armyofone:
Hmmmm
instead of poly, just discuss surrogacy with your wife.

tpiar:


aunty, the economy is not stable right now, dollar is N305 .

Please do not encourage adultery, fornication and out of wedlock kids in these harsh times. Na you go feed them?

you can go open shop as hooker if the thing dey grip you pass.

your mates who want to be baby mamas though, are doing it for single, never married males, this your own na odi o.

Nubian113:
All this "it's about her" malarkey. What about this Man's family?His mother who desires a grandson or more children. So He must loose out on his linage because of his so called wife,lover and partner. Hun she had no birth complications. She didn't go to work for the ten years he did. He paid the bills and loved her alone. Now he can't have his God giving right to procreate. I feel for African men in the west I swear. BeCause if this was Somaliland he would've remarried and even her mother will whoop her ass if she complained. But in the west he must compromise just so she won't leave with his daughters.

Chillis:
Let him go and marry another woman who will bore him baby boy.

If the wife no gree. She can carry her load and move out leaving the kids behind for the rightful owner.
It doesn't matter if her health is in danger.

That's the faith of most Nigeria woman. They have no say here. I wonder why the man never give one ekaette bellé yet. What's he waiting for? Advice from nairalanders. ?

Mtshewwww

Miami11:

Very ignorant rubbish post. Hope you are not married. Her health does not matter Hope you smoking something.

Miami11:

Very ignorant rubbish post. Hope you are not married. Her health does not matter Hope you smoking something.

Nubian113:
If your husband after 2 children wants more children and you say no to his wishes then what is he to do especially if you're against a polygamous relationship.

I know a man in this predicament. I think the wife is wrong to play God with his destiny because it's his right to have as many children has he wants. Why won't she accept a polygamous relationship at least. She wants him to leave his home for another man to raise his kids. Women we can be so bad minded I swear... This man loves you can't you give him more kids or another wife? Come on now you gotta take one for the team IMHO



*man in question is capable of supporting a large family*

** No complications at both pregnancy
**10+ years marriage
** 2 girls but husband wants to try for a son
** he loves her & the children
** no agreement as such before marriage but he has made it clear he'd like a big family

In my opinion the wife is being a little harsh. Maybe I think like this because I've not had children yet. They really really love each other and he'd do anything for her so why deny him a son? I dont understand all these rights...

Pidggin:


What is your business? Don't worry, one day people will discuss your issue on social media the same way you are discussing theirs.

raumdeuter:
What if the woman wants children and the man says he doesnt want?

Or the woman says she wants 4 and the man says he only want 1. What should happen?

EnlightenedSoul:
It's a basic biological human right, which can be and often is determined and ascertained by other outstanding factors, some of which you've already taken the liberty of mentioning. Your local laws, your abilities (physical, financial, etc), your capabilities (fertility, etc), and spousal willingness, etc.

EnlightenedSoul:
If you're asking what should happen when disagreement strikes, I have no way deciding that for anyone.

EnlightenedSoul:
However, I will say that I wouldn't blame or blacken the image of those who leave infertile (or unwilling) partners with the hopes of having children they could otherwise never have, nor those who refuse to bear children they don't want in the case of women or refuse contribution to their bearing in the case of men. They are justified in what they chose to do with their own genetic material, and they've their own reproductive rights alongside that of their partners.

bqlekan:


Sir/ma, never. advise a woman to go for family planning without the husband's consent.. a relationship end game.. you'd understand better if you are a man..

TV01:
Morning, apologies for not replying earlier, I really wanted too as I am genuinely at a loss here

What are these biologial rights we have, or that exist? And if it's a "basic" right, why can it be altered by laws?

To contrast, "liberty" is a right. No one has the right to enslave anyone else. What factors or laws should determine, ascertain, or otherwise imping on that right?


No, I wasn't asking. We all have our views and I'm sure the couple in question do too.


And here is the rub, and why I specifically asked about the situation in a marriage context. Marriage is by definition, with very little variation. Yes, couples can agree beforehand, but that is at best an articulated desire, and no necessarily what will happen.

In marriage, it's not about individual "rights" or desires. It's about the whole, with reasonable consideration for each other. So case in question, the man is not being unreasonable as narrated by OP.

As for "genetic material" that's a falsehood, even if unintended. If a man impregantes a woman and decides he does not want a baby, he can't force an abortion - hence no, or limited choice in what happens to his "genetic material"


TV

DBestDoc:
They were supposed to have agreed on the number of kids to have during courtship to avoid situations like this , that is what courtship is meant for.

@ op, your post is so biased. That woman has got her own choices, needs and life goals too, It must not always be about what the man wants. What exactly does he need more Children for? is he looking for a particular gender or he just wants a full house?

The fact that he is capable of supporting a large family doesn't mean he should become the father of many nations. He is not the one birthing those kids, so i understand why he is hell bent on having more.

IMO, two is a good number. What matters is quality and not quantity, they should concentrate on raising the kids right and the outcome could be better than what you get with 10 children put together...

I still don't believe there are people that go into marriage blindly without discussing and sorting out issues like this first in this age. They need to come to a compromise if they still want to remain married.

Creamish:
@OP... Have u ever bothered to hear the wife's reasons? They ought to have agreed on the number of kids they want in their marriage. I don't support your notion on the wife being selfish.

I know of families wit at least 7 female kids all in their search for a male child...so...more births does not automatically equate to the promise of a male child. It is also not the woman's fault that all they have are female children.

I'll advise u stay out of their business. I rily hope for the sake of the survival of their marriage that u are neither the man's confidant nor his sole adviser cos u clearly do not have their best interest at heart judging by your posts.

Nubian113:


The woman is very close to me I love her and like her husband I supported her decision 7yrs ago and I minded my business. I haven't spoke to her about this and I never will because it's not my place.

I bought this here because watching the man suffer has changed my views on such issues as polygamy, rights, ect.

Everyone keeps saying they shoulda planed before marriage but that's bs because when you're in love you say things and years later one is not allowed to change their mind? How he felt about family planning changed along the way... She is healthy, and able but she really doesn't wanna go through all that again. She is a good mum and her two daughters are her testimony. It's not just having a son hun its about having a large family with someone you love. What if the next pregnancy is a healthy bouncing boy? That's also a chance is it not?

Creamish:


Then u need to rephrase ur initial post...especially where u said the lady is denying him a son.

Nubian113:


The woman is very close to me I love her and like her husband I supported her decision 7yrs ago and I minded my business. I haven't spoke to her about this and I never will because it's not my place.

I bought this here because watching the man suffer has changed my views on such issues as polygamy, rights, ect.

Everyone keeps saying they shoulda planed before marriage but that's bs because when you're in love you say things and years later one is not allowed to change their mind? How he felt about family planning changed along the way... She is healthy, and able but she really doesn't wanna go through all that again. She is a good mum and her two daughters are her testimony. It's not just having a son hun its about having a large family with someone you love. What if the next pregnancy is a healthy bouncing boy? That's also a chance is it not?

Nubian113:


But why She has denied him A son, another daughter, another son? I'm not taking sides but the problem is what it is... So what's the solution?

Creamish:


It is neither ur place nor mine to offer them a solution. My view on this differs from urs...so will the solution.

If ur concern is genuine, offer prayers for them. They will reconcile however best they deem fit.

Burntpalace:

DBestDoc:
They were supposed to have agreed on the number of kids to have during courtship to avoid situations like this , that is what courtship is meant for.

@ op, your post is so biased. That woman has got her own choices, needs and life goals too, It must not always be about what the man wants. What exactly does he need more Children for? is he looking for a particular gender or he just wants a full house?

The fact that he is capable of supporting a large family doesn't mean he should become the father of many nations. He is not the one birthing those kids, so i understand why he is hell bent on having more.

IMO, two is a good number. What matters is quality and not quantity, they should concentrate on raising the kids right and the outcome could be better than what you get with 10 children put together...

I still don't believe there are people that go into marriage blindly without discussing and sorting out issues like this first in this age. They need to come to a compromise if they still want to remain married.

bjcole:

Don't you think your own post is so biased too, you may plan to have 5 kids before marriage and you end up with 2kids and vice-versa. If they plan to have 2 and the man based on how God blesses him decides they should have more, is he wrong? he is the head of the family, I think the family should just come to an understanding for what is best for the family. I don't know of any sane man that wants his wife to suffer from child bearing, nobody wants his wife looking sag, and issue of compromise whether they want to remain marry does not come in, the Op said they love each other
Women should soften this issue of divorce, anything misunderstanding in marriage does mean you have to be discussing whether you want to still be married or not. That you are empowered and independent does not give you licences to want out of marriage. Women glow better when they are under their husband with mutual respect for each other.