couples.
The world would save itself a lot of diseases, infections, divorces and so much vices with right, timely and factual information, which are not necessarily religious.

Save yourself these stories by getting the legal counsel of a qualified lawyer. You'll thank yourself for it.

Nicenancy:
Good evening

So my husband was visited by his mother. My husband has a habit of praying at night. He began praying (not loud) at midnight. His mother who was in the other room rushed in and said

"stop that, so something doesn't enter your mind."

There have been several instances where my mother in law has treated my husband like he is a stranger

One Christmas, my husband bought clothes for his mother — his mother rejected them, "they are not quality, why don't you use them yourself?"

She is used to assassinating my husband's character to virtually everybody.

Is this normal?

Mind your business. Your husband should be the one concerned about what happens between him and his mother.

PS mind you, people have the right to accept/ reject a gift. It's unfair to force your gift on someone. She gave him her reason for not accepting his gift and you tag her evil?

Divaan:
I just want you to know that this statement was originally made by popular man of God whom a lot of people respect(Rev Chris Oyakhilome ) These was several years ago. I
'hijacking'what someone said,
you should know and understand why the statement was made, to whom it was made and under what circumstances it was made. If there's no 100% clarity, better don't tow that line 'cause you'd get yourself and others more confused than convinced.

I am not justifying anyone, just saying we should understand a statement fully before preaching a message on it, like the topic the OP posted above.

I just want you to know that this statement was originally made by popular man of God whom a lot of people respect(Rev Chris Oyakhilome ) These was several years ago. I think before 'hijacking'what someone said, you should know and understand why the statement was made, to whom it was made and under what circumstances it was made. If there's no 100% clarity, better don't tow that line 'cause you'd get yourself and others more confused than convinced.

When life gives you lemon, make lemonade

You may not really understand until you become a mother. Even if you hated your mother, you will give her some love or atleast some respect when you become a mother. It is better experienced than said.
I know a few men play the alpha role in child care, growth and development and so earn their children's love but most of these responsibilities are carried out by women. So we say women are gold. Motherhood is a life-long fulltime job with no salary attach.

I would have asked if you could do this with your sister but I remembered my next house neighbour who just got jailed for sleeping with his daughter. He's been sleeping with his underage teenager for years despite having a wife and numerous side chicks. So, immorality is not a function of how many bedmates you have but a function of WHO YOU ARE.

With the feud going on between you and your wife's sister, I wish all your shenanigans get exposed, so your innocent wife knows who she's married to. Imagine the manner of conversations that goes on between you and your wife's sister. You've reduced yourself to a pinch of salt.

My advice for you is that you work on changing WHO YOU ARE because I'm sure you're expecting me to blame your wife's sister for tempting or seducing you or even dressing provocatively or maybe you're expecting me to blame your wife for working night shift, when really the problem is YOU.

I wonder if you would ever get any iota of respect from your wife's sister again. Some guys your age are still very unstable in their emotions and sexual feelings and expressions and they take it right into marriage causing wives a lot of problems but I believe you can change yourself and get some discipline and maturity.

Sir, be real to yourself, have you ever cheated on your wife during these 2 years period and been caught and forgiven?
Did your wife have any complications during pregnancy?for example, a woman who has had cervical cerclage done during pregnancy probably realises that her life is worth more than 10 mins round of sex with someone who probably will marry someone else when she's gone. Same with many pregnancy complications.
What is the foundation of your marriage? You have just told us this little stuff, we do not know the nitty gritties that may have hardened your wife to make such resolve. For example, a divorcee kept cheating with his ex wife under the disguise of seeing/ supporting his ex children. The wife being a lover of peace didn't bother to stop him. She was even glad to have someone out there helping her out in that department. Their sex life suffered just like yours as the wife completely lost sex interest in her own husband.
Another question I have for you is do you insult your wife(sexually) whenever there's a quarrel or make her look like a prostitute due to circumstances you met her,etc do you give her money or meet the house or family needs?. All these and more can make a woman resolve never to have sex with her husband again but will continue living in peace with you.