jaxxy:


How long has this been going on?

He admitted he has an addiction which is responsible for his constant and reoccurring problems. That's a 1st step do what is he doing about the addiction?

A man who has an addiction needs real help immediately. If he can't tell u what his addiction is, he must tell u how is he is getting help and from where?

Covering his addiction or trying to fight it alone will not be effective because he has go in to deep. He needs to seek expert or external help and guidance or it will continue to be excuses till he reach ground bottom.

U must encourage him to get the required help or u leave him so u can sort out ur life and that of ur kids. That may give him a reality check.

Another great response

lilyheaven:
You tried ooo,
How can you service a debt with money you saved up for business?
If someone helps you again with capital, you will still use it to service your husband debt.
Debt you don’t know when or how he incurred them.
Or what he does with it.

things we do for love.....no one can imagine!

somehow:


I surely know what gambling addiction can do to people and those around them. Got relatives that went through hell due to this addiction.

I was affected directly too. Left my business with a cousin to run while away, he started owing customers I used time and effort to gain their loyalty. None knew I wasn't around because he was in charge of my handles including my then phone number and 2 bank accounts.

He tried hiding all from me until they piled up.

It was until I returned that I saw the damage both to the business and even to my reputation.

Funny enough, I couldn't tell some of the customers it wasn't me, I just took responsibility and paid those that came forward (If he wasn't an addict and made millions for me, would I have told the customers it wasn't me?)

He had to go on a rehab program but cut him out financially.


Addiction can be so bad, even when the victim tries to break free, they still find themselves in the hole, they surely need people who won't demoralize them.

This is very sacrosanct

Scarfin:
This painful story. Is it true?
Can he just open up because God brought you into his life to help you.
It could be sex addiction.
It looks like sex addiction.
You're a strong soul. But you can take back this man if and only if you can overweigh his pride, shame and fear.
He's scared and the FEAR imprisons him in the form of a spirit.
He loves you but first, find a way of getting him to open up.
Finally and more importantly, he needs God more than anything.
Addiction is very cruel and dangerous.
The victim defends it with his/her life until someone or something sets him/her free.

true

somehow:


@OP

This is another sound advice.

lol. Funny how I was just urging her to also take your advise. Bro, my eyes see shege. Thank God for my wife. I will forever adore that woman. I lost moneyyyyyy.
My money, her money, money people entrusted with me. That 7m sef go be understatement. I used to receive monthly SMS charge debit of N4000+ just to show you the volume of my monthly debit transaction on gambling. I intend to write a book on my experience and how I overcame. I still feel the urge to gamble sometimes but when I think about how I almost slashed my own throat because I gave up on myself......Hmmm!

somehow:
Be very careful of the kind of advise you're getting, especially from single people and those yet to heal from their own failed relationships.

My advice:

Insist that you know what and how he got into debts and why it's recurring, his response should lead you to asking for his phone to check for gambling apps and Co. (This should be a one on one talk, probably on a weekend)

Only an addict gets to owe all the time.

Once you know it's from gambling addiction, give him an ultimatum which includes separating for a while until he sorts himself out or agree to visit a rehab. (He must also be ready to change his phone to one without internet ability for at least 3 months.

If he refuses to any of these demands, call his family (once you have confirmed its gambling addiction), explain to them and let them know you need to separate until he comes to his senses.

Another problem with addiction is, the will to change often comes from the fear of losing what matters to the victim(s), if you and his child matters, he wouldn't want you to leave which would surely push him into seeking a lasting solution.

listen to this person too

Dearlove2me:


I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

I'm so sorry about your experience. You are a good woman. I can tell from your narration. Despite your frustration, you didn't use vile words to describe your husband. You are kind, patient and calm even in the face of provocation.
I can assure you 1000% that your husband is addicted to gambling. My cousin just opened up to me recently that he was in a debt of over N2m because of gambling addictions.
There are 4 things that can make a man constantly broke Viz Alcoholism, Hard drug abuse, Paid pornography addiction/womanising and gambling. Out of these four, only two requires constant addiction to one's phone. If it were paid pornography or womanising, he won't always be on his phone. But with gambling, he will always be monitoring live scores, virtual simulations etc.
Your husband is in a deep mess and you need to help him. He is just a stone throw away from acute depression that could lead to suicidal thoughts.
I know this because I was once there. Between 2020 when COVID started through till mid 2022, I lost over N7m to gambling. My relationship was threatened but my wife is just like you, very patient and understanding. I gambled to the extent of stealing over 1.5m from my wife's account to gamble.
I stopped hanging out, I was always angry. I was hostile to my wife most of the time. I was in debts.

What is making it worse for your husband is that addicted gamblers are always chasing losses. They think they can borrow 200k and play safe 2 odds and quickly turn it over. But the truth is that even if he wins, he will still want to turn over again and then everything goes and the vicious cycle continues.

My wife contacted GambleAlert without telling me and they started calling me. They were helpful towards my recovery. I heard different stories. Most of the worst cases were from the East. Successful young men ruining their businesses because of gambling. A dude was sacked from GTB after they found that he was losing concentration at work and had used customer's fund to the tune of N25m to gamble.

Your husband needs you. I know you want to protect his ego but you need to report him to someone he can be accountable to. You are too soft-hearted so he can't be accountable to you. Confront him that you know he is gambling. Threaten to leave him (but that's not the plan). Report him to his closest sibling or most trusted among his parents. If you don't take action, God forbid you lose your husband. He has gotten to the stage where he doesn't care what happens again. He has lost his self-esteem that is why he can borrow from your friends without shame.

There are a lot I would have written but time will not permit me. But most importantly in all of these, he must first be self-aware that gambling has ruined him (not is ruining) and should be committed to forgetting about all the losses because they can never be recovered. In between my chasing losses, I remember winning 1.8m but I didn't withdraw that money. I wanted it to hit 2m but it never did till I lost everything again.

It's hard ooo but he can overcome. I did and I know a lot of others who did. Cheers. I respect you!!!!

Corollary: I can see a lot of kids here telling you to leave your marriage. Your husband loves you and he loves his daughter but he is in a cage. Right now, he's seeing nothing but his phone, bet site and how he can hit a huge jackpot to make up for all his previous losses. Keep your ATMs away. Don't tell him about any cash inflow. The only reason you should consider leaving your husband is if he isn't showing remorse or willing to follow through with the therapy. You said he is scared you will leave him if he tells you the truth and it is the truth. Tell him he should trust you. You are just like my wife. Whatever I tell her, she agrees. But you need to be stern to get results.

Has that not been Gringory Obi's tactics since his days as Emperor of Anambra? Divide the Christian body. Very dangerous but sly criminal

AderonkeOlaniyi:


I PRESS MY MAMA TOTO, THE TOTO MAKE FUEN FUEN.

Chai, and when them dey call ADULT you sef go follow stand up.

Your skull be like Simon Ekpa own. Na cassava full inside. No brain.

When next them dey take roll call for world class stupidity, na your name go be number 1.

Na for ashawo joint, your papa for take meet your mama, na why you think say everybody mama don useless rotten finish like your own. Pele, because you no go dey alright.

AderonkeOlaniyi:


YOUR PAPA BLOCKOS THERE!!! IDIOT.

How is your father's leprosy? They don finally amputate him hand and legs? Eeyah
Just remain inside that gutter abeg, make you no come infect us with una family leprosy. I get sniper if you wan commit suicide sha

Iamgrey5:
The tribunal Will strick down this petition in no time.

How on earth will they bring up eligibility of winning candidate and ask court to declare the third candidate the winner?

I am beginning to think Obi just wants to explore PDP's chances because it makes no sense. PDP who came 2nd is silent, LP is barking.

Axis313:

Bro,it was 5 senate presidents under 8 years:Evans Enwerem,Chuba Okadigbo,Adolphus Wabara,Pious Anyim and Ken Nnamani.
The first four years in the senate was turbulence due to power struggle among senators from that region.
Believe me,those people don't know how to handle power.

Just imagine?! I was even saying 4.
I give you small position, you no fit handle. You wan come make I give you bigger one. How?

AderonkeOlaniyi:


SHUT UP!!! YOU SHAMELESS STUPID IDIOT!!! THUNDER FIRE YOUR PAPA ROTTEN BLOCKOS!

Where this cockroach waka comot from? Ah, na tier 4 madness be this one oo! See as poisonous saliva dey drop from your mouth as you dey talk. Tufiakwa. Better crawl back into that sewage you escaped from before I smash your dirty head with Baygon. Animal

burp18:
I knew this idiot has no case.🤣

🤣😂🤣 Is this what they want to use to knock out APC? 🤡🤡

Dude has no problem with PDP, na just APC be their nightmare.

The judges go just dey laugh for their mind

N3TRAL:


I'm classified as a minority because my father and mother are from different states of the South South. The advantage I have is that I get to hear the prejudices the major tribes have against each other. I know what a typical Igbo man thinks about a Yoruba man. He's spitting facts. They stereotype Yoruba women as dirty and an abomination nobody should go close. They say it confidently in their discussions.

19 out of 20 of my Igbo friends not living in Lagos posted GRV on their Whatsapp status on the eve of gubernatorial elections - facts. Ask neutral stories of how Igbos were violent at Lagos polling units on election day.

Isn't this obvious in the way Paul and Jude wanted to kill Peter because of Lola? I'm surprised it's this same Peter that is now acting like a bigot all over again. It's an innate thing for them I guess. I am married to an Igbo woman (dad was Igbo from Abia, mum is Yoruba from Lagos) and she is so loving, respectful and considerate. Highly intelligent too. Igbos think we hate them but what we hate is their running mouth, chest beating and constant disrespect to us.

Realadey:
I love your write up, you must be one of the few sensible people I have seen on this forum. God bless the womb that gave birth to you.

Amen o. Dude is sagacious.

12inchess:


Typical IPOB behavior and Ob.id.iot behavior to result to insults and avoid civil discussions.Stop quoting this very smart man if you're not willing to follow the rules he has laid down. You think because Yoruba people are meek and welcoming we are stupid. That thing that happened in Kwara by the Grace of Olodumare will never happen again.

Never again. O da fi eyin t'egun fi so.

iamdapsyj:


He just had a state broadcast on TVC news where he lambasted Amechi in Rivers State. Wicked is indeed a wicked man 😂🤣🤣😂

Will love to see😁😁

Yagier:
My God….You are a blessing to your generation 💯

I love that guy like I love my own brother

aieromon:


This is the dent on his aspiration.

OUK won the senate election by 30,000 votes but only contributed 8,000 to the centre.

Akpabio on the other hand won his seat with 115,000 and delivered 160,000 to the centre.

He has a lot of lobbying to do.

I'm seriously rooting for Akpabio.

GeneralPula:

Yes o..

If any Yoruba in Anambra call Anambra a No Man’s land or Dey enforce Anambra people to vote Adeyemi, make una deal with ham. Such person nah trespasser..

Simple as ABC

BiggestB0y:
Op 😂 in Yorubaland there's nothing like Yoruba Muslim and Christian....

They know what they are doing. They are introducing bigotry to the Younger naive Yoruba population. They want us to be divisive they way they are in their region.
If we don't counter their narratives online and offline, I am worried the next generation of Omoluabis will be full of religious bigots. Currently, all governors in SW are Christians. Even Adeleke, you can't tell whether he is Christian or Muslim, and we don't care. This children of hate will not see this ooo, that despite the population of Muslims in SW, we voted based on competence of individual candidates. I am a Christian but rooted for Tinubu and his MM ticket because I know they will deliver. Obi succeeded in pitching the Christians against the entire country. A lot of Christians in the SW voted Obi but because he still didn't win, all Yorubas are useless. Then when they saw the unity of Yorubas, they come with the Yoruba Muslim, Yoruba Christian narrative. Honestly, these sub-humans will pollute our region if care is not taken.

XY23:


Lol. They minus God when perpetuating injustice but add God to validate it. It's not today we started praying for or wishing Nigeria well, but what y'all should be prepared for now is facing the reality of your choice. PMB and his henchmen have done what they know how to do in 7+ years (including border closure and currency redesign as in 1983). So would BAT also do what he has always known how to do. If you knew him as a true democrat in Lagos, same would he be for Nigeria. If he believed in local content or transparency as a governor, so would he be. You see now that it's not about prayer, we get exactly what we bargain for, as it has been since 1960. Lol. Nigerians can be funny. Expecting mango from an orange tree. Maybe he will also fight corruption and there won't be oil theft or currency racketeering. Lol, better adjust your seat belt

Yes, judging from his antecedents alone, he will do excellently well. He has a great track record of working with seasoned technocrats to bring rapid development. My prayer was hinged on the OP's assertion that some politicians will highjack his government. God forbid!
But as for Tinubu, I trust his leadership skills and will choose him over Obi in another 600 years from now.

Solsix:

Can u pls rate Nigeria elections??

Before I do, here is a link to show you that at least 50% of the world's elections are termed controversial.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_controversial_elections

Now to your question, and solely based on my own opinion, I will rate the Presidential 50% and the Gubernatorial 70%.
My reason for the above percentage is that the presidential was marred with voter intimidation in all geopolitical zones of the country, underage voting in the North/South East, ballot snatching in many parts of the country and electoral malpractice by all the 4 major parties in that election. Worse was the failure of INEC to upload results in real time to the iREV.
For the gubernatorial, elections started and ended on time unlike during the presidential. Also, results were uploaded as soon as possible on iRev and everyone could access it. Voter intimidation were reported in Lagos only. Ballot snatching were reported in very few states compared to the presidential elections. Electoral violence was reported in some states but seemed to be lesser than during the Presidential (taking Lagos off the equation). This is evident in the way more opposition have conceded defeat and congratulated the winners compared to the presidential elections.
Like I said, this is strictly my opinion.

lorenzobanks:


You guys are stubborn. @bold those lines are the reasons more Yorubas are joining the tribalism bandwagon. You call them lazy yet major successful startup are owned by yorubas. Top 1 - 10 richest people in Nigeria are dominated by them. You guys just draw hate to yourselves with your arrogance. Learn to know your boundaries. Stop provoking the Yorubas.

Honestly, more neutral Yoruba youths are beginning to become radicalised cos of these provocations. It won't be business as usual anymore. And it's sad.

Yamiriflathead:
U saw all these things about Tinubu government but u couldn't even predict Peter obis defeat!

To be fair, he did predict Obi's defeat. However, I do not agree with most things he wrote up there. Even though, his past predictions have had over 70% accuracy.

By God's grace, Nigeria will and must work under Tinubu's administration.

poiZon:
They keep saying God forbid..

God forbid nonbe prayer nor rebuking.. Na just Nigerian man overreacting.

Now tonthe subject matter, I see tinubu winning the next presidential elections if and only if the SouthEast and South South keeps playing this silly politics of we r the best, am better than you, atiku is a thief, Obi is going to do this and that..

Obi entering the race as a LP candidate is a major plus for APC.. Why am i saying so, elections in Nigeria is highly tribalised and ethnicize and at the moment nigeria is so polarised between ethnic, religious and party level.

We have 6 geo-political zones, Apc dominates SW zone, Apc has 2 govrs in SE, they have 1 govr in SS, they also have strong allies in this Zone. The DSP omo agege is contesting for govr in delta state, feelers says he is th3 favourite to clinch that seat..
In CRS Sen Prince Otu is also a strong force too..

Now SW will be lockdown for Tinubu due to his influence and the ethnic stuff, Apc will have chunk of votes in the SE and SS which normally shouldnt be so but due to the infractions in the zone between LP and PDP..

Lets go North, NW has 7 distinct states, jigawa, kano, kaduna, katsina, kebbi, zamfara all ApC states, only sokoto is Pdp and the entire Senators in Sokoto state are of Apc..
If Tinubu picks a running matr from this zone, it will be entirely difficult for LP and Pdp to win in this zone.
Forget the kwankwaso factor, ganduje is the state govr, with his powers and the state REC and also police commissioner under him, APC will always get a fair result here.
They still have 2 senators and more reps..

NE too will be tilting towards Pdp cos of atiku's factor and what the choice of tinubu's running mate will be. Taraba, bauchi, gombe, borno, adamawa and yobe have greater numbers of Christians. If tinubu choses a Muslim running mate, those christian population will swing their votes to either Lp or Pdp..
But states like yobe, borno n gombe will all deliver for apc which is also good and fair for tinubu.

The battle ground will be NC zone..
Plateau, benue, kogi, kwara, Niger and nassarawa states.
If tinubu gets atleast 25% votes in atleast 4 states in this zone, he will be the winner.

Nothing like God forbid here..
All what is needed is for Lp and Pdp to join forces and tackle Apc.. Outside this the unforseen will happen and nothing we will do.

Whether the winner dies is another matter entirely

I just stumbled on this post. Very objective analysis way before Tinubu picked his running mate. You should be a political analyst Sir

Rikkely:


What thanks did you give to the Igbos when they voted Obasanjo and Abiola?

During OBJ's tenure, they were compensated with the Senate Presidency. But guess how they handled that? We ended up having up to 4 SPs within 8 years. Face it, you are not mature enough to hold sensitive national positions. Always divisive and bitter.

AderonkeOlaniyi:
Nigeria is a useless country.

and you are a useless person. If you speak I'll of Nigeria, evil will never depart from your household. Amen

Solsix:

Most developed countries are electronic transmission and Thier elections are always free and fair

Always? Like the 2020 US Presidential election? Stop deceiving yourselves! There is no 100% free and fair election anywhere in the world. Degree of transparency varies and are higher in some places than others but absolutely fair? LMAO

bekayy:

PS: We all know that Nairaland is toxic and filled with tribal hatred. Please keep it out of this thread. You can keep your toxicity for other threads or people in your personal lives.

This thread is gold. Let’s preserve it. It has helped a lot of people. Don’t take out your personal frustrations here. Shalom.

❤️❤️❤️