₦airaland Forum

Again,ABUSE is ABUSE.


It is NOT your job to take them to therapy or counseling.They need to come to realise that for themselves.Is it after you get killed that they'll now use you as a reason for change?

When someone is beating you to kill you,believe me,they actually mean to kill you and will do so one day.

Women and men that are stabbed or set ablaze by their spouses will tell you it didn't start from the blues. There is always a pattern. Slap here,slap there,punch here,punch there. Telling you that you are useless and hopeless.

How can a marriage work when someone born of a woman like you makes you feel worthless ,berates you constantly and ontop of it beats you like an animal.

An abuser is most likely a psychopath that will beat down your psychological well-being to the point that you start believing their lies and thinking they are right when they say you are worthless. They usually select their prey.

I work with victims of abuse (both male and female) and the impact is beyond what I can describe. You'll see a grown man or woman who cannot even maintain eye contact,no drop of self confidence, nervous and shaky when there's loud noises, apologising for every single thing.

Why lay blame at the door of the victim? Hold up the family,go for counseling. There is nothing to hold up if the very fabric of the marriage has been torn to shreds.

What sort of children can a woman or man who feels worthless raise?Most of these children who grow up to do the same thing to their partners..daughters who enter abusive relationships because they think it is normal to be beaten up.

Sons who have low self esteem or think that the best way to sort an argument is to throw hands or berate another human being. Some go on to have mental health problems and personality disorders.


Staying married is NOT worth the after effects of abuse.If an abuser wants to change,let them do it by themselves first,away from you.It is NOT your job to save them from themselves.


People love to make excuses for abusers and claim they have some underground knowledge.

Someone who tells a victim to go to a counselor and put the welfare of the marriage ABOVE their own mental and physical well-being has issues because they underestimate the far reaching consequences of abuse.

NL is over run with people who victim blame and ask you what you have done wrong..stop talking back,say nothing,be respectful,stop triggering them .. forgetting that an abuser needs no excuse. Think about it,there are couples who engage in fights even in old age,grown up children witness their dad still beating their mum or their dad being emotionally abused by their mum and a lot feel powerless.It never ever ends.


Again if you are being abused,find the strength to save yourself before you end up on front page,same people will come to ask why you didn't leave.

Done with this..I'm not even Canadian .

legionISproteus:
NaijaCanadian28

That's a terrible experience for your friend. The system has setup the family for imminent collapse and if they're not careful it will end in tears.

Just like Boss13 said, there is no winner in any abusive relationship except the government and police who would collect promotion on top Una head. All those women planning to show their husbands hell when they travel abroad because they are no longer in Nigeria should be careful. I hope they see this.

Typical gaslighting.Is it the system that raises hands for a partner to be beaten up? Is it the system that causes a partner to batter a person's mind relentlessly?
The family has already been destroyed by the abuser so why is the government being blamed?

Abuse is abuse,there's no IF ,AND or BUT.

The person benefitting from the police being called is the one who has suffered emotional, physical or psychological damage and rightly so.

A person who is able to get away from an abusive partner should be congratulated for being strong enough to leave.

Children suffer so much damage by watching their parents go at each other constantly, you produce unhappy children who repeat the same cycle thinking it is normal.

If a woman or man decides to use Canada as an opportunity to revenge,it's not anyone's place to chastise them. Do you know what they suffered?

If you treat a whole human being like shit for years and years and they bear it because of being in the Nigerian society,when they move to Canada and see they deserve better,it's only expected that the person will act out.

The guilt does NOT lie at the foot of the abused!

All these una statements are the reason why people die in abusive situations..There is only so much that a human being can take without breaking down.

Anyone who is abused should seek counseling for themselves to gather strength to move on.It is not your job to hold brief for your abuser.

You deserve better,your children deserve to grow up in a healthy happy home.