NoToPile:



Loool this your perception of marriage will take you no where. Lots of people can't deal with malice.

Ogbeni better go and bring your wife from her parents place ooo, you were advised in your initial thread to call her, you didn't .

Now you are opening thread, you better don't let pride destroy your marriage ooo.

She has not moved on any thing go and get your wife back and you too stop keeping malice.

You are already thinking of girlfriend

I'm really grateful bro, you've said good things & great advice. But her silence is making me think she's moved on

Rtk5:
I must confess, all you've said really struck my heart, you're really so on point... I wish I can make the move first. I'm finding it very very very difficult. Something which i know is coming from the devil is telling me that it will portray my self as a weakling if I call her.

I will tell you point blank it is the devil telling you not to call her.

She will do small shakara just beg her and she will come home, try and talk about it when she comes back, you will change from keeping malice and she too will change from running away.



Abegii forget that weakling part.

Rtk5:
I just want you to attempt as a woman.

I don't think she has moved on. Yet.
Even if she's thinking about moving on. She has a child for you. And she knows because of that, you'll always be a part of her life.
She wants you to take the first step. And even if she's world's most cold hearted bitch(which I believe she isn't), she will be happier seeing you showing care for your daughter.
This is just my opinion.

NoToPile:


I will tell you point blank it is the devil telling you not to call her.

She will do small shakara just beg her and she will come home, try and talk about it when she comes back, you will change from keeping malice and she too will change from running away.



Abegii forget that weakling part.

What if she has or beginning to move on. What is the possibility? sorry to disturb you.

Chii59:

I don't think she has moved on. Yet.
Even if she's thinking about moving on. She has a child for you. And she knows because of that, you'll always be a part of her life.
She wants you to take the first step. And even if she's world's most cold hearted bitch(which I believe she isn't), she will be happier seeing you showing care for your daughter.
This is just my opinion.

Okay, I really understand you now. There's is a lot of chances of us coming back. Everyone is waiting for the other to make the first move

Rtk5:
I must confess, all you've said really struck my heart, you're really so on point... I wish I can make the move first. I'm finding it very very very difficult. Something which i know is coming from the devil is telling me that it will portray my self as a weakling if I call her.

I understand bro, I no you are the man, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, not because you are weak, but because you no better.

To be sincere with you moving on is not easy, I have be there bro, the best way you can really move on easily is when she actually drive you away with her attitude, this you will only know when you actually make that call. From the little she have done, you can't move on, cos you don't even no who is right or wrong at the moment

Pls do make this call, I swear it takes nothing from you.

When you make this call, pls don't insult her, dont prove she was wrong, just make a normal call. Even if you have nothing to say just dail the number, if she really miss you once she pick, the discussion will just flow.

Just do it, so that you no, you tried your best to make the marriage work

Rtk5:
What if she has or beginning to move on. What is the possibility? sorry to disturb you.

Na so e easy? Is it not just a week she left?
Is there another reason except the malice? Does she still not love you?

Possibility very very slim

Abeggi Call the woman better still visit them and don't leave without your family.

And have a thorough discussion when you guys come back

Rtk5:
Okay, I really understand you now. There's is a lot of chances of us coming back. Everyone is waiting for the other to make the first move

Gbam.
Guy, as much as I believe in people trying to make it work, I believe a divorce or separation is better than being at each others throat.
Whatever your decisions are, MAKE SURE YOUR DAUGHTER DOES NOT SUFFER FOR THIS.

There are marriages wherein the partners see themselves as equal and work for their mutual benefit/propulsion.

When one of my uncle and aunty married as medical students, they both made sacrifices. I have NEVER seen them argue, and I have stated with them several times.

They didn't build or rent a big house when they could so that aunty could specialise. When uncle got a uni job, they stayed in a small apartment while their mates were building 2 houses.

They are now both senior doctors at the highest levels of medical service with all the luxury that comes with that.

They also both came from 'rich' families with aunty's dad being super rich yet they both sacrificed and worked together.

You don't always have to stoop low. You don't have to accept one sided relationships.

GraGra247:
In all marriages that work, one person always stoops low and bears a lot of the brunt. The other partner eventually learns to reciprocate or even may not. I mean all marriages that work.

In the posters marriage nobody wants to stoop low.

Perfect reason why many marriages eventually fail.

Still reading the thread but it sounds like a secondary school breakup. No communication, only forming.

Chii59:

The young man and his wife are a hell of two stubborn people o

Chii59:

The young man and his wife are a hell of two stubborn people o

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Bia did you cheat on her?

Also funny how the first thing you wrote is that if she doesn't come back in 1 week, you don't care if she sees you with a babe?

Hmm.

Rtk5:
You're very very right... But she has tried a lot too in being the fool & making it work. Right now I don't know whats in her mind. Could she have gotten over the marriage

cooooooks:
There are marriages wherein the partners see themselves as equal and work for their mutual benefit/propulsion.

When one of my uncle and aunty married as medical students, they both made sacrifices. I have NEVER seen them argue, and I have stated with them several times.

They didn't build or rent a big house when they could so that aunty could specialise. When uncle got a uni job, they stayed in a small apartment while their mates were building 2 houses.

They are now both senior doctors at the highest levels of medical service with all the luxury that comes with that.

They also both came from 'rich' families with aunty's dad being super rich yet they both sacrificed and worked together.

You don't always have to stoop low. You don't have to accept one sided relationships.

Even in making sacrifices, it's not always 50-50 at a time. Sometimes 70-30, 20-80. And so on. The only problem is where only one person is making the bulk of the sacrifices to keep the relationship afloat. Sometimes you go out of your way to do something that otherwise you won't do just for peace.

It looks like there's more to that story.

But for how long would she be running back and forth to their family and your home?

Let me tell you this bro. It's hard to get a husband! How old is your wife? Maybe she's still very young. If she's in her late 20s, I bet you, she won't be doing this.

When a woman is ready for marriage, she stays and work on it. You have mentioned you have been going to her family house each time she runs back home. Bro that's very disrespectful!

If she loves you, she won't be disrespecting you. Is she the one wearing the trouser in your marriage or are you the man of the house?

Mind you, your inlaws have already concluded that your are so incompetent that's why they just ignored you. No reasonable family would have ignored the ugly situation of their daughter coming back home with someone's else son. If you have paid her pride price, chill! That man will always be your son.

But if you haven't, maybe that's why they kept quiet. They want to keep the kid.

Your wife also doesn't care about you at all. Such a disrespectful woman.

Let them raise the kid if that's all they won't. You can't put a price on a peice of mind.

But if they call you to make peace, bro do it for the sake of your son. Growing up without a father figure is a disaster. Someone will never recover from it. Remember nobody can ever raise your kids like yourself.

But you need to man up. The reason why you should not go back there again is that you have been doing that for so long that they took advantage of it. They are now comfortable with your actions, telling her to chill. You will come as usual. That's a big drama. It's not good for the kid.

Think about everything and go with what your mind tells you.

Good luck bro. Life isn't perfect!

The sacrifices won't be equal in every instance but there's something fundamentally wrong if only 1 person is making sacrifices all the time.

Chii59:

Even in making sacrifices, it's not always 50-50 at a time. Sometimes 70-30, 20-80. And so on. The only problem is where only one person is making the bulk of the sacrifices to keep the relationship afloat. Sometimes you go out of your way to do something that otherwise you won't do just for peace.

kristian56:


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I don loss.
Guy, what's your point?

Na ad

Chii59:

I don loss.
Guy, what's your point?

You are right, but remember you can't Force someone to be with you. When you go 70- 30, it shows someone is forcing the relationship.

That's a huge margin.

Chii59:

Even in making sacrifices, it's not always 50-50 at a time. Sometimes 70-30, 20-80. And so on. The only problem is where only one person is making the bulk of the sacrifices to keep the relationship afloat. Sometimes you go out of your way to do something that otherwise you won't do just for peace.

cooooooks:
Na ad

*Laughs in capital letters.*
For a moment, I was confused.

bishopjoe02:


I understand bro, I no you are the man, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, not because you are weak, but because you no better.

To be sincere with you moving on is not easy, I have be there bro, the best way you can really move on easily is when she actually drive you away with her attitude, this you will only know when you actually make that call. From the little she have done, you can't move on, cos you don't even no who is right or wrong at the moment

Pls do make this call, I swear it takes nothing from you.

When you make this call, pls don't insult her, dont prove she was wrong, just make a normal call. Even if you have nothing to say just dail the number, if she really miss you once she pick, the discussion will just flow.

Just do it, so that you no, you tried your best to make the marriage work

Arrrrrrrrrrh, I'll try my best to call her, but not easy at all even as I'm imagining it right now. But what could be the kind if advice she's getting from her family or friends now?

multiple4u:
You are right, but remember you can't Force someone to be with you. When you go 70- 30, it shows someone is forcing the relationship.

That's a huge margin.

You don't measure these stuffs. It's just an example. But if you're the one always going the extra mile, you'll begin to feel the strain which is not good at all.

Rtk5:
Arrrrrrrrrrh, I'll try my best to call her, but not easy at all even as I'm imagining it right now. But what could be the kind if advice she's getting from her family or friends now?

STOP OVERTHINKING. DO YOU WANT HER OR NOT!!!!

Chii59:

Gbam.
Guy, as much as I believe in people trying to make it work, I believe a divorce or separation is better than being at each others throat.
Whatever your decisions are, MAKE SURE YOUR DAUGHTER DOES NOT SUFFER FOR THIS.

The issue on ground is too little to call for divorce, most marriage have seen worst, but such marriage is still standing because one of the spouse value the relationship and he/she is determine to say I am sorry even when he/she is not wrong.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, two adults from different background living together is a lot of work, the marriage is just 3 years old according to op, if they have survive the last three years no matter the challenge (because this challenge didn't start today) they can also try to makes things work this time

Chii59:

Let me be honest, I used to have issues with malice cos I'm a very sensitive person.
It cost me good men.
And I decided that I won't continue along that line.
Pride is very destructive.
And even now, I can't date someone who keeps malice. I didn't know how malice hurt. Till I worked as an apprentice to a person who was a serial malice keeper.
Once she felt offended, she won't talk to me from morning to night for DAYS on end.
I was so frustrated, cos it kept happening from time to time. I had enough one day and left.

Wow

It's a very toxic trait actually

Those doing it dont understand how badly it affects others

Exactly! Looks like her family is full of dramatic people! They just accepted her back. Her mom is also an irresponsible woman. She's in her husband house, yet she's accommodating another man's wife!

Shame!

Rtk5:
A reasonable family will bring her back to her husband's house & inquire what happened but why will they always believe whatever she tells them without hearing from me. I'm not suppose to call her or go there?

A reasonable family will ask her, did he send you out of the house no matter what she tells them

multiple4u:
It looks like there's more to that story.

But for how long would she be running back and forth to their family and your home?

Let me tell you this bro. It's hard to get a husband! How old is your wife? Maybe she's still very young. If she's in her late 20s, I bet you, she won't be doing this.

When a woman is ready for marriage, she stays and work on it. You have mentioned you have been going to her family house each time she runs back home. Bro that's very disrespectful!

If she loves you, she won't be disrespecting you. Is she the one wearing the trouser in your marriage or are you the man of the house?

Mind you, your inlaws have already concluded that your are so incompetent that's why they just ignored you. No reasonable family would have ignored the ugly situation of their daughter coming back home with someone's else son. If you have paid her pride price, chill! That man will always be your son.

But if you haven't, maybe that's why they kept quiet. They want to keep the kid.

Your wife also doesn't care about you at all. Such a disrespectful woman.

Let them raise the kid if that's all they won't. You can't put a price on a peice of mind.

But if they call you to make peace, bro do it for the sake of your son. Growing up without a father figure is a disaster. Someone will never recover from it. Remember nobody can ever raise your kids like yourself.

But you need to man up. The reason why you should not go back there again is that you have been doing that for so long that they took advantage of it. They are now comfortable with your actions, telling her to chill. You will come as usual. That's a big drama. It's not good for the kid.

Think about everything and go with what your mind tells you.

Good luck bro. Life isn't perfect!

You've spoken excellently well, I really don't wanna call or go to the house again since I've done that severally, sincerely I'm sorry to say this but I'm ready to leave the child for them & pretend I never had a child. That's what they want, they wanna use the child as an edge against me, always expecting me to come. What is hindering her from coming to pack all her stuffs here if she wanna move on cos 98% of her things are in my house. I've packed & packaged every of her things & kept them in a corner.

multiple4u:
Exactly! Looks like her family is full of dramatic people! They just accepted her back. Her mom is also an irresponsible woman. She's in her husband house, yet she's accommodating another man's wife!

Shame!

You just hit the nail. their house is full of dramatic people. She has about 8 siblings & all her women. Most of them are in their second marriages, some have given birth elsewhere & dropped the child with the mum so they could marry again.

bishopjoe02:


The issue on ground is too little to call for divorce, most marriage have seen worst, but such marriage is still standing because one of the spouse value the relationship and he/she is determine to say I am sorry even when he/she is not wrong.

Marriage is not a bed of roses, two adults from different background living together is a lot of work, the marriage is just 3 years old according to op, if they have survive the last three years no matter the challenge (because this challenge didn't start today) they can also try to makes things work this time

You're right. Mentioning divorce is just an option as an outsider that I am. I don't know how badly damaged their relationship with one another is.
But I prefer two people to be separated than at each others throat.

Chii59:
STOP OVERTHINKING. DO YOU WANT HER OR NOT!!!!

I want her

Rtk5:
I want her

I think you know what to do.
After all these long talk back and forth on nairaland. Advices here and there.
The final decision rests on the two of you.
I'm more concerned about your child.

Rtk5:
Arrrrrrrrrrh, I'll try my best to call her, but not easy at all even as I'm imagining it right now. But what could be the kind if advice she's getting from her family or friends now?

No matter what advice she is receiving from anyone now, does not count, if she really love and miss you, those advice will be nothing once she hear your voice, she is your wife, you no her better than anyone now.

All the questions you have now can only be answer once you made that call.

If you make that call now, one of two things will difinitely happen, is either she misses you and you guys have a wonderful discussion and iron things out, or it leads to another quarrel, in all you will know you have done your best.

Come of it bro, you can't just throw away your marriage without given in your best to make it work. No matter who is wrong or right here.
I am not saying she right or wrong here, I am telling you to fight for what you love, forget I am the man stuff for once, even if things didn't work out, you will know you did your best.

I don't no her, I believe she is worth you taking this shame (of calling her first) for.

Another woman is no no, i know you didn't plan your life to have a second wife.

All the questions and doubt you have can only be answered with that call, you making that call does not guarantee things will become better, but you will just clear your conscience with it.

Remember when you finally do, no insult, no shouting, no need proving she was wrong, just make a normal call to your wife. If the conversation pick up, then you both can iron the issue with a clear mind

Rtk5:
If they want to hold the child just to get me coming to beg, let them have the child but I'll never go to beg. I'll never step my foot at their house neither will I ever call her line. I know what I'm saying, why will I always be the one going to meet her family anytime we have issues, why won't they ever come to me. When its obvious your daughter is at fault. Well, I don't know what she told them this time around.

Reading your reponse so far i just don't get why you are here or you don't seem like you need advice, you got everything figured out is vibe i get.
If it was just a bf & gf r/ship or even marriage without a baby yet bro i would av been on your side 100% and am not even on your wife side rather i stand for your baby ... it make sense if you feel nothing or don't miss your wife buh ignoring your child in all of these is what i can't fathom. You should be more focus on ensuring nothing disrupt your presence in that childs life, i don't know anything about love buh i will swallow a grenade for my own child, how much more just to swallow your pride.
My advice to you is let her feel she have her way this time, then you restrategize on how to take charge apparently you've not been in charge like since ... you can't take charge over her when she not even present. Remember to catch a monkey you must act like a monkey ... no be say you foolish. take up the challenge n solve her man