The first thing I noticed about Lagos was the noise, car horns blasting as vehicles made their way through the traffic. It was like a metropolitan beast whose soul manifested itself in a cacophony of
blaring horns, street music and rowdy vendors clamoring to sell their
merchandise. Lanes in Lagos were just indicators of where you could
drive if you wanted to. Vehicles pushed their way in and out and when
someone decides there are too few lanes going in their direction, they
start another one, mostly pushing in between existing lanes.
Motorcycles weaved through the traffic, seemingly unaware of their safety and their passenger’s vulnerability. My eyes glowed with excitement when I sighted the statue of the three elders. My twelve
hour enervating journey was finally coming to an end.
My friend’s instructions were precise. “Stop at where they call Berger.
That should be the first terminal your bus is most likely to stop at Lagos. I’ll come pick you from there.” She said on phone.
Two hours earlier, my bus had abruptly stopped, jolting me up from sleep. I saw two passengers alighting and the presence of yellow buses plying the highway among other vehicles.
“Excuse me, excuse me let me get down.” I said to the passenger
seated beside me.
“You are stopping here too?” He asked.
“Yes.” I said as I struggled to pull out my suitcase from under my seat.
“And I thought you were going to Lagos.” He said quietly.
“Eh?” I was puzzled. “Is this not Berger?”
“Haba! This is Ibadan. We haven’t even gotten to Lagos yet.”
My face was mushy as I tried to suppress a laugh.
“Is this your first time in Lagos?” he asked. I scratched my head, deliberating the smartest reply to his question. The night before my trip, I logged online to search for JJC guides to Lagos. From five articles on Nairaland’s travel section, I was able to grasp the following.

1.No matter what, don’t act like you are new.
2.Speak less, listen more.
3.Keep your phones and money safe. Keep your money hidden in your
pants when you are in a crowded place.
4.Be alert. Red alert.
5.Speak pidgin only. Fluent Yoruba too.
6.Never argue with an agbero or market woman.
7.Always add traffic time to your schedule.
8.If someone hits you on the road, double check your belongings including your private parts to be sure they have not mysteriously disappeared.
9.Don’t sleep off in a commercial bus because no one will wake you.
10.Run after buses and fly into them to enter.
11.When in doubt, ask for directions from at least three persons.
12.Hold your change.

Taking the number one precaution into consideration, I told my copassenger, “No, this is not my first time. It’s just that I always travel here by air. This is my first time of travelling by road and the person I am visiting told me to stop at Berger.”
“You should have asked me or some other passenger if you were not sure. There is a statue of three elders at Berger bus stop. Once you have that at the back of your mind, you wouldn’t miss your way.”
“Is that where you are stopping too?”
“No. Ojota. If you don’t know Berger, you wouldn’t know Ojota,”
He smiled. “You must be one of those chauffeured ridden girls in
Victoria Island, right?”
I chuckled. Please don’t ask me any more questions before I say something stupid.
The driver pulled by the side of the hill and half of the passengers disembarked, most of them descending the hill easily.
“Don’t get lost oh.” My co passenger shouted from the window as
the bus with the rest of the passengers found its way to the traffic
again.
One teenage boy walked up to me, “Fine sister, please give me fifty
naira for pure water.” I took out twenty naira from my back pocket and gave it to him. Not long after, a well-dressed man approached me. “Please I just need only four hundred naira to get to Ajah where my cousin lives. I just came into town from Ibadan and I lost my bag to
armed robbers.” Knowing where Ibadan was, I felt pity for him. I took
out three hundred naira in fifty naira denominations from my pocket
and gave it to him. He took out an iPhone from his pocket and replaced
the money there. I immediately registered the thirteenth lesson at the
back of my mind.

13.Begging is now an occupation in Lagos.


The above is a work of fiction (although I had to use nonfictional places to make it sound very realistic), an excerpt from one of the mid chapters of my ready to published novel, '29, Single and Nigerian'. (Constructive criticisms are welcomed)
It is a witty, 'down-to earth prose' (according to one of my editors) that will appeal to the rich, poor, single, married, fat, thin, virgin, unemployed, employed, Lagosian, Igbo, Calabar, Nigerian in Diaspora etc.
Problem is, I don't know the next step to take since this is my first book. All I have is a soft copy of my manuscript. I have perused the literature section of NL for guides on how to self publish but I can't seem to find anything detailed. My intentions are to release and distribute the book in soft and hard copies by next month.

How do I get an ISBN without having to register a company name with CAC?
Is there anyone reading this that is EXCELLENT at designing book covers?
How and where do I print in Lagos?
Do I need to seek for sponsors since I am not so buoyant?
My manuscript is 105000 words long. How much will it cost me to make 200 copies of the book (high quality print) for a start?
Please PM me or drop a comment if you have an idea of any of the above questions. Thank you.

Lmao at the story...

Try check the Art and Graphics section for the Book cover design.

I can handle the Print but kind of busy atm.

No catwalking when crossing the roads

Good you are venturing into the literary world,

For ISBN, I have gotten ISBNs before; they will NOT issue you any if the company that will stand as your publisher is not registered with CAC, unless you are looking for a shortcut which I honestly do not know about.

If you need excellent book covers, you can always get them, just signify interest,

Where you will print in lagos brekete, I can help you out.

If this is your first time, you might really find I difficult to get sponsors unless they arey our family members.

If you want the book printed and delivered, I can help you out, send a text to 08090335260

Lovely write up as usual

Nice

Lovely write up as usual.

I personally don't know much about ISBN o but I'd advice you start marketing it as an ebook first. There are lots of sites you can start selling the ebook on and with the cash generated, you can go on to figure out how to print paper backs

My 2 kobo

@OP do you have a publisher? Your publisher should worry about the ISBN. Except maybe it's a self published work.

Nice writeup dear! You are going places....maybe not Lagos .

Don't mind me joor! More grease to your elbow!

Nice write up.

lol. NSG again. uv just made my day.

LMAO you again

Original as usual!

An Outstanding piece

Nice write-up as always but I hope u don't normally keep ur money hidden in ur pants as u suggested in d story. I agree with @awesomelymade concerning the ISBN issue though.

All the best!

ewizard1:
Lmao at the story...
Try check the Art and Graphics section for the Book cover design.
I can handle the Print but kind of busy atm.

alright

AwesomelyMade:
Good you are venturing into the literary world,

For ISBN, I have gotten ISBNs before; they will NOT issue you any if the company that will stand as your publisher is not registered with CAC, unless you are looking for a shortcut which I honestly do not know about.

If you need excellent book covers, you can always get them, just signify interest,

Where you will print in lagos brekete, I can help you out.

If this is your first time, you might really find I difficult to get sponsors unless they arey our family members.

If you want the book printed and delivered, I can help you out, send a text to 08090335260

I will. Thank you.

Brandnew2:
@OP do you have a publisher? Your publisher should worry about the ISBN. Except maybe it's a self published work.

I want to self publish.

pxdaniel:
Nice write-up as always but I hope u don't normally keep ur money hidden in ur pants as u suggested in d story. I agree with @awesomelymade concerning the ISBN issue though.

All the best!

Thank you

Twaci:
Nice writeup dear! You are going places....maybe not Lagos .

Don't mind me joor! More grease to your elbow!

lol

Please NSG make sure it is on okadabooks. I go buy from there. More grease to ur elbow.

Naijasinglegirl
we need to talk
your mail?
or flash mine: adefunmo1@gmail.com

wow...... I love this...... I wish there was a continuation.

Starniga:
wow...... I love this...... I wish there was a continuation.

There is...when you get my book.

Starniga:
wow...... I love this...... I wish there was a continuation.

There is...when you get the book

I love this excerpt.

Best wishes.

FantaBulus!

sholay2011:
I love this excerpt.
Best wishes.

thank you

Mucokey:
FantaBulus!

thanks

funmo:
Naijasinglegirl
we need to talk
your mail?
or flash mine: adefunmo1@gmail.com

done

OP, you shouldn't worry about the publishing quality only, you should also worry about the distribution strenght.. i'll advice you to walk into University Press, their quality is good, their graphic for book cover is absorbing and you won't have to pay much..
another thing OP.. lying about coming to Lagos by air.. i know the guy would pretend to agree like every lagosian.. lagos people are easily lied to but difficult to be fooled.