Good evening nairalanders, I'm sorry but this is going to be quite an episode.

I got married barely two months ago, February precisely. I'm In my late thirties, 28 years precisely and my wife Is 24 years old, during the buildup and period of my marriage there was lot's of problems and confusion.

It started when my wife. (then girlfriend) got pregnant (September precisely) immediately after we found out things seems to be going smoothly until November last year when she popped the question "when are we getting married" I told her that I'm not yet ready for marriage but I'm willing to do introduction, that night was hell for me.

Note, it wasn't hell and shocking to me because of what happened that night, it was shocking to me because it was the very first time she asked me such a question, and her reaction was shocking to me. If she has previously asked me this particular question severally and I'm not telling her what she wanted to hear I'd have understood why she reacted In such a way and manner, but it was the very first time she was throwing that question on me.

Back to what happened that night. Immediately I told her that I wasn't ready for marriage she started crying and laying curses on me, that I'm wicked, after suffering with me etc, then I responded that she never suffered with me that this should be the very last time that she should utter such word, I said so because she has been uttering it frequently on any slight quarrel, but on that faithful night, I couldn't take it any longer I told her that you suffered with me and I have two A.C on both parlor and room before I met you, that you suffered with me and I have a 75 inch TV, freezer, inverter, luxury center table, dstv etc. You suffered with me because of what, that I'm living in a self contain, or don't have my own house or car. This is someone that I'm feeding on a daily basis back then that I'm still a tenant and yet to have my own house, we went to eatery to eat almost on a weekly basis, to the extend that she refused to go to her parents house for months.

Back to the topic, she fought me that night from 10pm to 3am, after that night she kept popping up the question almost on a daily basis and it always leads to quarrel, arguments and fights, it came to a point that she began threatening me with suicide, holding knife that she's going to stab herself, using rope to tie her neck with all her strength which normally ends with her having reddish eye's, coughing, etc until I intervene, there was a day she drank tiles wash liquid, and hypo, that night I gave her oil, and nothing happened to her, that was the deal breaker, I finally agreed to proceed with the marriage, because I was scared that If anything should happen to her then I'd go to prison for the rest of my life and my life Is over.

Note I have 4.3 million naira on my account as at then, and I intend using the money to start up a business, as I wasn't doing anything. It is also worthy to note that after lots of pressure it came to a point that I no longer tells her that I'm not ready for marriage but started telling her that I don't have money, but her response was always, "na lie, na lie, na lie" you get money. She has seen my debit alert and saw my balance. So after she drank the hypo and chemical used for tiles wash, I agreed to proceed with the marriage.

By December, I began making marriage preparations, the adrenaline rush was something else. I went to the village to inform my father people, so they can come to perform the traditional rights, as my father was no more.

On the day of the traditional marriage, her mother called me early in the morning that I need to carry some drinks to my "girlfriend, now wife" father house that she'll support me with one wine, that she's doing it because I'm complaining that I don't have money, I took two carton of Heineken, two carton of maltina one wine + the wine she supported me with and two Gordon gin. "I have no idea that I was being brain washed, they're the one's that's supposed to present those and I'd have to double it during the traditional rights, she deceived me.

Before the traditional marriage began, my father's people that's supposed to perform the traditional rights didn't arrive on time due to the distance they're coming from, her mom was already angry, few minutes later my father's people eventually arrived, immediately after their arrival "my girlfriend, now wife" elder brother made a statement which provoked me, he said "if una nor one marry make una dey go, I go pay una all the money when una dun spend, rubbish"

Immediately I heard that, I took off my agbada remaining my inner senator shirt and trouser that I'm not doing again, her mom starter ranting and raining all sorts of insults on me, she made a statement that I should never near or come close to her ever again. After some few minutes my mom calmed me down and I put on my agbada again.

Few minutes later the traditional rites began, I was inside when my younger brother came to inform me that my wife half brother's have opened and drank some of the gins I brought for the traditional rites, I Immediately told him to count and look for somewhere to buy and have them replaced, he did and before he came back they have taken more. He had to go back and have the gins replaced a second time. Immediately after the end of the traditional marriage her mom handed me a nylon with 100 notes not up to 3,000 naira and she handed my wife another that's filled to the brim, that the one she gave to me was what they sprayed me and the one for her was what they sprayed her, I was in rage and I gave the nylon to her that how can she share money spared between husband and wife, she gladly collected the money. Shortly after that, I heard her elder sister, the one my wife is following directly by birth, saying "that her sister (my wife) don't know what she has gotten herself into, I Immediately cut her short that what kind of statement is that and what next she did? She started raining all sorts of insults on me " Daniel you dey craze, Daniel your head nor correct, Daniel na God go punish you, Daniel you be bastard, we go tie you flog we go lock you up" she repeated these words continously, she pulled her slippers and wanted to come and fight me, In which they held her off. This is someone that isn't up to the age of my younger brother, I felt really embarrassed because all my friends, brother's, sisters and my mom was there. Note that I single handedly carried every single expenses of the marriage, the only expense my wife family all agreed and contributed to was making "jotters notes" for the guests that sprayed us money, which they didn't do, until date I didn't saw any jotter, not even one.

Another thing that really got me angry was few weeks before the marriage my wife mom was assuring me that there's no need to cook, that we only have to cook for reception only, which I fully agreed. But at same time I send my mom some money to prepare something just in case things didn't went as planned and because of my father's people that's coming from distance.

Two day's to the traditional marriage I sent her 490,000 naira for chicken and ingredients. Note, I have already bought two bags of rice and 2 gallons of groundnut Oil for cooking at the reception whereas I gave my mom half bag of rice as back up and three cartons of chicken for the reception refreshment. But to my surprise I saw that she, my wife mother cooked jollof rice at the traditional marriage day and while sharing she was talking continously, that I'm supposed to give her money to cook but I didn't gave her any money that she cooked the rice with her own money. I was in rage because firstly I sent her 490,000 to cook for the reception, in which she used my chicken, groundnut Oil, and ingredients to cook the jollof rice she cooked at the traditional marriage day, she only used her two basket of rice which they already have at home. And because of that two basket of rice she was downgrading me in front of my father's people, my mother's people, my brothers, sisters, friends. If she had told me that she wanted to cook rice at the traditional marriage I'd have gladly sent her the money, If I can send 490,000 for just chicken and ingredients, what's 14,000 that I can't send for two baskets of rice, this was someone that told me we aren't cooking anything on the traditional marriage day but only for the reception.

Also, before the marriage my wife mother has already arranged for us doing court weeding, which I wasn't comfortable with but since my wife was pregnant and she insist that she must wear a white weeding gown, our both churches refused to Wed us with her wearing a white wedding gown with pregnancy. So I had no choice than to settle for the court weeding that her mother proposed, but 3 weeks to the weeding my elder sister talked to her pastor and he agreed to wed us with her wearing a white weeding gown and with her pregnancy, I informed my wife and she was angry, It lead to lots of quarrels but I stood on my ground that I'm no longer proceeding with the court weeding. 4 days later I saw a chat with my wife and her elder sister, she was telling my wife that I refused to do court weeding because of the rubbish that I'm thinking that their mother said she isn't going to attend and she her self won't attend. I snapped the chat and pretended like I didn't noticed but waiting to see how everything unfolds, on the day of the weeding, her mom didn't appear in church, neither her 3 sisters. But they all came to the reception ground, at the reception when they were spraying they focused on her only, my wife mom and her sisters, none of them sprayed me, not even 50 naira, but I sprayed my wife mom. I'm not saying this because I'm expecting the money, I'm saying this because as their sister husband they're supposed to spray us both, it felt embarrassing when they were dancing and spraying only her and I was just there like I'm nothing.

Less I forget, on the morning of the reception which was the day after our traditional marriage, I called the MC and explained everything that transpired on the traditional marriage. "her mom, sharing money that was sprayed between us" and gave him names to announce as those that'd pick any money that was sprayed, I didn't included any of her sisters neither mine. My wife was angry and asked me severally to include one of her sister which I plainly disagree, she became cold, and on the reception day refused to dance. When the marriage was over we counted the money and it was 233,100 naira. For a marriage I spent 4 million plus. After everything my wife started mocking me that they've stolen my money that I think I'm wise by not allowing her sister to be among those picking money, she mocked me endlessly and started using her hands on her eye's to tell me "onwonyi" I told her that I'm not doing again that I'm returning her bride price and she called me by my name daring me to return it. I was in rage and started remembering when she was pleading with me to marry her and remove shame from her eye's, in my mind this was someone that was begging me to marry her few weeks ago, threatening to commit suicide, now daring me to return her bride price and now mocking me. I slapped her that night on our hotel room, and she fought with me for hours, and the next day she reported me to my younger brother and her best friend, the one that did chief bridesmaid for her, that I beat her on our weeding night.

Days passed, weeks passed, two months has started passed since the day of our weeding and I'm now living from hand to mouth, this same woman that was telling me back then that we'd live as a couple that even if it's Garri that we've we'll soak it and no one will know or hear about it, is now the one crying for food whenever she's hungry, she doesn't eat rice without eggs or meat, nor does she eats Eba talk more of Garri. Right now I felt deceived, manipulated into a marriage that I wasn't actually ready for, I'd have invested my 4 million into something tangible and reaping the fruit by now, right now there's no money to eat properly or go out on Sundays to have some bottles of achohol.

We're querrelling almost on a daily basis, there's no peace, sometimes I do sleep at my brother's place to have that few hours of peace than to go home to her, but it's been since a month I last did that. Recently I have been informing her that I'll return her bring price and I'm not marrying again, that marriage isn't by force that I wasn't even ready to get married if not for her suicide manipulation, that I'm just waiting for her to give birth and after 6 months I'd return her bride price, but she think I'm joking. I'm sure going to surprise her. After all I'm not sexually attracted to her, she's short, not fat and not slim either, and fair. And I I'm sexually attracted to extremely fat, dark or chocolate skinned ladies. I find myself getting extremely aroused by just staring at the pictures of fat ladies on Instagram or anywhere I come across them, on the internet, bike, etc. But my wife totally naked and close to me doesn't in anyway arouse me, not even slightly. Until date I can't get over the 4 million naira plus that I spent marrying her, it hurts me a lot till this very moment.

And for what her mom did by deceiving me to be the one to bring drinks, wines, and gin and also the one that have them replaced, by lying to me and insulting me in front of my family that I didn't gave her any money to cook because of two basket of rice she cooked, by sharing money for I and my wife etc, since the day of our marriage until date I haven't visited her, and since then also my wife also refused to visit my mom or my family because I refused to visit her mom. My mom has pleaded with me on several occasions to visit her and apologize, but I don't know why I should apologize to someone who tricked and insulted me. Right now I really wished to know if I did the right thing by not going to see her until date or just overreacting. Please I need your honest answers on this.

Interesting, first to comment 🥲
I really don't know what to say but I will leave the greater response to the gurus in the house. What an interesting piece.

That family will ruin you, destroy your life.

Lalasticlala, mynd44, ishilov, Dominique, this is front page worthy.

Storyland!

Kyng1:

For a marriage I spent 4 million plus.

Note I have 4.3 million naira on my account as at then, and I intend using the money to start up a business, as I wasn't doing anything.

I think the sum of your long story is the above, and the fact that you have not claimed she manipulated you when you slept with her and got her pregnant!

You were not deceived, you were just gullible in not investing your money on what would have given you returns, and now you've spent it, gari.

Look on the bright side though. You got yourself a baby. Just make sure you have enough for diapers and baby food.

Kobojunkie:
Storyland!

Storyland I don't know if you're doubting what I just put up above, but if you're then you're absolutely wrong, because all what I stated is 100% true and a fact that cannot be erased.

If I had lied on anything that I made mentioned above, then let nothing good ever comes my way, make life nor ever favor me, anything I dey find for my life make I nor see am, make me and my entire family nor see the end of this year.

Omo!
Paying your mother inlaw a visit is the least of your problems, trust me.

Why did you not run very faraway from such a toxic relationship when you still had the chance to?
Why did you allow yourself to be blackmailed into marrying into such a family?

People who threaten to kill themselves on someone's neck at the slightest should be avoided.

I won’t say anything.😊

Mariangeles:
Omo!
Paying your mother inlaw a visit is the least of your problems, trust me.

Why did you not run very faraway from such a toxic relationship when you still had the chance to?
Why did you allow yourself to be blackmailed into marrying into such a family?

People who threaten to kill themselves on someone's neck at the slightest should be avoided.

I tried to quit, but each time I fully and wholeheartedly make up my mind to end the relationship, she always threaten me with suicide, and she's always extremely serious about it, it has been this way for more than a year until date.

Not a prophet of doom...

But this your marriage has crashed long before it started.

You should have seen the many red flags but you ignored.

Finally who spends all their income on a marriage ceremony - a whooping 4 million on an mbeke? (with all due respect sorry brother... But that is what your wife and family is) especially in this economy.

Times have changed o.

I am usually the last the advice a divorce. If you feel you can continue good for you. If not pick up the pieces of your life and move on.

That Your wife can never change and will never bring anything favorable to your life.

In other words you married a liability who used pregnancy to hook you like a fish!

Omo!

Bro, the red flags were there ab initio but u refused to acknowledge them.

Your wife is from a bad family.... Probably she and her mother don't like u, but had to stick around to milk u dry, cos u seem to have the fund.

Two months after marriage is too early to start having bp...for a 38yrs and 24yrs couple, ur wife doesn't have respect for you, neither do her family members.. .that's a 14yrs age difference mehn.

After giving birth to ur baby, return her bride price and take care of ur baby.

Kyng1:



I tried to quit, but each time I fully and wholeheartedly make up my mind to end the relationship, she always threaten me with suicide, and she's always extremely serious about it, it has been this way for more than a year until date.

Exactly why you should've runaway without any shame or guilt.

Kyng1:
■ Storyland I don't know if you're doubting what I just put up above, but if you're then you're absolutely wrong, because all what I stated is 100% true and a fact that cannot be erased. If I had lied on anything that I made mentioned above, then let nothing good ever comes my way, make life nor ever favor me, anything I dey find for my life make I nor see am, make me and my entire family nor see the end of this year.

E for better pass if say you lie!

Kyng1:
Good evening nairalanders, I'm sorry but this is going to be quite an episode.
I got married barely two months ago, February precisely. I'm In my late thirties, 28 years precisely and my wife Is 24 years old, during the buildup and period of my marriage there was lot's of problems and confusion.
It started when my wife. (then girlfriend) got pregnant (September precisely) immediately after we found out things seems to be going smoothly until November last year when she popped the question "when are we getting married" I told her that I'm not yet ready for marriage but I'm willing to do introduction, that night was hell for me.
Note, it wasn't hell and shocking to me because of what happened that night, it was shocking to me because it was the very first time she asked me such a question, and her reaction was shocking to me. If she has previously asked me this particular question severally and I'm not telling her what she wanted to hear I'd have understood why she reacted In such a way and manner, but it was the very first time she was throwing that question on me.
Back to what happened that night. Immediately I told her that I wasn't ready for marriage she started crying and laying curses on me, that I'm wicked, after suffering with me etc, then I responded that she never suffered with me that this should be the very last time that she should utter such word, I said so because she has been uttering it frequently on any slight quarrel, but on that faithful night, I couldn't take it any longer I told her that you suffered with me and I have two A.C on both parlor and room before I met you, that you suffered with me and I have a 75 inch TV, freezer, inverter, luxury center table, dstv etc. You suffered with me because of what, that I'm living in a self contain, or don't have my own house or car. This is someone that I'm feeding on a daily basis back then that I'm still a tenant and yet to have my own house, we went to eatery to eat almost on a weekly basis, to the extend that she refused to go to her parents house for months.

I never even analyze any of the tale reach that one. What I have gleaned from at least your second paragraph is that your problems began the moment you decided to impregnate a girl you knew did not suffer with you and all of that. You had this up in your mind as a red flag in your case but chose to ignore reason so who do you want us to blame? You carry woman as liability for head, impregnate her even at that, come here come dey complain to us say liability dey act as the liability wey she be.... is something wrong with you?

Mariangeles:



Exactly why you should've runaway without any shame or guilt.

What if I had ran away from and she committed suicide? What would have become of me or my life? That'd have been the end of my life journey. All these are the reasons I couldn't back off, unfortunately for me it's already too late, my life is a complete mess right now. Such is life.

Kyng1:



Storyland I don't know if you're doubting what I just put up above, but if you're then you're absolutely wrong, because all what I stated is 100% true and a fact that cannot be erased.

If I had lied on anything that I made mentioned above, then let nothing good ever comes my way, make life nor ever favor me, anything I dey find for my life make I nor see am, make me and my entire family nor see the end of this year.

Bros no need to curse yourself na...

You don't need to convince anyone!

Kobojunkie:
E go better pass if say you lie!
I never even analyze any of the tale reach that one. What I know at least from your second paragraph at least is that your problems began when you chose to impregnate a girl you knew well did not suffer with you and all of that. You had this up in your mind as a red flag in your case but chose to ignore reason so who do you want us to blame? You carry woman as liability for head, impregnate her even at that, come here come dey complain to us say liability dey act as the liability wey she be.... is something wrong with you?

When I first met her, she was good to me. The only thing that I despite about her was her suicide attempt at any slight quarrel or arguments. But currently now, she has completely turned an entirely different person.

[quote author=brain54 post=130005077]
Bros no need to curse yourself na...

You don't need to convince anyone! [/quote

Thank you 🙏

When an intimate partner uses suicide attempts as a means to make the other partner to remain in a relationship/marriage, discreetly have such attempts recorded and report to the Police and the partner's family, then end the relationship/marriage.

Kyng1:
■When I first met her, she was good to me.
■The only thing that I despite about her was her suicide attempt at any slight quarrel or arguments.
■ But currently now, she has completely turned an entirely different person.

LOL... your second paragraph, abi na third one, clearly details the fact that you did not value her as your equal even in marriage that is why you never asked her hand in marriage before that but you went ahead and impregnated her anyway. You seriously did not think we would all pat you on the back and say you did great, did you?

2. You despise her suicide attempt? You are kidding, right? According to you... na you talk am ooo... you despised the fact that she did not suffer with you and she was a liability you had to feed. Na you talk all these things. Why you come dey try to blame the girl for attempting suicide after she found out she was about to be abandoned by a man she thought respected and loved her?

3. You chose to marry a woman You yourself had no respect for. Why would you think that marrying her would automagically cause her to begin respecting you?

Mindlog:
When an intimate partner uses suicide attempts as a means to make the other partner to remain in a relationship/marriage, discreetly have such attempts recorded and report to the Police and the partner's family, then end the relationship/marriage.

I have lots and I mean a lot of recordings of her suicide attempt, but I don't trust the police because of what happened to me last year. They're crooks and answers to the highest bidder only. Someone sold a land to me double the amount that he has already sold to someone else. My sister got him arrested, he was in cell for barely 24 hours when his father came to bail him, the police bailed him without my notice without my notice or knowledge with immediate effect, until date, I didn't get a penny from my money.

Kyng1:



What if I had ran away from and she committed suicide? What would have become of me or my life? That'd have been the end of my life journey. All these are the reasons I couldn't back off, unfortunately for me it's already too late, my life is a complete mess right now. Such is life.

Now, why would you think that?
See how you allowed your mind trap you.

Besides, what you didn't know wouldn't have killed you.
You should've run and never looked back.

Kobojunkie:
LOL... your second paragraph, abi na third one, clearly details the fact that you did not value her as your equal even in marriage that is why you never asked her hand in marriage before that but you went ahead and impregnated her anyway. You seriously did not think we would all pat you on the back and say you did great, did you?

2. You despise her suicide attempt? You are kidding, right? According to you... na you talk am ooo... you despised the fact that she did not suffer with you and she was a liability you had to feed. Na you talk all these things. Why you come dey try to blame the girl for attempting suicide after she found out she was about to be abandoned by a man she thought respected and loved her?

3. You chose to marry a woman You yourself had no respect for. Why would you think that marrying her would automagically cause her to begin respecting you?

I'm sure not going to abandon her, if she had behaved herself I'd have surely gotten married to her In a short while, but as at then "last year" that she was pressurizing me for marriage, I wasn't in anyway ready, I need to stand on my feet first. She manipulated me and I was left with no choice than to agree and proceed with getting married to her.

Chai! Erigo gi!


My own advice is that you must conduct a paternity/dna test on that child to be sure you are the real father.

jmoore:
Chai! Erigo gi!


My own advice is that you must conduct a paternity/dna test on that child to be sure you are the real father.

I will sure do that, thank you sir.

Kyng1:
■ I'm sure not going to abandon her, if she had behaved herself I'd have surely gotten married to her In a short while, but as at then "last year" that she was pressurizing me for marriage, I wasn't in anyway ready,
■ I need to stand on my feet first. She manipulated me and I was left with no choice than to agree and proceed with getting married to her.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Dude... how old are you? Even a child would not fall for that obvious lie.

2. So long as you think she is to blame, you will never really learn the true lessons from this.

Kobojunkie:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Dude... how old are you? Even a child would not fall for that obvious lie.

Not actually in a short while, but I'm certain I'd have gotten married to her in the future.

Kyng1:
■ Not actually in a short while, but I'm certain I'd have gotten married to her in the future.

For Pete's sake quit telling that joke! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP, your first paragraph tells us everything we need to know about how you felt about this woman even after you had impregnated her. Come on! Your problem was created by you in this. You said you are now married to her, and it's been 2 months. If you plan to divorce her, that is your choice, but at least accept that this all started because you chose to court and impregnate a woman you had little to no respect for so you do not end up repeating the same mistake in the future.

Kyng1:


What if I had ran away from and she committed suicide?

You should have run away before putting her up in your house and baking in her oven without a condom! Too late to run now when your bread is done. Now, as Kobojunkie has rightly said, you are here complaining that a liability is a liability.

You laid your bed dude. Either sleep on it as it is or re-lay it.

budaatum:


You should have run away before putting her up in your house and baking in her oven without a condom! Too late to run now when your bread is done. Now, as Kobojunkie has rightly said, you are here complaining that a liability is a liability.

You laid your bed dude. Either sleep on it as it is or re-lay it.

So, no solution? But If I choose to quit the marriage will the family agree to return my bride price?

Kyng1:

So, no solution? But If I choose to quit the marriage will the family agree to return my bride price?

See my initial post where I pointed out that your concern is the money you spent.

If they return the money, would you return their daughter to her unimpregnated state?

And how is your baby by the way?

Klass99:
Hmm........wahala be like wetin again?

GenZ baddies be bading even in marriage not only at work.

OP what were you thinking? This girl and her family are troublesome and disrespectful.

Troublesome and disrespectful Is an understatement, they're extremely troublesome and disrespectful. I really do not want the episode I wrote up there to be a lot longer than it already Is, I have a lot to say, a lot that happened on the traditional weeding day, and it all boils down to how troublesome and disrespectful they're.

budaatum:


See my initial post where I pointed out that your concern is the money you spent.

If they return the money, would you return their daughter to her unimpregnated state?

And how is your baby by the way?

Yes, my main concern is 1 trillion percent the money I spent, that's my pain.

As for my baby, not yet our. My wife is 7 months pregnant, remaining two months. But her belle is big already, but would still expand more than it is right now.