Hello folks.

I want to know if the husband still earn/deserve the position of "head of the house" if the wife is the breadwinner?

Is the "head of the house" earned or a birth right for men?

I understand some men lost their job and their wife took/take up the responsibilities but what happens when the wife is the one keep doing it for years, no positive move from the husband?

* I'm not a religious person nor traditional person, so don't use your religious/traditional view as the ultimate/superior answer, just comment your views on this.

If a man uses the I feed you, cloth you and house you excuse to call the shots in a bullying way in the house, why can't the wife also call the shots when roles are reversed?

In this your example, the man clearly doesn't want to be involved in the household

delishpot:
If a man uses the I feed you, cloth you and house you excuse to call the shots in a bullying way in the house, why can't the wife also call the shots when roles are reversed?

In this your example, the man clearly doesn't want to be involved in the household

This is exactly what the op question is all about but unfortunately not everyone sees it that way, they believe "head of the house" is a birth right to a particular gender or so.

Whatever the case may be —
The Husband will always be the head of House.

VolTOxic:
Whatever the case may be —
The Husband will always be the head of House.

Why?, give your reason

No.

The man is the head of the home, irrespective of the wife taking care of the bills.

For me, as long as he's responsible in character and have seen how hard he tries to break thru. Then why not? He's the head, whether I spend my hard earned money on him or not.

But in Jesus name, the man I will marry will have more money than me amen.

alexialin:
No.

The man is the head of the home, irrespective of the wife taking care of the bills.

For me, as long as he's responsible in character and have seen how hard he tries to break thru. Then why not? He's the head, whether I spend my hard earned money on him or not.

But in Jesus name, the man I will marry will have more money than me amen.

Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

tintingz:
Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

If he is responsible and good to his wife and kids he is the head of the household come what may financially because a real father and husband would not just lay in bed and relay on his wife to do it all. But if he is a lazy lay about, who doesn't even care about his husbandly and fatherly duties, he is the head only on paper the woman in reality is the head because she sees to the upkeep, success and progress of the household. She can and should decide on what is best for her and her kids eg, if he is a womaniser who doesn't support his family when he has but would rather spends it all on strange women and flexing along the line, the wife has some money to start a small business and the husband tries to use his veto headship powers to ask her to hand him the money to invest in some business. She knowing how he spends and wastes money can say NO and go ahead to start her business to secure her family's financial situation.

Life throws challenges our way and the man being broke doesn't mean he has become useless. The wife knows he has her at heart and he is happy he married such a stable and dependable wife. On the other hand, a fool who doesn't care has lost his respect but will be tolerated by his household they may accept his headship but that is all there is to it. Such men pay the price later tho.

tintingz:
Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

It appears you're not actually seeking an opinion here but rather trying to defend your own.

How can buhari not do his responsibility and still be responsible in character? If buhari was not responsible in character but stole billions of dollars to carry out his responsibility as president would you vote him in next election?

Before you continue this discourse it may be a good idea to outline the responsibilities of the head of the house.

Being head of the house goes beyond being the financial breadwinner.

delishpot:


If he is responsible and good to his wife and kids he is the head of the household come what may financially because a real father and husband would not just lay in bed and relay on his wife to do it all. But if he is a lazy lay about, who doesn't even care about his husbandly and fatherly duties, he is the head only on paper the woman in reality is the head because she sees to the upkeep, success and progress of the household.

Life throws challenges our way and the man being broke doesn't mean he has become useless. The wife knows he has her at heart and he is happy he married such a stable and dependable wife. But a fool who doesn't care has lost his respect but will be tolerated by his household they may accept his headship but that is all there is to it. Such men pay the price later tho.

Well said.

The situation here is wide when using logic, that was what i want to get from the lady above when she said "responsible in character", if the husband is good to the wife and kids, that is normal in marriage, anybody can do that but when the husband is not footing the bills, what quality does he still deserve to be call the head of the house? Anybody can be good in character but can anybody take the financial aspect?

There are some women doing the financial responsibility and they have even spend more than the bride price.

Prognose:


It appears you're not actually seeking an opinion here but rather trying to defend your own.

I already have my own opinion, want to see others opinion, want to see how rational it is.

And note, i am not defending anything yet, just trying to get their points.

How can buhari not do his responsibility and still be responsible in character? If buhari was not responsible in character but stole billions of dollars to carry out his responsibility as president would you vote him in next election?

Good question, Anybody can be responsible in character e.g being good, even thieves are good in character to their family, friends, sometimes being good is relative. So if Buhari stole billions, where did he steal the billions? and if he used it as his duty as the president(build roads, schools, hospitals, job opportunity, good economy etc), is he not like returning back the money, who will care if he stole any money?

tintingz:
Well said.

The situation here is wide when using logic, that was what i want to get from the lady above when she said "responsible in character", if the husband is good to the wife and kids, that is normal in marriage, anybody can do that but when the husband is not footing the bills, what quality does he still deserve to be call the head of the house? Anybody can be good in character but can anybody take the financial aspect?

There are some women doing the financial responsibility and they have even spend more than the bride price.

Not supporting the bills doesn't mean he doesn't want to na. Situations change and the fact that he is down doesn't mean he lost his value as the man and leader of his home. He may be broke but trying to get back up on his feet. He may be broken after so many failures in his search and needs his woman to support him back to faith, hope, trust and looking positively to the future for he and his family. That doesn't mean the wife has become the king maker of the home. Marriage needs a lot of wisdom and care from both parties it's just that is humans esp the males have turned it into show of power and dominance. They should not even be looking at head over tails in a functional family. Husband and wife should support each other as they travel down the path of marriage .

Prognose:
Before you continue this discourse it may be a good idea to outline the responsibilities of the head of the house.

Being head of the house goes beyond being the financial breadwinner.

Being responsible in character is part of human nature(inbuilt), being the financial breadwinner, one have to struggle for it, earn it.

So what happens when the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is not, what position should we put the wife?

tintingz:
Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

Well buhari is NOT my husband. And the role of buhari to this country is different from the role of my husband at home.

U can't compare politics or duties in the workplace to duties at home.

A man has always been the head irrespective of whether he has money or not.
Anybody that's rich be it man or woman is not by our power at all.
It's either by the grace of God or by the grace of the devil.

So if I am successful more than my husband? It's not because I have two heads and he has one head, neither is it because am the only one who knows how to work smart and see results. Everything in this life is by backed up by Grace . And not only by Individual powers.

Anyways av been taught from my teenage years, a Man is always the head of the home. While the wife is his support system.

I will still care ,love and respect him, knowing fully well he will become successful once again, and someday.

If my husband and kids are happy. I am happy and my business will flourish.
But if my husband is not happy but depressed due to my actions towards him cause he has no money for nw, it will affect my business and state of mind.

And that's why am very careful not to make a mistake of marrying a drama king, or a sadist.
Such kind of men can't even date, how much more settle down with.


So for me o, I don't know of other women out there.

My husband remains the head of our home through thick or thin, in richness or in poverty, sickness and in good health. He's the head.

Shikena.

tintingz:
Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

No sane person should answer your question since you already have a mindset of your own.


But note that life is like a pendulum.... The rich proud arrogant wife today may be poor, desolate tomorrow and will definitely need the husband.... Money and power is a visitor and will definitely visit everyone someday.

alexialin:






Well buhari is NOT my husband. And the role of buhari to this country is different from the role of my husband at home.

U can't compare politics or duties in the workplace to duties at home.

A man has always been the head irrespective of whether he has money or not.
Anybody that's rich be it man or woman is not by our power at all.
It's either by the grace of God or by the grace of the devil.

So if I am successful more than my husband? It's not because I have two heads and he has one head, neither is it because am the only one who knows how to work smart and see results. Everything in this life is by backed up by Grace . And not only by Individual powers.

Anyways av been taught from my teenage years, a Man is always the head of the home. While the wife is his support system.

I will still care ,love and respect him, knowing fully well he will become successful once again, and someday.

If my husband and kids are happy. I am happy and my business will flourish.
But if my husband is not happy but depressed due to my actions towards him cause he has no money for nw, it will affect my business and state of mind.

And that's why am very careful not to make a mistake of marrying a drama king, or a sadist.
Such kind of men can't even date, how much more settle down with.


So for me o, I don't know of other women out there.

My husband remains the head of our home through thick or thin, in richness or in poverty, sickness and in good health. He's the head.

Shikena.

I love u... I'm serious

May God bless you and grant you a hard working and selfless man.... Amen.

coolcatty:


I love u... I'm serious

May God bless you and grant you a hard working and selfless man.... Amen.

Awww
That's so sweet of you

Thanks dear, love you too.


Sighs my dear, amen and amen to have a selfless and hardworking man as a husband. I receive it

Thank you.

tintingz:
Interesting, so as the wife you did the responsibility your husband suppose to have done but he still deserve the head of the house?

If Buhari didn't do the responsibilities as the president but he is responsible in character and tries to break through, does he deserve to be the head of state, will you vote him in next election?

This is why I filter what I take on social media. Invariably, you're saying if a man can't fulfil his financial obligation in marriage while the wife is doing so then she's the head of the home.

I used to have a neighbour(couple) I admired in the past. The man was rich, suddenly loss his job, and the wife became the bread winner. Good thing, he married an educated woman who loved him genuinely. She pays house rent, children school fees, subscribes their cable to keep her husband's mind busy with football instead of being depressed cause of thinking. At times, when I visit them they're arguing about scriptures, and I admired what they had. Once she had misunderstanding with another lady and the lady abused her, guess what she did...she went home to seek for her husband's permission to fight the lady, instead the man came out and settled the beef.

Bottom line, her husband remained the head of the home irrespective of his predicament.

alexialin:






Well buhari is NOT my husband. And the role of buhari to this country is different from the role of my husband at home.

U can't compare politics or duties in the workplace to duties at home.

This is just an analogy, madam.

A man has always been the head irrespective of whether he has money or not.

From which dictionary? is it birth right?

Anybody that's rich be it man or woman is not by our power at all.
It's either by the grace of God or by the grace of the devil.

Sorry, i dont believe in this.

So if I am successful more than my husband? It's not because I have two heads and he has one head, neither is it because am the only one who knows how to work smart and see results. Everything in this life is by backed up by Grace . And not only by Individual powers.

Actually, your are the one doing the struggling day and night.

Anyways av been taught from my teenage years, a Man is always the head of the home. While the wife is his support system.

You were taught? This shows it is just a societal constructed.

I will still care ,love and respect him, knowing fully well he will become successful once again, and someday.

This is normal, he will do same for you.

If my husband and kids are happy. I am happy and my business will flourish.
But if my husband is not happy but depressed due to my actions towards him cause he has no money for nw, it will affect my business and state of mind.

Ofcos it will, it is love but what happens if he does not show any positive move?

And that's why am very careful not to make a mistake of marrying a drama king, or a sadist.
Such kind of men can't even date, how much more settle down with.

Good

So for me o, I don't know of other women out there.

My husband remains the head of our home through thick or thin, in richness or in poverty, sickness and in good health. He's the head.

Shikena.

Alright

delishpot:


Not supporting the bills doesn't mean he doesn't want to na. Situations change and the fact that he is down doesn't mean he lost his value as the man and leader of his home. He may be broke but trying to get back up on his feet.

So, why do many people complain when the wife doesn't cook, calling her different names even when she works? Does the woman also loose the value as the good wife?

He may be broken after so many failures in his search and needs his woman to support him back to faith, hope, trust and looking positively to the future for he and his family. That doesn't mean the wife has become the king maker of the home. Marriage needs a lot of wisdom and care from both parties it's just that is humans esp the males have turned it into show of power and dominance. They should not even be looking at head over tails in a functional family. Husband and wife should support each other as they travel down the path of marriage .

You have a good point here and i agree with you.

Making the positive move is an exception in this case, i have stated that in OP, but when a man does not make the positive move, can he still be called the head of the household, that is the question, what is the quality of being the head of the house?

[quote author=tintingz post=61289283]

This is just an analogy, madam.

Sorry but it's my Reality.

From which dictionary? is it birth right?

Well, I never said I quoted it from a dictionary.

Sorry, i dont believe in this.

My dear, you don't have to believe it.

Actually, your are the one doing the struggling day and night.

I know it won't last forever.
No condition is permanent.

You were taught? This shows it is just a societal constructed.

Wrong!
I was taught and trained by my parents. My late mum God bless her soul stood by my dad through thick and thin. He had four wives but she was his favorite and she was the only one he built three houses for, after building his own three houses, because she was the only one who stood by him, when things were rough for him. After his death due to old age, she loved no other but him, she didn't remarry nor have fun with any other man for three years before joining him in the world beyond.

This is normal, he will do same for you.

Yes he will. Cause I will marry a Sensible man with conscience

Ofcos it will, it is love but what happens if he does not show any positive move?

He will. My eyes and senses are sharply opened not to make any mistake of marrying a lazy conceited bum. So my dear, he definitely will take positive steps in becoming financial independent. My kind of courtship is not sweet sensation or Chinese restaurant and endless fucvking with different styles. My kind of courtship is real dating and knowing the kind of person am about to be entangled with emotionally.
Before I met my recent bf, whom am dating. I was already in the initial stage of a former relationship with a handsome guy. But my ex was a drama king, we didn't even last 3weeks before I called it off. Even upon the break up, he was still calling my number like crazy. I had to install call block and block him off.
Then later, I then met my new bf, who has similar likes and interest like I do but with a little twist of swag in his own approach

Good[/quote


Alright

Oh yes.

But wait, Op


Are u truly a male?

Cause your mindset is astonishing.

coolcatty:


No sane person should answer your question since you already have a mindset of your own.

Are you literally saying a rational debate or argument doesn't exist or people shouldn't engage in this?

It is not by force to respond to the OP.

But note that life is like a pendulum.... The rich proud arrogant wife today may be poor, desolate tomorrow and will definitely need the husband.... Money and power is a visitor and will definitely visit everyone someday.

@bold, Same goes for the husband, it goes both ways.

tintingz:
Are you literally saying a rational debate or argument doesn't exist or people shouldn't engage in this?

It is not by force to respond to the OP.


@bold, Same goes for the husband, it goes both ways.

Why have a debate and waste everyone's time and data when the Op already have a stamped opinion?

Most husbands are selfless... They may be proud etc but they spend 95% of their income on their wife and kids with literally nothing for themselves while most financially buoyant women spend on their kids but hardly spend in their indigent husbands.... So ur opinion that it goes both ways is null and void...

kimbraa:
This is why I filter what I take on social media. Invariably, you're saying if a man can't fulfil his financial obligation in marriage while the wife is doing so then she's the head of the home.

If the wife does not cook is she the wife of the home?

I have realized that the duty of the wife is more than the husband that is if the wife works and contribute to the home.

Husband(Africa) = works

Wife = works, cook, build the home.

I used to have a neighbour(couple) I admired in the past. The man was rich, suddenly loosed his job, and the wife became the bread winner. Good thing, he married an educated woman who loved him genuinely. She pays house rent, children school fees, subscribes their cable to keep her husband's mind busy with football instead of being depressed cause of thinking. At times, when I visit them they're arguing about scriptures and I admired what they had. Once she had misunderstanding with another lady and the lady abused her, guess what she did...she went home to seek for her husband's permission to fight the lady, instead the man came out and settled the beef.

To me the woman is the head of the home here, she might not know but she is currently the one, she is the one doing the duty and quality of the position(head of the home), every other thing she is doing is her tolerance which i will applaud her.

Bottom line, her husband remained the head of the home irrespective of his predicament.

In logical sense he is not.

alexialin:
[quote author=tintingz post=61289283]

Sorry but it's my Reality.

It is either you dont know what analogy is or you dont get the analogy.

Well, I never said I quoted it from a dictionary.

You were talking like "oh the husband will always be the head" as if it was written on his head when he was born.

My dear, you don't have to believe it.

Ok

I know it won't last forever.
No condition is permanent.

Ofcos Nothing last forever, but how do you know the grace wont last?

Wrong!
I was taught and trained by my parents. My late mum God bless her soul stood by my dad through thick and thin. He had four wives but she was his favorite and she was the only one he built three houses for, after building his own three houses, because she was the only one who stood by him, when things were rough for him. After his death due to old age, she loved no other but him, she didn't remarry nor have fun with any other man for three years before joining him in the world beyond.

I am sorry about your mum.

The thing is, you were still taught, a societal construct, socio-cultural believe, something that was passed down from generations, in India women can marry more than one man, pay dowry, is that widely accepted in our culture here?

Yes he will. Cause I will marry a Sensible man with conscience

Good

He will. My eyes and senses are sharply opened not to make any mistake of marrying a lazy conceited bum. So my dear, he definitely will take positive steps in becoming financial independent. My kind of courtship is not sweet sensation or Chinese restaurant and endless fucvking with different styles. My kind of courtship is real dating and knowing the kind of person am about to be entangled with emotionally.
Before I met my recent bf, whom am dating. I was already in the initial stage of a former relationship with a handsome guy. But my ex was a drama king, we didn't even last 3weeks before I called it off. Even upon the break up, he was still calling my number like crazy. I had to install call block and block him off.
Then later, I then met my new bf, who has similar likes and interest like I do but with a little twist of swag in his own approach cheesy

"he will" is not yet certain, you just have to be careful and watchful.

Oh yes.

But wait, Op


Are u truly a male?

Cause your mindset is astonishing.

Yes, i am a male, my mindset is a rational one, because i am a male does not mean i should be archaic or think the same like every other men.

coolcatty:


Why have a debate and waste everyone's time and data when the Op already have a stamped opinion?

This is an open forum, anybody can contribute.

Most husbands are selfless... They may be proud etc but they spend 95% of their income on their wife and kids with literally nothing for themselves while most financially buoyant women spend on their kids but hardly spend in their indigent husbands.... So ur opinion that it goes both ways is null and void...

I take this as fallacy.

Take example of Tiwa and TeeBillz saga and tell me what you think.

The man will always be the head of the home, even in death.

It is now left for the woman to marry a bad head or a good head.

Note that some women by virtue of their bossy attitudes have also made themselves the head. So a man's irresponsibility is not the only reason a woman will make herself the 'head'.

Acidosis:
The man will always be the head of the home, even in death.

It is now left for the woman to marry a bad head or a good head.

Note that some women by virtue of their bossy attitudes have also made themselves the head. So a man's irresponsibility is not the only reason a woman will make herself the 'head'.

So what are the qualities of the head of the home?

tintingz:
So what are the qualities of the head of the home?

To become the head of the home, you must have a d* ck and a parent in-law that's willing to give you their daughter.

Acidosis:


To become the head of the home, you must have a d* ck and a parent in-law that's willing to give you their daughter.

So the diçk is what makes someone the head of the home. Interesting. No wonder the diçk makes some men misbehave.

The second one is more ridiculous.

Blame it on the diçk.

tintingz post=61289830[color=#990000:
]So, why do many people complain when the wife doesn't cook, calling her different names even when she works? Does the woman also loose the value as the good wife?[/color]

You have a good point here and i agree with you.

Making the positive move is an exception in this case, i have stated that in OP, but when a man does not make the positive move, can he still be called the head of the household, that is the question, what is the quality of being the head of the house?

It is the double standard in our society. Most Husbands don't consider a woman who doesn't play wifey roles as good wives if she doesn't do some chores due to circumstances esp her job but if the tables are turned, people will tell the wives to not be angry because no matter what, he is her husband. They expect a husband to flex muscle and react if wifey goes astray but expect wifey to swallow any problem(even if proper beatings and abuse is involved) and pray..