₦airaland Forum

StealthyMe:
Truly anointed oil
Nice story though
Okon the businessman

Nor mind Okon...i trust the man of God

adexsimply:

Sir,are you laughing with me or at me?

Priceless24:
Yeah, in your dreams

Na from dere e dey start

Priceless24:
Lmao, great story, serves you right

lol
At least i'll be a millionaire!

This particular Sunday seemed to be different from others
I woke with a smile on my face, with this inner joy and sort of happiness for no particular reason i could fathom.

I hitherto decided to go to church for a change and thank God for all he had done for me .
I had been ungrateful all this while...

I geared up in a white shirt,red tie,black pant trousers, picked up my black blazer and headed for church. Today was really going to be great


With no particular destination in mind,i strolled around in my neighbourhood and stopped at a church whose praise and worship made them stand out amongst other churches in the area.
I was gallantly seated and fiddling my bible as the service started.

As the Pastor announced it was time for praise and worship, I joyously stood up,danced,wriggled,gyrated,moved to the rythym and was carried away in the spirit!
Twas excellent! One of the major reasons i go to church whenever i choose to go - The praise and worship!

The pastor started preaching and there was pin drop silence. Nooo...not from eager listening! Rather due to the fact that majority of the congregation had started dozing.
Well,they can't be blamed! After an arduous dancing session,they were met with excellent air conditioning facilities - A perfect recipe for sleep!


I strained to follow what the pastor was saying but No! I was just not getting it! God forgive my soul!
I stood up and exited the church quietly to stretch my legs in comfort and returned only when i knew the sermon was over.

As i stepped into the church once again,i heard the man of God say "The Lord says he wants to make new millionaires"!
Aah...probably this was why i was in church!
I could do with some money you know!

"If you are ready for God please step forward" He continued.

Readily and sprightly,i walked to the altar together with a couple of men and women.
Pastor brought out some oil and continued
"This oil has been with me for months now! Prayed on and blessed! Whoever this oil touches shall remain abundantly blessed.
All you need do is drop some money into an envelope the usher would give you and you would get this oil of abundant blessings"!

"Usher! Kindly pass the envelopes to them" Pastor said.
I put my hand into my pocket thankful i had some substantial amount on me. I put this into the envelope and stepped forward to receive my abundantly blessed bottle of oil.

With the aforementioned tinge of happiness,walked back to my seat waiting to go home and become a millionaire!

I reached home and excitedly regaled Okon my neighbour of the happenings in church that day.
Okon went inside his house and came out holding a pen and paper.

"Shey na bottled olive oil you talk say he give you?" He asked.
"Yes,an anointed one." I replied.

Okay then...he began some calculations and whistled!
He looked at me and gasped...he congratulated me on making the Pastor a happy man.

He now explained in clear terms that a bottle of olive oil was sold around a hundred and fifty naira.
And about thirty-five persons or more had paid a thousand naira for this.

The thirty five bottles of anointing oil would have been bought at five thousand,two hundred and fifty naira (#5,250)and they were sold at thirty-five thousand naira (#35,000) resulting in a net gain of twenty-seven thousand,seven hundred and fifty naira (#27,750).

"Excellent return on investment!" Okon exclaimed.
"I would like to see the pastor,to know if i could supply him bottles of oil for future purpose" He said grinning at me.


Well,i was going to be a millionaire! That was all that mattered to me! And i couldn't care less!

Cholls:
My brother nollywood is looking for you

lol...why bros ?

'Ol'boy ! Come see this fine babe abeg' Jude said to me
I stood up indifferent about whatever he was willing to show me because it was official Jude had either horrible taste in ladies or some sort of eye illusion

'Are you kidding me ?!' I blurted out with a gasp.
'Share me her pin abeg' I added instantly .

And that was how it started. An invite was sent and subsequently accepted. Introduction followed and the chats flowed.
Days ran into months until i decided to know and see for myself the beautiful lady i had been chatting with.
We decided to meet at a restaurant and fixed a time.


They say the first impression matters alot! So, I dressed up for the date...you know,a sup guy sort of wear - a light blue polo shirt,dark blue trousers and an excellent looking pair of sneakers i borrowed from Chinedu our neighbour

After being regaled with tales of big catfishes, I hatched a plan with Jude to find out if the lady in question was really as beautiful as she looked in the pictures she had sent.
We would both stand outside the restaurant as i chatted with the lady and asked if she was already at the venue.
When she replied in the affirmative,i would walk in and Jude would call at my signal.

The first call came in and a short,dark lady with kiko weaving or whatever it was looked at her mobile and picked.
I signalled Jude to end the call and dial a second time.

This same lady picked her mobile and started talking with a look of frustration on her face.
This lady had sent some pictures which would have had her contest for Miss Nigeria and here i was looking at a complete opposite of the package...Nooo! Bad Market!

My head communicated with my legs and i walked out of the restaurant clutching the currant bread i bought


Jude started laughing immediately i stepped out and mocked me.
'Guy! You try abeg!' Jude started.
'See as she resemble Ralia the Sugar Girl' he pressed further.
'Na mighty catfish be dis' he continued.
'The photoshopped pictures were damn good' he rallied on.
'But the way you leave her hanging no good oo' he said

Ehnn? ...Noooo! If i ordered a product and it doesn't match or shows no semblance to the product being advertised,then there would be no transaction!
Exactly what happened! So i am absolved of all blame

After deleting her from my contact list,i
checked the borrowed silver wristwatch on my wrist and calculated the time wasted on this fruitless endeavour. Time that couldn't be regained!

As i proceeded to bed,i heard of nothing else from Jude other than our massive catfish outing.


I had learnt a major lesson for future reference!

clemzo101:
yea I ve, but he told me dats my eye color and dere is nothing I can do about it.

You can try visiting another to know if something can be done...but then,you might have to come to terms with it and appreciate it as it is

73yr old....

Baba jeje laiye ooo

Baba fear God ooo...defrauding a pastor

The people we call our leaders though...

You should try to see an optometrist before using any drugs so you don't worsen your condition...Or try google and see if it proffers any solution

Finally we'll be able to go about our daily duties without talks of Chelsea doing an 'Invicible' regaling our ear drums


Sorry pals...

femi4:
Not this squad, this squad is filled with exposed players

Aah...ok then

I just pray we get a favourable group...

The Chinese are really productive!

Baddestguyp:
I know Algeria will qualify but I can't predict d rest

Same thoughts!
All things being equal,Algeria will definitely proceed from the group


S'up?

The rate at which rape stories are being reported in Nigeria is astronomical and if a bold step is not taken sooner than later, we might have a more difficult situation in our hands


Very brutal means of castration might need to be legally adopted...

Things are not all rosy abroad also...the foreign media just doesn't help in painting Africans in good light

Now this is spiritual !

God save us during this perilous times


A pal of mine was telling me sometime ago how his phone and wallet was taken from him and he had no idea how it happened...


Only regained consciousness after they'd been taken off him

False tales or not,lets take note !

Olypeppy:
guy calm down...we no dey fight.

Someone badly wants this man off that spot...why the brouhaha?

fowowe411:
Your point is?

res ipsa loquitur


You must have looked at it and probably didnt get it Sir

In any case, don't bother...

Vikky014:
Is dis Patrick

I appreciate the comparison ma'am ...unfortunately, i'm nowhere near

Its those that have enough that get to buy crack

Whatever...

Not only a sex offenders register...those people should face the wrath of the law


We all know what money can do in Nigeria

I dnt think this will make fp


Until u space ur texts and make it easier for our eyes

This happened in July i think


The US is one crazy country...officers said he was resisting arrest after being found caught selling untaxed cigarette's


Now who goes chokeholding an unarmed man who is presumably harmless after being surrounded by cops except one fit for the WWE ?

This man kept saying he couldnt breathe...but they could only care less ; they'd get away with it

If selling untaxed cigarettes is enough to cause one's death...then killing someone is worth much more - probably a painfully gruesome & slow death


With all the protests going on,i wouldnt be suprised if that cop is killed stealthily by protesters

The Nigerian judicial system tends to be ignominious and opprobrious

The debauchers that are convicted of running the country amok in harum-scarum kamikaze manner are out free within a matter of days

Its these sort of decisions that make Nigerians lose faith in the legal system wherein only the elites are favoured...

Its okay for her to be convicted for a while at most,so she'll learn that at times death would not be a solution to certain issues...but the death penalty ; That's a No-No!


And to forestall further occurence, pedophiles pedophïles should be prosecuted



[ Nairaland na wa for una auto correct ooo...which one be craddle-robbers again ]

Sad

Until this practice is met with a firm brutal legal method of punishment,it just might find commonplace in the society


Sometimes one cannot blame those who engage in jungle justice...

Sad

Until this practice is met with strong brutal punishment,it just might find common place in the society


Sometimes you just cannot blame those who engage in jungle justice

Sircomeference:
I dey suspect you o...




Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili

I am an hacker in my country

Hacker!!!

everybody knows me well

if you look me up and down,

you will know dat its true

Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili
Sandalili Sandalili





Bitc.h please i wanna be an hacker when i grow up

Bros,shey u know that its sandalili sandalili Standard Living Standard Living


Its alright sir...we'll blame it on our preschool teachers