Have Women Lost Their "Feminine Mystique?"

In my despairing opinion, too many of us have become a louder, dumbed-down, sexed-up, selfie-snapping, pouty-lipped, desperate shadow of our former selves. That's what men are seeing, and that's how they're treating us.

I was sitting in the movie theatre this past weekend to see The Imitation Game with my husband Don when a gaggle of twenty-something gals walked into the theatre, continuing past us to sit in the very back row.

Like lipsticked versions of the typical unruly kids at the back of the bus, their antics were soon in full-swing and their volume was set to maximum. Here's what we -- and every single other person in the theatre -- heard.

"I shi*t you not, I was so f*cking wasted I can't remember how I got home!"

"You were like SO f*cking hilarious! You were like dry humping that guy so bad...he probably went in the can to jerk off..."

"That guy sent me a pic of his dick!"

Just as one young woman was launching into a fairly graphic description of the aforementioned "dick," a theatre employee -- oh how my heart went out to this poor chap -- approached them and asked them to keep it down. After finding several ways to argue with and insult him, they finally piped down. And then they left halfway through the movie.

As you may know, The Imitation Game (a fantastic film, by the way) is set in London in the 1940s. It co-stars Keira Knightly as Joan Clarke, a brilliant young woman who was part of Alan Turing's code-breaking team and who spent the war years helping him decode the German's Enigma machine.

We, as women, used to be something of an enigma to men. We used to have feminine mystique, an inscrutable and alluring "something" that men wondered about. And boy, did they try hard to figure us out. They used to trip over themselves trying to impress us with their charm, kindness and wit.

There's a scene in The Imitation Game where a young lady is flirting with a man at a pub. She says to her friend, "He'll be coming over here soon...I smiled at him 10 minutes ago and haven't looked back since."

And guess what? She was right. The man knew exactly what the smile meant: "I like the looks of you, and if you're willing to take the risk and come over here, you'll have a warm reception."

Fast-forward to 2015. Forget the inviting smile and feminine allure. Now, a guy can sign on to Tinder and use GPS to track women who have advertised an eager willingness to have sex. There's no subtlety, no mystery, no effort.

Now, women are fighting each other tooth-and-nail to pose naked on various online sites so their finest assets can be viewed and "judged" by men. If you're really lucky, you might even get the Slut Whisperer to post your pic on his Twitter account. Hey, that's the big time, girls!

The fact is, men have never thought so poorly of women as they do now. Their opinion and treatment of women -- from apathy to disdain -- isn't getting better, it's getting worse. And it's women who are paying the price. Studies have shown that the hook-up culture and living together without a commitment harms women who often "settle" for these things when they would actually prefer marriage.

Yet for some reason women refuse to look at their own behaviour and role in this. The nastiest feedback I have received about my admittedly controversial dating guide, The Modest Minx has been from women who were irate at the message that a woman show "less ass and more class" while dating.

Yet these are often the very women who complain that they're sick and tired of being treated "like garbage" by men. These are often the very women who say one thing, "I'm proud to be a slut!" but who feel something else, "I feel used, discarded and strung along...I feel lonely and sad."

I add my voice to those women who lament how poorly men seem to think of us nowadays. It seems like, despite how far we've come in terms of legal and socio-economic equality, we have never been held in such contempt by men. That matters to me, since I value the relationship between men and women.

Some people blame feminism. I don't. I'm proud to be a feminist. It's just that I don't equate feminism with treating our bodies like sexual trash and thinking that is sexual empowerment. I don't think swaggering into a movie theatre like a group of drunken frat boys means we're liberated. I don't think sending pics of our naked bodies to men for their gawking pleasure is a feminist act.

Oh, I can just hear the groans now. "Ugh, another backwards article trying to slut-shame women..." It's funny how people fall back on that accusation the moment someone expresses an opposing opinion about femininity.

Here's the thing: There's nothing wrong with sexual modesty. There's nothing wrong with conducting yourself with social grace in public. It isn't oppressive to use your manners or send the message that you have some class. In fact, you might find that "acting like a lady" motivates the men in your life to act like gentlemen.

Quality men tend to approach quality women. That's dating, decoded.

Personally, I'm sad to the see the mystique disappear. I find it depressing that so many women prefer to be downloaded and "pinged" instead of romanced. I've always been a vive la difference type of person.

And I'm not alone -- although strangely enough, it's mostly young single men that seem to agree with me. Not a day goes by that I don't receive feedback from a single man who says he's looking for Mrs. Right, but all he can find is Miss Right Now.

If you have the opportunity, go see The Imitation Game. Not only is it a story that deserves to be told, but it's a fascinating study in how feminine behavior has changed over the past several decades. Note how differently we as women now conduct ourselves.

In my despairing opinion, too many of us have become a louder, dumbed-down, sexed-up, selfie-snapping, pouty-lipped, desperate shadow of our former selves. That's what men are seeing, and that's how they're treating us.

Or if you prefer, you can just sit at the back of the theatre and talk as loud as you can about dicks.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/debra-macleod/female-sexuality_b_6581084.html

Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

bukatyne:
Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

you dey confuse me oo.
Isn't that what y'all want?
You know the whole modern woman and feminist
I'm lost seriously.

Nice piece bukatyne.


Modernity has replaced the old ways of behaviours. I really don't blame parents though, no matter how hard they try to tame their kids especially the females, when they grow up, they are still misled by the society.

You are trying to cage women abi

Stop trying to police their bodies.

You don't tell men how to behave but you want to tell women what to do and how to do it.

This is not the 20th century. That's how they prevented from voting
Slut-shamers will go to hell.

bukatyne:
Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

lol.speak for yourself oo.
When 40 years jam una for papa house I like the way una dey start to speak in tongues dey rush vulcanizer.
Everyone dey see you as that giant turkey weh nobody gree buy.
Your siblings kids go start to bone face for you like this one no dey go
Dem go start mistake you for the mummy of the house
N.a. then we go conclude say e don be
And you and your mama go dey clash steady dey battle for supremacy for her own house ooo you know where 2 big turkeys are,one turkey must want show superiority
Women funny o

Valid concern. But who will take you seriously. This is a fast paced age. Fast internet, fast wealth, fast cars, fast technological advancements. Nobody wants any slow down anymore. Not even in relationships unfortunately. If you slow things down, nobody wants you. Too bad.

nwanneni:
lol.speak for yourself oo.
When 40 years jam una for papa house I like the way una dey start to speak in tongues dey rush vulcanizer.
Everyone dey see you as that giant turkey weh nobody gree buy.
Your siblings kids go start to bone face for you like this one no dey go
Dem go start mistake you for the mummy of the house
N.a. then we go conclude say e don be
And you and your mama go dey clash steady dey battle for supremacy for her own house ooo you know where 2 big turkeys are,one turkey must want show superiority
Women funny o

aren’t you almost 40 with no sense. Mr man.
Because your sisters are still in your mothers house fighting for plate of food with her and her husband you think that is the narrative of all unmarried ladies.

Hod Bachelor with no sense at all mo.ron.

lol

why don't you go to transactional sex topics online and see women flop?

the line "its my life, my body,my choice" divided women like never before,but most women are too dumb to see it

at least, the writer is a woman, so we ain't getting "men shouldn't tell women what to do"

zeb04:
aren’t you almost 40 with no sense. Mr man.
Because your sisters are still in your mothers house fighting for plate of food with her and her husband you think that is the narrative of all unmarried ladies.

Hod Bachelor with no sense at all mo.ron.

40?
This one is 44 perhaps and currently fighting with the mom over who will cook Sunday rice ...lol
I agree,I no get sense.but I dey live your dream sha
I have four sisters na from a very cultured home
2 married,2 single.
They go thus;
-eldest is very ok and married a very ok guy(excess bread of course)
-second works for UN and is currently in Zimbabwe on official assignment she is a single mum to a 1 year old beaut.
-third is married too with kids to a businessman and she owns her own business too.they are alright.
-fourth is an Anaesthociologist in CA,a Canadian citizen and is currently engaged to one hotshot guy.
So my dear,you can't be like my sister's you hear?
And if you need pictures,let me know.
Odenni 44
PS;All but one of the females in my family drive Mercedes,even mumsy

I just love the way women are screaming and complaing, trying to be equal with men, it makes men know that they are the standard of what is called successful, no matter how a people run they can never run past their shadow, they'll keep playing catchup till the end of time, it will be an intriguing movie.

I just love the way women are screaming and complaining, trying to be equal with men, it makes men know that they are the standard of what is called successful, no matter how people run they can never run past their shadow, they'll keep playing catchup till the end of time, it will be an intriguing movie to watch.

nwanneni:
40?
This one is 44 perhaps and currently fighting with the mom over who will cook Sunday rice ...lol
I agree,I no get sense.but I dey live your dream sha
I have for sisters na from a very cultured home
2 married,2 single.
They go thus;
-eldest is very ok and married a very ok guy(excess bread of course)
-works for UN and is currently in Zimbabwe on official assignment she is a single mum to a 1 year old beaut.
-married too with kids to a businessman and she owns her own business too.they are alright.
-Anaesthociologist in CA,a Canadian citizen and is currently engaged to one hotshot guy.
So my dear,you can't be like my sister's you hear?
And if you need pictures,let me know.
Odenni 44
PS;All but one of the females in my family drive Mercedes,even mumsy

hahahahahahah you really have no sense. All this download for what? Brother wey Mumu.

nwanneni:
40?
This one is 44 perhaps and currently fighting with the mom over who will cook Sunday rice ...lol
I agree,I no get sense.but I dey live your dream sha
I have four sisters na from a very cultured home
2 married,2 single.
They go thus;
-eldest is very ok and married a very ok guy(excess bread of course)
-works for UN and is currently in Zimbabwe on official assignment she is a single mum to a 1 year old beaut.
-married too with kids to a businessman and she owns her own business too.they are alright.
-Anaesthociologist in CA,a Canadian citizen and is currently engaged to one hotshot guy.
So my dear,you can't be like my sister's you hear?
And if you need pictures,let me know.
Odenni 44
PS;All but one of the females in my family drive Mercedes,even mumsy

You know, I use to think, because of your sensible threads that you are sensible, alas, you are the opposite and still a kid with a toddler brain, your rants are so meaningless it's a pity, you should have never commented on this wonderful thread in the first place,you should have stayed in your thread and continue advicing people, that would have been better for you.

Jayslicky:
I just love the way women are screaming and complaining, trying to be equal with men, it makes men know that they are the standard of what is called successful, no matter how people run they can never run past their shadow, they'll keep playing catchup till the end of time, it will be an intriguing movie to watch.

Did you really read before commenting? Your comment is off point.

zeb04:
hahahahahahah you really have no sense. All this download for what? Brother wey Mumu.

if na you i dey see for that dp ehn...
You dey chop so? you look like an anorexic with sickle cell
I go recommend you to my mechanic for marriage but don't get your hopes too high yet!
He's a little picky especially when it comes to girls with dandruff all over their forehead.
I'll try my best but don't thank me yet

Lemme park here.. Here to learn and read as usual

Fountainofyouth:


You know, I use to think, because of your sensible threads that you are sensible, alas, you are the opposite and still a kid with a toddler brain, your rants are so meaningless it's a pity, you should have never commented on this wonderful thread in the first place,you should have stayed in your thread and continue advicing people, that would have been better for you.

Really?and why would you think what you think about me matters to me?
Are you really that into self flattery?
Typical of them feminists.when they see better challenge they run with their tail between their legs while playing the emotional card.
Keep your thoughts to yourself,it can't even pay my bills

nwanneni:
if na you i dey see for that dp ehn...
You dey chop so? you look like an anorexic with sickle cell
I go recommend you to my mechanic for marriage but don't get your hopes too high yet!
He's a little picky especially when it comes to girls with dandruff all over their forehead.
I'll try my best but don't thank me yet

hahahahaha should I blame your mother now for this public display of stupidity ehn brother Titus.

Hod bachelor with no sense lol. Enjoy.

[quote authorc=Fountainofyouth post=79492473]


Did you really read before commenting? Your comment is off point.[/quote] most of those things bukatyne wrote are what naija feminist practice. That post was meant for someone and the person knows herself.

nwanneni:
Really?and why would you think what you think about me matters to me?
Are you really that into self flattery?
Typical of them feminists.when they see better challenge they run with their tail between their legs while playing the emotional card.
Keep your thoughts to yourself,it can't even pay my bills

You are a self absorbed tiny brained schmuck, what I think matters because I'm pretty sure most people think that too, how can an adult's response to a comment be about his family's history? Not his, but his family? What kind of adult is that? A crawling baby adult, and how did the crawling baby adult interprete my comment? By calling me a feminist, Why? Because he can't think beyond his diapers while crawling.

Yeah my thoughts can't pay your bills, why? Because your bills are below my feet, imagine how flat it is.

nwanneni:
lol.speak for yourself oo.
When 40 years jam una for papa house I like the way una dey start to speak in tongues dey rush vulcanizer.
Everyone dey see you as that giant turkey weh nobody gree buy.
Your siblings kids go start to bone face for you like this one no dey go
Dem go start mistake you for the mummy of the house
N.a. then we go conclude say e don be
And you and your mama go dey clash steady dey battle for supremacy for her own house ooo you know where 2 big turkeys are,one turkey must want show superiority
Women funny o

Wow...How can someone spill so much trash like this?

I swear you didn't read the article.

Quick question, the person that wrote this article, what's her husband's name?

Fountainofyouth:



You are a self absorbed tiny brained schmuck, what I think matters because I'm pretty sure most people think that too, how can an adult's response to a comment be about his family's history? Not his, but his family? What kind of adult is that? A crawling baby adult, and how did the crawling baby adult interprete my comment? By calling me a feminist? Why? Because he can't think beyond his diapers while crawling.

Yeah my thoughts can't pay your bills, why? Because your bills are below my feet, imagine how flat it is.

Really?she asked about my sisters na.
ABI I for start telling her about me?
She even says my bills are as flat as her shoes
Well,you'll live to assume another day
Ekuke feminist them with so little going on for their themselves
I could go on and on ....
Men dey good
Ndi feminism
Shhh!no make noise.just show me where you'll sleep tonight

Fkforyou:


Wow...How can someone spill so much trash like this?

I swear you didn't read the article.

Quick question, the person that wrote this article, what's her husband's name?

read her other posts!

nwanneni:
read her other posts!

SMH...

nwanneni:
Really?she asked about my sisters na.
ABI I for start telling her about me?
She even says my bills are as flat as her shoes
Well,you'll live to assume another day
Ekuke feminist them with so little going on for their themselves
I could go on and on ....
Men dey good
Ndi feminism
Shhh!no make noise.just show me where you'll sleep tonight

Nigga, upgrade your intellect, you need it urgently else you'll evaporate cos of feminists
If you have nothing worthwhile to comment, pack your mistake of a person outta here,
And stop typing incoherently like there is electric shock waves in your brain, jeez the bile, yuck.

Fountainofyouth:



Nigga, upgrade your intellect, you need it urgently else you'll evaporate cos of feminists
If you have nothing worthwhile to comment, pack your mistake of a person outta here,
And stop typing incoherently like there is electric shock waves in your brain, jeez the bile, yuck.

she's now talking vocabulary and yet I'm the one with incoherence
Oops!perhaps I just struck the nerves of another 44 year old spinster.
Intellect?Really?
We might meet someday on another intellectual thread(not this trash of a thread) so you can display that better intellect you've got than I do
Vulcanizers await you all wannabe feminists

Fkforyou:


SMH...

you can shake it till It falls off....
Not like it is significant anyway

I would love to see that Imitation Game film. Alan Turing was a genius. It's unfortunate he took his own life.

nwanneni:
she's now talking vocabulary and yet I'm the one with incoherence
Oops!perhaps I just struck the nerves of another 44 year old spinster.
Intellect?Really?
We might meet someday on another intellectual thread(not this trash of a thread) so you can display that better intellect you've got than I do
Vulcanizers await you all wannabe feminists

Get your rat ass out of this thread, it is clearly not for fish brain like you, why the pains? Did you even read the thread to know what it's about? No wonder you want to die because of feminists cos they made you realise you are not worth a "dot" in the world, die alone, no one gives two fvcks what you think of feminists.

Fountainofyouth:



Get your rat ass out of this thread, it is clearly not for fish brain like you, why the pains? Did you even read the thread to know what it's about? No wonder you want to die because of feminists cos they made you realise you are not worth a "dot" in the world, die alone, no one gives two fvcks what you think of feminists.

same as I do not give a fùck about what you all think of me
It can't get me portable water ffs!
I don't have a problem with real feminists though.just the ekukes.
Who doesn't love the "whole 9 yards woman"?
But no,wannabe feminists will demand for equality till it gets to real bills or acquiring securities
They now take the backseat and watch real men do their thing!no sweat
Fish brain?I thought the term was DESIGNED for your lots.
You know;fowl brain,fish brain....etc.it's your destiny.can't be altered!
Go get some sleep girl,you'll need all the energy for your rat race tomorrow

we are 7.7 billion people on planet earth of which roughly 50% are female of which not all can be classy