Hahahaha...

PunkyVeer:

Hahaha

Candyrain:
Hahahaha...

Candy, what do you think of long distance relationships? Like, let's say you & I started a relationship. I'm here, you're there & a future together is uncertain because of the distance. Would you continue?

A friend of mine is going through something like that at the moment. She likes the guy a lot, but they just live too far apart & visitations are out of the question for now because both aren't financially there yet. So she decided to end things with him to spare both of them a lot of pain & whatnot. The guy wishes to get married soon, so now my friend feels like she's holding him back since there's no telling when they will be together. She's upset & confused about whether she made the right decision or not. She's thinking what if he's "the one". I'm not in a good headspace to advise anyone on serious love matters. So what do you think? She did right?

Wow...

I believe we human can make anything work only if we put our mind to making it work. In this case of long distance relationship, if both people involved want to make it work then it will work irrespective of the distance. Long distance relationship has worked and it will keep working.

You said the guy wishes to marry soon, right? A guy that wishes to marry soon and he's not financially there yet or at least ok, how does he intend to foot the wedding bill and other things involved? If they both love each other then patience is all they need and work hard towards getting what they both want which is to be together. The guy who wishes to marry soon should work towards being financially ok to take care of his woman. I don't see distance as a problem if they truly want each other.

My question is, does the guy want to quit the relationship as well? If answer is NO, then your friend shouldn't worry much. We guys always find a way to get what our heart truly want. In this case if he loves your friend so much then he'll come for her no matter what.

PunkyVeer:


Candy, what do you think of long distance relationships? Like, let's say you & I started a relationship. I'm here, you're there & a future together is uncertain because of the distance. Would you continue?

A friend of mine is going through something like that at the moment. She likes the guy a lot, but they just live too far apart & visitations are out of the question for now because both aren't financially there yet. So she decided to end things with him to spare both of them a lot of pain & whatnot. The guy wishes to get married soon, so now my friend feels like she's holding him back since there's no telling when they will be together. She's upset & confused about whether she made the right decision or not. She's thinking what if he's "the one". I'm not in a good headspace to advise anyone on serious love matters. So what do you think? She did right?

Candyrain:
Wow...

I believe we human can make anything work only if we put our mind to making it work. In this case of long distance relationship, if both people involved want to make it work then it will work irrespective of the distance. Long distance relationship has worked and it will keep working.

You said the guy wishes to marry soon, right? A guy that wishes to marry soon and he's not financially there yet or at least ok, how does he intend to foot the wedding bill and other things involved? If they both love each other then patience is all they need and work hard towards getting what they both want which is to be together. The guy who wishes to marry soon should work towards being financially ok to take care of his woman. I don't see distance as a problem if they truly want each other.

My question is, does the guy want to quit the relationship as well? If answer is NO, then your friend shouldn't worry much. We guys always find a way to get what our heart truly want. In this case if he loves your friend so much then he'll come for her no matter what.

Awww, Dr Phil You have a good head over your shoulders & I think your advice is good. However, there are also some trust issues in this case, as I suspect that'd be the case in these type of relationships. Especially now that there's so much uncertainty about when they'd actually be together. So she feels like she'd be unfair to him to expect him to be faithful to her when they don't even know when they'd meet. On the other hand, she also doesn't want to be "cheated" on. The complexity of it all is what made her decide to just let it go. I guess that's normal, right, to be suspicious when your partner is faraway?

The guy, she says, sounds unhappy about her decision but told her that he understands. I mean, we're all different & some don't have trust on tap, so to speak. I can relate to her on that one. It'd tax me too emotionally. Anyway, for now, they've decided to go their separate ways until "a miracle" happens & she can be with him in a proper relationship. About finances, I don't think she cares, she just wants to be with him. For richer or poorer I guess Chai! Now that's what I call l-o-v-e ! She's a great girl though & I don't think she expects a big @ss wedding because he explained his situation to her without shame & yet she doesn't seem to mind, so...

Now what do you think?

Btw, I'm stealing your advice & am going to pretend it's my own when I meet up with her tonight

PunkyVeer:


Awww, Dr Phil You have a good head over your shoulders & I think your advice is good. However, there are also some trust issues in this case, as I suspect that'd be the case in these type of relationships. Especially now that there's so much uncertainty about when they'd actually be together. So she feels like she'd be unfair to him to expect him to be faithful to her when they don't even know when they'd meet. On the other hand, she also doesn't want to be "cheated" on. The complexity of it all is what made her decide to just let it go. I guess that's normal, right, to be suspicious when your partner is faraway?

The guy, she says, sounds unhappy about her decision but told her that he understands. I mean, we're all different & some don't have trust on tap, so to speak. I can relate to her on that one. It'd tax me too emotionally. Anyway, for now, they've decided to go their separate ways until "a miracle" happens & she can be with him in a proper relationship. About finances, I don't think she cares, she just wants to be with him. For richer or poorer I guess Chai! Now that's what I call l-o-v-e ! She's a great girl though & I don't think she expects a big @ss wedding because he explained his situation to her without shame & yet she doesn't seem to mind, so...

Now what do you think?

Btw, I'm stealing your advice & am going to pretend it's my own when I meet up with her tonight

Hahahaha @the bold. I don't mind. You are the one giving it to her so it's yours.

Trust? That's one of the big problems in relationships, if it's not there then the relationship is nonexistence to me. The area of faithfulness is one that should be carefully looked into. Now only very few men/women can TRULY stay faithful to each other in a long distance relationship. Even in relationships where both parties have met but maybe work or something keeps them apart, there has been known incidence of unfaithfulness. At times they don't happen intentionally, most times hormones kicks in and it happens but that doesn't mean they still don't love their partners.

On the other hand, there are some that can stay faithful no matter what. Both of them just need to trust each other. Even couples that are living in same house, sleep in the same bed still experience this issues. Now, how certain is your friend that the next person she's gonna be with, who she sees everyday won't cheat on her right under her nose? It's all about being optimistic, believing and trust each other. If she loves the guy she should stand by him, she should trust him.

I don't think it's normal to be suspicious of your partner except if there's been an incidence that would bring about the suspicion. I won't be suspicious except she gives me a reason to suspect her.

And to the guy, I wish I can have a word with him. If your friend don't really care about his financial status so what's holding him back? He should go and pick his woman up.

Are these two people in different countries?

LeSudAfricaine:
Bingo!

all4naija:
Okay! What's the mouth-watching part for? Jeez! You need to muscle your people because they are usually out of control. The South African blacks are the most embarrassing people I have ever seen. When you expect them to be civil for coming from a more advanced society the opposite is often the case. That is one of the reasons I am always hard on them.

However, I don't think all Ghanaians are bad but there are more silly ones than the intelligent ones. At least, this forum is a testament to that. Their views are usually myopic and quickly stepping to the opportunity to defend South Africa against Nigeria- when SA is not their country. That is preposterous to say the least. If there are any nations that are so close in West Africa they are Nigeria and Ghana but your people tend to support others against us, doing that to gain Zulus favor. Possibly prevent Zulus from attacking them during the xenophobic activities in that country. Most Ghanaians are cowards!


That last line of your post is funny. Jiggaman is one of the most ludicrous Ghanaians I have ever come across in this forum. He is a perv and blatantly annoying.

You say Ghanaians tend to support others against you even though its not entirely true but you guys also support everyone but Ghana. The truth is even though we are both West African countries we are not really that close. I would say Liberia is closer in terms of relations than Nigeria.

Secondly Ghanaians have no issue with South Africans. So because you people have issues with them it means that we should also have issues with them?

on this site we are the two nations most 'hated'/insulted etc so as the saying goes an 'enemy of my 'enemy is my friend. It's only natural that we form some sort of comradieship of sorts.

A lot of times people say a lot of crap and I don't care whether SA, Zimbabwe, Uganda etc if you speak crap and I know you are speaking crap I won't support you just because we are from the West and vice verse as can be seen as I have even had arguments with a few of my own countrymen for speaking crap

Lol @ supporting SA so they wont attack us. You are one crazy guy. So the whole of South Africa is on Nairaland who can see our 'support'. Truth is a lot of times they can't differentiate between a lot of foreigners neither do I think they care who is from where. But on a serious note you keep repeating the same lines. Give it a break will ya. Like someone else said not everyone is involved with xenophobia so you need to stop with painting all with one comb.

lezz:
Hmn, good, but I want our Igbo cousins and Yoruba brothers to be great together. That would make Nigeria the China and USA of Africa.

ur suggestion cnt b possible because they want Biafra

Candyrain:


Hahahaha @the bold. I don't mind. You are the one giving it to her so it's yours.

Trust? That's one of the big problems in relationships, if it's not there then the relationship is nonexistence to me. The area of faithfulness is one that should be carefully looked into. Now only very few men/women can TRULY stay faithful to each other in a long distance relationship. Even in relationships where both parties have met but maybe work or something keeps them apart, there has been known incidence of unfaithfulness. At times they don't happen intentionally, most times hormones kicks in and it happens but that doesn't mean they still don't love their partners.

On the other hand, there are some that can stay faithful no matter what. Both of them just need to trust each other. Even couples that are living in same house, sleep in the same bed still experience this issues. Now, how certain is your friend that the next person she's gonna be with, who she sees everyday won't cheat on her right under her nose? It's all about being optimistic, believing and trust each other. If she loves the guy she should stand by him, she should trust him.

I don't think it's normal to be suspicious of your partner except if there's been an incidence that would bring about the suspicion. I won't be suspicious except she gives me a reason to suspect her.

And to the guy, I wish I can have a word with him. If your friend don't really care about his financial status so what's holding him back? He should go and pick his woman up.

Are these two people in different countries?

Hmm, my boy is grown #ProudMamaMoment

Yeah, I'll make sure to pass everything you said to her. One reason I think she's suspicious, is her past with some of the guys she's been with. You know what liars some guys can be. Because of that, I believe she now has trust issues.

Lol, you'd really wanna have a word with him? You're in luck because he's one of your own. Yes, they're in different countries. She's here & he's over there. I believe they "met" through mutual friends. Naija peeps here like to play matchmaker lol. So she's your would-be sister inlaw if the relationship survives.

PunkyVeer:


Hmm, my boy is grown #ProudMamaMoment

Yeah, I'll make sure to pass everything you said to her. One reason I think she's suspicious, is her past with some of the guys she's been with. You know what liars some guys can be. Because of that, I believe she now has trust issues.

Lol, you'd really wanna have a word with him? You're in luck because he's one of your own. Yes, they're in different countries. She's here & he's over there. I believe they "met" through mutual friends. Naija peeps here like to play matchmaker lol. So she's your would-be sister inlaw if the relationship survives.

Lol... @your boy is grown. Who you referring to?

Oh I see. I now understand where the trust issue is coming from. One thing I've learnt is to give any new person I meet the benefit of doubt to be different from my ex, I relate with the person without the thought of what happened to me previously even though I'll be careful. If we continue to relate with every single person we meet with the attitude stemming from the disappointment of previous relationships then there will be problem with the new one. Trust will be totally lacking. The new person might be clean but will now be suffering from your past ugly experiences. She should give the guy a chance. I think whether the relationship will work or not is in your friend's hands.

I think they can make it work if they really want to even with the distance. If your friend loves her man then she should hold on to him.

Candyrain:


Lol... @your boy is grown. Who you referring to?

Oh I see. I now understand where the trust issue is coming from. One thing I've learnt is to give any new person I meet the benefit of doubt to be different from my ex, I relate with the person without the thought of what happened to me previously even though I'll be careful. If we continue to relate with every single person we meet with the attitude stemming from the disappointment of previous relationships then there will be problem with the new one. Trust will be totally lacking. The new person might be clean but will now be suffering from your past ugly experiences. She should give the guy a chance. I think whether the relationship will work or not is in your friend's hands.

I think they can make it work if they really want to even with the distance. If your friend loves her man then she should hold on to him.

Heard. People are getting hooked up, how come you never found me a hot strapping future hubby? Don't you think I'm wife material? Kikiki.

Hehehe......... Hey! Don't mean to pry aiiit.

But I gotta say it......... It's far better to see an inter-country love affair than to witness all the nonsense inter-country e-wars............... Far better, and much better..............

Ok..... I'm done....... *smiles*

*zooms off*

^^

Girl I am sorry to butt in but I can't help but smell a rat.  This man wants papers so that he can come to SA.  I have seen this so many times.

Why did the guy have to hook him up with a lady so far away. Are there no women in Nigeria? He has no money and no prospects but wants to hook him up with a South African.

Anyways she must trust her instincts.  Long distance relationship's are already hard enough but to mix it with different cultures,  uncertainty, cheating and so fourth. What is wrong in finding a nice guy here to settle down with.

my 2 cents though...

PunkyVeer:


Heard. People are getting hooked up, how come you never found me a hot strapping future hubby? Don't you think I'm wife material? Kikiki.

Hahahaha... You never told me you wanted to get hooked up and you have a resounding YES that you are a wife material. The luck dude that will end up with you is so going to enjoy himself. It's a statement of fact Tee. Have you ever hooked someone up before? If you have, how did it happen?

Candyrain:


Hahahaha... You never told me you wanted to get hooked up and you have a resounding YES that you are a wife material. The luck dude that will end up with you is so going to enjoy himself. It's a statement of fact Tee. Have you ever hooked someone up before? If you have, how did it happen?

Awwwwwwwww. So thweet

Lol, I'm scared to hook people up because I don't even trust my own choices in men So to hook someone up with a nutcase & then be blamed when shyt hits the fan, I'd rather not. I want people to get into crappy relationships of their own choosing.

However, I've been hooked up thrice. All 3 times I didn't like the guys The last time it happened it was by one of my cousin's friends & she was trying to hook me up with her brother. Lawd! Did it bomb or did it bomb!!!!! I didn't like him the moment I set eyes on him & was ready to bounce at any second. Dude looked like NOTHING I imagined he'd be. And to add salt to injury, his sister said we'd make a "cute" couple. L oh L. Anyway, he was short, fat & bald. Everything I don't find
attractive. He actually reminded me of Buddha. Plus he was dressed in white so he really looked like Buddha. I was just annoyed the whole date & I didn't even hide it. He had this low voice so I had to lean closer in order to hear him, which irritated me even more because it looked romantic. Ugh! I couldn't wait to leave. I never saw him again after our "date".

V0lv0:


You say Ghanaians tend to support others against you even though its not entirely true but you guys also support everyone but Ghana. The truth is even though we are both West African countries we are not really that close. I would say Liberia is closer in terms of relations than Nigeria.

Secondly Ghanaians have no issue with South Africans. So because you people have issues with them it means that we should also have issues with them?

on this site we are the two nations most 'hated'/insulted etc so as the saying goes an 'enemy of my 'enemy is my friend. It's only natural that we form some sort of comradieship of sorts.

A lot of times people say a lot of crap and I don't care whether SA, Zimbabwe, Uganda etc if you speak crap and I know you are speaking crap I won't support you just because we are from the West and vice verse as can be seen as I have even had arguments with a few of my own countrymen for speaking crap

Lol @ supporting SA so they wont attack us. You are one crazy guy. So the whole of South Africa is on Nairaland who can see our 'support'. Truth is a lot of times they can't differentiate between a lot of foreigners neither do I think they care who is from where. But on a serious note you keep repeating the same lines. Give it a break will ya. Like someone else said not everyone is involved with xenophobia so you need to stop with painting all with one comb.

amen sister!

PunkyVeer:


Awwwwwwwww. So thweet

Lol, I'm scared to hook people up because I don't even trust my own choices in men So to hook someone up with a nutcase & then be blamed when shyt hits the fan, I'd rather not. I want people to get into crappy relationships of their own choosing.

However, I've been hooked up thrice. All 3 times I didn't like the guys The last time it happened it was by one of my cousin's friends & she was trying to hook me up with her brother. Lawd! Did it bomb or did it bomb!!!!! I didn't like him the moment I set eyes on him & was ready to bounce at any second. Dude looked like NOTHING I imagined he'd be. And to add salt to injury, his sister said we'd make a "cute" couple. L oh L. Anyway, he was short, fat & bald. Everything I don't find
attractive. He actually reminded me of Buddha. Plus he was dressed in white so he really looked like Buddha. I was just annoyed the whole date & I didn't even hide it. He had this low voice so I had to lean closer in order to hear him, which irritated me even more because it looked romantic. Ugh! I couldn't wait to leave. I never saw him again after our "date".

Hahahahaha... Short, fat and bald? Wow... Lol... I can imagine the expression on your face when you saw him. So sorry they never worked out. So let me guess, after the last one you called it quit with being hooked up, right? You should have given her your specifications or didn't you? You must have really been disappointed in your her. Well it happens, sorry dear. So didn't your bald date get your number? You know to try reach you again for another date

Candyrain:


Hahahahaha... Short, fat and bald? Wow... Lol... I can imagine the expression on your face when you saw him. So sorry they never worked out. So let me guess, after the last one you called it quit with being hooked up, right? You should have given her your specifications or didn't you? You must have really been disappointed in your her. Well it happens, sorry dear. So didn't your bald date get your number? You know to try reach you again for another date

I don't have a type per se but I know what I don't like when I see it. Round & short guys and the body building type just aren't my thing. Anything else is a hit or miss. Lol, I had to let him down gently but I think he must have felt that I wasn't into him. I don't shuck & jive lol. I prefer to keep it 100 because I don't like to pretend. It sucks so much energy compared to just keeping it real

PunkyVeer:


I don't have a type per se but I know what I don't like when I see it. Round & short guys and the body building type just aren't my thing. Anything else is a hit or miss. Lol, I had to let him down gently but I think he must have felt that I wasn't into him. I don't shuck & jive lol. I prefer to keep it 100 because I don't like to pretend. It sucks so much energy compared to just keeping it real

Interesting so you don't like those macho guys with six pack and huge chest You know most ladies will die trying to have them.

Candyrain:


Interesting so you don't like those macho guys with six pack and huge chest You know most ladies will die trying to have them.

Hahaha. No, I don't. So what's your type of laday?

Sorry for the break in transmission, I had to go do something.

My ideal lady must have no business being short. Shortness is a turn off for me since I'm tall. I'm attracted to light skin ladies and she mustn't be fat. That's another turn off. Above is these is her inner beauty, the character and attitude, if they are right then some of the above can be overlooked.

PunkyVeer:


Hahaha. No, I don't. So what's your type of laday?

Candyrain:
Sorry for the break in transmission, I had to go do something.

My ideal lady must have no business being short. Shortness is a turn off for me since I'm tall. I'm attracted to light skin ladies and she mustn't be fat. That's another turn off. Above is these is her inner beauty, the character and attitude, if they are right then some of the above can be overlooked.

LMFAO. Harsh! One thug tear for all short women out there including myself

I don't think you are short, you are of average height which is ok. I was actually talking about really short. I've come across many and I ensure I keep our relationship to just being friends.

PunkyVeer:


LMFAO. Harsh! One thug tear for all short women out there including myself

Candyrain:
I don't think you are short, you are of average height which is ok. I was actually talking about really short. I've come across many and I ensure I keep our relationship to just being friends.

Hahaha. So cold. I don't know why people think I'm average. I'm 5ft tall & can fit in clothes made for thirteen year olds. Oh & I'm 100 times older than 13

Hahaha @100 times older. Don't be so hard on yourself. From what I could make from your pic, you ain't short.

PunkyVeer:


Hahaha. So cold. I don't know why people think I'm average. I'm 5ft tall & can fit in clothes made for thirteen year olds. Oh & I'm 100 times older than 13

Candyrain:
Hahaha @100 times older. Don't be so hard on yourself. From what I could make from your pic, you ain't short.

You're just being nice Well, I believe there are different kinds of short. I'm short but not the squatty & dumpy kind of short. Hahaha. I'm still a shorty though. How tall are you, Can?

Now that's what I meant by "really short" I mentioned earlier, the squatty & dumpy lol... I'm 5ft 11in. At times I don't consider myself tall for a guy compared to other people I see around.

PunkyVeer:


You're just being nice Well, I believe there are different kinds of short. I'm short but not the squatty & dumpy kind of short. Hahaha. I'm still a shorty though. How tall are you, Can?

Candyrain:
Now that's what I meant by "really short" I mentioned earlier, the squatty & dumpy lol... I'm 5ft 11in. At times I don't consider myself tall for a guy compared to other people I see around.

That's a good height for a guy. Most consider 6ft to be "ideal" for guys but I don't really care just as long as he is not the size of a smurf or a garden gnome. LMFAO.

Another is striking a balance between the height and the body size. At times you see some really tall people but no body size to complement it. Anyway I'm not the size of a smurf or a garden gnome

PunkyVeer:


That's a good height for a guy. Most consider 6ft to be "ideal" for guys but I don't really care just as long as he is not the size of a smurf or a garden gnome. LMFAO.

Candyrain:


Another is striking a balance between the height and the body size. At times you see some really tall people but no body size to complement it. Anyway I'm not the size of a smurf or a garden gnome

Yeah, very true. Is it true what I hear about tall guys?

And what did you hear pls if I may ask?

PunkyVeer:

Yeah, very true. Is it true what I hear about tall guys?

Candyrain:
And what did you hear pls if I may ask?

Topic for another day