Good write up! But pls make it more bulky... �

Continuation

Meanwhile micheal's friends took him to their crib (micheal and his friends live outside the school), a little description about michael, he is the son of a senator although his father forced him to school abroad but he insisted on schooling in unilag and as daddy's boy his father decided to let him be but showered him with luxuries.Micheal is a tall, dark guy with a curly hair, he is the real definition of an african prince with a pink lips but he is a spoilt brat. A lot of girls folk around him but he only uses girls and dump them that moment. Micheal is a level two law student, he paid that lecturer to allow him be in tracy's group and the lecturer is a relative of his. He roll with the big boys on campus.

Micheal's friends laid him in the huge bed and kelvin called a female nurse while micheal just laid on the bed thinking and laughing when bob noticed it he called unto others.

Bob: hey guys what's up with micheal, ever since we brought him in he has been smiling

Kelvin: although i am angry with that but doesn't she remind you guys of someone

Kelly: yeah micheal's sis
They all laughed except for micheal

Micheal : will you guys just shut up it not funny

kelvin: are you kidding me, bro did you remember those time when she beats you up ( they all laughed again)

Micheal : quit annoying me but i think that girl tracy really likes me, didn't you all heard what she said about being single maybe she is indirectly telling me to court her

Kelvin : dude i think the effect of slap is still working in ur system, good thing i called a sexy nurse...

The effect of the slap is really working. Thanks a lot for the update. Keep it up.

Continuation


Micheal : if any lady come in here am gonna embarrass her(kelvin quickly called the nurse and told her not to come)

David : micheal so what's ur next plan

Micheal : chill hommies when the time arrive to execute my plan, am gonna let you all know,

Kelvin : woa that girl really slapped you hard, will you listen to urself you haven't even said what the plan is

Micheal didn't say thing, he just laid there thinking and smiling.


Meanwhile tracy felt too weak to walk to the hostel with the beating she got from nikky's girls so she took a bike to her hostel, when she got into her room she saw naomi sitting in her bed while checking the time and door, when tracy walked in naomi quickly ran and hugged her..

Naomi: are you okay, i heard the notorious nikky and her gang attacked you

Tracytracy just starred at her like she was insane before answering her) so you knew and ur still asking if am okay huh

Naomi: why re you starring at me like that, i was only being concerned, why not come live with me for a while

Tracy: no thanks i can handle the situation

naomi boiled a hot water to massage tracy's body, she bought food from a restaurant for tracy after which she left to her apartment.

Thanks for the update. God bless.

Not everyone is born to be a writer.

This one most certainly isn't.

Neoteny:
Not everyone is born to be a writer.

This one most certainly isn't.

When i said criticism was allowed, i never meant what you typed above, if i made a mistake with my sentence contruction tell me don't judge me

tracyberry:
Episode 2

She saw a tall dark guy standing in front of her she kept starring at him but came back to her when he shouted at her and the following conversation took place.

dark guy : Hey dummy are you too blind to see or did you purposely allow the water to splash you on purpose

Tracy : are you nuts, you splashed me with ur car and all you can say is am looking for attention, an ugly looking fool can never attract my attention

Dark guy : what did you say bitch

Tracy : your the bitch, mannerless fool

Dark guy was about to slap Tracy but she dodged it and slapped him instead, the crowd which have been watching for a while were shocked.

Tracy is not just a nerd, she is also a fighter who had to learn martial skill when her biological father always torture her mother and siblings being raised the hard way made her stronger, her biological father left them when she was sixteen because he nearly kill her mother while beating her, tracy was the one who intervene and fought her father.
Although she was badly injured but she felt it was worth saving her mother, two years after the incident her mother remarried a caring man.

Back to the mata

Dark guy's friends came down to see the girl who had the guts to slap their friend.......

Why not call him her father not biological father.

tracyberry:


When i said criticism was allowed, i never meant what you typed above, if i made a mistake with my sentence contruction tell me don't judge me

No don't take it bad.

Everyone's head is full of stories they wanna share, but putting it to paper proves whether one has a flair for writing. You will eventually improve, but you're not there yet.

Don't let this discourage you.

Nothing personal.

Needs lots of improvement.

Continuation


Tracy skipped lectures for few days because of the whole drama with micheal and cause of the wound given to her by nikky girls. On thursday when she had gotten better and was cleaning her room when her phone rang when she checked who it is, she found out it was an unknown caller and the only people with her number was her parents and naomi so she decided to pick the call.

Unknown caller: hello tracy
tracy: hi,pls who am i speaking with
Unknown caller: it max, why have you been missing lectures,
Tracy: but how did you get my number
Unknown: that ain't important, we will have test on friday which is tomorrow and so come to lagoon park by 3:00 let's read together and i could you my notes on the area you missed (the unknown caller ended the call)

By 2:30 tracy was already in the lagoon park waiting for stranger who called her, while sitting there she admired the park and since she was there early she decided to troll around it, when trolling she noticed a large group of girl all smoking and drinking, when she was about to passed them she heard a female voice say
girl : hey come here

your updates short pass mini Penn*s, and there are so much typographical error which you ought to correct, nice story though.

Dazzle86:
Needs lots of improvement.

Thanks for telling me, i will try my best.

MhiztaRange:
your updates short pass mini Penn*s, and there are so much typographical error which you ought to correct, nice story though.

thanks i will try making the updates longer

Well done bro but please try and finish the story

Continuation

When tracy heard the female voice she became weak and thought of the things she has been through ever since she came to the sch.

Tracy: ooooo lord now why am i being called, ever since i came to this sch, i have been jumping from one trouble to the other, why did i bother coming to this place maybe it was a prank, oooo when i find out who did this he or she will regret it, while tracy was still thinking she was brought back reality with ahot slap.

Girl 1: you dey mad abi na highness dey do you ( tracy wanted to retaliate but remembered her last experience with those cultist girls so she just stood still massaging her cheek)

Girl 2: carry her come this way make we treat her fuckup

Girl 3: yes carry the jouncin girl come make we reason her mata

The girl who slapped tracy pushed her to where the rest of the girls were.

Girl 2: wait oooo i know shema, na she slap micheal for class

Girl 1: so for ur mind now you dey popular, so you don thick liver wey make you slap the bobo

Girl 4: before i dey her for our gathering but she don Bleep up

Girl 3: make she entertain us small before we go know wetin to do with her

Girl 1: you head dey there, oya standing up make you dance for us she said to tracy

Dakorr:
Well done bro but please try and finish the story

Am a girl

MhiztaRange:
your updates short pass mini Penn*s, and there are so much typographical error which you ought to correct, nice story though.

It cause my phone is a small phone with a lot of faults

OK Tracyberry weldon

tracyberry:
Continuation

Immediately she sat down she noticed the population of the law students were much and she was admiring the hall when she heard a voice say "hey", when she looked at that direction she saw a tall handsome guy neatly dress and smart looking smiling at her but she quickly recall what happened the other day and rudely asked him,
Tracy : what is it
Handome dude : woa easy girl, i just wanna know if someone is sitting here( and he pointed the empire chair next to her)
Tracy : no it vacant
he then sat down, before then tracy noticed how girls giggled and starred at the nice guy but she understood , a lecturer later came in.

The lecturer gave them a case to solve and group them in threes, he called names according to the attendant to it came as a surprise to everyone when tracy was paired with the nice guy called max and micheal (the guy she slapped the other day) immediately micheal name was called, he walked into the hall smiling at tracy

Nice intro. Love it honey. However, if you must move from a good writer to a great writer, you must ensure the following in your write ups....which I didn't see...

1. Proof read your write ups for grammatical errors. Surprisingly, this is best done (on this forum) by reading what you just posted...after posting it. Because of the short typing box on the phone , it might be hard to note the errors.

2. You appear to be in a hurry in your narrative of the story. Let me explain. Writing is like explaining a scene to a deaf friend. You need to out yourself in our shoes to know how to explain to us. E.g when telling us about Tracy, (the main lead), you should have described her to us. Is she fair, dark, tall, chubby, tribal marks etc.

The car that splashed water on her: was it a Benz, black car, jeep, etc

The environment: was it cloudy, windy, rainy etc

Since you said unilag, you should have used a familiar place in unilag, maybe moremi hostel by the car park. This is a real place in unilag. If you had done this, it would ha e given us your readers a more real life feeling. All of us AT ONCE WOULD HAVE PICTURED MOREMI HOSTEL (for those of us that have been there). Also, citing the place at the car park gives more credence and all. That's why writers research on the story before writing. You ought to have visited unilag or even asked someone who has been there to describe popular places for you to infuse into your story.

A. You don't rush when giving a story. Let us imagine we are there.describe the buildings or road.

B. Also know we are blind when reading a story. Describe even little things for us. The gentle breeze blowing was swaying the tress, people were slowly strolling in twos or threes....Thats why great artist even look for sounds to use...
But this is a great start my dear. Look into my critiques up....you surely will make a fantastic writer. Kudos

nnamdiosu:


Nice intro. Love it honey. However, if you must move from a good writer to a great writer, you must ensure the following in your write ups....which I didn't see...

1. Proof read your write ups for grammatical errors. (Surprisingly, this is best done (on this forum) by reading what you just posted...after posting it. Because of the short typing box on the phone , it might be hard to note the errors.

2. You appear to be in a hurry in your narrative of the story. Let me explain. Writing is like examining a science to a deaf friend. You need to out yourself in our shoes to know how to explain to us. E.g when

us about Tracy, (the main lead), you should have described her to us. Is she fair, dark, tall, chubby, tribal marks etc.

The car that splashed water on her: was it a Benz, black car, jeep, etc

The environment: was it cloudy, windy, rainy etc

Since you said unilag, you should have used a familiar place in unilag, maybe moremi hostel by the car park. This is a real place in unilag. If you had done this, it would ha e given us your readers a more real life feeling. All of us AT ONCE WOULD HAVE PICTURED MOREMI HOSTEL (for those of us that have been there). Also citing the place at the car park gives more credence and all. That's why writers even research on the story before writing. You ought to have visited unilag or even asked someone who has been there to describe popular places for you to infuse into your story.

A. You don't rush when giving a story. Let us imagine we are there.describe the buildings or road.

B. Also know we are blind when reading a story. Describe even little things for us. The gentle breeze blowing was swaying the tress, people were slowly strolling in twos or threes....Thats why great artist even look for sounds to use...
But this is a great start my dear. Look into my critiques up....you surely will make a fantastic writer. Kudos

Thanks a lot i will try my best

Neoteny:
Not everyone is born to be a writer.
This one most certainly isn't.

*Scoffs* Idiot and u could follow the story to dz level...... write urs lemme access it self acclaimed Competent writer...ode...

tracyberry:


When i said criticism was allowed, i never meant what you typed above, if i made a mistake with my sentence contruction tell me don't judge me

dere are some senseless idiots dat don't worth your reply....
....Am loving dz story Abeg continue...... and Pls mention me oooo......

Continuation


The girls had with them an mp3 player so they changed the song to runtown titled bend pause and increased the volume while they continued smoking and drinking.

Girl 3: oya no vex me, start to dance follow the beat make you bend down pause
Girl 1: and make you twerk ooooo before i release another slap for ur face

Tracy felt weak and embarrass, tears kept falling from her eyes down her cheek while she danced, she silently prayed for God to rescue from this girls.

The girls were occultic girls, they were sitted in the place where a lot lovers usually sit in the lagoon park, they were eleven in numbers and from their colour and mode of dressing one could tell they belonged, they wore a mixture of red and yellow tops with bumshorts, some of them wore just red mini gown with yellow snicker and yellow barrect or handker tied to their head as a symbol of oness amongst them, they smoked weed like their life depended on it but there was who didn't say a word among the girls but listened kept starring at tracy, she was dressed in black crop top, black bum short, red snicker and red barrect.


Tracy is a fair girl with an average height, she is curvy and hardly smiles, she is from a poor home where they value education but could only sponsor one of their child. Tracy hardly speaks or make friends and she never allow anybody to step on her toes.

While tracy was dancing, the girls mocked her dancing steps.

Girl 1: na wetin you dey
Girl 2: come on shake that booty for us
Girl 3: if na ur bobo tell you to shake you for don over do

One of the girls slap her ass and tracy stopped dancing and faced her.

Emeraldgist1:

*Scoffs* Idiot and u could follow the story to dz level......
write urs lemme access it self acclaimed Competent writer...ode...

Look at this biitch foaming at the mouth.

Is it my fault you're frustrated due to joblessness?

Pathetic useless stinking bastard, fukk off!

nice story but not well composed

Good story but u need to work on typos and also paragraph ur work, let's see d fullstop and comma, apart from ur writing mistake, u have a Nice story here, keep it up

mention me in ur next update

Neoteny:


Look at this biitch foaming at the mouth.

Is it my fault you're frustrated due to joblessness?

Pathetic useless stinking bastard, fukk off!

Oh shit... ur reply came so late I was thinking u were doomed already........
who is d frustrated one here??
u never saw a good thing in a person's write up cos of ur overfrustrated fucking life.... Go get a life...
Anyway it takes a PATHETIC USELESS STINKING BASTARD to recognise one Ooooo......

nice one, but tracy learn how to stop slapping people ooo

Nice plot but lacks insightful Presentation. Work on that please. Welldone