After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags - Romance (9) - Nairaland
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| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nobody: 4:11am On Jun 24, 2021 |
husbands are scarce @ op  |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by IVORY2009(m): 4:12am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Blakjewelry: Unfortunately, she can't be a judge in her own case. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by cjudy(m): 4:14am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Eduboy1990:So Catholic are not born again? I pity those people deceiving you at your so called church Using you people to make money. If you're not a Catholic then you're not a Christian. You're only attending one business meeting being head by one director General using you people to make money and enrich his family. 1 Like |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by tunapawizzy: 4:14am On Jun 24, 2021 |
This one is not ready to marry. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by neolastrada1: 4:15am On Jun 24, 2021 |
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| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by GeeMeshin1(m): 4:16am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Christianity is a lifestyle not a religion. You can tell yourself the truth...and the truth shall set you free. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Ynix(m): 4:16am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: Please don't joke with marriage oh it can make or mar you. I have spoken with numbers of elderly women and I realized that they are just enduring their marriage. Any signs that seems to give you red alert is telling you be warned, Go to God and ask for his mercies concerning him and pray that God send him those that will lead him to the Christ experience. Then meet him, and share your fear with him. Try and do your best not to pressurize him. Above all get to know from God if he actually is his will for you. Most importantly if you see any form of dysfunctionality in him that can affect your future look carefully again 2 Likes |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Charlie2020(f): 4:19am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:. She and her fanaticism is the red flag |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by oluwashegunfunm(m): 4:21am On Jun 24, 2021 |
God is neither a Christian or a Muslim !!! No religion in heaven |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Charlie2020(f): 4:24am On Jun 24, 2021 |
You are the problem not him. I pity the man cus marrying you would be the greatest mistake of his life. Abeg leave this innocent man and go look for one of your Pentecostal brothers 1 Like |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by ikorodureporta: 4:27am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: You saying Catholics ain't Christian's is very funny, especially for someone you have been with for three years. I'm a Catholic major. I don't even talk about my church as a Christian because it's insignificant to humanity. God is only interested in the person you are. I've visited sone other churches & I know what they are. I'm contented here.. You must have allowed someone to brainwash you with their fake faith they call Christianity that can't tolerate others 3 Likes |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Dadsonval(f): 4:28am On Jun 24, 2021 |
You are not a good Christian if you say a Catholic man is not a Christian 1 Like |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by mugnmuffin(f): 4:29am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: First, I want to apologize for the statement insinuating that Catholic Christians are less Christian compared to Pentecostals. That was not meant to be a generalization. The reason why faith is my principal concern is because, as a Christian, there are certain ethics and codes of conduct a person adopts and practices that guide their actions and decisions. It is the crux of the matter for me. Many of the comments are asking for elaboration especially with regards to other aspects besides spirituality. Some of the red flags in terms of his attitude and behavior that give me cause for concern are how he relates with ladies; I found that he cheated on me a couple of times. Some of my friends who are married assure me that it is nothing to worry about because “men will always be men”. However, I feel like overlooking that means ‘settling’. Also, he tends to act like we’re competing for career success. I’m a banker and he works with a company and is well paid. From comments he makes when I make attempts to pursue growth, like take courses or attend conferences to network, his response shows that he thinks it’s a waste of time and resources. I don’t always expect him to give me financial support, even if encouragement. But he feels I should be content with my current status. It scares me that he may staunch my progress after marriage. I’m no saint myself, but I know marriage is a lifetime affair and just because I didn’t look before I leaped into the relationship doesn’t mean I shouldn’t at this point try to make amends. 4 Likes |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by smallsmall: 4:31am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: I dont know what give Women the audacity to think they can convert a man to their own Religion or Sect! I am sure that in a few years time you will also change again and say you want him to become Harish Krishna, since women are always flip-flopping, when it comes to Religion. Please dont marry him, the guy deserves better than someone like you. Dont worry about any disappointment anyone may feel, going into marriage with such huge deficit of doubt is not a good oment, this one will not work for you. I wish the guy will read this your post. If after three years of courtship, the only reason you think he is 'not the one' is because he is Catholic and you have change to become a Protestant, then you are yet to be matured enough to be a Wife. No wonder your junior Sister is married and you are still looking for some fake Brother Sam.  |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Paktos: 4:32am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Mind is really the master. Your presumption that he is not born again is the basis of all these issues you have highlighted. Every baptised Catholic is born again because what makes one born again is being Baptised for Jesus said " unless a mam is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. " I will really like you to change your orientation about this issue. Secondly, I am surprised that you that claim to to born again and active spiritually is the one that has failed to pray about your bold into marriage. You perceive relationship with God in prayer as something you have to do according to one pattern and method. It is not until you have fasted or gone to a mountain that you have prayed about something. Prayer is a conversion with God. There are many ways to converse with God, some go to the mountain, some shut the door to their room and pray, some go to quit places, and so on. All these forms of prayers are found in the Catholic Church, and not just one pattern or method of prayer that you find in other places. Don't lose a precious man because of lack of understanding, seek clarification about that Catholic faith that is unclear to you. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by hollywater: 4:32am On Jun 24, 2021 |
Your younger sister is married. Now God has shown you Mercy,you are here complaining. Even Christians marries moslems. Don't worry you will soon be running from one Man of God to another looking for Husband. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Badgers14: 4:32am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: Ok, just sit down.. take a deep breathe!! Pray Think this through Have a 2 way communication with him, remember to keep an open mind.. ask him what his plans are for you people's future.. then take it from their .. remember keep an open mind.. tell him you are not competing with him, not trying to , just looking out for the family and you peoples kids and your future.. again , KEEP AN OPEN MIND .. let him talk and see his side of the story.. Marriage is all about communication, understanding, compromise, working together.. There's no competition in marriage.. Have a heart to heart talk with your darling and you will be fine..  1 Like |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Ifechi2020: 4:33am On Jun 24, 2021 |
My dear, based on years of experience in marriage, I'll tell ur fears are real and important. Love isnt enough and even important for a successful relationship. I tell those who care to listen that maturity, fear of God and belief are 3 most important factors for marriage. If u do not believe the same things, its a big deal. Except God grants u a go ahead , pls a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage cos once contracted, there is no divorce as a Christian. The bible also guides is in saying we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Many won't understand this but its very important. quote author=mugnmuffin post=103008721]Dear Nairalanders, I have an issue that has been on my mind for weeks now. My fiancé and I have been dating for over three years. I love him and he loves me too. We are physically attracted to each other. We’re both catholic but since I graduated, during my service year I gave my life to Christ, got saved and left the Catholic Church. So I’ve been a Pentecostal Christian since then. He on the other hand is still catholic. I subtly try to nudge him to consider getting saved, i.e acknowledging Christ as lord and savior and becoming born again but he is content with his laidback Christian life. Earlier this year, he asked to meet my parents and I let him. My parents like him especially because my younger sis is married and they have been waiting for me too. They’re glad I’ve someone. However, after the introduction,I regret it. I’m now certain that he’s not the one. I think about my spiritual life and how lukewarm he is about the things of God, I think about kids and how we’ll raise the, with such differing views about God and I’m discouraged. I feel like I’m settling because he checks all the boxes on the checklist of physical attributes. Another mistake I made is, I didn’t pray about this decision and that worries me because anything that involves him,I just act with pausing to ask God, but I always ask God about other aspects of my life. So it’s like my associating with him is a minus for my spiritual life and that’s a huge cause for concern. At this point, I want to tell my parents I am not convinced it’s him but I’m afraid of the disappointment this will cause. *sigh* I’ll appreciate your thoughts, comments, criticisms...[/quote] 2 Likes |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by ikorodureporta: 4:34am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: We no need your apology letter. You probably found another guy in your new church. Just break up peacefully, & tell us scores in 3yrs time. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Vision101(m): 4:35am On Jun 24, 2021 |
@GreatUniben Check out the bolded. I am sure you saying this to confuse the poor sister. Real Catholics do not visit juju house like you protestant do. Your pastors are automatically juju men and they use a lot of jazz to run their members brain so that they will be able to milk out money from you and make all of you kiss their feet and see them as gods. To Mug muffin, open your Bible and read the real meaning of what Jesus said is Born Again and you will understand and return to the catholic church with peace and joy. You have strayed far from the Blessed Sacrament, the saving grace and the most sanctifying food. That is why you left and be shouting born again up and down. @me Hahahaha..... I know and I have first hand information of what happens among your knights. I gave op advice. I have no intention of discussing your sect. I mentioned there that there fervent ones but unfortunately they are encumbered by so many unscriptural practices. This is not the forum to outline them. There's clear difference between religion and Christianity. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by alexola20(m): 4:35am On Jun 24, 2021 |
This is why I love my Yoruba people, many of us will never put religion first in love matters. I was born into a Muslim family but many of us attended Christian schools and participated in church services from the schools without any problem or backlash. I pity the young man that want to marry her unstable mindset. Twelfthman: 4 Likes |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by smile11s(m): 4:36am On Jun 24, 2021 |
I wish and pray that he will dump you. Stupid pastor lovers and tithe payers 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Babysho(m): 4:43am On Jun 24, 2021 |
infogenius: Religiousness** not spirituality. Spirituality is something deeper not all these shallow pastor advice same church brouhaha. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by ikorodureporta: 4:43am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: All the things you listed here are general human problem irrespective of their religious faith. If you know both of you are no longer compatible, simply end the sht. & Stop looking at his church as an excuse.. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nobody: 4:46am On Jun 24, 2021 |
It's really sad how we have been too religious in this country. You should think of other attributes like morals, beliefs, etc. Moreso, he is a Christian which should be a plus. Except you are of the opinion that Catholics aren't believers which to me is myopic. All I can say is check yourself very well. |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by MansoryMX(m): 4:49am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: Na Ogboni or Gurumaragi him dey serve inside the Catholic Church or what? I don’t understand women sometimes. Even some men who don’t church are far better than some deacons in churches include my church. Woman if you know he is a good and responsible man hold on to him tight o! Except one idiot in your new church is twisting your brain! My sister goes to church, one of my in law doesn’t go but once in a blue moon. But among all my in-laws he is the best. The rest are regular church goers but chronic womanizer and one sef is a woman beater. Leave him to his Catholic Church. Catholic Church nor be coven. I attend a Pentecostal church like you and I am married with 3 kids and will be 30yrs soon. In fact I am a Baptist. In today’s world the first important things you look at is the person’s way of life, his way of lifestyle, reactions to issues or things he says when angry, how the person handles situations, pressure, how the person respects you and fight for you, how the person believes in you before you look at his/her religion. I don give you my advice as a fellow Nairaland
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| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Nobody: 4:50am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin:Well, it is good you have faced the reality early. But come 5 to 10 years, you may change your position again. Lol. You are new into your new found faith, and I am sure the possibility of not making a decision with the help of the Joly Spirit is not there. If I were you, I would go to my parents and seek a delay in the ceremony. It is not late. Use the time to focus on yourself. Get very close to the Holy Spirit. You need to stop worrying about your fiancee and everything called relationship so you can focus on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will direct you. Otherwise, you are entering a marriage with no solid foundation. It is wrong for you to try converting him. I wrote about Catholic girls who try to convert non catholic boys, but yours is now vice versa because you left Catholic. If you were a boy, automatically, the wife joins you and it is not a problem. Lol. But the truth is that its from the cultural view only, as the lady would not be sound in faith. Oh! Your concern is not about your man, but about the children because you know they will automatically start attending the Catholic. This is the pure truth. You wouldn't see it a a problem if you were the man. But it's a mistake. See, you are not well established yet in your new faith with all I have seen so far. This God can ask you marry a catholic for your information if you are solidly grounded in Him. It's about a personal relationship. You.dont know the Holy Spirit well. The irony part is that you may get someone who is Pentecostal and not good like that boy. His only fault now is that he refuses to follow you to your new found faith. Well, most of those boys in these Pentecostal churches are scammers oooo. You better careful. FYI, I attend a Pentecostal church. So, it is the Holy Spirit who can guide you right. Obviously, you do not know Him enough. If you do, you will not bring this issue out here. Rather than use your head figure it out, ask Him. He will lead you on the right path to take. Good luck! |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by nwikpab: 4:50am On Jun 24, 2021 |
mugnmuffin: You know why you can't be a good wife? You can take decisions. Is someone ringing this to you? You didn't pray to know if the man is right for you and you haven't prayed to know if he is for you. Are nairalanders God? Common commot for here before I hit your head for wall. Eeeediot |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by Hizzojay(m): 4:50am On Jun 24, 2021 |
@MugnMuffin, here's the best response so far. A good man is very hard to find out there. Most of us men are just "wolves in sheep clothings". Biglittlelois: 1 Like |
| Re: After Introduction, I’m Seeing Too Many Red Flags by ejieddy: 4:53am On Jun 24, 2021 |
My dear sister in Christ, Thank God for your honesty. Thank God you're now a disciple of Jesus. Of course you know there's a big difference in being "Church goer" (what we call 'Christian' nowadays) and being a disciple of Jesus. From your salvation story, I see that you understand what it means to be saved. Thank God for that. Don't be discouraged by the many posts of condemnation you see here, it's normal for people who don't know Christ to do this. Next time, receiving advice from Nairaland may not be the best option. If you're in a discipleship relationship, speak to your discipler about issues. Your discipler should be a mature believer actively following Jesus and preferably a couple. About your issue, the first matter is that you didn't pray about it at first like you said. So tell him you people need to take time to pray separately to seek God's face. It will be difficult for him to accept because emotions are involved, but it's better to hear from God properly before you take this very important step. I hope you know as a disciple, divorce is not an option. So if you will live forever with him, three months time off to pray genuinely shouldn't hurt. During my time, it was more like 7 months after I had proposed. I'm getting married this Saturday after a long time. It wasn't easy, but it's worth it. I see God's mercy and faithfulness all round and I know it will translate into marriage itself. Secondly, are you people attending any intending couples counseling class? Marriage is not about how you feel or about sex. It's about the purpose of God for you both. How well are you seeking God for this purpose? I can recommend a class for believers for you. It holds online if you're outside Lagos and onsite in Lagos. You need to know more about marriage from God's perspective. I also hope sex hasn't been involved in your relationship. That's a perfect ground for separation for now. Lastly, even if a catholic can actually be a believer (because it's not the denomination you belong that defines your Christianity, it's following Jesus), I want you to know that you are right in the thoughts about Catholicism. The worship of 'Mary' is idolatry. Don't feel isolated or dejected by people abusing you and claiming 'one God we are worshipping'. We aren't worshipping one God. Not withstanding, God can strategically position his disciple in a catholic church or even some 'worse' churches for the purpose of impact and transformation. But anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus as Savior, Lord and God is condemned already. John 3:18. Therefore, if your fiancé is of this disposition, please don't be unequally yoked. You'll regret it for life. Apart from these, what other red flags have you noticed? God bless you sister and I hope you follow the leadings of the Holy Spirit. |
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