THE THIEF OF ONITSHA
This farmer always got his farm produce stolen by thieves.This disturbed him so much and vowed to kill, anytime he caught someone stealing on his farm.
   One hot afternoon, he was strolling in his farm when lo, he saw one thief harvesting his plantain."dont move,  you move i shoot!"the farmer screamed, pointing his pistol at the bow-legged thief. . He made the thief carry the booty on his head whilst he followed him with  his pistol on the way to the igwe's palace.Along the way,  the thief spotted a big grass-cutter; ''see, that big grass-cutter, shoot am!" he whispered to the farmer. . .
"ha haahaahaaaaaaaa!! , poor thief, so for long you never see say na toy gun i carry for my hand?" the farmer replied!

the thief dropped the plantain and took to his heels

, u made ma day mr joke presido

DONkollione:

, u made ma day mr joke presido

thanx my man, more in the pipeline!!!!

3 KATS
The boss of MLJ company Ltd was late to work so walked very fast into the office.There was a usual repugnant odour in the office.The odour was coming from where Elsie, the company,s secretary was seated, so he called Elsie.The boss covered his right nostril and asked Elsie, " which perfume did you use today?"
"sir , i use the KAT brand, the one with three black cats on the label. . ." she replied very confidently.
"well, better check the label, i guess one of the cats is dead!" The boss said nasally.

pls gv me more i wan drunk with laff mr presido

DON my vice, get some belt to tighten ya ribs oo, cas u go laff soteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!

IN THE CHURCH!
This madman surprisingly was very early to church.There was no one around, just the doors opened.The mad man swept the room, arranged the seat,cleaned everything and the church room was glittering.All church members that came to see him tidying up the church auditorium was amazed.
The madman then took the last, relaxed and glanced through his bible.Finally, the pastor arrived in his black suit, and all church members stood up to salute him, the madman was firmly glued to his seat.
Then the pastor began his sermon; "today, we shall take our sermon from genesis 1;1. ."
"na lie!" the madman screamed from the back.
"brethren, now today we are going to look at the wonders of God" pastor preached.
"na lie!" the madman croaked again from the back.
pastor preached again,"beloved u see, God is a miracle working. . ."
"na lie!, na lie!, na lie!" the mad man screamed loudly again.
The ushers got close to the mad man and attempted to throw him out, but the madman pulled a dagger,and they all took to their heels.
it left the pastor alone! The madman got close to the pastor and showed him the dagger, and the pastor took off, like a cheetah!!!

First one' rating:1/10
Second one rating:1.2/10
d third one comprehension passage or wat?

bright007:

First one' rating:1/10
Second one rating:1.2/10
d third one � comprehension passage or wat?

'' A FOOL WHO DOESNT KNOW HE IS A FOOL, IS THE MOST MISERABLE SON OF A BBITCH!"
SOURCE:GBAGBOLOSOPHY.

THE RE-NAMING CEREMONY
A muslim father, Baba Tunde Ibrahim converted to Christianity, and was made to change his name to Essau.He was compelled by his new faith to change the muslim names given to his children.He had seven children in all, so he started;
"you musah, henceforth, you shall be known and called john" and Musah was very happy.He went on,"mohammed, henceforth, you shall be known and called Peter" Mohammed was very happy
Essau went on and on till he got to the turn of his last son Yakubu, the stubborn of them all.He looked closely at Yakubu's face, as Yakubu was eagerly waiting for his new name with his usual wicked frown.After about 5 minutes of silence, Essau said,"Yakubu!!!, henceforth you shall be known and called JUDAS IS-CARRIOT!!"
"Huh!!, JUDAS IS CABBAGE!, NA HIM BETTER, Papa u well like this? nonsense!!!" Yakubu replied!












Essau fainted!

in d land of d blind BRIGHT007 is d king


bin gbagbo pls intoxicate me,  , i go soon pass out

1st & 2nd was kool, rest was crap as usual

bin gbogbo, where you go get these stories?













bush pig

^^^
Your name should actually be Bushy brain!!

BUSH PIG!!!

The crazemon calld bin and his clone.
Anywhichway dem 2ppl be craze mon.
Next o jare baba popo and malam dam bata.

ode remo pls speak english n stop speaking in thongs,

MY SAD SHTORY!!!
I arranged with Felicia, my next door neighbour's 16 year old daughter, to bleep her in the evening.But as you know, i never go without my CONDOM, so i bought a packet, for the evening's match. I was keen for this match, as Feli was sweet. . .
Feli had told me she would be at my place AT 7PM sharp! so as soonas it was 6PM, i put on my CONDOM and waited eagerly till 7PM.Felicia didnt come.8PM, she no show up, 9 pm, no show! i still wear my condom .
10PM, i heard a knock. . .i did the sign of cross,i rushed to go and open . . .
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It was my 60 year old menopaused landlady, looking for somebody to empty her chamber pot! i am still wearing the CONDOM!

FOOLISH CHILDREN, GO AND SIT DOWN!!
A 50 year old J.SS 2 teacher asked his class, " who is the most foolish man in Nigeria?''
The class in one accord responded; " Sah!, youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"
The teacher got angry and called all the pupils to come and stand up before the chalkboard. " i ma gonna give efrybozy 6 lashes, for the dross in-so-so-dination u have show me to-to-to-today!" teacher exclaimed.
Then one fine girl, stripped her uniform to pant level, teacher see. . . ;DTeacher start dey erect.Now teacher erection reach full, it was loooooooong, and the pupils saw it and were laughing
Teacher feeling embarrassed quickly went to take his seat, crossed his legs and shouted at the pupils; ''foolish children, go and sit down!!!!!''
WATCH OUT FOR PART 2

BUS TO ONITSHA

So your jokes president happened to be in this bus to Onitsha ( i didnt want to drive). The bus was quiet, until this gentleman with a Ghana must go bag hopped in.He adressed all the passengers and said he had medicine that could cure ''STAMMERING''!. But this guy was himself, stammering, so i asked him"Guy!, why dont you treat yourself first, cas your own stammer na extra ordinary oo" wey the guy replied " Oga!, nor be say i nor try oo!, i don try am since, but stammer no dey gooo!"












the driver fainted!

craps

mustspin:

craps

"SOMETIMES, WISE MOTHERS BEGET EDIOTS"
SOURCE:GBAGBOLOSOPHY

@bin gbagbo i don wear sitbelt for dis one oo, abeg continue to dey faya , no mind all dis goslow pipo,

DONkollione:

@bin gbagbo i don wear sitbelt for dis one oo, abeg continue to dey faya , no mind all dis goslow pipo,

DON , dont mind them!, they r all 4king BUSH PIGS!!!!!

^^^^ foolish

^^^
SMH

if u like make you shake am till it falls off

^^^

bush pig!!!

GBAGBOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!














YOU CRAZE!!!!!!

THE CAKE NAMED JOHN

A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the baker to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." The baker evidently lost the scripture reference, but working from memory, beautifully inscribed on the cake "John 4:18". Imagine the shock on the few faithful who looked up the reference to read: "For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband." said Jesus to the woman of Samaria.

JAMB

.Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand,

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand,what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Concrete floors are very hard to crack