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Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:41am On Sep 04, 2018
thorpido:
You can meet the mom but you don't have to talk too much or get on the defensive.Just narrate what happened,tempers were flared and it happened and you are sorry about it.
You are human so don't 'hang yourself'.

Yeah that’s what I plan on doing but hopefully it doesn’t back fire.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:40am On Sep 04, 2018
extremelygolden:



We understand your situation, but kindly listen to the numerous advise experienced married people have already given you here. Believe me that your husband's heart is 24/7 at home with you, but he's using manipulate measure to punish you for going physical with him and you can't kill yourself because he has decided to be so unforgiving.

He doesn't know that the journey of a marriage is not a year journey. It lasts a life time. So the earlier he realizes that and braces up to maturity, the better for him. Just few months into marriage and he is already exposing his family's issue to everybody. He probably has never stumbled on or heard the Bible verse that says "so shall A MAN leaves his mother and his father and shall CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE and the Two shall become ONE". He thought marriage is a bed of roses. He better come back home and stop behaving like a secondary school boy.

I’m still in shock but too stressed and others to deal with to express my shock.

The other painful part is even if I’m reducing doing anything anymore, my dad is t resting, he even complained of his health and all that he’s not happy... young marriage and we are doing this. Have we spoken, is he back home, what did he say etc this is the conversation 100 times in a day from my dad
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 12:38am On Sep 04, 2018
NoToPile:
I don't know why I find the 'You have to prove to me before I come back home' statement funny, a bit manipulative and also having a dash of childishness within.

He's immature.

I wonder if the tables were turned and you hold this stance his family haboring him will see things this way. So nobody in his family can even say son it's okay she's apologised, kindly go back home. You mean no one shocked

What's with all the 'they forgive you' that you said his mum is telling you, what's with all the calling his siblings and all that paparazi on top this matter. You still have to go for a press conference detailing what led to and how the push occured at his mum's

Anyway get him home anyway you have to but be prepared for other matters arising from this

Honestly that statement made me mad but no way to express it so I took it as showing affection and all even though now I may have to cut down the affection since his head is still strong. Telling me he can feel I’m remorseful and sorry now that it’s just him clearing his head for a bit etc

As for no one in his family talking to him, I can’t say because I haven’t spoken to anyone else, no one has reached out except the mother but it has really thought me a big lesson. You are really on your own when the chips are down. Only his mum has been my support and looking out for me. It just makes me feel like when everything is back to normal, I would withdraw from his whole family I.e siblings and cousin etc or limit my relationship with them if they couldn’t stand up for me and also being that they are all way older than me and married.

The. Suiting the Mum is more like me apologizing to her I’m person but wanting to also express a bit of th issue from my own side.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:26pm On Sep 03, 2018
House please is it okay as I see his Mum tomorrow to narrate every single thing to her even though it’s the past. My dad said there was no need to move on and just try to fix things but I’m worried about the damage about me. Even if it wouldn’t change anything as long as blood is thicker than water, can I just for the sake of my sanity?

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:17pm On Sep 03, 2018
drnoel:


grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
The work is between two of u.
U know what to do.
Rent a small bungalow, bring his favourite meal there and kill him with sex. Then u guys settle/talk out the issue in the morning. It always works.
Never listen to anything they advice here cos they won't do what they tell u

I’m sure even my sex drive is so dead ‘cos of the embarrassment and hurt he has caused me. I’m more like after mending things for the tables to Turn.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 3:16pm On Sep 03, 2018
biterkola:


My point is that even a 2 year old can see you are being manipulated.

You both got into an argument ,you pushed him and he pushed you. Everyone is saying you are violent.He also pushed you back which should now cancel out but you seem to be too engrossed with accepting this your new violent person tag.

Nowhere have I seen that you defended yourself, explaining your own side.Its all them say them say.Did any one glue your mouth? He's making you look bad and you are taking it happily.That is why I'm questioning your self esteem.He sullied your name to everyone,I find it odd that you seem quite complacent about it. I'm suspecting that the problem is worse than you've written.

A mature adult would not leave his home after he and his wife insulted and shoved each other.

My irritation is this whole bringing him home gist.Did you chase him out? NO.Did you ask him to leave? NO.He walked out by himself,it's not your job to bring him back.You have apologised,are you supposed to cut off your hand too to prove yourself?ah ah..which kind of talk is this?You should stop giving excuses for bad behaviour.

You both are at fault,you should sit and talk.A man
especially one who is older is expected to lead by example,keep his family together,gently steer discussions the right way,command respect by his behaviour.

You said you insulted him by asking why he was unmarried at his age/married late? Now you have your answer.I bet no one was able to tolerate his behaviour.

Older man that is supposed to be petting you and being very indulgent,you are now the one begging with conditions placed ontop when the marriage never cook.


'Yes,we had an argument,yes I pushed you and I was wrong,I'm very sorry.You also pushed me and said very hurtful words.I expect us to have an adult conversation and discuss how to manage our anger so that this doesn't happen again".


You'd better learn what your limits asap and set your boundaries.

I have mentioned before that you sound desperate,it's not a crime.As long as you are aware that the situation is not healthy and that you are enabling a manipulative person,fine.

Any married person will tell you that once you set this tone in the beginning of a marriage and don't rectify it by drawing a line in the ground, prepare to live like this forever.

Shalom!






Makes more sense!!! I’m going to see his Mum tomorrow so I would be able to talk and say my own side. No one glued my mind but remember they are his immediate family, cousins, brother etc, I didn’t even know when he went there and started telling them stories.

I will be able to talk to the Mum tomorrow by God’s Grace.

My dad is saying I don’t need to be bringing up the past that I need to focus on fixing the marriage but I feel deep down I should also let the Mum know some of the words he says and said to me and that he pushed me back.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:40am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


This is what you don't understand, it is not about only you, he is manipulative, tomorrow it will be your silence that will be the problem. You both have issues but he has manipulated you to be the only one to take responsibility and you will be walking on egg shells not to get him upset again.

Nobody says walk away, we say ignore him too let him also understand you both did wrong and you need work but sadly you are a little desperate and he knows that and fully exploits it

I now understand what you mean and where you are coming from. I agree with you. I guess I was or doing all these things so that when I eventually stop if it’s still there no one both on my family side and his would be able to use anything against me.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:32am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly the tables won't turn. It will get worse and he will exploit your fear of what people will say to continue to manipulate you next time it will be worse

I hope it wouldn’t get worse by me not ever being physical again but also limiting my words more like insults but I would still be myself and one day, we would remember this incident he did and caused me.

I decide to walk away now, what impression does that give me? Violent woman? Woman that pushed her husband? Etc
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:31am On Sep 03, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly the tables won't turn. It will get worse and he will exploit your fear of what people will say to continue to manipulate you next time it will be worse

I hope it wouldn’t get worse by me not ever being physical again but also limiting my words more like insults but I would still be myself and one day, we would remember this incident he did and caused me.

I decide to walk away now, what impression does that give me? Violent woman? Woman that pushed her husband? Etc
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:29am On Sep 03, 2018
biterkola:
Unfortunately you sound like someone with serious self esteem issues,you pushed him,he pushed you,you both exchanged words,I don't see why he's acting all the drama and you are doing like someone who has no back bone.

Stop hiding under "what will people say" ,come out and own your desperation,I even smell it from your write ups.Its not a crime please,someone must always have the upper hand in any relationship.Its clear your husband not only has that but is using you to play ball & you are going round in circles trying to decieve yourself, claiming other people are coercing you/forcing you to do babiyana..

You may have a needy personality,there's no crime in that,own it.

Your life,your choice.

Keep begging,he will leave again and you must continue begging.

You won't be the first ,you won't be the last.




Self esteem issues? I wish that was the case, unfortunately it is not the case at all. Maybe I’m not explaining well in my typing or words but it has nothing to do with self esteem. His whole family are right here, he has gone to open my unclothedness right before the whole world even some cousins with the power that I was violent. I pushed him etc which even the Mum had told me once it became physical that was going too far.

So with the support from everyone around him and The impression I was violent, even my own father is telling me to have to mend things especially not wanting a broken marriage etc you g marriage and also being the one who was violent so that’s where I’m powerless. Maybe if I didn’t push him, I would have been singing a different tune. We would have fought and abused verbally but all I keep hearing everyday is I pushed him.

I’m only trying to bring him back home. I am not apologizing anymore. I just want him back home and yes for peace sake and for the outside world then to now hope with time, the tables would turn because he has hurt me sooo bad by exposing me to the world.

I just thank God he blessed me with a Good mother in law.

Trust me when I say if I had my way, I would have walked out since not because he is a bad person but this action alone, I would have walked away.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:24am On Sep 03, 2018
addictiv:


Have you tried to reach out to the said family and friends by yourself? I bet you they may be unhappy but not as bad as he is painting it. I feel he is saying all this to put you under pressure to do what he wants. You will be surprised that some of them might be pushing him to come back and mend his home. They look at you through his eyes and that of his stories, I think it's time they get to know you on a personal level and form an independent opinion of you. Try and get closer to them not just because of this issue but for future sake. If you knew how badly You need those family people in your corner you would be sending them flowers every Sunday.

Wow wise words and advice.

Yes I have more like only his mother but my father has spoken to his dad. I’m very close to the Mum and she has reached out to me several times. I can’t start calling his siblings at least just yet and they being older and all, the relationship isn’t going to be all that.

The Mum is actually very sweet to me and has told me they forgive me etc, that I could come down to see her tomorrow. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to share my own side. The Mum said she’s even tired of the way things are being handled, that it is enough, she will talk to him again.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 9:14pm On Sep 02, 2018
ststyreal:

I am sorry to say this but reading this particular piece , I must say that your husband is being childish honestly... Two makes home and not one. Sure you must have offended him but knowing what marriage is, it is bound to happen hence, it now behoves on you two to fight to make your home stable. It isn't just you alone, him too must show commitment towards making a peaceful home. Thank goodness you have apologised to him. Marriage works when both partners accept, believe and work towards its success. Your husband must come back home and stop playing this childish game. He is the head of the home and should take charge.
And as for you madam, let this be the last time you will ever talk back or push your husband again no matter what. When he is provoked, give him the silence treatment if you can't respond calmly ... I am married and going to a decade now, so i am just giving you the formular I oftenly use. May God make your home a peaceful one amen!

Yeah I have learnt my lessons already and Amen! When we even spoke I. Entwined that to him, that as newly weds, was it out of the worldI pushed you that you had to expose me to the world and be out of the house for days when we are still understanding ourselves. He said he knows we are two different people blah blah, but this is the way he would handle it, that he is different from th next Person.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 9:05pm On Sep 02, 2018
bigl:


My dear sister, are you telling me, if you were single and you were offered a job in say UK where you don't know anyone, you now have a quarrel with your boss, you will start feeling somehow cos you are not in your comfort zone? What is that? See, I won't agree with you on that. Learn to be confident always, ok? Your daughters/sons will need you to help them with their personal confidence and if you, that they look up to has confidence issues, how will you help them? Be confident, no matter what, ok?

Ohh, So he's convinced you are remorseful, ehn? How did he get to know that? Your hubby should join Odunlade Adekola to act comedy. He has come to his senses lil by lil and instead of apologizing, he is simply using scope to want to come back home. Anyway, I'm glad he is coming around.

See, that aspect of facing his family, not being able to look them in the face etc is bullshit! Its only in your mind and a popular preacher once said something and I'll tell you: "If you can kill it in your mind, you can kill it in your life".

Its just a damn feeling and you just have to kill it to be able to move forward and to the next level.

Confidence and wisdom are 2 keys things you need. Every other thing is secondary in this case.

You've really not done anything waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of this world. We've seen some women stab their husbands right in the head and nothing happened. They are still happily married and doing fine.

Stop feeling bad jare and go get yourself some chicken and chips with cold bottle of red wine. Everything will work out, ok?

I can’t believe I just laughed for the first time since at your last sentence lol

But thank you for for these. Would go with this logic to help me through.

I was surprised when he said I sounded remorseful. The annoying part though was he had actually called my poor father in Nigeria as if everything wasn’t enough to tell my dad how he wasn’t still back home but I am sounding remorseful and just wants to be assured we wouldn’t fight again blah blah... I was like gush why would he have to call my dad again?

2 Likes

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:57pm On Sep 02, 2018
addictiv:

This is a power grab... Dont fall for it or else you will regret it in future. You have a manipulative man who will use your weakness against you.. He'll even make you reveal those weaknesses and then turn around to hang you with it. Dont do anything, just be mature and objective. Focus on yourself and your work and he will come around on his own. What you don't know is this man can't stay without you. He lives off validation. Even if he wants to the peer group around him won't let him do it. He cares about what people think and that's why he is going about telling everyone his story. If you go rolling on the floor begging him to come back, guess what story that everyone will hear? Also whenever you guys have an argument guess what he will do? He wants to show the world that you want him more than he wants you and You have a chance to put
Him in place by standing your ground. Be nice to everyone including his family members and friends. Do a hostile takeover of his support group and peers by winning them to your side. When he discovers he is standing alone he will find his way home. But don't ever give up your position else you ll be begging him for the rest of your life.

The last sentence Be nice to his family members and friends?? How? When they are the ones somewhat against me or according to him people around him telling him the time apart is good while others telling him to not go back, according to him. Or the same family members he has told things about me and they are disappointed?

I am focusing on myself and once in a while show a bit of affection so in the end it’s not like I did not try.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:54pm On Sep 02, 2018
Eketem:


Sadly she has refused to see this despite male and female posters telling her, she just wants him back to avoid what people will say

Trust me when I say I know these things. I am even shocked. But what will the world say or what they see, what he is holding on to and people see is I was physical. I pushed him so it surpasses all things. Trust me I want to give up but since the aim is to bring him back home at least and for peace to reign. Hopefully with time, the tables would turn.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:52pm On Sep 02, 2018
Mznaett:



Try to change this "What they may say" mindset cus it's not helping you at all.

I know I should. I just can’t help but think of it a bit, more like “ Me against the world” or “The world against me”.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 2:06pm On Sep 02, 2018
bigl:


You have to learn to live irrespective of what people think/say about you.

And don't allow this lil things to eat you up. You sound like an introvert. You know, someone extremely introverted and that's probably your weakness which your hubby is capitalizing on.

Even if you didn't have a fight with your hubby, your inlaws might still work against you. Its one of those things.

Your hubby and mother inlaw are playing a game and you have to learn to be a grandmaster.

She knows it is not right for your husband/her son to pack out of the house and instead of correcting that, they are simply making you feel bad for everything.

You are a couple and its just 2 of you or did you get married to more than one man on your wedding day? Or married to his fam?

See, keep your fingers crossed and let everyone run their mouth. After a while, they will get so busy fighting their own demons that won't even have time for you.

As per your hubby saying you have to work to make him come back home, he is seriously sleeping on okada if that's what he is waiting for.

Next time he tells you that, ask him politely "what exactly do you want me to work on so you can come back?" "Pls tell me cos i'm willing to work so you can come back".

I'm sure he will dodge the question.

Relax jare. He is simply a spoilt kid who grew up being begged even when he did something wrong.

My aunt got married to such man who ended up killing her in 2014. He died too 2017 and guess what? Left their untrained children doing as they like.

Don't end up that way ok? Don't let these things eat your soul and cause you to be depressed.

Yeah but that’s going to be the very hard part not just him coming home. It is not just going to be easy recovering and being amongst his people. Remember I am the woman here, married into his own family in which all of them are even located here so any family function or activities, I would have to be or mostly there so I can’t really escape. Would I be frowning when I get there or what? It’s hard.

Also I’m not an introvert, the difference is just I’m not in my comfort zone. I just moved here after getting married, family isn’t here, have t started working so a whole lot to settle in here.

We spoke again today and he said he’s now convinced that I am truly remorseful and all that.. that it is now his own part to get past the hurt, that aside the pushing, the fact I insulted him back by saying at his old age, he didn’t marry early or that’s why he didn’t marry early which was a response to the hurtful words he said he said to me. He said that even though he said hurtful words to me, should I have responded?

The only part I may need help or let me not say help but God should help me is just the after,ath. Facing everyone.

1 Like

Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 2:00pm On Sep 02, 2018
Mznaett:



You see?


And he's still being manipulative?

He's only acting this funny because he has his family there who of course, would support him...


But then, I'd suggest you give yourself brain and let him be...


Exactly the fact, his whole family and even mine are right behind me. Even when we spoke today, he was saying if he didn’t care etc he would have listened to what people have been saying that he shouldn’t come back, he should stay apart for some time etc.... My anger to these even though I can’t pin point who said what, if they are married at least all his family members are, are they saying 5eir marriage has been so sweet and all?
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 1:59pm On Sep 02, 2018
generationz:

then he was also violent.
he is also emotionally abusive


he has a lot of work to do on himself likewise

do whatever is necessary to have your marriage back.

But take prayers seriously . pray that the holyspirit gives him wisdom to be the head of the family. Its not easy being a woman in Africa.

Thank you so much for your advice especially the prayer part. I would do my best. As you said being a woman is not easy. No one know he pushed me or such, what stands is I pushed even if he did, it was his response to mine etc.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 11:18am On Sep 02, 2018
generationz:


wait did he push you ?

Yes when I pushed he reacted and threw me to be the bed.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 10:22am On Sep 02, 2018
bigl:


Hmmmm.... its very normal for couples to run into arguments/quarrels etc BUT the concept of maturity must never be left out of the equation.

And yes, you pushed him, so what? Did he bang his head on sharp knife? What about the emotional/verbal abuse he spewed out of his mouth? That's provocation if you ask me and please don't even think I'm trying to give excuses for you but I want you to see things from an outsider point of view.

I am happily married and yes, myself and my wife do have heated arguments. She gets me mad and sometimes I shout but trust me, once those seconds are over, I make sure we pray together; get up early and help her heat up water for her bath, etc.

But the aspect of him reporting you to either his/your family is a f.ucking no no! When u guys wanted to get intimate back then, did he ask for permission from his/your mum? So why in heavens name would he do that?

Cos even when the matter dies down in yours/his heart/mind, trust me, it will never be forgotten by those he told.

Your husband made a terrible mistake and I can confidently say he is not mature one bit.

And to make matters worse, he moved out of the house?? grin grin grin grin Ohh lawd! Where did you get involved with a child?

See, i'm not gonna feed u any depressants or pet you cos chloroquine tastes bitter but cures malaria; hence, i'll tell u the bitter truth:

Leave Him Alone! He needs to grow his tail.

See, I have a lady who happens to be an inlaw to me and also, married to someone like your husband. He has also packed out of the house and left the wife alone. This is to tell you this stuff isn't new to me.

He needs to be left alone to grow his tail so allow him to spend as much time as he can. You are the one who is in love with him and he isn't reciprocating the love you have for him.

Find something doing to keep your mind busy.

You have apologized and done all you can. What else does he want? Biko, live your life, ok? I may sound hard but trust me, some people won't get their grind until nobody pets them.


That’s the other part killing me and eating my soul, that even after we make up, how and which face would I be using to be visiting his family members? Am I going to ever be comfortable and it is a forever thing now.

As much as I tell myself to ignore and just let him be, all eyes are on me which makes it difficult. The other time the Mum called me, she said I had not called my husband when I didn’t see him home, she was like wow, did I just stay comfortable so I had to explain to her I did call but he didn’t pick, the first time he moved out of the house.

Secondly he had said when we spoke, that if I feel ignoring him and letting him would mend things that I am wrong.. That I have to prove to him and show him why he should come back home.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 10:18am On Sep 02, 2018
generationz:


the push, to what extent was it done

Did he fall down ,injure himself or just stagger.

BTW. I don't condone violence in any form but I just want to form an opinion
also this particular fight has very little to do with you leaving your job to marry him. Except those wear part of the things he used in taunting you.

There isn't much that you can do apart from what you've already done. As you have said he uses your weaknesses and secrets against you and gossips about them with his family. That is a distasteful trait for a man to have

He seems like one with a huge ego

He said when I pushed him, he fell back, his elbow is still hurting him, he even has a mark etc that what if there was a sharp object. He had pushed me back and I hit my nose which bled. He mentioned what if as he pushed me back and I had hit my head etc.

Not that he gossips about my secrets and weaknesses to his family but anytime we do have a fight or argument, he brings them out and uses them to insult me...
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 10:15am On Sep 02, 2018
cruchenutii:


look madame, the most important thing is that.

(1) You recognized your mistake
(2) You apologized
(3) You want move on & be a better wife

Just have it in mind that anyone who wants you to do more after a sincere apology & a sober heart have other reasons for keeping away from you [ please investigate him well ].

Time is always a factor in healing, he will get over it with time. Just show him more affection for now, do your best & leave the rest for God.

That’s what I’ve been doing for now even though to be honest, it’s so hard.. someone that would disgrace you like this to the public, you are expected to still be messaging saying how much you love him, miss him, calling him etc.... Very hard but I have no choice.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 10:13am On Sep 02, 2018
henmaris:
To tell u the truth, ur husband is very manipulative. U both abused each other, be it verbally or physically. For him to cling on that u were physical is him just trying to be smart and turn the table on u. U have apologize which is great and i would expect him to do same. Also, do not pretend to be who u are not. Just promise him that it'll never happen again and u would like him to come home so u both can start afresh. Thats all u can do.

To tell u the truth ur husband is so immature to have wash u guys dirty linens in public, yes his family and urs is public and shouldn't know everything going on in ur home.

NB don't succumb to silly manipulations, be urself. He must be a mommy's boy to think he's one little king whom u have to proof a point to.

To be honest, I’m still in shock how this was exposed to the whole world and not just him telling them I was physical, I remember the Mum telling me he also told her I used to call him momma’s boy, told him that’s why he wasn’t married early etc.. that is adding fire but didn’t say the words he said to me. As we stand now, it’s his words against mine... No one has heard mine because as it is It’s my fault, I pushed and I have to bring him back...
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 9:13pm On Sep 01, 2018
megastu:
Sorry about that OP,

One of the disadvantages or even advantage of living abroad is that you must love your partner. Both of you MUST be close, because you get to spend a lot of time together unlike Nigeria where there are loads of things to do.

Do not be too hard on yourself. Arguments do happen and if couple love themselves, they will make up. Just keep calling him and tell him you miss him, that he is the king of your life, your home etc.

Tell him you wont ever shout back at him again. He will come home. If he still decides not to come after this ehn, then the problem is not you.

NB: When he returns, make sure you give him a hot session. Thank me later.

Exactly you got it. If I was in Naija, a lot to occupy my mind but here and not just because it’s abroad but I really don’t know or have anyone here.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:39pm On Sep 01, 2018
Rizzoli:


If I continue this way, u may just give yourself heartache ,, u don't need to make excuse for him, so does it mean for every offense he leaves home ,he is also wrong to do that.2 wrongs don't make one right.
He knows he's punishing you by staying away and you are justifying it, then i personally don't think it should be that way.u re meant to be in this together,no apart.

But it's up to you tho, advice will be given but the ultimate choice is urs..

I’m not justifying his actions at all. Just doing my own part.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 8:38pm On Sep 01, 2018
ednut1:
I keep asking myself. Do i need to get married with all this bs we see online .

Just pray for a good partner and be a good one yourself. Commit, Compromise, Love, tolerate, Forgive etc
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 7:02pm On Sep 01, 2018
thorpido:
How did you meet and marry?Was it a long distance thing or match-making?I feel he really doesn't respect you or love you.

You have only one choice now.Get busy with yourself.Get into your works and take up hobbies to keep you busy.You will have to call his bluff and make yourself happy.Start to act like you really got things to do.It will cause him to wake up.
If he still doesn't seem to be forthcoming,one thing you will gain from this is to not having your husband treat you like a slave (guess he brought you abroad).

I wouldn’t say he didn’t love me or so... I mean he has done so much for me to prove himself and it wasn’t a match making thing, when he came to Naija to visit we met and in a year we were together almost every month spending a month, 3weeks etc

I think me acting like I don’t care isn’t going to help matters cos as I have said he is on the winning end both from my people and his and I was the one who pushed/ violence etc. And he has said me deciding to be quiet won’t help matters. I have to prove to him etc.

He didn’t bring me abroad. We got married and I moved. I schooled abroad and loved for a while before going back to Naija and I come from a very big, rich family soIm not suffering or so. We just got married and I moved.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 6:57pm On Sep 01, 2018
LordKO:


E.g. you can go through his father, cry to him and pray him to help plead to him on your behalf - he'll call him while you're there crying, to his notice of course - to return home to you. Once more, it's an unwise thing to do, but it's a good thing that you understand the need to do it before taking the hard stance that will make or mar the union permanently.


I wish it was that easy. I don’t even have the liver or heart to even go to their house yet though as I’ve said I’ve spoken to the Mum twice already and she just told me to take of myself as he isn’t back that God will perfect everything etc
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 6:55pm On Sep 01, 2018
thorpido:
Stop worrying so much about what they are saying or thinking of you.You have to develop a thick skin.There is more to come in marriage or else you will have them walk all over you.

Thank you. I would try, I just can’t help it. Imagine them having a family function, all of them together full house and I’m there... I used to be free before, imagine all eyes on me looking at me like violent wife, bad wife etc

I remember when the Mum spoke to me how she said she was shocked and disappointed in me, a young, pretty woman would push her husband and all.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 6:54pm On Sep 01, 2018
Rizzoli:


You did wrong by touching or pushing him wen u had an argument, pls for whatever reason, never do that again you could end up commuting murder unintentionally, plsss if u cnt take the insult walk away till u calm down. I beg u

Having said this, this is the first and its good he called ur people not his, he still respects your dad. If he picks your call, call him at a time u feel he will be free, sincerely apologize and take responsibility for ur actions ,admit you made a mistake and you won't repeat it again. Tell him you will appreciate if both of you can work this together and you still want him back hone as your husband..... Watevwe he says determines wat happens, if he doesn't agree, pls let him be and try to find something to keep u busy.

Wen u apologize, u free your self and experience peace, find time to call your people just to chat with them to keep u busy too, but don't mention the issue, just get busy with good ppl.Focus on your work and be pleasant to the people you meet,live life and enjoy living it...Everyone makes mistakes and u have acknowledged urs, pls don't dwell in it for too long..

If a man loves u and wants you, he will come back to U, if he has something else keeping him out u can't force him back to you,




If only it was as easy as you have written.

I admit I did wrong by touching/pushing him and I have apologized, even to his people... My dad even called from zinger is and apologized on my behalf.
To only did he call my people, he had reported to his own people before even calling my dad. So yes His whole family are aware not just his mum and dad but brother and sister and their respective partners I.e husband and wife

He isn’t ignoring my calls. We speak and talk. He said he even feels bad leaving me all alone st home especially when I have no one here but he has to do to this. I have to prove to him why he should come back home now. I have to work it out. And if I decide to give him space and not do anything, then it shows I’m not willing to work this marriage.

My dad has even told me to be humble and even play the fool but I haven’t even told my dad he’s yet to be back home.

Someone else was telling me maybe what he means is for to be showing affection from here.

I just don’t know.
Family / Re: Very Sad Woman - Marital Woes by Sadgirl1281: 5:16pm On Sep 01, 2018
LordKO:
Notionally, physical abuse and verbal vitriol - because they can be perceived - are worse than emotional and psychological abuses, but factually they aren't. You've a subjugator - the worst type - as a husband. He'll use both emotional entanglement and disparagement to kill you slowly.

He's of the manipulative ethical leanings. If truly you don't share this same vices of attributes/ethical leanings with him (I don't pity people of the manipulative ethical leanings), give him ultimatum - professional counselling won't help him much, instead he must make self-conscious decision to change for good - to either embrace a change of ethical leanings or both of you go your separate ways. However, don't give him ultimatum if you can't carry it out. He has to make self-conscious decision (both of you have to individually make a promise to each other and live by it) to be relating with you, both in words and actions, conscientiously.

In his present disposition (and if he's to maintain it), to have his understanding/be in his good book requires you being resourceful, productive and most importantly servile towards him - which is unwise.

As for his immediate demand from you, he expects a servile disposition from you. Maybe, you can lower your guard and use any servile action you can perfect to bring him home - play this one time fool for him - before marshalling out the ultimatum above.


That’s what I am trying to do, play the fool to bring him back home but he’s just making it so difficult that’s why I’m here asking what am I to do from here?

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