Omo, e be like say na to open 'Marriage-Phobia' Club be dat oh, since we don plenty
Am in oh. Haven't dated for 4 years now, scared of marriage, just that fear of making a wrong decision wallahi and the thought of putting up with women's drama considering the fact that I have a short fuse.
I hate domestic abuses and have sworn that divorce will never be an option if i finally get married, but how do u manage a woman who knows that and takes advantage of the fact that u want a peaceful marriage chooses to give u hell for nothing?
Fortunately I married an educated beautiful homely lady. Bible is her compass and she is nothing near a feminist.
She married me to put the feminine touch to improve my life and that's includes raising children and preparing delicious meal for the family.
Marriage is not all about se.x . It comes with responsibility and mostly division of labour.
I have lay several ladies, eaten in the best restaurants but I chose her to provide all these so that I can be focused and committed.... If she cannot provide the basics, I needn't marry her but to continue in my way of providing for myself. I can even get a baby mama but I desire more. I can't marry a woman polishing her nails and on telemundo while I do the dish or cook.
I can do those on my discretion or she hires a cook/maid. I've no qualms with the arrangement
Typical Nigerian male. Try to point out some certain hard truths and you are labelled a feminist. Do you even know the definition of a feminist? So tomorrow now, assuming she can no longer provide the basics due to circumstances beyond her control, for example, losing both arms, becoming blind, having an illness that saps all physical energy so that she is mostly bedridden, and you are required to take care of her round the clock, you would divorce her and marry another lady that can provide the basics ba, so you can continue being focused and committed.
Also you said you cannot marry a lady that polishes her nails and on Telemundo while you do the dish or cook, but is that not what most men do. The woman slaves in the kitchen doing the dishes and cooking, while they sit in front of the TV watching football on Supersport, or you think the women are not tired too.
Why don't you also improve her life by encouraging her to do something with her education so that she can become financially independent, instead of using it to just add a feminine touch and improvement to your life by preparing delicious meals. If something happens to you tomorrow, she can still take care of the kids on her own.
By the way, this is the definition of a feminism
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
Do you see anything wrong it?
Here is the explanation of feminism as taken from wikipedia.
"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.
A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.[3]
Feminist theory, which emerged from feminist movements, aims to understand the nature of gender inequality by examining women's social roles and lived experience; it has developed theories in a variety of disciplines in order to respond to issues such as the social construction of sex and gender.[4][5] Some forms of feminism have been criticized for taking into account only white, middle-class, educated perspectives. This led to the creation of ethnically specific or multiculturalist forms of feminism.[6]
Feminist movements have and continue to campaign for many women's rights – such as the Equal Rights Amendment, the right to own property, equal health care coverage for equal pay, sexual freedom and liberation, and voting – while also promoting body autonomy/integrity, and reproductive rights for women.
Feminist campaigns are generally considered to be main force behind major historical societal changes, particularly in the West, where they are near-universally credited with having achieved women's suffrage, gender neutrality in English, equal pay for women, reproductive rights for women (including access to contraceptives and abortion), and the right to enter into contracts and own property.[7]
Feminists have worked to protect women and girls from domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.[8][9] Feminists have also advocated for workplace rights, including receiving the right to paid work, paid maternity leave, and eradicating all forms of discrimination against women.
Feminist advocacy is mainly focused on women's rights, but author bell hooks, among others, argue for the necessity for it to include men's liberation, because men are also harmed by traditional gender roles.[10]
Typical Nigerian male. Try to point out some certain hard truths and you are labelled a feminist. Do you even know the definition of a feminist? So tomorrow now, assuming she can no longer provide the basics due to circumstances beyond her control, for example, losing both arms, becoming blind, having an illness that saps all physical energy so that she is mostly bedridden, and you are required to take care of her round the clock, you would divorce her and marry another lady that can provide the basics ba, so you can continue being focused and committed.
Also you said you cannot marry a lady that polishes her nails and on Telemundo, while you do the dish or cook, but is that not what most men do. The woman slaves in the kitchen doing the dishes and cooking, while they sit in front of the TV watching football on Supersport, or you think the women are not tired too.
Why don't you also improve her life by encouraging her to do something with her education so that she can become financially independent, instead of using it to just add a feminine touch and improvement to your life by preparing delicious meals. If something happens to you tomorrow, she can still take care of the kids on her own.
By the way, this is the definition of a feminism
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
Do you see anything wrong it?
Here is the explanation of feminism as taken from wikipedia.
"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.
A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.[3]
Feminist theory, which emerged from feminist movements, aims to understand the nature of gender inequality by examining women's social roles and lived experience; it has developed theories in a variety of disciplines in order to respond to issues such as the social construction of sex and gender.[4][5] Some forms of feminism have been criticized for taking into account only white, middle-class, educated perspectives. This led to the creation of ethnically specific or multiculturalist forms of feminism.[6]
Feminist movements have and continue to campaign for many women's rights – such as the Equal Rights Amendment, the right to own property, equal health care coverage for equal pay, sexual freedom and liberation, and voting – while also promoting body autonomy/integrity, and reproductive rights for women.
Feminist campaigns are generally considered to be main force behind major historical societal changes, particularly in the West, where they are near-universally credited with having achieved women's suffrage, gender neutrality in English, equal pay for women, reproductive rights for women (including access to contraceptives and abortion), and the right to enter into contracts and own property.[7]
Feminists have worked to protect women and girls from domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.[8][9] Feminists have also advocated for workplace rights, including receiving the right to paid work, paid maternity leave, and eradicating all forms of discrimination against women.
Feminist advocacy is mainly focused on women's rights, but author bell hooks, among others, argue for the necessity for it to include men's liberation, because men are also harmed by traditional gender roles.[10]
IDEApro: Marriage can be very sweet and interesting if you'd use your wisdom and can be very frustrating if you're insensitive and immature
Let me share...
I and wify(sic) came back from a church programme 8pm on Tuesday. She asked If I will join her in the indomie noodle she was preparing for dinner and I said No that I desired swallow. Something to fill the stomach properly cos there is this delicious oha soup she prepared the previous day. Honestly, I wish and scheme to finish all the liver,towel and other orishirishi used to prepare it. They were so fresh...
Few minutes later, my EBA and oha soup were served and my expectations grew into anger...this woman don serve me water soup... I look across to her doing justice to her well prepared garnished indomie...(oh men, that indomie tight...green pea, carrot, egg, lettuce) and shouted in frustration: ''Why is this soup watery, am I a prisoner?
Being angry that she is having a better dinner, I raised my displeasure to the power of X5. She explained that the soup I have is the amount she could scoop from the blocked quantity and that she complimented it with water. See me see more anger...I abandoned the food and hit the bed in annoyance. This time it was a mind game. The more she beg to prepare another one the more I cunningly form ''James bond'' and slept off afterwards without eating.
Next morning, after preparing to go out I ask for fried plantain and pap, she said whatever I need I should go get it myself (hangover from lastnight) and I replied; ''since you have decided to starve me, don't shout harder to me any other night again cos I don't wanna faint'' and smiled. I guess she stole a smile, went into the room, got dressed and came out requesting I assist her with money to go see a friend. Women! I quickly dip hand into pocket and handed her a thousand naira bill and she left with just saying thank you.
I was at a lost whether to get angry again or smile off our foolishness when she came right back in with bunch of plantain then I knew my breakfast is guaranteed. Afterwards she ask me to apologize for rejecting her food the previous night which I did and she became happy.
Umunwayi....God perfect gift.
Bro you need to learn how to cook. get to know how to fix quick meal for yourself
Typical Nigerian male. Try to point out some certain hard truths and you are labelled a feminist. Do you even know the definition of a feminist? So tomorrow now, assuming she can no longer provide the basics due to circumstances beyond her control, for example, losing both arms, becoming blind, having an illness that saps all physical energy so that she is mostly bedridden, and you are required to take care of her round the clock, you would divorce her and marry another lady that can provide the basics ba, so you can continue being focused and committed.
Also you said you cannot marry a lady that polishes her nails and on Telemundo while you do the dish or cook, but is that not what most men do. The woman slaves in the kitchen doing the dishes and cooking, while they sit in front of the TV watching football on Supersport, or you think the women are not tired too.
Why don't you also improve her life by encouraging her to do something with her education so that she can become financially independent, instead of using it to just add a feminine touch and improvement to your life by preparing delicious meals. If something happens to you tomorrow, she can still take care of the kids on her own.
By the way, this is the definition of a feminism
: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
Do you see anything wrong it?
Here is the explanation of feminism as taken from wikipedia.
"Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.
A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.[3]
Feminist theory, which emerged from feminist movements, aims to understand the nature of gender inequality by examining women's social roles and lived experience; it has developed theories in a variety of disciplines in order to respond to issues such as the social construction of sex and gender.[4][5] Some forms of feminism have been criticized for taking into account only white, middle-class, educated perspectives. This led to the creation of ethnically specific or multiculturalist forms of feminism.[6]
Feminist movements have and continue to campaign for many women's rights – such as the Equal Rights Amendment, the right to own property, equal health care coverage for equal pay, sexual freedom and liberation, and voting – while also promoting body autonomy/integrity, and reproductive rights for women.
Feminist campaigns are generally considered to be main force behind major historical societal changes, particularly in the West, where they are near-universally credited with having achieved women's suffrage, gender neutrality in English, equal pay for women, reproductive rights for women (including access to contraceptives and abortion), and the right to enter into contracts and own property.[7]
Feminists have worked to protect women and girls from domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault.[8][9] Feminists have also advocated for workplace rights, including receiving the right to paid work, paid maternity leave, and eradicating all forms of discrimination against women.
Feminist advocacy is mainly focused on women's rights, but author bell hooks, among others, argue for the necessity for it to include men's liberation, because men are also harmed by traditional gender roles.[10]
No mind am. The tired wife manage prepare meal for am, he still dey vex say the meal is not up to his standard. He does not know the way to the kitchen. If I be the wife, I for just open that him coconut head, pour the soup inside. Lol
No mind am. The tired wife manage prepare meal for am, he still dey vex say the meal is not up to his standard. He does not know the way to the kitchen. If I be the wife, I for just open that him coconut head, pour the soup inside. Lol
Next morning I will certify u single. and go look for a woman that will cook good meal for me.
I don't know why you are so worked up on this issue. As a matter of fact I cook and we do cook together most times but this night and every other day it is her responsibility to serve my meals except on health ground, absence or unavoidable circumstances
I shared my experience to express the complexity of marriages and not for public evaluation
Next morning I will certify u single. and go look for a woman that will cook good meal for me.
I don't know why you are so worked up on this issue. As a matter of fact I cook and we do cook together most times but this night and every other day it is her responsibility to serve my meals except on health ground, absence or unavoidable circumstances
I shared my experience to express the complexity of marriages and not for public evaluation
I have already thanked you for that post. I understood exactly why you shared and I have already learnt one or two things from it.
Did you read the story?? Let me paraphrase it for you.
Wife: Dear, I am tired. I will rather prepare a simple meal of Indomie Noodles. Can you help me with dinner? Husband: No, just go and prepare my dinner. Oh, and by the way, I want you to prepare me a more elaborate meal of eba and soup instead. I do not care if you are tired. Wife manages to prepare his meal despite her tiredness and husband gets angry because it is not up to his standard.
Anyway a lot of women called wives in Nigeria are just glorified maids and prostitutes in their homes, so not surprised at the husband's selfishness. Once she becomes old and tired from the husband's selfishness, the husband will exchange her for a fresher and younger version.
Imagine, she is not even financially independent, and she has such a selfish husband. I pity her.
This is what you underdtood from that story? You have serious issues.
Romantic E-SONGS from that 'special' married boyfriend. . . and a $5000 raise in my bank account for 'miscellaneous' expenses! A home cooked dinner from the ever-doting husband!
OPEN MARRIAGE SWEEEET tooo musssssh ooooooh! The best of 2 worlds!
Did you read the story?? Let me paraphrase it for you.
Wife: Dear, I am tired. I will rather prepare a simple meal of Indomie Noodles. Can you help me with dinner? Husband: No, just go and prepare my dinner. Oh, and by the way, I want you to prepare me a more elaborate meal of eba and soup instead. I do not care if you are tired. Wife manages to prepare his meal despite her tiredness and husband gets angry because it is not up to his standard.
Anyway a lot of women called wives in Nigeria are just glorified maids and prostitutes in their homes, so not surprised at the husband's selfishness. Once she becomes old and tired from the husband's selfishness, the husband will exchange her for a fresher and younger version.
Imagine, she is not even financially independent, and she has such a selfish husband. I pity her.
Are u married? Dnt u thk u r 2 mean?thread softly pls, we r Africans
Did you read the story?? Let me paraphrase it for you.
Wife: Dear, I am tired. I will rather prepare a simple meal of Indomie Noodles. Can you help me with dinner? Husband: No, just go and prepare my dinner. Oh, and by the way, I want you to prepare me a more elaborate meal of eba and soup instead. I do not care if you are tired. Wife manages to prepare his meal despite her tiredness and husband gets angry because it is not up to his standard.
Anyway a lot of women called wives in Nigeria are just glorified maids and prostitutes in their homes, so not surprised at the husband's selfishness. Once she becomes old and tired from the husband's selfishness, the husband will exchange her for a fresher and younger version.
Imagine, she is not even financially independent, and she has such a selfish husband. I pity her.
Are u married? Dnt u thk u r 2 mean? We r Africans pls thread softly
This is what you underdtood from that story? You have serious issues.
I went back and reread his story. I think I must have jumped the gun a little bit. The way he constructed his initial statement led to a little bit of confusion, and I see I was not the only one that misunderstood his statement.
"I and wify came back from a church programme 8pm on Tuesday. She asked If I will join her in the indomie noodle she was preparing for dinner and I said No that I desired swallow."
This statement above was a little bit confusing.
Join her in what?? In preparing the dinner of indomie noodle or eating the dinner of indomie noodle. The emphasis on the capitalization of No also caused a little bit of confusion. Was he refusing his wife in preparing the dinner or refusing to eat the dinner of indomie noodle? Also confusing was his emphasis on the time they came back from the church service, leading one to believe that it was an unusual late time for the wife to be preparing dinner, hence leading to the conclusion of her tiredness and the request for help in preparing dinner.
I now see that his capitalization of the No meant he was vehemently opposed to eating the indomie noodle for dinner. His statement was just poorly constructed leading one to form the wrong conclusion. I was operating on little sleep/ no sleep, so I apologize for coming to the wrong conclusion which is, he wife was tired, and asked for help in preparing the dinner, but he said no and demanded for a more elaborate dinner.
I went back and reread his story. I think I must have jumped the gun a little bit. The way he constructed his initial statement led to a little bit of confusion, and I see I was not the only one that misunderstood his statement.
"I and wify came back from a church programme 8pm on Tuesday. She asked If I will join her in the indomie noodle she was preparing for dinner and I said No that I desired swallow."
This statement above was a little bit confusing.
Join her in what?? In preparing the dinner of indomie noodle, or join her in eating the indomie noodle for dinner. The emphasis on the capitalization of No caused a little bit of confusion, and also his emphasis on the time they came back from the church service, leading one to believe that it was unusual late time for the wife to be preparing dinner.
I now see that his capitalization of the No meant he was vehemently opposed to eating the indomie noodle for dinner. His statement was just poorly constructed leading one to form the wrong conclusion. I was operating on little sleep/ no sleep, so I apologize for coming to the wrong conclusion which is, he wife was tired, and asked for help in preparing the dinner, but he said no and demanded for a more elaborate dinner.
I went back and reread his story. I think I must have jumped the gun a little bit. The way he constructed his initial statement led to a little bit of confusion, and I see I was not the only one that misunderstood his statement.
"I and wify came back from a church programme 8pm on Tuesday. She asked If I will join her in the indomie noodle she was preparing for dinner and I said No that I desired swallow."
This statement above was a little bit confusing.
Join her in what?? In preparing the dinner of indomie noodle or eating the dinner of indomie noodle. The emphasis on the capitalization of No also caused a little bit of confusion. Was he refusing his wife in preparing the dinner or refusing to eat the dinner of indomie noodle? Also confusing was his emphasis on the time they came back from the church service, leading one to believe that it was an unusual late time for the wife to be preparing dinner, hence leading to the conclusion of her tiredness and the request for help in preparing dinner.
I now see that his capitalization of the No meant he was vehemently opposed to eating the indomie noodle for dinner. His statement was just poorly constructed leading one to form the wrong conclusion. I was operating on little sleep/ no sleep, so I apologize for coming to the wrong conclusion which is, he wife was tired, and asked for help in preparing the dinner, but he said no and demanded for a more elaborate dinner.
Wow. Are you an English student? Your diction is impeccable. I'm in love already. Be my submissive love slave
Seriously though, don't fret. A lot of misunderstanding goes on in this site. I'm very pleased you didn't answer with an insult. Thanks for being polite.
I think a lot of ladies(young ladies) are scared of marriage. They see marriage as a kind of domineering relationship where the husband is an evil master and they are the obedient and helpless slave. Hence their caustic replies to issues like this. Hence the many battle of the sexes here on Nairaland. They hear some terrible stories in real life and think that is how every marriage is.
They are wrong.
Marriage is sweet. You as a lady won't mind cooking for your husband no matter how tired you are, especially if you married the right person. And it wouldn't be because he ordered you, but because you don't want him to go hungry. A lot of friendship and understanding is required in marriage. If you marry a man because he is rich or handsome or has a good job or because you want to answer "Mrs somebody", without looking at his character, then you stand the risk of marrying a man who won't care about you and who will most likely treat you like a slave. That is why we tell people to Marr for more tangible things like love and friendship. These are the real factors that will last during marriage. They will make you care for the other person without you feeling forced to do so.
Same goes to the guys on this thread as well. Guys, beauty fades. Fast. If you marry a woman for her beauty and not for her brains by the time she delivers one child for you and fattens up or she starts using bad mouth on you, you will wish you had never considered marriage. Frustration will set in and that's where other vices like beating the woman and cheating on her will enter.
Marry for the right reasons and you wont have time to come on Nairaland to be complaining about your problems. But if you marry for the wrong reasons...well, that won't be your portion in Jesus name. Amen.
I went back and reread his story. I think I must have jumped the gun a little bit. The way he constructed his initial statement led to a little bit of confusion, and I see I was not the only one that misunderstood his statement.
"I and wify came back from a church programme 8pm on Tuesday. She asked If I will join her in the indomie noodle she was preparing for dinner and I said No that I desired swallow."
This statement above was a little bit confusing.
Join her in what?? In preparing the dinner of indomie noodle or eating the dinner of indomie noodle. The emphasis on the capitalization of No also caused a little bit of confusion. Was he refusing his wife in preparing the dinner or refusing to eat the dinner of indomie noodle? Also confusing was his emphasis on the time they came back from the church service, leading one to believe that it was an unusual late time for the wife to be preparing dinner, hence leading to the conclusion of her tiredness and the request for help in preparing dinner.
I now see that his capitalization of the No meant he was vehemently opposed to eating the indomie noodle for dinner. His statement was just poorly constructed leading one to form the wrong conclusion. I was operating on little sleep/ no sleep, so I apologize for coming to the wrong conclusion which is, he wife was tired, and asked for help in preparing the dinner, but he said no and demanded for a more elaborate dinner.
Your poor defense strategy really tells who you are. An unhappy, I'll mannered and short tempered sapien.
Wow. Are you an English student? Your diction is impeccable. I'm in love already. Be my submissive love slave
Seriously though, don't fret. A lot of misunderstanding goes on in this site. I'm very pleased you didn't answer with an insult. Thanks for being polite.
A Science student, but I took English and Literature in English in secondary school. Thank you for the compliment.
I'm sure they were all from guys, but wrong conclusion aside, my opinion still stands though, that you treated your wife like a second class citizen.
You must be evil and satanic.
How did you come to the conclusion that my wife MUST be tired to fix dinner for her hubby when BOTH of us came back from church service?
Did I mention in my post she protested?
Again I read where you said you will tear open your husband's skull and pour in the soup or whatever he requested from you any day you're tired and he made such request.
Are you really gonna do that...are you that EVIL minded?
Satanic ke? N it doesn't matter if she protested or not...she may have been exhausted n decided to please u which is wat marriage is about esp when it's a 2 way affair.
What really irked me bout ur post is the mind games u played. She was begging u n u were forming James Bond, u said.
Marriage n relationships in general r like a compilation of memories. Ppl often say she just snapped...trust me, it's always a long time coming.
Again I read where you said you will tear open your husband's skull and pour in the soup or whatever he requested from you any day you're tired and he made such request.
Are you really gonna do that...are you that EVIL minded?
Gloriagee: Satanic ke? N it doesn't matter if she protested or not...she may have been exhausted n decided to please u which is wat marriage is about esp when it's a 2 way affair.
What really irked me bout ur post is the mind games u played. She was begging u n u were forming James Bond, u said.
Marriage n relationships in general r like a compilation of memories. Ppl often say she just snapped...trust me, it's always a long time coming.
Best of luck with ur union!
You got it right. I decided to play the mind game cos I was at an advantage. Most times she does it and I beg her. infact often time, she will be in the wrong but might be too proud to admit and plead for forgiveness, I will be the one to even pamper her or pet her. That's marriage and maturity.
