jarmy:
Some have advised me NOT to depend on my wife's income for anything. Well, that means she equally have not right to question how I spend my money. Is that not separation?

I think this will create gaps in our home.

The best thing is for her to tell me how much she is willing to put on the table.

We both will then discuss what we intend to do with our income for the month or year. This is very import in a home. A man should know the financial status of his wife and vice versa . Many bankers have become rich due to financial secrets in homes.

Manner of approach also matters.

it shouldnt be "HOW MUCH SHE IS WILLING"

its her home too it not a matter of will but A MUST

its mostly men who need to change, especially those elders who take away everything from the widow

once society has changed in letting the widow take over everything that was left, then the attitude of women of feeling insecure will change

Phenomenal16:
...I pity d unlucky woman that will marry u

Go to page 3 and see the response I gave to someone emotional like you, haba aunty I was just being sacarstic, why do most people lack sense of humour.

Jayslicky:
Go to page 3 and see the response I gave to someone emotional like you, have aunty I was just being sacarstic, why do most people lack sense of humour.

..berra

princfred:


Of course and that's very fine.
Yet a non stingy wive; a fine compliment otherwise the man can be made a goat if things go south for him financially by the very woman he made a queen.

If I may ask, is your wife from Rivers state and has she started associating with igbo women which precipitated the change ? Beware of her latest company.

Please why Igbo women?, can you kindly shades more light on association with Igbo women here.

Thanks in advance.

MPESA:



Please why Igbo women?, can you kindly shades more light on association with Igbo women here.

Thanks in advance.

Igbo women usually have big personal (to go abroad, higher institutions, climb to the apex in carear or business, have their own car, mansion, train her siblings, build a house for her mum etc) projects/ambitions (which in itself is not necessarily a bad thing), the tenacious will, self-believe and know how to pursue it. When the collective ambition does not align or serve with the personal perhaps not fast enough its harder for them to jettison it and they more easily become inclined to sacrifice the collective quest or employ some underhand manoeuvres to go about pursing the personal projects.
Sure women from other tribes can have such ideas but the will, self believe (that she can achieve them with or without the man cum the collective ambition) and vigour in pursing them and not relegate them in the face of unaligned collective ambition is more pronounced in the average Igbo woman.

These ideals and orientation they can induce in other women in their company.

Oga go and hustle and stop waiting for your wife's salary.

princfred:
Igbo women usually have big personal (to go abroad, higher institutions, climb to the apex in carear or business, have their own car, mansion, train her siblings, build a house for her mum etc) projects/ambitions (which in itself is not necessarily a bad thing), the tenacious will, self-believe and know how to pursue it. When the collective ambition does not align or serve with the personal perhaps not fast enough its harder for them to jettison it and they more easily become inclined to sacrifice the collective quest or employ some underhand manoeuvres to go about pursing the personal projects.
Sure women from other tribes can have such ideas but the will, self believe (that she can achieve them with or without the man cum the collective ambition) and vigour in pursing them and not relegate them in the face of unaligned collective ambition is more pronounced in the average Igbo woman.

These ideals and orientation they can induce in other women in their company.

I find it difficult to understand where you coming from.and where you are heading to, initially don't want to comments on this issue because of how SENSITIVE & DELICATE it's and for the fact that I have seen some wonderful advice giving to him as well but was caught on the part of the question I asked you from your statement..... Without been bias Sir Igbo both their men and their women are extremely Ambitious, they aim high , vision the impossible and also believing that's possible to achieve , Sir God always to crown their efforts with success because they do work hard ......

Don't tag or generalized it on association with Igbo women makes the OP wife to start her new behavior, for crying out loud sir 10 YRS old marriage is not a beans, nobody has the tendency to force her to do what her heart hasn't longed or crave for... Or better still let him OP call her wife to know what's wrong PROBABLY he has over used a particular choice of words that might make such an open minded person to change.

It has happened to me I almost lost my woman/fiancée because of my choice of words simply because I was so mad with the way she goes on a particular issue thou I blame it on myself and the distance will not like to go into details ..... But it's very bad and can turn anyone to monster it only take Grace of God and my persistent to make things right irrespective of who was initially wrong......
Sir generally Igbo women are not OVER AMBITIOUS, they are just generally AMBITIOUS like every other serious person.

P.s
Averagely or 70-80% of Igbo man no matter what he's doing as means of survival TAKES SOLELY CARE OF THE FAMILY WITHOUT INVOLVING THE WOMAN BECAUSE THEY BELIEVED THAT WOMEN CAME TO ENJOY AND TAKES ABSOLUTE CARE OF HER HOME NOT TO REALLY WORK , AVERAGE IGBO MAN WILL WANT OR PREFER HIS WIFE TO SOLELY STAY BACK AND TAKE CARE OF HIS HOME FOR HIM WHILE HE DON'T MIND TO DIE WHILE HUSTLING FOR HIS FAMILY WELL-BEING.

@ OP I don't really like the idea of you FORCEFULLY DEMANDING HER SALARY FROM YOUR WIFE , PROBABLY BECAUSE OF MY TRIBE ANYWAY BECAUSE AVERAGE IGBO MAN DON'T CARE OF HIS WIFE SALARY ONCE THERE'S RESPECT AND SUBMISSIVE FROM HER ENDS, BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY ONE BODY AND SOUL WITH A COMMON GOAL FOR THE FUTURE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN I WILL ADVISE YOU TO DO ANYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO WIN YOUR WIFE BACK, FROM THERE YOU CAN AGREE AND DECIDES ON HOW AND WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BOTH SALARIES BUT PLEASE KINDLY LEAVE SOME HIGH PERCENTAGE % OF HER SALARY FOR HER AND ALSO KINDLY CHECK AND EXAMINE YOURSELF VERY WELL AS WELL OF CHECKING HER CIRCLES OF FRIENDS .
We can ONLY WIN if we play as TEAM player's not as INDIVIDUAL player GOD WILL HELP YOU WITH A BETTER SOURCE OR ADDITIONAL INCOME AND ABOVE ALL GIVE YOU WISDOM TO GO ABOUT IT , IN THE NAME OF WHATEVER OR WHOEVER YOU BELIEVE AMEN.

donbachi:
Guys make una hustle oo..so dat u no go wait for wife to submit salary.

hustle good bro, but there is something u are missing, even if u hustle, u will indirectly increase ur wife lifestyle, becus u believe say na hustle go make her lve, I pray make we know hustle at the end with all d money, the woman still give u high BP,
try understand a girl even as u day hustle to nulture her taste, else u are in trouble, becus she go one day sound am give u say, I thought u said u are money spender,

[quote author=donbachi post=81754620]Guys make una hustle oo..so dat u no go wait for wife to submit
hustle good bro, but there is something u are missing, even if u hustle, u will indirectly increase ur wife lifestyle, becus u believe say na hustle go make her lve, I pray make we know hustle at the end with all d money, the woman still give u high BP,
try understand a girl even as u day hustle to nulture her taste, else u are in trouble, becus she go one day sound am give u say, I thought u said u are money spender,

princfred:


Of course and that's very fine.
Yet a non stingy wive; a fine compliment otherwise the man can be made a goat if things go south for him financially by the very woman he made a queen.

If I may ask, is your wife from Rivers state and has she started associating with igbo women which precipitated the change ? Beware of her latest company.

Evil communication corrupt good manners,
dat is what is really destroying some people homes,
u just typed what I hadin mind,
it's ok for a married woman to be friends with another married woman,but d moment d friend is out of d marriage pls just cut or let me use a more light term, reduce the friendship, becus what influence will d friendship now be,ooooh finally I am free,or don't trust any man,i can move at my free well, nobody can order me around, I guess that is the discussion when ever they meet,


my mother best friend was a lady who was no longer married to the husband, and that was how my mother also left her marriage, all in the name of freedom,

show me ur friend and I will tell u who u are

MPESA:



I find it difficult to understand where you coming from.and where you are heading to, initially don't want to comments on this issue because of how SENSITIVE & DELICATE it's and for the fact that I have seen some wonderful advice giving to him as well but was caught on the part of the question I asked you from your statement..... Without been bias Sir Igbo both their men and their women are extremely Ambitious, they aim high , vision the impossible and also believing that's possible to achieve , Sir God always to crown their efforts with success because they do work hard ......

Don't tag or generalized it on association with Igbo women makes the OP wife to start her new behavior, for crying out loud sir 10 YRS old marriage is not a beans, nobody has the tendency to force her to do what her heart hasn't longed or crave for... Or better still let him OP call her wife to know what's wrong PROBABLY he has over used a particular choice of words that might make such an open minded person to change.

It has happened to me I almost lost my woman/fiancée because of my choice of words simply because I was so mad with the way she goes on a particular issue thou I blame it on myself and the distance will not like to go into details ..... But it's very bad and can turn anyone to monster it only take Grace of God and my persistent to make things right irrespective of who was initially wrong......
Sir generally Igbo women are not OVER AMBITIOUS, they are just generally AMBITIOUS like every other serious person.

P.s
Averagely or 70-80% of Igbo man no matter what he's doing as means of survival TAKES SOLELY CARE OF THE FAMILY WITHOUT INVOLVING THE WOMAN BECAUSE THEY BELIEVED THAT WOMEN CAME TO ENJOY AND TAKES ABSOLUTE CARE OF HER HOME NOT TO REALLY WORK , AVERAGE IGBO MAN WILL WANT OR PREFER HIS WIFE TO SOLELY STAY BACK AND TAKE CARE OF HIS HOME FOR HIM WHILE HE DON'T MIND TO DIE WHILE HUSTLING FOR HIS FAMILY WELL-BEING.

@ OP I don't really like the idea of you FORCEFULLY DEMANDING HER SALARY FROM YOUR WIFE , PROBABLY BECAUSE OF MY TRIBE ANYWAY BECAUSE AVERAGE IGBO MAN DON'T CARE OF HIS WIFE SALARY ONCE THERE'S RESPECT AND SUBMISSIVE FROM HER ENDS, BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY ONE BODY AND SOUL WITH A COMMON GOAL FOR THE FUTURE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN I WILL ADVISE YOU TO DO ANYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO WIN YOUR WIFE BACK, FROM THERE YOU CAN AGREE AND DECIDES ON HOW AND WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BOTH SALARIES BUT PLEASE KINDLY LEAVE SOME HIGH PERCENTAGE % OF HER SALARY FOR HER AND ALSO KINDLY CHECK AND EXAMINE YOURSELF VERY WELL AS WELL OF CHECKING HER CIRCLES OF FRIENDS .
We can ONLY WIN if we play as TEAM player's not as INDIVIDUAL player GOD WILL HELP YOU WITH A BETTER SOURCE OR ADDITIONAL INCOME AND ABOVE ALL GIVE YOU WISDOM TO GO ABOUT IT , IN THE NAME OF WHATEVER OR WHOEVER YOU BELIEVE AMEN.

Obviously, you were too busy thinking of were I was coming from and heading to that you couldn't understand where I am. And it is obvious you had your conclusion before my reply. A flaw in your processing not in my assertions. The poster above understood the point of that post so maybe he can indulge you further or you will be better off reading his post above.

Secondly you saying Igbo men are ambitious too how does that nullify what I said about Igbo women being personally ambitious? It even partly concurs to it. So what exactly is your counter point.

How does some other possibilities of the sudden change in her behaviour annul the possibility that f her latest company may be a reason too?

To rephrase that post Igbo women find it easier to pursue personal ambition in sacrifice of the collective once they see the means to based on self believe and will.
And new company can and does inform new behaviour.

larryking540:

Evil communication corrupt good manners,
dat is what is really destroying some people homes,
u just typed what I hadin mind,
it's ok for a married woman to be friends with another married woman,but d moment d friend is out of d marriage pls just cut or let me use a more light term, reduce the friendship, becus what influence will d friendship now be,ooooh finally I am free,or don't trust any man,i can move at my free well, nobody can order me around, I guess that is the discussion when ever they meet,


my mother best friend was a lady who was no longer married to the husband, and that was how my mother also left her marriage, all in the name of freedom,

show me ur friend and I will tell u who u are

Exactly the point. Even at girlfriend level it does make a huge difference. Hundred nay mlions of girls have lost potential husbands due to sublimally imbibed misguided orientation from there so called girlfriend who may be secretly envying her relationship or even eyeing their bf. So many real life stories abound to that.

princfred:
Exactly the point. Even at girlfriend level it does make a huge difference. Hundred nay mlions of girls have lost potential husbands due to sublimally imbibed misguided orientation from there so called girlfriend who may be secretly envying her relationship or even eyeing their bf. So many real life stories abound to that.

I hardly use people story as examples, I will tell u my own experience, I wish lady can tell, they think their friends are happy they have a perfect relationship or perfect marriage,

we are gradually entering an era where females will will b one begging for relationship not d other way around,
I kw very well for op wife to suddenly start to act in secure,then op needs to check d wife company's,

Where a mans treasure is that's where his heart will be also. There Is a correlation btw how much u willing to invest and the state of your heart towards that thing.

Marriage is about filling in not really shared responsibility

If u love someone u can't bear to see them struggle u want to be there for him or her

That's why men sweep, cook bath kids, even go to the market, wasH plates. Its about filling in to make life easier for the other person

So its wicked not to plan with your husband and make the burden lighter. That's d only reason she is in your life to be a help.

Two should be better than one, if one chase a thousand two ten thousand.

I reallt don't know what is wrong with some women.

Truth is no one can advise u. U just have to study d situation and look for a formula that will work.

U can't force her to work with u. She is a foolish woman.

But be bold and take some drastic steps like moving to a smaller apartment
Change the school to a more affordable one But with quality

Refuse to have more kids with her

jarmy:
Good day House.

Please, I need the response of only married couples.

Also, kindly indicate your sex.

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years now. We are blessed with two kids.
During courtship, we agreed that we will have a joint budget which will be funded by the income of both of us.

Initially, I was the only one working, with take-home pay of 40k. She then got a job of about 36k. back then, she would
withdraw her salary and hand it over to me. What I usually do is to hand it over to her and ask her to use it for feeding
while I take care of all other expenses with my salary.

My salary is now about 95k and her's 65k. Our children's school fees, house rent, feeding etc have all increase, no thanks to the current economic realities!

My wife stopped handing over are salary and insisted that I should be giving her feeding money. I clearly explained to her that my income can not accommodate feeding, for now, explaining clearly how I spend my salary and other income but she still insisted that I should be giving her feeding money

The thing is she is into so many saving schemes, without my approval. She just wants to save money!
She is insecure and doesn't trust me. She wants her own stuff: her own car, her own house, etc.

I have never cheated on her, I pay the rents, school fees, paid for her post-graduate programme, buy foodstuffs occasionally etc.

What should I do?

It takes two to tango.
With good ,honest communication, trust,mutual love and seek divine intervention coupled with fear of God, you and wife will tango very well on this matter and every other issue in your home.
She's has misgivings about this matter.
Are you reckless with money?
She has broken no law if she's not hand over her entire paycheck to you.
Every couple must mutually work out an arrangement that works for them.
You have to speak truth to each other in order to solve this issue.
Please thread with caution and wisdom.

jarmy:
Thanks for your response. A man is polygamous by nature. Any man that sticks only to his wife is sacrificing for his marriage and keeping to his marital vow.

That said, may I ask, what is the savings for and is oga aware of this?

Na wa o. What a traditional man you are!

PrimadonnaO:


Na wa o. What a traditional man you are!

Note, not every tradition is bad. That is why African and Asia has the lowest divorce rate in the world.

Janosky:

It takes two to tango.
With good ,honest communication, trust,mutual love and seek divine intervention coupled with fear of God, you and wife will tango very well on this matter and every other issue in your home.
She's has misgivings about this matter.
Are you reckless with money?
She has broken no law if she's not hand over her entire paycheck to you.
Every couple must mutually work out an arrangement that works for them.
You have to speak truth to each other in order to solve this issue.
Please thread with caution and wisdom.

My wife and I have discussed. Apparently, she wanted me to show concern, support and appreciation. I will personally be giving her financial support every month, no matter how little.

Lol... seems the poster was kidding

Phenomenal16:
...I pity d unlucky woman that will marry u

LordPherule:
Lol... seems the poster was kidding

It isn't a joke. Things like this have separated many homes.

jarmy:
I taught marriage should be about trust.

Trust is earned. Look inward brother; your attitude, words, actions, etc.

jarmy:
Some have advised me NOT to depend on my wife's income for anything. Well, that means she equally have not right to question how I spend my money. Is that not separation?

I think this will create gaps in our home.

The best thing is for her to tell me how much she is willing to put on the table.

We both will then discuss what we intend to do with our income for the month or year. This is very import in a home. A man should know the financial status of his wife and vice versa . Many bankers have become rich due to financial secrets in homes.

Manner of approach also matters.

Since you already know how it should be, why then are you asking us? Seems like you are not actually seeking answers to your question but to tell us to demand the salaries of our wives.

donbachi:
Guys make una hustle oo..so dat u no go wait for wife to submit salary.

as in eh....

Always take time to study your partner during courtship because lead us not into temptation is better than deliver us from evil.

princfred:
In some places in Rivers state I heard tales of women giving their salary to their husband even the husband being the one to receive/collect the wife's salary after which the man will give her money for home upkeep from there sometime an amount bigger than her salary that she collected. What a beauty.

“What a beauty kwa!?”
Nwanne jekwe chuwa ego, I nugo?
Nkea I na a e feel like this maka omenana ndia I kowalu kitaa? Ego onye ozo e kwesiho I na agu dimkpa madu like this.
Well I am sure that deep down, you like to be the provider for your home. If so, from your dreams to God’s ears.
Cheers.

jarmy:
An ideal man is always happy providing for his family. Do you know that most men are more liberal than their wives?

Iseee

budaatum:
Give her 1k every month. You and your's will be blessed.

How did I miss this?

jarmy:
Good day House.

Please, I need the response of only married couples.

Also, kindly indicate your sex.

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years now. We are blessed with two kids.
During courtship, we agreed that we will have a joint budget which will be funded by the income of both of us.

Initially, I was the only one working, with take-home pay of 40k. She then got a job of about 36k. back then, she would
withdraw her salary and hand it over to me. What I usually do is to hand it over to her and ask her to use it for feeding
while I take care of all other expenses with my salary.

My salary is now about 95k and her's 65k. Our children's school fees, house rent, feeding etc have all increase, no thanks to the current economic realities!

My wife stopped handing over are salary and insisted that I should be giving her feeding money. I clearly explained to her that my income can not accommodate feeding, for now, explaining clearly how I spend my salary and other income but she still insisted that I should be giving her feeding money

The thing is she is into so many saving schemes, without my approval. She just wants to save money!
She is insecure and doesn't trust me. She wants her own stuff: her own car, her own house, etc.

I have never cheated on her, I pay the rents, school fees, paid for her post-graduate programme, buy foodstuffs occasionally etc.

What should I do?

If you cannot feed her ... why did you marry her and make her take your name?

Is she your flat mate ?

Return her back to where they were feeding her well biko?

If someone else starts giving her feeding money do not come here shouting she is cheating o

You cannot feed a wife but you went to marry - do you think it is wood she will eat?

You paid rent! So? If you are single will you not pay your rent?

Give her feeding money !

If she uses her money to feed herself she owes you no fidelity or devotion.

As for you pickme ladies (entering in to yeye agreement just so you will marry forgetting it is you that will born pickin and change your identity or name to his) that are in the habit of letting men like OP have conversations with you talk less of wife you ..... can you see the kind of extreme sports you are playing? You are playing with your future - you are better off single then with a make believe husband that cannot even feed you.

My gate man gives his wife feeding money every day

I saw lies in your so called stories, am even irritated by this your story of submit money to you as in what! May be self you throw that respect to dust,my dear marriage is not like this you're taking it not army command parlor but is for companionship, you don't even love that your wife you're into what you stand to gain. Change your character and attitude because they are weird.

budaatum:

Should I get my husband to respond instead?

Is buda male or female?

jarmy:
Note, not every tradition is bad. That is why African and Asia has the lowest divorce rate in the world.

This is the problem with folks like you...you want to have it all!
It’s either you are liberal or traditional.
A traditional man would never ask his wife for money irrespective of what happens and if he does he’ll take it as a loan and pay back later.
Bruv,stop confusing yourself,you’re a weakling.
Choose one path.