Humor +Romance Thriller


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Guyz! Guyz! Guyz! Guyz!

How many times did i call us? Four times right. Oyah drag your ears and listen to me. I wouldn't repeat myself again after this. If you like listen, it's your own. And if you don't, you are on your own.

  Anytime you meet a girl for the first time and it happens that things went well as planned in your mind as usual, make sure you win the league.

Don't disgrace your family, don't spoil your family name, because you are actually representing your family. Make sure you bring home  the trophy.

Not that you will play 20 minutes of first half and you will be raising hands for your coach to substitute you. Hope you see how Sanchez Career turns to in Man United. He is Chopping bench as if he is a receptionist.

I know some of you are lost. Let me bring you back alive. Make sure you perform well anytime you meet a new girl, a new chick, a new Shima, a new surie or whatever you refer them as.

Let the winning difference be large. Don't play 1-0 and say you won the game. When it come to that way, man must win at least 5-0. If it's friendly match as of quickie, 2-0 is allowed and it still depends on if you are home or away.

If she invites you to her crib and you won 0-2, it's a nice one. In championsleague, there is a point for away goal.

If she comes to your crib for the first time and she ate, drink, collected transport and left, my brother that is a big loss. She won 3goals to nil. With a point for scoring away goal.

If it happens that she ate and drank, you need 3 goals above to win the match.

Now imagine, after she ate and drank, it's now time to kapaichumarimarichupako and you did just one round and you gave up.

My brother, you have disgrace the whole Africa as a continent, you disgrace the gender called Male, both animals and human being. You disgraced the whole 36 states in Nigeria. You disgraced your state in particular, you disgraced your local government. You disgrace your Health Education teacher in primary school, your Inter Science teacher in Junior Secondary School, your Biology teacher in Senior Secondary School and the whole of Private, State and Federal Universities, Polytechnics and College of Education in Nigeria. And lastly, you disgraced your penis.

I'm not outstanding, something happened last week during a friendly match with a girl last week in my crib.

I actually met this babe at One Church programme.

Lord forgive your Son for he doesn't know what he's doing. Amen.

Moving forward, i engaged the babe in a conversation and things went soft.

I collected her number. She was actually feeling the boy. She said she likes my open teeth and blushed over that. Mumu me (smiles).

Cutting the long story short, three days later after a long chats and engagements on Whatsapp, i invited her down to my crib and she accepted. She promised to come in the evening. That day was actually a Saturday.

That day, I don't know where the strength that upon me was from, as if i took cocaine. I did all the house chores in my crib. I clean everywhere, filled my bucket with water. Swept and moped every corners of my house, even the wall. I cleaned the ceiling fan, Tucked my bed sheet very well on my bed like that hotels Sprayed some room freshener inside my room. Washed my toilet and used Hapic. Fueled the Gen should in case NEPA wants to be unfortunate.

I then took my bath and brushed my teeth with Orange juice.
(sharp guys will understand the purpose of brushing with orange juice)

It's 5:30pm, i called baby to know if she's coming and she said she will be on her way in five minutes time.

Hurray! My mood was like Cassper Nyovest's Mama i made it.

I drop the top to the Porsche and I stick out My head and scream out "Mama I made it!" (Dancing)

Voooooooom! That was the sound of a bike. I peeped through my window. Baby is here already o.

My mood right at that time was like "baby tani ki ofe wa to sope no! She no know say one day man go blow. Life nah one by one or two by two, my padi no worry your time go show" Orezi's double your hustle song. (Lol)

There was a knock on the door...

"Yes, who's that". I said softly with swag. inamean inamsaying (lol)

Shhhhhhhhhh! You people should stop making jest of me nah. You want her to feel as if I'm too anxious to see her?. (winks)

I walked to the door and open. She was standing right in my front. She gave me a warm hug and i embraced it. She actually smell nice and looks Innocent.

I welcomed her and she went...... Omg! She sat on the Chair! Why did i even bought this chair at the first place.

Which kind yawa be this nah! Making like difficult for someone. (Angry)

"Hope you are comfortable there, you can as well come sit on the bed". I said.

"No thank you, I'm OK here". She said as she smile.

Aye o! My matter don cast. Early goal like that of Liverpool and Tottenham Champions league final.

I smiled and brought out some juice from the fridge and served her with a glass cup.

"Thank You". She said

"Let me prepare some noodles so we can both dine". I said as i walked to the kitchen.

"No nooooow, I'm OK". She said shyly.

"Don't worry, i will garnish it the way you will like it". I said while preparing the food.

After placing the noodles on the gas cylinder, i went inside the room and boooom! My eyes and her eyes Jammed and she starred at me romantically as i walked in.

She stood up and came closer to me, placed her hand on my chest.

"I want you to Bleep me". She whispered.

I heard it! I heard it!

My mood then was like "Say right now i don dey blow like trumpet... parara pararapararara... I don't need to blow my trumpet parara rarararara... Dem be the plug but nah we be the sucket... Parara rararararara". Tekno ft Wizkid Mama. I know am stupid (lol)


I grabbed her close without hesitation and start smooching her tightly.

We kissed for a while. And i pushed her to the bed, stretch my left hand for my Shin guard and put in on and booooom! Am in. Kapaichurimarichupako!

My mood then was like "the money wey we geti o! e no go finish o! the God wey dey bless us o! e no go finish o! Soft bembembembem! Soft - Money (wink)

No! No! No! No! Nooooooooooooooo! my village people at it again! Aye mi temi bami! I have Cum in just two minutes... Who did i offend! Who did this to me! Who want to put me to shame! My life has been ruined! (crying heavily)

I fell off like a mango tree looking tired and gasping for breathe.

Something came to my mind. I placed noodles on fire. I jumped off the bed to go and check. The indomie just started boiling and i thought the whole noodles must have got burnt.

My village people get me o! So i first indomie don! Kuku kill me... (Wailing)

I was feeling shy going back to the room. My life is finished!

I got to the room, I saw the babe dressing up.

"Whatsup babe, you dressing up?" I asked.

"Yes! I want to start going". She replied.

"Wouldn't you wait and eat". I said feeling sorrowed.

"No i can't wait, i want to catch up with someone". She said as she picked her bag and walked to the door.

"Wait now. Let me package the food in take away for you". I said as i rushed for her.

"Take away". She said in a mockery tone and pushed the door open and left.

Booom! I died.....

Nice write up

We are here again

No offense bro but your stories are dross. You need to do better.

ericbertrand:
No offense bro but your stories are dross. You need to do better.

Then don't read... Your life can also be rubbish but we're just managing it.

FatherBona:
Nice write up

Thanks

Codalee:
We are here again

Hail you bro

Na me hail pass ... ehm you don stop one minute man ?

Na we dey here.... Sit 5 Booked
Am waiting for my popcorn and drinks