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Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 9:27am On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

1. Are you seriously talking about a girlfriend? Seriously? Thought you said you loved your wife. I know it must be hard, you have needs, but a girlfriend will only complicate issues.

2. Why don't you go and visit, maybe this time around, take your father or uncle or even pastor along with you?
I really love her, if I don't I won't be disturbing my self over the whole issue, I swear I would have moved on. I'm only thinking a new girlfriend will reduce the heart break I'm having & emotional torture right now. Then on ur second point, I've done that before.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 9:51am On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
I really love her, if I don't I won't be disturbing my self over the whole issue, I swear I would have moved on. I'm only thinking a new girlfriend will reduce the heart break I'm having & emotional torture right now. Then on ur second point, I've done that before.
Have you prayed? Like prayer with fasting. I'm not a very religious person but this looks like a spiritual problem.
It's OK if you are not a Christian
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Evercurious(f): 10:01am On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
They all behave like her mother

Thats the problem here.. She is and will remain comfortable in her action as long as she has got enough support from her mother and siblings.. Sorry I have to say this , you might have to be the one that ll keep apologizing /stooping low for that marriage to work of you really want it to..

Or you just move on..

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Emmanuelcann: 10:55am On Aug 15, 2020
Calm down, calm down!
Re: Update On My Wife & I by emmyN(m): 11:19am On Aug 15, 2020
Generally I don't advise "simps" cheesy, but I will take exception to this case.

Start by working on your insecurity, it's the chief cause of the challenge you are having with your family. You tell yourself you are someone that don't take shit, are hot tempered, and don't give a hoot about anyone, but really you're insecure. Take some time out to develop yourself, build up your emotional intelligence, and see the change.

For your wife, do nothing. She's just reacting to you and being a prick at it. She left herself and should return herself. Don't move her belongings anywhere. From what you wrote, it doesn't seem like it's been long since she left, so I wonder why you are thinking about bringing a girlfriend in. That's stupid. Send money to her account for feeding and toiletries for your baby, and tell her whenever she is tired of staying out she should come home so you sort out whatever issues you have.

Going forward, let there be no repeat of this scenario, of her leaving the house when you haven't sent her out. If it happens, it should be the last. And quit that malice charade, it's childish.

PM me for my aza so you send consultation fee cheesy.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:12pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

Ishilove is on point. I was initially angry at his wife but then, one has to put aside pride to make love work.
Pride is very dangerous. I've seen it destroy things, valuable things.
@Op, your wife is giving place to the devil. Do all you can to see how you can fight for your home, before it is too late.
Finding love is hard, making it work is harder and sometimes you just got to be a fooll for love.

wife decided to leave but you guys are talking of the "man's pride" instead of focusing on the wrong mondset of the woman... NOTHING will ever be right for doing wrong, and IMHO, it will never be right for a man to go beg a woman that doesnt want to act right.

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:17pm On Aug 15, 2020
Ishilove:
Na so marriage dey be sometimes. Calculated acts of senselessness. That doesn't mean he should jump ship.

marriage is a partnership... but if your partner doesnt act right, then you have to accept that you guys cant be in business together. having just ONE person acting right (while the other act recklessly) cant work out. having one go on their knees and beg the other can NEVER work out.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by nahzyla: 12:30pm On Aug 15, 2020
The epidemic of small children and people who live solely on the internet had been on nairaland too long for you to get a lot of meaningful or sensible advice regarding marriage on Nairaland.

I would like to know, if you dont mind, RtK5, what is the reason why she left with her son in the first place?
You will get a lot of comments demeaning your wife here from nairaland males but that is only because they are men like you and will support their own.

Try to look at the issue objectively
That reason why she left the house in the first place, what was it? Was it the first time it was happening or was it something she has complained of before or is sensitive about it?

It might be a non issue to you but very serious to her as many women are very emotional.

3 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 12:38pm On Aug 15, 2020
emmyN:
Generally I don't advise "simps" cheesy, but I will take exception to this case.

Start by working on your insecurity, it's the chief cause of the challenge you are having with your family. You tell yourself you are someone that don't take shit, are hot tempered, and don't give a hoot about anyone, but really you're insecure. Take some time out to develop yourself, build up your emotional intelligence, and see the change.

For your wife, do nothing. She's just reacting to you and being a prick at it. She left herself and should return herself. Don't move her belongings anywhere. From what you wrote, it doesn't seem like it's been long since she left, so I wonder why you are thinking about bringing a girlfriend in. That's stupid. Send money to her account for feeding and toiletries for your baby, and tell her whenever she is tired of staying out she should come home so you sort out whatever issues you have.

Going forward, let there be no repeat of this scenario, of her leaving the house when you haven't sent her out. If it happens, it should be the last. And quit that malice charade, it's childish.

PM me for my aza so you send consultation fee cheesy.
let's talk na
Re: Update On My Wife & I by femi4: 12:49pm On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
Few days back I posted a topic on how my wife left home with our 2years old son after a little issue that even animals will laugh at us when they hear it because of how trivial the issue is. Now this is what is at stake

1. She hasn't called since she left a week ago & I haven't called either because I didn't chase her.

2. None of her family has called to know why she came back home though I don't Blame them, it depends on what she must have told them.

3. Perhaps she has moved on already, its no problem but let her come and pack her belongings. I sent her a text to come & pack her stuffs then whoever she is ready to come back she's free but I'll never follow up at her family house & she replied that she's not expecting me to follow her up cos she knows I'm not gonna come after her.

5. My decision is, if she doesn't come back by Sunday or at least come to pick her things, I'll move on & I don't care if she comes anytime & see me with a babe at home. I can't remain single hoping she comes back when perhaps she's already found a boyfriend.

6. Some of you would think its pride that is making me not to go to her family but no, I don't want to look stupid cos I've done that severally.

7. Maybe I'm here killing myself with thinking while she's at her family house laughing.


Waking up to see her stuffs in my house is really hurting me the more & making it difficult for me to move on.

I really need your advice guys, pls
Two kindergartens in marriage.Going forward, both of you should stay away from marriage
Re: Update On My Wife & I by freeborn02: 12:53pm On Aug 15, 2020
dawnomike:
You and your wife make me smile... You need to sit down with those that have been married for 10years and above to learn from them.

No marriage is perfect but if any of you value it; you would put aside your pride to make it work.

If he didn't cause the problem and goes to beg her, she will take advantage of this and repeat it again and again.

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by emmyN(m): 12:55pm On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
let's talk na

What would you like to talk about? You may quote me here or in an inactive thread. Or rather, send a PM. T&C applies cheesy.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by freeborn02: 12:56pm On Aug 15, 2020
GraGra247:
In all marriages that work, one person always stoops low and bears a lot of the brunt. The other partner eventually learns to reciprocate or even may not. I mean all marriages that work.

In the posters marriage nobody wants to stoop low.

Perfect reason why many marriages eventually fail.

Pride or no pride gives her no excuse to just leave him like that. I won't be surprised if she takes after her mom
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:36pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:


wife decided to leave but you guys are talking of the "man's pride" instead of focusing on the wrong mondset of the woman... NOTHING will ever be right for doing wrong, and IMHO, it will never be right for a man to go beg a woman that doesnt want to act right.
Didn't you read where he said the wife has played the fooll and made sacrifices? Now this is the time for him to do likewise. Though he has tried his best, nothing is too much for the one you love. And yes, pride, self dignity, whatever you call it. Sometimes you forget who's right and wrong, because if you focus on that, you'll never forgive and the relationship will not last.

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 1:45pm On Aug 15, 2020
nahzyla:
The epidemic of small children and people who live solely on the internet had been on nairaland too long for you to get a lot of meaningful or sensible advice regarding marriage on Nairaland.

I would like to know, if you dont mind, RtK5, what is the reason why she left with her son in the first place?
You will get a lot of comments demeaning your wife here from nairaland males but that is only because they are men like you and will support their own.

Try to look at the issue objectively
That reason why she left the house in the first place, what was it? Was it the first time it was happening or was it something she has complained of before or is sensitive about it?

It might be a non issue to you but very serious to her as many women are very emotional.
her main issue is that when I'm angry I like to change mood, & refuse talking to her for long. So she can't continue leaving with someone that will be keeping malice with her

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by MrBrownJay1(m): 1:46pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

Didn't you read where he said the wife has played the fooll and made sacrifices? Now this is the time for him to do likewise. Though he has tried his best, nothing is too much for the one you love. And yes, pride, self dignity, whatever you call it. Sometimes you forget who's right and wrong, because if you focus on that, you'll never forgive and the relationship will not last.

- its pointless to forgive an unrepentant partner
- its also pointless to try to be with someone that isnt compatible with you (as hard as you may wanna try)
- if anyone believes that r/ship are all about people being "fools" under the other, then no wonder these unions never last.
- nothing is too much for the one you love UNLESS that person does not value you/your actions.
- you should NEVER forget right from wrong, but i fully understand why some people may forgive wrongs.... but let us not fool one another, as much as you can decide to not argue about something, wrong is wrong and unless you fix it, you will just continue living a miserable life (being a fool to "your spouse" while you are miserable)

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:48pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:


- its pointless to forgive an unrepentant partner
- its also pointless to try to be with someone that isnt compatible with you (as hard as you may wanna try)
- if anyone believes that r/ship are all about people being "fools" under the other, then no wonder these unions never last.
- nothing is too much for the one you love UNLESS that person does not value you/your actions.
- you should NEVER forget right from wrong, but i fully understand why some people may forgive wrongs.... but let us not fool one another, as much as you can decide to not argue about something, wrong is wrong and unless you fix it, you will just continue living a miserable life (being a fool to "your spouse" while you are miserable)
When you get married, you can live by the above. At the end of the day, the final decision rests with the op.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:49pm On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
her main issue is that when I'm angry I like to change mood, & refuse talking to her for long
Then why can't you change? Do you know how frustrating it must have been to watch you keeping malice with her?
You're 30 freaking years old!!! You should know better than to keep sulking for days or weeks on end.
Let me tell you, that might have been the reason she left.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 1:53pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

Then why can't you change? Do you know how frustrating it must have been to watch you keeping malice with her?
You're 30 freaking years old!!! You should know better than to keep sulking for days or weeks on end.
Let me tell you, that might have been the reason she left.
Yes, that's the reason she left. But that's not enough reason to leave her home, there are many women out there who the husband beats them but yet they endure the marriag, I've never for once raised my hand on her. Even if I want her back now maybe she has started moving on & forgotten about the marriage
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:53pm On Aug 15, 2020
nahzyla:
The epidemic of small children and people who live solely on the internet had been on nairaland too long for you to get a lot of meaningful or sensible advice regarding marriage on Nairaland.

I would like to know, if you dont mind, RtK5, what is the reason why she left with her son in the first place?
You will get a lot of comments demeaning your wife here from nairaland males but that is only because they are men like you and will support their own.

Try to look at the issue objectively
That reason why she left the house in the first place, what was it? Was it the first time it was happening or was it something she has complained of before or is sensitive about it?

It might be a non issue to you but very serious to her as many women are very emotional.
And you're right.
Now he's saying the real reason.
Why should a grown up adult get offended and keep malice for a protracted period of time? Isn't that enough to frustrate any spouse?
I can't live with a man who won't talk to me for days.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by MrBrownJay1(m): 1:53pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:
When you get married, you can live by the above. At the end of the day, the final decision rests with the op.

this has nothing to do with marriage and all to do with RESPECTFUL COMPATIBLE unions between a couple with children. when you live with someone as a family, you have to respect one another and certainly not try to emotionally blackmail your spouse by threatening to leave every time things dont go your way... especially when you have child in the mix. how selfish of a woman to decide to take away a parent right to be with their children, just because thats what SHE selfishy decides. too many women out there are using children to emotionally hurt/blackmail men.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:54pm On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
Yes, that's the reason she left.. Even if I want her back now maybe she has started moving on & forgotten about the marriage
It's just now you started talking. See as they've bashed your wife finish. undecided
If you still love your woman, go and beg till she accepts you. Else, I'm sorry, that's the end of your marriage.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 1:55pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:


this has nothing to do with marriage and all to do with RESPECTFUL COMPATIBLE unions between a couple with children. when you live with someone as a family, you have to respect one another and certainly not try to emotionally blackmail your spouse by threatening to leave every time things dont go your way... especially when you have child in the mix. how selfish of a woman to decide to take away a parent right to be with their children, just because thats what SHE selfishy decides. too many women out there are using children to emotionally hurt/blackmail men out there.
Guy, leave matter. Go and read the above comment. He is the one at fault.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 1:57pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:


this has nothing to do with marriage and all to do with RESPECTFUL COMPATIBLE unions between a couple with children. when you live with someone as a family, you have to respect one another and certainly not try to emotionally blackmail your spouse by threatening to leave every time things dont go your way... especially when you have child in the mix. how selfish of a woman to decide to take away a parent right to be with their children, just because thats what SHE selfishy decides. too many women out there are using children to emotionally hurt/blackmail men.
She sent me a text three days back that she's coming to pick some of her things & the baby's things cos they are running short of Wears & that she needs money for the baby's provisions. I told her I don't have money. I didnt see her till date.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by DBestDoc(f): 1:58pm On Aug 15, 2020
Funny children on Nairaland already abusing the wife.
@Op, why did your wife leave? it's a straight forward question which you've not given a meaningful answer to. Non issue no get name?

The only grave reason that'll make a woman up and leave that i can think of other than physical abuse is cheating, she's not stupid. You may be a chronic cheat who feels entitled and she just got fed up after forgiving over and over( you already said it yourself that she's made a lot of sacrifices in the marriage)

What's killing you now is guilt. You're too ashamed to even pick a phone and call any of her family members because you know how they see you right now. They are tired of you already.

Go and bring in your girlfriend, you'll still cheat on that one and the cycle continues until you ruin your life or you get sense, whichever one happens first.

Since you refused to tell what the non-issue is, i've helped you fix that part, after all, all the comments on the thread lack objectivity and are based on speculations and half baked tale.

In the meantime, forget about marriage 'cause you're obviously not ready yet.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 1:59pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

It's just now you started talking. See as they've bashed your wife finish. undecided
If you still love your woman, go and beg till she accepts you. Else, I'm sorry, that's the end of your marriage.
Then let the marriage end, I'm just giving her till tomorrow if I don't see her or she contacts me, I'll move with my life too.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 2:01pm On Aug 15, 2020
DBestDoc:
Funny children on Nairaland already abusing the wife.
@Op, why did your wife leave? it's a straight forward question which you've not given a meaningful answer to. Non issue no get name?

The only grave reason that'll make a woman up and leave that i can think of other than physical abuse is cheating, she's not stupid. You may be a chronic cheat who feels entitled and she just got fed up after forgiving over and over( you already said it yourself that she's made a lot of sacrifices in the marriage)

What's killing you now is guilt. You're too ashamed to even pick a phone and call any of her family members because you know how they see you right now. They are tired of you already.

Go and bring in your girlfriend, you'll still cheat on that one and the cycle continues until you ruin your life or you get sense, whichever one happens first.

Since you refused to tell what the non-issue is, i've helped you fix that part, after all, all the comments on the thread lack objectivity and are based on speculations and half baked tale.

In the meantime, forget about marriage 'cause you're obviously not ready yet.
I didn't cheat on her, besides I've also made several sacrifices for the marriage as well
Re: Update On My Wife & I by MrBrownJay1(m): 2:01pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:
It's just now you started talking. See as they've bashed your wife finish. undecided
If you still love your woman, go and beg till she accepts you. Else, I'm sorry, that's the end of your marriage.
Chii59:
Guy, leave matter. Go and read the above comment. He is the one at fault.

.. and here you are again, focusing on a person being upset without asking WHAT MADE HIM UPSET and/or IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW TO BE UPSET and/or HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU (Chii59) LEAVE YOUR SPOUSE WHEN HE WAS UPSET and/or IS THAT A REASON FOR ANYONE TO LEAVE WITH YOUR CHILD?!

let us stop being hypocrites here...

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 2:02pm On Aug 15, 2020
Chii59:

It's just now you started talking. See as they've bashed your wife finish. undecided
If you still love your woman, go and beg till she accepts you. Else, I'm sorry, that's the end of your marriage.
Do you know what she did that made me refuse talking to her? so don't say that.

1 Like

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 2:03pm On Aug 15, 2020
Rtk5:
Then let the marriage end, I'm just giving her till tomorrow if I don't see her or she contacts me, I'll move with my life too.
From everything I've read, emotionally, you're not mature for marriage at all.
You came to nairaland to say your wife is fond of leaving the house, they bashed your wife. You never fully told us what made her leave. All you said was "little argument".
Next thing, you're thinking of bringing in a girlfriend.
People kept bashing your wife.
It wasn't until a few moments you're now saying it's because you're an expert, a PhD holder at keeping malice.
Look if you want to end it, end it.
She's left.
Life continues.
Work on yourself.

2 Likes

Re: Update On My Wife & I by Nobody: 2:04pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:



.. and here you are again, focusing on a person being upset without asking WHAT MADE HIM UPSET and/or IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW TO BE UPSET and/or HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU (Chii59) LEAVE YOUR SPOUSE WHEN HE WAS UPSET and/or IS THAT A REASON FOR ANYONE TO LEAVE WITH YOUR CHILD?!

let us stop being hypocrites here...
Yawns. I think I'll stop here. You can continue.
Re: Update On My Wife & I by Rtk5: 2:05pm On Aug 15, 2020
MrBrownJay1:



.. and here you are again, focusing on a person being upset without asking WHAT MADE HIM UPSET and/or IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW TO BE UPSET and/or HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU (Chii59) LEAVE YOUR SPOUSE WHEN HE WAS UPSET and/or IS THAT A REASON FOR ANYONE TO LEAVE WITH YOUR CHILD?!

let us stop being hypocrites here...
Thank yoi brother, she did something serious that made me refuse talking to her. pls note

1. Both of us have sacrificed a lot for the marriage
2. Both if us have forgiven each other severally on issues
3. I refused calling her since she left cos I never drove her out of the house. She's trying to prove a point.

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