She wants privacy, the man should leave his mum and rent his own apartment.

Dude, if you are only child and broke and have a sick mother, sense dictates that you forget about marrying in the meantime. There is a minimum qualification both parties must have to be eligible. The guy is highly ineligible and no woman would want to become a nurse to sick MIL from the word go. Hell most cannot even do it for their parents. Its irresponsible to ask of that of some else.

Negotiate and beg. She has to be comfortable with it because it will hard, rough, ugly, demoralising and difficult and will also be a thankless job at the end of the day.

If the guy is responsible, you do not marry with all these conditions and expect someone to just put up with it.

E better make the woman go Oman go do housemaid make money than this hellhole you are preaching in the name of marriage.

bbode1:
This is more than what u think. Sometimes the boy might be the only one catering for the family. his mum might be sick. He might not be financially buoyant. It might be his dream to own a house just like the parent.
The family house he lives might even be very convenient. Maybe he as his own apartment.
The woman should be Wise In her choice. It shows she can't do everything for the guy. She's avoiding future quarrel which might never even happen.
Since she can't stay. Maybe they should use their wedding money to build the house half way first. Then move inside. Later they can do the wedding.
But I think if paying the house rent his her husband problem. She should pay it for peace to rain

So this guy want your sister to come and stay in family house? Ruuubish. Mind you, his Mummy is the one calling the shots.

lightpurple:

So in your little mind, you’re doing a woman a favor by getting married to her? It’s bad luck that will make your future spouse marry you. People like you will be very irritating to live with

I don't have to prove a point,
just look around you

Chii59:
Coming from an alpha simp.

no need for insults if you can't handle the truth

PapaNnamdi:

no need for insults if you can't handle the truth

Insults? Hehe. I stated a fact. After raising dust online, it's your type that will create a new account to report your wife to nairaland.

Chii59:

Men have a soft spot for their moms, and women hate their own mothers? Do you even read what you write? Do you
Who's talking about abandoning one's parents? Do you nl boys lack comprehension or what?
OP sister wants her own place, even if it's face me I slap you, and says she doesn't mind mother in law coming to visit every now and then.
Is it so hard for you to digest?

No I don't think women hate their mothers and I don't know where you got the bolded from and you don't have to tag me a boy, let's keep the respect mutual.

You didn't answer my question: how come they never agreed on this before making marriage plans? At least she knew where the guy was living before they made plans for marriage and if he didn't live in his own place, it means they must have had a mutual agreement before the die-minute U-turn the lady is making.

One thing you ladies must realise is that life's situations are composed of more variables than constants. Fela Durotoye, when he got married, had to spend his wedding night at his friend's house cos he had no comfortable apartment. His wife used to go her parent's house to shower...

All I'm saying is that marriages won't have the same beginnings for everybody. That doesn't warrant calling off the wedding cos these things can change anytime. Either ways, I know most Nigerian ladies have a deep-rooted stubbornness on issues like this, so I am not forcing my opinion on you.

Have a nice day madam.

You want someone just "tolerate" from the word go? Why? What exactly are you offering?

Just as you want a woman who would be comfortable staying in your mother's house , so does a woman is uncomfortable with staying in her MIL house. Nothing wrong with both. Just choices. However by universal law, she is right and the guy is wrong. It does not matter how you twist it.

We all siblings had issues while living together growing up. Hell most even had issues with your parents for years. Then you now want to bring in a wife who never grew up with you guys and will be meeting your family for the first time. And she is expected to run and cater for the home cuz its not like you will hire people to do all the house work, cooking, cleaning and looking after your old woman. What they need is a maid mate. When they are ready, maybe very poverty stricken insecure girls might agree to that arrangement. But no sensible woman born of man will take this.

vickydevoka:


They lady is a typical "City open eye gal".
Such gals Don't tolerate, the are highly manipulative, if their husband goes bankrupt de husband is finished in life, is either he dies an early death (as a result of hbp) or he will be used as rag by de wife.
They truth is dat This our tym men prefer outside beauty than innner beauty unlike our fathers n dis is as a result of social Media. Dats y marriages don't last any more.
Those days Women work on their character more than their face n body buh dis days women work on their body without even thinking of wat people will say about dere character

Chii59:

Yada yada yada... You're stale
Yawns

lolz.
I'm one of the few Nigerians who earn a miserable close to half a million as salary from fed govt,yet mum earns more than me ,pops na d original chairman
Where they wan start to get time to look my wife?house is big,them wey dey upstairs,na if you go up to meet them or jam them on their way out una yo greet
Na small small vegetables and fish them de chop nowadays so choice of food etc no go ever bring quarrel.
Each of them get 1 spare car,if my family travel home b4 me during xmass,I send one car home for them b4 they arrive as I have another I use,where quarrel wan start from my sister?
All my siblings are all living away from my state so my parents are always more than happy to see any member of the nuclear family.
My sister,pray to God and hustle ooo.
Na poverty and extreme lack be d root of all quarrel and this una negative mindset.

loneprof:


No I don't think women hate their mothers and I don't know where you got the bolded from and you don't have to tag me a boy, let's keep the respect mutual.

You didn't answer my question: how come they never agreed on this before making marriage plans? At least she knew where the guy was living before they made plans for marriage and if he didn't live in his own place, it means they must have had a mutual agreement before the die-minute U-turn the lady is making.

One thing you ladies must realise is that life's situations are composed of more variables than constants. Fela Durotoye, when he got married, had to spend his wedding night at his friend's house cos he had no comfortable apartment. His wife used to go her parent's house to shower...

All I'm saying is that marriages won't have the same beginnings for everybody. That doesn't warrant calling off the wedding cos these things can change anytime. Either ways, I know most Nigerian ladies have a deep-rooted stubbornness on issues like this, so I am not forcing my opinion on you.

Have a nice day madam.

You're mentioning Durotoye and still saying not everyone has the same beginning. Talk about talking from the side of your mouth.
Did Durotoye tell you that his wife didn't agree to it? Did he tell you that he spent a year or two in his friend's house? Spending a night and a couple of months or even years, does it sound the same to you? You pick and choose whatever you like. If you like house your wife with your parents for 50 years. Op's sister has made her choice.

And the guy is also stubborn to want to force an unnatural decision down her throat. The most he can do is beg and cajole but it will be her decision because the guy will not bear the pain, sacrifices, fights, disrespect, discomfort and hardship that will come with such decisions. It will be the woman. Except like I said earlier, its a house that has a cook, maid and maybe a nurse for the mother. Then it becomes manageable. But uts her cross and therefore her decision.

The guy should go rent a house. That is what normal sensible people do. That's what Jesus would have done.

loneprof:


No I don't think women hate their mothers and I don't know where you got the bolded from and you don't have to tag me a boy, let's keep the respect mutual.

You didn't answer my question: how come they never agreed on this before making marriage plans? At least she knew where the guy was living before they made plans for marriage and if he didn't live in his own place, it means they must have had a mutual agreement before the die-minute U-turn the lady is making.

One thing you ladies must realise is that life's situations are composed of more variables than constants. Fela Durotoye, when he got married, had to spend his wedding night at his friend's house cos he had no comfortable apartment. His wife used to go her parent's house to shower...

All I'm saying is that marriages won't have the same beginnings for everybody. That doesn't warrant calling off the wedding cos these things can change anytime. Either ways, I know most Nigerian ladies have a deep-rooted stubbornness on issues like this, so I am not forcing my opinion on you.

Have a nice day madam.

Chii59:

If your sister's fiancé insists on her living with his mom, what will you do, boy?

She's rich and well employed to have time fighting with her MIL

Only jobless people like OP sister and you will always be there to fight ur MIL even over 1 common cup of rice

ogbuefi677:

lolz.
I'm one of the few Nigerians who earn a miserable close to half a million as salary from fed govt,yet mum earns more than me ,pops na d original chairman
Where they wan start to get time to look my wife?house is big,them wey dey upstairs,na if you go up to meet them or jam them on their way out una yo greet
Na small small vegetables and fish them de chop nowadays so choice of food etc no go ever bring quarrel.
Each of them get 1 spare car,if my family travel home b4 me during xmass,I send one car home for them b4 they arrive as I have another I use,where quarrel wan start from my sister?
All my siblings are all living away from my state so my parents are always more than happy to see any member of the nuclear family.
My sister,pray to God and hustle ooo.
Na poverty and extreme lack be d root of all quarrel and this una negative mindset.

Yawns... Audio money.

MaziIgwe007:


She's rich and well employed to have time fighting with her MIL

Only jobless people like OP sister and you will always be there to fight ur MIL even over 1 common cup of rice

Boring.

georgeiyke009:
And the guy is also stubborn to want to force an unnatural decision down her throat. The most he can do is beg and cajole but it will be her decision because the guy will not bear the pain, sacrifices, fights, disrespect, discomfort and hardship that will come with such decisions. It will be the woman. Except like I said earlier, its a house that has a cook, maid and maybe a nurse for the mother. Then it becomes manageable. But uts her cross and therefore her decision.

The guy should go rent a house. That is what normal sensible people do. That's what Jesus would have done.

Sir, please stop bothering yourself arguing with these boys. They won't understand.

ImaIma1:


This over pampering is a serious problem. From the comments from some men here, I just feel ashamed of how they are being brought up. They have no business thinking about marriage before the become a nuisance to their wives.

As you said, it's except they have a flat to themselves in the family house. If not, it's not advisable and it doesn't mean she doesn't love his mum. It's good to have a healthy distance from family to avoid rifts

Not just marriage. Reading comments here, I fear for our future. Many do not even understand what it means to be an adult Imean both sexes. Our parents generation failed because they were busy competing against themselves instead of focusing on their lives and families.

Someone is talking. But I can bet this is not the situation. Most women will have no problem with homes like this. At least if its for some time. Your home is run, they have maids, cooks , cleaners, drivers e.t.c.

I can't say the same for the OP.

ogbuefi677:

lolz.
I'm one of the few Nigerians who earn a miserable close to half a million as salary from fed govt,yet mum earns more than me ,pops na d original chairman
Where they wan start to get time to look my wife?house is big,them wey dey upstairs,na if you go up to meet them or jam them on their way out una yo greet
Na small small vegetables and fish them de chop nowadays so choice of food etc no go ever bring quarrel.
Each of them get 1 spare car,if my family travel home b4 me during xmass,I send one car home for them b4 they arrive as I have another I use,where quarrel wan start from my sister?
All my siblings are all living away from my state so my parents are always more than happy to see any member of the nuclear family.
My sister,pray to God and hustle ooo.
Na poverty and extreme lack be d root of all quarrel and this una negative mindset.

Chii59:

You're mentioning Durotoye and still saying not everyone has the same beginning. Talk about talking from the side of your mouth.
Did Durotoye tell you that his wife didn't agree to it? Did he tell you that he spent a year or two in his friend's house? Spending a night and a couple of months or even years, does it sound the same to you? You pick and choose whatever you like. If you like house your wife with your parents for 50 years. Op's sister has made her choice.

LOL

I can see this is more than a mere debate to you, so I'll let it end here before you send hoodlums to attack me.

Take care.

The man is broke. That is the issue. Being broke means all this work falls to the woman.

If she is now well to do, then hello why the heck is she wanting to marry a poor broke dude who wants to live in his mother's house? She will own her own home by this time. H3ck I dated chicks living in 3 bedrooms and then cuz tou want to marry them, they will just adjust because of what?

Let's be realistic. I am a guy and will not even tolerate my MIL living with me even though her daughter runs the home. If she holds it over my head, marriage will be over. Its that simple.

This is a negotiation and the fool should put his best foot forward. She has to agree. Reason being that all the hassels that go with it will be her cross to carry. And it will be worse for her being the "outsider".

ogbuefi677:

There will always be frictions in every human relationships d extent is d difference or is the husband she's wanting to fence not d same husband you all complain about everyday?
Apparently, d prospective wife is also jobless and d sit at home type cos if she's some1 who has a distraction of a job and the income that comes with it she will not have such a negative mindset for her husband's mother.
At worst,if na food be the problem, you/the helps cook your preferred and cook MIL's preference.
These frictions only get worse with poor finances or extremely toxic ppl who its obvious the prospective bride is one.

Chii59:

Boring.

The bitter truth is always boring for you Jezebels.
Now fvck off!!!

You won't want him to bring his family along, but ur poor relatives already have their sacks packed to follow u along once u leave.

I pity the kind of man that'll marry you with this ur devils mind..

Bible advocates peace and not division.
fvck once again you Delilah

MaziIgwe007:


The bitter truth is always boring for you Jezebels.
Now fvck off!!!

You won't want him to bring his family along, but ur poor relatives already have their sacks packed to follow u along once u leave.

I pity the kind of man that'll marry you with this ur devils mind..

Bible advocates peace and not division.
fvck once again you Delilah

Ah! E really pain am o. Ndo

georgeiyke009:
The man is broke. That is the issue. Being broke means all this work falls to the woman.

If she is now well to do, then hello why the heck is she wanting to marry a poor broke dude who wants to live in his mother's house? She will own her own home by this time. H3ck I dated chicks living in 3 bedrooms and then cuz tou want to marry them, they will just adjust because of what?

Let's be realistic. I am a guy and will not even tolerate my MIL living with me even though her daughter runs the home. If she holds it over my head, marriage will be over. Its that simple.

This is a negotiation and the fool should put his best foot forward. She has to agree. Reason being that all the hassels that go with it will be her cross to carry. And it will be worse for her being the "outsider".

You lie.
Ask the Op, she said in one of her comments that the man is "financially ok"
so the problem here is that she doesn't want to live with the MIL even without the MIL creating any problem

georgeiyke009:
Someone is talking. But I can bet this is not the situation. Most women will have no problem with homes like this. At least if its for some time. Your home is run, they have maids, cooks , cleaners, drivers e.t.c.

I can't say the same for the OP.

My brother,if the husband na Otedola pikin,will that girl threaten to call of the wedding even if husband insists they will live in the family house forever?
Issue is most of the females here come from loveless,extremely poor homes so na so them de behave.

J111333:
Yea, your sister is doing the right thing. The man should at least kill his mum or chase her away before planning to get married so as not to discomfort his wife.

Biko advise your sister to keep waiting on the Lord for a good man.

I disagree with you, this marriage thing is not by force. Any man who cannot live outside of their parents home after marriage should not bother getting married.

Nobody dies of singleness na!

Chii59:

Ah! E really pain am o. Ndo

Name one thing you and ur family can assist the man that will mistakenly marry you??
completely nothing.
All you Jezebels do is bring trouble where there's really none.
Don't even know why I dey reply someone my wife can feed comfortably

MaziIgwe007:


You lie.
Ask the Op, she said in one of her comments that the man is "financially ok"
so the problem here is that she doesn't want to live with the MIL even without the MIL creating any problem

Believe people at your own peril. When something defies common sense logic, you should know they are lying. It's like someone saying my mother owns a big restaurant but I have not eaten in 3 days.

How are you financially okay & you cannot rent a place? He is not only broke but poor.

MaziIgwe007:


He gave you a sensible advice, just that it's the bitter truth and you don't like it.

let me ask you this, if your brother's wife orders him to treat ur mum like this, will you be happy??

Oro e ko lesi

ogbuefi677:

My brother,if the husband na Otedola pikin,will that girl threaten to call of the wedding even if husband insists they will live in the family house forever?
Issue is most of the females here come from loveless,extremely poor homes so na so them de behave.

Nairaland females own too much, especially "Chii59" that girl and her family needs help not just food

OluwaLina1:
Oro e ko lesi

Akpa amu

The truth is that only an Otedola pikin has the means to make this kind of arrangement work.

Any other normal guy will just have the woman suffer for nothing.

If she was Otedola's daughter nko? The guy should examine himself to find out why he feels its okay to subject a woman to such.

The reason why it will work in Otedola's case is because the home will be a run home and she will really not be expected to cater to anything or anyone. That makes it bearable.

Minus that, even my own daughter must be stupid to agree to that kind of arrangement. In ibo culture also, your inlaws will never visit you officially until you move. Cuz its not your house.

ogbuefi677:

My brother,if the husband na Otedola pikin,will that girl threaten to call of the wedding even if husband insists they will live in the family house forever?
Issue is most of the females here come from loveless,extremely poor homes so na so them de behave.

MaziIgwe007:

Name one thing you and ur family can assist the man that will mistakenly marry you??
completely nothing.
All you Jezebels do is bring trouble where there's really none.
Don't even know why I dey reply someone my wife can feed comfortably

You done? *Laughs in swahili.*
Audio money, audio wife.
Stop crying ,you hear. Lol

Financially ok is a term for a regular working class joe. He will not be able to afford maids, cooks and cleaners at the same time.

I run a full house and make close to a Milla and I cannot afford those.

So its the same issue. You need to be rich to afford those not just financially ok.

MaziIgwe007:


You lie.
Ask the Op, she said in one of her comments that the man is "financially ok"
so the problem here is that she doesn't want to live with the MIL even without the MIL creating any problem