7 Ways to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse
By Dr. Joshua Straub

7 ways to protect

A few months ago, I spoke at an event on the principles of emotional safety, where a representative from the National Organization of Victim's Assistance (NOVA) happened to be in attendance. Since then, we've been working together on a few projects and becoming good friends.

The mission of NOVA is to champion dignity and compassion for those harmed by crime or crisis. They work quite frequently on behalf of abuse victims.

One evening, my friend and I were carpooling back to our hotel from an event and I asked him a personal question.

"As a dad," I began, "how can I best protect my kids from sexual abuse?"

Here are seven answers he gave me.

1. Have surprises but don't keep secrets. We don't keep secrets in our house. We only have surprises. Think about it, secrets are never told. Surprises are always revealed. If I take our kids to get their mommy a birthday present, we're not keeping it a secret from her; we're getting her a surprise that will be revealed on her birthday.

Most child predators tell children that the acts are to be kept a secret between the two of them. If secrets are not allowed in your family, it's unlikely for your child to buy in to someone asking them to keep something secret.

2. Over 90% of perpetrators are people we love and trust. Aunts. Uncles. Stepmoms. Stepdads. Grandparents. Moms. Dads. Coaches. Teachers. Pastors. Family friends. Be vigilant of who your children are spending time with—or who wants to spend time with them.

3. Trust your child's instincts. If your child is skittish towards a relative or friend, don't push or force him to like and trust that person. Too often we assume that since we trust that individual, our child should too. Allow trust to happen naturally over time and under your supervision. There could be a legitimate reason for your child's apprehension of an individual. Don't force it.

4. Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a penis. The same is true for our daughters. Calling a vagina by its proper name is important because sexual predators often use "cutesy" names to lure children. They need to learn the appropriate terms. If your children know the names of their private parts, they can more accurately, and with no confusion, tell you if it hurts or if someone touched that area inappropriately.

5. Teach them the appropriate situations for private parts to be seen. Just as they need to be told the appropriate ways to speak to others, use a fork, or share toys, our kids need to learn the appropriate situations for private parts to be seen and touched by others. For the most part, this shouldn’t go beyond bath time at home with mom or dad or an examination at the doctor's office.

6. If your children ask questions, answer them. Don't ignore or deflect questions they have about their penis or vagina. Our children are curious about everything, including their body parts. Ignoring their questions or concerns will only increase their curiosity and, at worst, lead to feelings of shame about their body, as if it's something they shouldn't discuss. Age-appropriately, answer their questions. Knowledge is power.

7. They don't have to hug and kiss everybody. There's always the overzealous aunt or grandma in the family who wants to pinch cheeks and plaster lipstick all over our children. Many times we comply and force our poor kids to do this. If your child doesn't want to give hugs and kisses to family members, neighbours, or friends, respect that boundaries and don't force them. Lord knows, you probably don't want to hug and kiss them either.

http://www.drjamesdobson.org/blogs/josh-straub-blog/dr.-josh-straub/2016/03/11/7-ways-to-protect-your-child-from-sexual-abuse?sc=FFB

ElmaSpeed:


very well said.
One more point, treat everyone as a potential abuser. Avoid leaving your child alone with others as much as possible.

Muafrika2:
Also keep members of extended family living with you to no more than one at a time, if you have to.

And children hang out with children only. No children hanging out with elder extended relatives.

Infact, tell them to say no if anyone other than his /her parents send her/him to the shop or to fetch anything. Let them be called rude but they will be safe. The times when everybody was a mother and father are long gone.

And also, let them know no one else has permission to punish them except you, and anyone who tries will get into trouble. Predators always get children to keep quiet by threatening to punish them. You'd rather have a spoilt child than a sexually abused one.

Muafrika2:
Also keep members of extended family living with you to no more than one at a time, if you have to.

And children hang out with children only. No children hanging out with elder extended relatives.

Infact, tell them to say no if anyone other than his /her parents send her/him to the shop or to fetch anything. Let them be called rude but they will be safe. The times when everybody was a mother and father are long gone.

And also, let them know no one else has permission to punish them except you, and anyone who tries will get into trouble. Predators always get children to keep quiet by threatening to punish them. You'd rather have a spoilt child than a sexually abused one.

enoqueen:


Good one.

And I was just about telling my kids that they will be going to spend their long vacation with their aunt's family.

Ama change my mind sharp sharp.

eyinjuege:


Nice thread.

This can probably never make front-page.
Sadly, only irrelevant chit chats make front page.

Anyway, let's call on lalasticlala. At least those predators are snakes.
Maybe he will find a way of taking this to front page, and educating more people.

Uncle Lala, snakes, snakes, snakes....

nnamdibig:


Very educating but No 4, Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick.
.
But the appropriate name is still not "joystick"

nnamdibig:


Very educating but No 4, Use the appropriate names for private parts. It's not a "willy," a "pee-pee," or a "dingy." Teach your son he has a joystick.
.
But the appropriate name is still not "joystick"

Shalomdee:
Nice topic, also look out for any signs of sexual activity in your child like touching the private part unnecessarily, tell him or her it is wrong.

kimbra:


Let me add mine. I remember when I was in secondary school my besty confided in me that she was raped by a family friend who her parents allowed to pass a night in their house when she was younger. So, for those parents who are probably raising kids in a bedroom flat, instead of allowing a stranger/uncles to pass nights in your little flat with your kids. Tell them you don't have space for extra head.

Shalomdee:


Nice topic, also look out for any signs of sexual activity in your child like touching the private part unnecessarily, tell him or her it is wrong.