₦airaland Forum

Christmas is the season to give gifts to people including those you have hurt. Who knows, maybe your gifts will communicate your apologies better than your words can. Here are a list of gift ideas for a lover you are cheating on:

1. Sunglasses
So they can’t see you cheating.

2. Your wedding invitation
This will only be considered a gift if it comes in those fancy boxes that sing when you open them. Anything else is wickedness.

3. A photo album filled with pictures of you
Especially if you have been travelling with your other partner. When they ask whose leg is in almost all the pictures, pick a fight.

4. A jar filled with 365 reasons why you can no longer be with them
Before they finish reading everything, you must have left their house. A+ gift.

5. A trip to a diagnostic centre
Because you might have given them something. Pay for the tests and medications if it gets to that because you did them dirty.

6. Earpods
So they can block their ears while you’re doing your thing. It has to an ear pod with the noise cancellation if your really want this to work.

7. PlayStation 5
Your partner has probably been hyped about PS 5 since it dropped. The least you can do is to figure out how to get it for them.

8. Staycation
You can plan a trip to a beach house or book an Airbnb away from the world. This is the best way to confess that the devil has been using you all year.

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2021 was a long year. I know it and you definitely know it. I wrote my first “A Week In The Life” story of 2021 on the 5th of January. It was about an interstate driver who had a girlfriend in almost every Nigerian state he visited. This awe-inspiring, mind-boggling, larger-than-life, yet commonplace story would set the tone for some of the episodes in the series.

As the year comes to a close, and with over 36 stories under the “A Week In The Life” flagship, I’ve picked 10 of the absolute must-read stories in this series. These stories were picked based on their ability to inspire awe, make you pause and think, or simply to make you appreciate the mundane.

Whether you started reading this series last year, this year, or even last week, here are some stories that deserve to be read twice:

1) A Week In The Life Of An Orisa Priestess Trying To Guide People To Their Destiny
As someone who has had struggles with faith, I found the conversation with an Orisa priestess fascinating. Not only was it eye-opening learning firsthand about Yoruba religion, but I also got to hear her talk about destiny, spiritual bodies and how Orisa priests/priestesses guide people on the right path.

The part of the conversation that sticks is where she says the work is a passion and not a job. I’d pay good money for her to teach me how to have that approach to work.

Satisfy your curiosity here.

2) One Bumpy Semester Made Him Drop Out Of School, Now He’s A Cattle Seller — A Week In The Life
This story makes me angry because it gives you a front-row seat to the failures of the Nigerian education system. It chronicles how the Nigerian approach to mistakes is always costly.

But the most inspiring thing from this story is that despite all the challenges, the subject still has faith in better days ahead. How? why?

Read here to find out.

3) I Can Spot Fake Watches Just By Looking At Them — A Day In The Life Of A Watch Repairer
When I think of quiet dignity, I think of horologists or watch repairers as they are popularly called. With almost 10 years of experience fixing watches, I enjoyed geeking out and asking the horologist about everything watch-related.

PS: I may have enjoyed watching him work a bit too much.

Read here.

4) The Cupping Therapist Who Believes In Modern Medicine: A Week In The Life
I’m sure you’re asking yourself what cupping means? and no, it’s not that type of cupping you perv.

Cupping is a form of alternative medicine practice that involves making painless cuts on the skin to remove toxins and our subject talks about the health benefits of cupping, why she enjoys her job and how she makes alternative and modern medicine work for her.

While writing this story I couldn’t help but make this joke: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but cupping excites me.” I’m sorry. Read more here if you’re interested in learning about this fascinating job.

5) I work Two Jobs But It Feels Like I’m Not Working — A Day In The Life Of A Forklift Operator
I like this story a lot because it gives an overview of an easily overlooked job that plays a crucial part in all of our supply chain processes. For context, forklifts are used in lifting everything from beverages to food to medicines.

How do you become a forklift operator and why does someone choose to become one?

Read here.

6) “We’re All One Sickness Away From Poverty” — A Week In The Life Of A Caregiver
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a medical practitioner who has been taking care of a sick parent since last year August. He tells us about the frustrations of the healthcare system, the mind-blowing financial costs and the emotional tolls an illness exerts on a person.

Catch up here.

7) I Don’t Have Any Human Friend —A Week In The Life Of A Zookeeper
As a zookeeper, you spend more time with animals than with humans. What happens when your job becomes your life? Well, if you’re like Mr. Emeka, the subject of this story, it means you have no human friends.

How must that feel? Start here to experience what it feels like.

When I’m In Front Of A Camera, I Feel Like Wizkid Or Davido — A Week In The Life Of A IndecentStar
Forget everything you know because this story will challenge it. After failing to get into Nollywood, Juliet, the subject of this story decided to go into acting porn. She talks about the stigma involved in her job, not being ashamed to show her face in her videos and how powerful she feels in front of a camera.

According to Juliet, “During video shoots, I tell my men that it’s acting we’re acting so they shouldn’t get carried away thinking it’s their girlfriend they’re fucking. I also make it clear that they must not cum in me — they can cum on my laps, face, tummy but not inside me.”

Read more here.

9) A Week In The Life: The Alaga Iyawo Who Dislikes Parties
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an Alaga Iyawo. These are women who host Yoruba wedding ceremonies, sing songs of praises, double as MC’s and serve a host of other functions. She talks to us about not liking parties even though her job revolves around them, the challenges she faces in day-to-day life, and what a perfect retirement looks like for her.

If you enjoy parties then you’ll enjoy this story.

10) I’m The Only Woman At My Job — A Week In The Life Of An Oil and Gas Engineer At Sea
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a process engineer at an oil-producing facility. Process engineers ensure that the process of crude oil production from collection to processing for sale runs smoothly. What this means is that they spend a lot of their time-solving problems or preventing problems from happening.

Our subject tells us about being the only woman at her job, life at sea, and what it takes to extract crude oil.

If you must read anything today let it be this story.

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Odogwu and Big Wiz have given us hits before, so what happens when they team up to close out the year with one final song? For Love It/Hate It, we asked Nigerians what they think about the latest collaboration between the Grammy winners, and this is what they had to say.

Temilade – “If Wizkid and Burna ear dey pain them tomorrow, na me cause am.”

The more I play this song, the sweeter it becomes. It has to be jazz, abeg. These guys are in a league of their own. While Essence became the biggest hit from Made in Lagos, nobody can say Ginger wasn’t an absolute banger. Come on! Now they’re back again? I will rinse this song until they both come to Ebgeda to beg me.

Amaka – “Nobody is seeing Wizkid⁠—musically and lyrically. The man is clear”

Omo, Wizkid took all the shouting and gragra Burna Boy was doing on Ginger seriously because tell me why he decided to feature on a song and outperform the owner? Is it crack? He ate the beat like somebody eating for the first time after seven days of prayer and fasting. The real Nigerian goat. Absolutely love this jam.

Mayowa – “Forget Omarion, unnecessary collaborations like this are the real pandemic.”

Let me start by saying Ginger was overhyped. Yes, I said it. Just because two of our faves collaborate together doesn’t mean the song will always slap. But when you see Wizkid FC and Outsiders, they will start acting like this song is the best thing since small chops. Everyone should rest. The song is very mid.

Kosi – “You can’t tell me Burna wasn’t dragging Mr ‘look into your eyes all I see is your waist’ on this song”

We all know Burna was dragging Davido on this song, right? What else did he mean by “one man, two-man, three….don penkelemess”? Who is the third man? Burna has not forgiven Mr. Philanthropy and I’m living for this beef. Yes guys, drag each other like small gen.

Jessie – “Wiz, we are poor. Money can impress us”

When Wizkid said “I neva see person wey fit use money to impress me”, I did not feel it in my soul at all. What kind of oppression is this? Ayodeji, people are dying. We are broke bitches in this household. It’s a cute song though. Not sure it matches Ginger or Sponono but cute nonetheless.

Ndifreke – “I want both of them to drop a collab album, but I’m afraid they’ll end up racking”

This track proves yet again that Burna and Wiz have great chemistry in the studio. Jah Love is True gave us a hint and this track just cements it. Now, imagine if they did like a Watch the Throne style album? My only fear is that Burna Boy will start moving mad and we all know Wizkid doesn’t like stress. Let’s see what happens.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/pop/love-it-hate-it-burna-boy-and-wizkids-b-dor/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

Read more fun & entertaining articles here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/pop/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

Everyone likes to say Yoruba men are the most dangerous heartbreakers. Today, we ask you to reconsider that statement. These ten types of men are more dangerous than Yoruba men.

1. Edo men.
At least with Yoruba men, you know what you’re getting into. Edo men? Silent pistols. You better navigate with your eyes wide open.

2. Urhobo men
Urhobo Waado! Listen, Urhobo men are not lowkey. They do their evil and even dare you to do your worst. But will you do it? NO. You either lick your wounds in private or go back to beg them.

3. Ikwerre men.
Slow poisons, these ones. They will take care of you oh, just don’t do pass yourself by fighting his wife and other girlfriends. Maintain the peace so you can experience the peace.

4. Ijaw men.
Ijaw men are actually transparent, let’s be honest. They will show you what you are getting into, but you will go into it regardless because the knacks will be too good, it will cloud your judgement. If he is a willing spender, my dear, that is the beginning of your prison sentence. You will be getting heartbroken but you will stay there because you have been tied down by forces greater than you.

5. Kalabari men.
If a Kalabari man is on your case, please just go to the T-junction and offer sacrifices to your family deity. Don’t say anything, just run and carry the sacrifice before it gets worse. By the time a Kalabari man is done with you, even you will pity yourself.

6. Isoko men.
Word on the streets have it that Isoko men are the devil’s second-in-command. They don’t desist until the assignment is completed. Cover yourself in the armour of Jehovah, please.

7. Okrika men.
Okrika men will do you serious strong thing. Emphasis on “Serious”. It’ll be so bad, that you won’t even be able to speak of the great havoc that has been wreaked upon you. You will just become mellow.

8. Rivers men.
Are you ready for character development with a sprinkle of tears? If that sounds like your cup of tea, then go ahead. If not, please just run.

9. Igbo men.
*deep, Negro, spiritual sigh* Those who know, know. Don’t wait till you experience it, it is better they gist you about it.

10. Anioma men.
Please just run. You want to bam ba? You want to chill with Anioma men? Omo, when it’s all over, you will run kiti kiti and kata kata.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/life/10-types-of-men-that-are-more-dangerous-than-yoruba-men/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

Read more funny & relatable pieces here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

As afrobeats continues to expand, artists of our generation are reaching back to pull inspiration from older artists and genres that rocked the Nigerian music scene back in the day. From Abas Akande Obesere to King Wasiu Ayinde Marshal (KWAM 1), the influence of these iconic artists can be found in the songs we’re streaming today.

Here are six artists whose songs pull from the never-ending groove of fuji music:

Olamide – Anifowose

With over 10 albums to his name, Olamide is one of the most consistent hitmakers of his generation. On his 2013 album, Baddest Guy Ever Liveth, Nigeria’s number one baddo takes us on a trip down memory lane thanks to his lyricism and badass sample of KWAM 1’s fuji hit, Orin Abode Mecca Medley, which was released in the 1980s.

Naira Marley – Pxta and Opotoyi

While Burna Boy has made a name for himself as the King of Fela samples, Naira Marley is another artist that deserves a crown of his own, this time, for sampling some of our favourite fuji bangers. Tapping another musical rebel, two of the Marlian leader’s hits from 2019 sample songs from fuji legend, Obesere. On Pxta, there’s a clear sample of Obesere’s 2002 song, Obutun. And on Opotoyi, Naira Marley dips his hand into the Obesere bag to pull out Papa Worldwide.

Teni – Askamaya

Teni cemented her position as one of the most exciting stars to watch out for when she dropped this song in 2018. We couldn’t escape Askamaya because it was everywhere. Becoming a popular street and club anthem, it samples Adewale Ayuba’s old school fuji hit, Omoge Cinderella.

Wurld – Contagious

The song might not contain a direct sample of a pre-existing fuji song, but there’s no denying that Wurld’s 2019 song, Contagious contains, wait for it, a contagious fuji sound. An interesting bridge between the fuji sound and Nigeria’s booming alte scene, this song is definitely one of our favourites on the list.

DJ Tunez and Adekunle Gold – My Love

Right after the massive success that was Iskaba, DJ Tunez brought our favourite Zaddy (he wasn’t a zaddy at the time) onboard the song, My Love. Proving yet again to be one of afrobeats most in-demand lover boys, Adekunle Gold sings about happiness and love on a song that samples KWAM 1’s Can’t Just Stop Thinking about You.

Odunsi the Engine – Fuji 5000

This Odunsi single is what happens when you take fuji music, mix it with an energy drink, and dye its hair bright blonde. On paper, it sounds crazy, but something about it works. I guess we just like chaotic music.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/pop/6-nigerian-artists-you-didnt-know-were-influenced-by-fuji-music/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

Read more fun stuff like this here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/pop/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.161221

For the past couple of weeks, Nigerians online have expressed their anger over the UK’s Red List of countries whose residents are not allowed into the UK because of the Omicron variant of COVID 19.

For Nigerians, December is the period to relax, settle, unwind and travel, so you can understand why this development is unpleasant for many people. We decided to take a step back to look at some of the Nigerians who are most likely affected by the red list, so if you’re on this list, the red list has probably spoilt your December plans.

1. IJGBs

Everyone knows December is the time for our “Innit” brothers and sisters to fill the streets and clubs, stealing people’s partners and shouting, “Do you know who I am?” everywhere they encounter a little problem. This December, we might not see them because their country isn’t letting them leave. For some people, it’s good news. For others, it’s terrible.

2. People trying to go on holiday to the UK

If you’ve been saving up all year to go to the UK for Christmas so you can see snow, suffer unpredictable weather conditions and enjoy the Lagos-ness of London, your plans are probably spoilt right now. If the plan was to travel to see your partner or family, it probably hurts a bit more, but we’re praying for you that they lift the ban so you can see them.

3. People who travel for work

If you were planning to go to the UK this December for work, commerce, trade or whatever brings money to your pockets, they thought of you while making the red list.

4. People who travel for medical purposes

It’s sad that we don’t have the best medical service providers in Nigeria and people have to travel for health-related purposes. If you’re in this situation, we’re thinking of you. Hang in there.

5. Nigerians trying to japa

In this period, many Nigerians are trying to japa. Some people are doctors writing the PLAB, while some others are people who just want to travel to start a new life. Unfortunately, 2022 might meet you in Nigeria, and that just sucks.

6. Students who want to come home for Christmas

Imagine suffering all year long, eating cold ramen, and when you finally want to travel home to eat your mum’s cooking, the government tells you you can’t travel. We’d be mad too.

7. Nigerian club and restaurant owners

The club and restaurant scene in places like Lagos and Abuja will miss our compatriots from the UK this December. This would typically be the month when they cash out like crazy because foreign currency is coming, but they’ll have to manage our naira.

8. Lagos vendors

If you’re a Lagos vendor, whether it’s food, hair, or shoes or whatever, you’re probably crying at all the potential business you’ll miss this December. Ouch.

Good news might be coming though. According to reports, the countries on the Red List might be taken off soon and everyone allowed to travel. Fingers crossed.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/if-youre-on-this-list-the-red-list-was-made-to-spoil-your-december/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.141221

Read more hilarious content here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/citizen/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.141221

A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” used to work at an NGO until 5 months ago when his contract expired. While waiting for renewal, he tells us about struggling to adjust to a new reality, missing his old job, and how much life can change in less than a year.

MONDAY:
The first thought on my mind when I wake up this morning is that I miss my old life. I miss being a contract staff for an NGO partnering with the World Bank to change the fortunes of underserved communities in North Central states. I miss the money that came with the job and the sense of fulfilment after each project. I miss my colleagues and most importantly, I miss the identity that came with working for an NGO, especially when visiting communities.

After spending 10 minutes reminiscing, I pull myself up and prepare to face the day. The first thing I do is have a bath, followed by prayers and then I eat. While dressing up, I hear my wife in the other room preparing the kids for school. I now work as an Uber driver. On most days I leave the house before my kids are awake and I get home when they’re asleep.

But today is different. Unlike big cities such as Lagos, Portharcourt or Abuja, Mondays are a slow day in my city. Instead of leaving the house around 7:00 a.m., I decide to stay in a bit later today. I plan to use this “extra” time to take my kids to school and spend time bonding with them. After dropping them off, and armed with the mental picture of their innocent smiles, I intend to squarely face my day.

TUESDAY:
It’s 4:00 p.m. and I’ve only completed three trips today. One trip was ₦300, another one ₦500 and the last one was ₦500. ₦1,300 is all I have to show after leaving my house as early as 7:00 a.m. today.

This is not right.

I regret ever thinking that being an Uber driver was a big man’s job. I was deceived by the idea that you’ll just sit in your car and drive around while earning cool cash. If anything, driving is tedious and leaves me using painkillers — which I never had to use at my old NGO job.

In my old life, I’d get to work by 8:00 a.m. and be back home by 5:00 p.m and still get paid handsomely for my time. Now, I mostly leave the house by 7:00 a.m., I get home by midnight and I barely make ₦3,000 at the end of the day. My only saving grace is that I’m the owner of the car. I could actually die if I had to pay some car owner out of this ₦3,000.

Before I can continue with my train of thought, my driver app notifies me of a new passenger request. On arriving at the pickup point, the passenger turns out to be a colleague from my “real” job and so we exchange warm hugs and knowing sighs.

During the trip, I can’t help but tell my colleague about the time we went to fix transformers in some community in Kwara state. According to the villagers, the spot we chose to install the transformer was a meeting point for their witches and wizards. And passing light to the village, through that spot, meant that their witches and wizards could no longer have meetings. Naturally, we laughed it off. But it wasn’t funny when the transformer caught fire three weeks later. We replaced it. But the replacement also got burnt again. It wasn’t until after the third replacement before we finally agreed to move the transformer so we could co-exist with their witches and wizards in peace.

My colleague’s trip ends before I get the chance to dive into more stories. As we part ways; him to his house and me to my next trip, I can’t help but feel happy-sad. Happy that I got to relive the good old days and sad because of my current situation.

Regardless, the trip has been the highlight of a frustrating day.

WEDNESDAY:
I’m having another slow day and I’m now dreading going back home. Since I got a salary cut, my wife has been completely understanding and supportive, however, I’ve been uncomfortable. First came the cuts on household luxuries — goodbye DSTV Explora, goodbye excess generator use. Next, came the cut on the snacks for the kids; bye-bye ice cream and hello gala, and that’s on good days. Now, I’ve cut down money for food for the house from ₦50,000 to ₦20,000 — and it’s a struggle to meet this figure monthly.

When I took the NGO job 5 years and 8 months ago, I was told it was a contract job open to renewal every 4 years. What I didn’t know was how long it takes between each renewal cycle. Our contract expired 5 months ago and my colleagues and I have been waiting for renewal ever since. In that time, I’ve gone into panic mode seeing my savings go from healthy to sickly and that’s why I picked up the Uber job. Junior colleagues who weren’t so lucky to own a car had to resort to various menial jobs.

But the truth is that we’re all suffering, regardless of whatever each person is doing to survive.

I have gone from someone who didn’t think too much about money to calculating every naira that goes in and out of my account. I’ve gone from sending my parents money to going to their house to pick up rice, yam and garri for my house. I’m not ashamed to lean on my parents for help but for someone who has tasted life, I’m currently living in dark times.

THURSDAY:
Today, I’ve decided to stop fixating on the past and instead concentrate on the present. I am an Uber driver and not an ex-NGO worker. As long as I keep looking back, I won’t be able to do what’s in front of me well because I’ll always be seeing the job as a means to an end.

Yes, the job is tedious, annoying, frustrating, but it’s what feeds me for now. And I must treat it as such.

However, it’s not easy maintaining this resolution because I keep wondering about the plans I have for when my contract gets renewed. First, I’ll save up ₦2M to buy a Federal Government job as a safety net for when the next contract expires; it’s not glorious work but that’s my buffer during the next renewal period. Next, I’ll start looking for other sources to diversify my income.

In my head, I can’t help but think that the best thing to do is to take the Uber job seriously for now while still waiting for the contract renewal. After all, I can’t afford not to because of all the bills — NEPA, rent, school fees, gas — on the ground.

I haven’t thought about the future for now but an ideal “happy ever after” for me is one where my contract gets renewed or I meet a helper who removes me from this condition.

FRIDAY:
Friday to Sunday are the peak days for us in this town because students will go out, workers will go clubbing and weddings will happen. So while everyone is doing TGIF, my own week is just truly beginning. These three days are half exciting and half tedious but they make me feel useful and occupy me so much that I don’t have time to think.

On my journey to work today, I listen to a sermon that talks about gratitude amid adversity. Following their advice, I list all the things I’m grateful for:

I’m grateful for a supportive wife and family.
I’m grateful for caring parents who support me.
I’m grateful for owning my car and not having to pay anyone money.
Most importantly, I’m grateful for good health that hasn’t wiped my small savings.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/hustle/im-currently-living-in-dark-times-a-week-in-the-life-of-an-ex-ngo-worker-in-between-jobs/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.141221

Read more stories about the life of everyday Nigerians and their hustle here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/a-week-in-the-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.141221

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be telling the story of the time I tried pre-workout and almost sent myself to the great beyond.

I made a big mistake that day. And yes, I have regrets.

Date: 11th of November 2021
Time: 7:50 a.m.
Location: Bedroom
Activity: Thinking

I’m lying in bed thinking about my fitfam journey. Ever since I fell off the rails in 2017, it’s been a mess. I think about how I registered at a gym in April 2021 and actually did the damn thing for a few months but fell off again. Now, three months later, I haven’t gone back because I’m always tired.

But that’s about to change. You see, I’ve recently encountered something that can turn my fitness journey around. The thing doesn’t belong to me, but I’m going to get my hands on it by any means necessary.

Summer body here I come.

Time: 10:30 a.m.
Location: Kitchen
Activity: Stealing

My partner has just bought a tub of pre-workout, and I am determined to try some of it without telling them.

I have no idea why I’m keeping this is a secret. I guess being fraudulent makes me feel alive. Anyway, I mix a scoop of the pre-workout powder in water. I expect it to have the same texture as a protein shake but it doesn’t and just looks like…powder in water. I’m like, “YOLO” and down it in one gulp. The high-pitched scream that escapes my lips immediately after swallowing would’ve made Ariana Grande say “Kilode?!”

The mixture tastes like citrus-flavoured battery acid.

Time: 11:26 a.m.
Location: On my way to the gym in a cab
Activity: Vibrating with energy

It’s been almost an hour since I drank the pre-workout and I feel excellent. I get to the gym and immediately start sprinting on the treadmill.

I spend 20 minutes on the treadmill, move straight to the elliptical machine, and start riding violently. I go from that to the weights section to work on my arms. When I’m done, I put my legs to work at the squat rack. I can feel the energy from the pre-workout coursing through my body like electricity and I feel ALIVE.

This must be what eating meth feels like.

Time: 12: 49 p.m.
Location: The gym floor
Activity: Trying not to die

One moment, I’m working the hell out of a stationary bike, and the next, I’m on the floor feeling faint. The room is spinning and my chest is doing gbim gbim. I wonder what could be causing this and remember that I took the pre-workout on an empty stomach. Bleep. It’s the middle of the day so I’m alone in that section of the gym. I lie there for a few minutes, unable to get up. Then I think about what the headlines would be if I die on the top floor of Nigeria’s fastest-growing gym chain, surrounded by stationary bikes. That gives me the strength to stand.

“Lagos fat man slumps and dies while working out.”

Time: 1:15 p.m.
Location: Sandwich shop beside the gym
Activity: Wolfing down a disgustingly healthy sandwich

In the sandwich shop’s defence, selling anything but healthy food next to a gym would be plain evil. I made my way there and frantically demanded a sandwich, scaring the attendants so much, they hand me the sandwich before asking for money. As I sit there eating a sandwich filled with leaves, I remember the stock photos of white people laughing while eating salads and wonder what the Bleep they’re laughing at because this shit tastes like grass.

Bleep those lying Caucasians.

Time: 1:30 p.m.
Location: Gym toilet
Activity: Virtual work meeting

Turns out a client scheduled an important meeting for that time and I totally forgot about it. Fortunately, I had enough energy to “Hmmm” and “Yah” my way through it. Capitalism is the worst.

I picked the toilet because I needed a quiet place and the gym plays loud ass music 24/7.

Time: 3: 21 p.m.
Location: Home
Activity: Realising that I could’ve fucking died that day

I’m reading the instructions on the side of the pre-workout container and it says that beginners should first try half a scoop to see how their body reacts to it. It also says that pre-workout contains the caffeine equivalent of four cups of coffee and that people with hypertension should stay away from it. Guess who has two thumbs and blood pressure that’s high as shit?

Me.

I could’ve died of a heart attack. Girl, I…

Time: 4:39 a.m.
Location: Bedroom
Activity: Screaming in frustration

It’s been over 12 hours since I got home, and I’m exhausted but can’t sleep because the pre-workout electricity is still running through me. I scream, “Eli Eli lama sabachthani?!” and fall to the floor in tears. My partner is stressed out and sitting in a chair, watching me display madness. I’ve refused to let them sleep because HOW DARE THEY SLEEP WHEN I’M IN DISTRESS?!

“I’M A GOOD PERSON! I DON’T DESERVE THIS!!”

Time: 7:23 a.m.
Location: Kitchen floor
Activity: FINALLY sleeping

Never again will I attempt to use performance enhancers. Nah fat I fat. I no kill person.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/pop/so-you-dont-have-to/i-tried-pre-workout-and-almost-died-so-you-dont-have-to/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Read more "So You DOn't Have To" stories here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/pop/so-you-dont-have-to/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

The 35-year-old in this story was forced out of his home after a Boko Haram attack in 2016. Subsequently, he came to Lagos to start over, and he was getting back on his feet until a government decision set him back.

When was the first time you knew what money meant?
In the early 90s, I used to hawk pepper with my mum every afternoon after school. It was from whatever we made she took ₦2 or ₦3 to give me every morning to take to school. This was how I knew that you had to work to make money. I was 10 years old.

Could you paint me a picture of what things were like growing up?
My mum was a farmer who sold things on the side, and she was all my younger sister and I had. My dad wasn’t in the picture — he was in Chibok, my hometown. I don’t have the details but they had issues they couldn’t get past after my sister was born. Eventually, my mum left him and took us with her to Toto in Nasarawa State where her family was.

Things were a little rough for the first few years, but she tried her best to provide for us. But I had to get involved as soon as I could to help, and that’s why I started hawking with her. When I was in JSS 3 in 2001, my mum stopped me from hawking because she thought I was getting too old for it. Things had gotten better too — she had raised money to set up a small store where she sold foodstuff. We were doing better than ever.

Sadly, my mum passed away a year later in 2002.

I’m so sorry.
My sister and I moved in with my mum’s sister, who was also a farmer. However, money was always a problem and she struggled to raise us with her own kids. After living with her for two years, I made a decision.

What was that?
I would go to Chibok to look for my dad. I convinced my aunt to let me go, and she even gave me ₦6k. After two days on the road, I arrived at Chibok. I didn’t have a lot of trouble finding my family home, and for the first time in years, I saw my dad.

Do you remember what that felt like?
I don’t know but I’ll tell you what he did: he embraced me for a long time, then he took me to the rest of the family and introduced me as the son he had been talking about. At that moment, I knew my sister and I were coming home and we would be okay.

A week or two after I arrived, he sent money to my sister in Nasarawa and she joined us in Chibok.

Sweet. What happened after?
Nothing much happened in the first four years except helping him on his rice farm. In 2008, he asked me about my plans for the future. I was in SS 1 when my mum died, but going back to school wasn’t an option anymore. First, he didn’t have enough money to send me to school. Also, the quality of the government-owned schools there were bad, so I didn’t see a point in going to one of them.

What did you decide on then?
I was interested in cars and wanted to know how they work. I told him I’d like to learn how to be a mechanic. He knew someone who had a workshop in Maiduguri and asked him if I could be one of his apprentices. In September 2008, I moved to Maiduguri to start my apprenticeship. I was with my boss until 2014.

Six years?
Yes. My boss liked to do everything well. So he didn’t talk about my graduation until he was sure I could work on any petrol or diesel engine.

Omo. What were things like during those years?
I was comfortable. I lived with him for the entire time and he fed me and the other apprentices. In return, we helped around the house and took care of the workshop. I was making some money here and there too — customers who came to the workshop sometimes tipped us money when we worked on their cars and it was anything from ₦100 to ₦300. In a month, I made an average of ₦3k from tips, which I always sent to my sister in Chibok because I didn’t have much need for money.

When I finally graduated in 2014, my boss gave me a space in his workshop because he knew I didn’t have enough money to set out on my own. He even sent some of his clients my way.

Your boss sounds like a nice person.
He was. I started working on cars and keeping all the money I made. In the first few months after my graduation, I was making between ₦6k and ₦8k monthly. One of the first things I did was move out of my boss’s home to rent my own space, and I got a room for ₦250/month. I was starting my life.

Later in 2014, my dad died after a short illness. There was nothing for my sister in Chibok anymore, so I brought her to live with me in Maiduguri. She lived with me for only a year though.

Why, what happened?
She got married in 2015 and moved in with her husband. I thought it was time for me to finally settle down too. I had someone I was interested in already, so it took only a few months after my sister’s wedding before I did mine too. It was a small one, and I’m not sure I spent up to ₦5k.

What were things like financially after you got married?
I was still at my boss’s workshop, making about ₦1k every day. After sorting out transportation and lunch, I’d bring about ₦600 home, and that would go to my wife. On the good days, there was extra to save.

It wasn’t a lot but things were easy, at least until Boko Haram became a problem.

Tell me about that.
The attacks had started small-small since 2010. But it became more serious in 2013 after the Chibok kidnappings. Soldiers took over the whole state, and we had to adjust to a new life. There were checkpoints everywhere, curfews everywhere. The sad thing about this was that people weren’t going out as much, which meant that there weren’t cars to repair anymore.

My son was born in 2015, in the middle of all this. In 2016, I moved the family to Mule — a small town in Maiduguri. I thought we would be safer there. I was wrong.

Ah.
I cannot forget the day Boko Haram attacked my community. The gunshots started around 4 a.m. Then bombs followed. I hid my family in our room because there was nowhere else to hide. We laid there until soldiers came later in the morning and said we could come out. I looked at my five-month-old son and realised that he could have died. I decided to leave Maiduguri that morning. Three days later, I returned to my aunt in Nasarawa. I didn’t have to worry about my sister — she and her husband had gotten out of Maiduguri.

How did you manage to get out?
It was a struggle. We didn’t have enough money for the journey — my wife and I had ₦4k between us, which couldn’t get us far. Thankfully, we found a truck carrying watermelons to Damaturu. From Damaturu, we joined a vehicle going to Nasawara. It was a difficult journey, but we were safe at last.

I can’t imagine how tough that was.
I had to start all over again. I stayed in Nasarawa for a month before I left my wife and son and came to Lagos. This was November 2016.

Why did you come to Lagos?
I had an uncle who worked as a driver for a company, and he said he would accommodate me and help me find work in the city. And he did. I got my first job in February 2017.

Tell me about the job.
It was at a security company, and I was hired as a mechanic to work on their trucks. The pay was ₦15k.

Your first official salary.
Yes. I was living with my uncle, so rent and feeding wasn’t a problem. Because of that, I could send ₦10k to my wife every month. The rest went mostly towards my transportation expenses. There was hardly anything left to save after that.

However, I wasn’t enjoying the job. I was working long hours without extra pay. After a few months, I realised that the money wasn’t worth the stress. I left the job in December 2017.

Did you find something else before you quit?
Something like that. Someone gave me a fairly-used okada on a hire-purchase agreement. I was supposed to pay him ₦200k for it, and the plan was that I would deliver ₦7k to him every week.

How did this go?
It took me a year before I could complete the payment, and it felt like I was working for him the whole time.

I was making about ₦2k – ₦2500 every day, but the policemen, area and union boys would harass me and take from what I’d made. After everything, I would have only about ₦1200 left, and some of it would still go into buying fuel.

It broke my heart to do this, but I had to reduce the money I sent home to my wife to ₦7k per month. Whatever else I made went into paying the guy who gave me the okada. Still, I couldn’t meet the December deadline he gave me to complete the payment, and he threatened to take the bike away from me. I had ₦25k left to pay o. Thankfully, my uncle stepped in and gave me the money.

But he also asked me to stop the bike work one month later.

Why?
I had an accident, and I spent a few days in the hospital because of it. When I came out of the hospital, I started looking for a new job and found one as a mechanic in a workshop. The salary was ₦25k/month. I was managing that until I was robbed on my way back from work one night. I quit the job the following day.

I decided that I had no choice but to return to riding okada. In April 2020, I sold my old bike for ₦70k and added it to the ₦60k I had in my savings and used the money to buy a new okada.

How did it go this time?
It was much better because everything I made was mine. I only worked early in the morning and late at night because I didn’t want anybody to harass or arrest me. On average, I made between ₦2500 and ₦3k every day. I made sure that I saved ₦2k from whatever I made in a day — ₦1k went to a daily contribution I was in and ₦1k went into my own savings.

You were saving about ₦60k every month.
Yes. My main concern was sending money to my wife every month, and I was able to send at least ₦20k. Things were good and I was very happy about it.

In December 2020, I thought it was time to bring my family to Lagos, and I did that. I moved out of my uncle’s place and rented a small room that cost ₦1500/month.

I imagine it was great finally having your family with you.
I was so happy, and I promised myself to work harder. Unfortunately, the Lagos state government banned okadas in February 2020, and that started to affect me. I couldn’t stop it totally because it was all I had to take care of my family.

How did the ban affect your earnings?
I had to stay off the main roads, so I wasn’t making as much. It was a struggle to make up to ₦1500 per day in the first few months of the ban. The police started harassing me more for money too. But the biggest people to worry about were Task Force — those ones would take your bikes away.

Things started to calm down after a few months, and I thought it was over. After the lockdown, all of us started returning to the major roads. Nothing else happened until March this year.

What happened in March?
I only work within the mainland because of Task Force, but a customer begged me to take them to the island. He said he was late for an interview and promised to pay me ₦1500, so I decided to risk it. The moment I dropped him and wanted to turn back, a Task Force vehicle pulled up and their officers jumped out. It was too close and there was no way for me to drive away. They grabbed me, pulled me off my bike and took it away. Till today, I haven’t seen my bike.

I went to their office a few times, but the people I met there said there was nothing I could do to get it back and advised me to let it go.

Ah.
I had about ₦60k in savings at the time. I took the money to the market and bought foodstuff for the house. My wife said she would use some of the beans I bought to start a small akara business. This happened for some time, and it brought some money in. Unfortunately, a paint of beans that used to cost between ₦1200 and ₦1500 went up to ₦2500 – ₦3000. When we realised that she couldn’t sell akara anymore, we raised ₦10k and she switched to selling pap.

Do you have an idea how much this brings in?
₦1700 – ₦2000 on a very good day, and that’s everything we live on. I think about this, and I feel so sad. But there’s nothing I can do about it until I find a new job.

How much do you think would be great for you right now?
I want to say ₦60k/month, but I also know that I’ll take whatever I see now — it will get me to my plan faster. I want to return home to Maiduguri because it would be cheaper to open a workshop. Life is better there, and I feel like my family will be happier first. But I need money to do all this.

How would you say your experiences have shaped the way you see money?
For me, I think there are some things you shouldn’t do when you don’t have money and one of them is giving birth to a child. Sometimes, I look at my son and feel so guilty. It’s like I brought him here to suffer. He’s almost six now and is not in school. He stopped going to school after they took my okada. I feel like I’ve failed him.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Do you remember the last thing you spent money on that made you happy?
I don’t know how much I spent bringing my family to Lagos, but that would be it. I felt complete when they came here. My wife and I would share stories about the past every night and we would laugh about them. I was truly happy.

On a scale of 0-10, how would you rate your financial happiness?
3. I’ve always tried my best to provide for my family, and now it feels like I’ve failed them. I’m only happy when they are and even though my wife doesn’t complain and my son is still young, I don’t think they are happy. And every day, I feel like it’s my fault. This number can only go up when I start earning again.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/naira-life/the-nairalife-of-mechanic-barely-surviving-lagos/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Read more #Nairalife stories here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/naira-life?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Igbo culture, like every other Nigerian culture, has parts that should be glorified and parts that can be done away with over the years. Following a Twitter conversation on how Igbo culture treats women, we spoke to seven Igbo women and here’s what they had to say:

Uju, 42
My mum is a Trinidadian woman. She met my father at university in England. They got married and moved to Enugu in the early 60s with their newborn daughter. My mum worked as a midwife at the University of Nigeria Teaching Hospital and contributed to the family’s wealth but my father complained about my mum’s imperfect Igbo. She understood the language but struggled to speak it. He said he needed somebody with whom he could express his true heart and there were so many somebodies. Random women would stop her on the streets greeting her as “Nwunye di’m” or “my co-wife.”

At work, a doctor once cornered my mum, grabbed her breasts, and tried to rape her. He said he thought she needed love since everybody knew her husband’s attention was occupied with others.

During the war in 1967, my father left my mum with his family to live with his mistress. By then, they had two kids at age six and four and my mum was pregnant with a third child. After the war, he married his mistress and brought her to live in our house. My mum begged him to keep her in one of his other houses but he refused. My mum took the matter to the Umunna council of male elders begging for help. My father was a rich man with many houses so he could have separate houses for his wives but the elders refused. They asked my mum who she thought she would have such a big man to herself. My mum was a devout Catholic and couldn’t openly tolerate polygamy so, after that meeting, she started planning to leave my father. The whole thing lasted for a couple of years. She could pretend she didn’t see her husband’s infidelity for 25 years, but the breaking point was being forced to publicly condone it by living with him and another wife.

For the last two years of her marriage, she hid cash and sold her jewellery. She took a suitcase to her work office and packed her property in bits. My clothes were disappearing, and I didn’t understand why. When a box was full, she hid it at her best friend’s home. My mum’s chance to leave came with a wedding invite to Lagos. She first travelled to buy tickets, then she sent her big suitcases to a friend in Lagos.

When it was time for the wedding, she travelled to Lagos with two of her youngest kids — me and my brother. We never made it to the wedding. That night, we boarded another plane much bigger than the one we flew from Enugu to America. It was on our way, my mum explained that she was leaving my father. By law, the children belonged to the father and so she was kidnapping us. We arrived in the US and hid for two more years before my father came to look for us.

My life changed overnight — I moved to a new continent with no prior notice because my mum decided she was done with her husband and his family’s mess. Parts of the Igbo culture that absolve men from their responsibilities is something that will never sit well with me.

Oge, 23
I am the first daughter of my parents. Before my brothers were born, my mum was treated poorly by members of my dad’s family because they saw her as childless, despite having a daughter. This made me feel like no matter what I accomplish, I would still not be seen as worthy in their eyes.

My dad’s best friend has two daughters who are adults and he still gets shunned by his own family because he refused to get another wife to give him a son. It was so bad that he wasn’t allowed at his own mother’s burial. I understand now why my parents tried to shield me from Igbo culture.

Zainab, 26
A part of Igbo culture I hate is being discriminated against for not being Igbo enough. I was raised as a Muslim in Abuja. As a child, no one really cared but as I grew older and realised that I didn’t have a lot of experiences Igbo kids had, I started to feel like an outcast. For example, we weren’t raised with music in my home so that Sunday morning gospel music scene before church most Igbo families have, I can’t relate. The good thing is that I can speak my dialect and other dialects to an extent but not with confidence other Igbo people speak because I feel people won’t understand me. It doesn’t help that I don’t look Igbo at all, so nobody treats me like an Igbo girl. I tend to settle into whatever tribe people assume I am without disputing it until I am asked. I’ve realized that these little things shaped how I feel about being Igbo and has made me detached from my roots.

Natalie, 31
I was an only child for ten years because my mum had fertility issues. My grandma tormented my mum during this time, telling her she was childless and needed to have more kids. Eventually, my mum miraculously healed and she gave birth to my sister. My dad was happy but grandma wasn’t. The insults continued. My mum had three more kids and luckily, they were boys but things changed.

My parents started struggling to take care of all six of us. They had more school fees to pay and still had to make sure we had all the things we needed as a family. I love my siblings but I would have been just fine with my sister. Thankfully, my siblings and I are grown up and can now support the family now so it’s a lot easier.

Nneka, 22
In 2019, I was dating this Igbo guy. We were so close that he invited me for a family get together. When I got there, all the women were either in the kitchen or serving guests. They didn’t even sit down to enjoy what they prepared. I wanted to help but the women told me to sit and enjoy myself.

Some of the men walked to where we were, saw me sitting and started talking about how I’m just sitting doing nothing. One of them asked the guy I came with if this is the woman he wanted to get married to while others laughed. They mocked me so badly that day I felt terrible for a long time.

Ogenna, 26
My dad did his best to shield my sisters and me from toxic parts of Igbo culture but you can’t always fully be protected. When I was ten years old, my uncles were having a conversation about elections and I chipped in saying I wanted a seat in the state house of assembly when I get older. One of my uncles said, “Then you better marry from this local government.” It wasn’t until I got older that I understood what he meant.

An Igbo woman is stateless until she is married and even then, in many instances, she can’t run for office as a wife of her husband’s place or as a daughter in her hometown. The whole thing truly sucks.

Ezinne, 18
When my dad died, my uncles expected my stepbrother to take the properties my dad left behind from us including the house we lived in. My uncles made him fly down to Nigeria to demand the documents because women don’t own properties in Igbo culture. My brother didn’t want to fight and eventually told my uncles to back off but it’s something I still think about, that my siblings and I could have been homeless because of one ancient practice that doesn’t even make sense.

Pam, 29
As a child, I hated that there were some masquerades I couldn’t see but my brothers could and even chase them. It annoyed me to no end that women have to stay inside while the men go out and have fun. There’s a spiritual reason for it that seems reasonable — they say women are the source of life and thus easy hosts for spirits, but it still didn’t make sense to me.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/her/7-igbo-women-on-the-things-they-dislike-about-igbo-culture/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Read more stories from Nigerian women here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/her/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

Today’s subject on Abroad Life moved to Ghana in 2009 after her family told her she would have a great time there. She talks about seeing xenophobia against Nigerians play out in many different forms and experiencing it herself, firsthand.

What was growing up like for you?
I grew up in Lagos with my two older siblings and parents who were lovers — they loved each other and everything about the world, like music. My parents listened to every type of music. It was a huge part of their lives, and soon, it became a huge part of mine.

Tell me about that.
My interest in music grew with attending church. My dad was a traditionalist who believed in his blackness above everything. He didn’t go to shrines, but he believed in his ancestors and in doing the right thing. My mother, on the other hand, was Catholic. They didn’t impose their religions upon us, but my siblings and I eventually went to church with my mum. Hearing the church’s classical music style made me fall in love with being in the church.

As I grew older, I fell more in love with music and out of love with the church.

Sometime after that, some of my family members visited Ghana and swore it was an amazing place to be, so I decided to visit first, and when I made some friends and saw it was a good place for networking that would help my musical career grow, I decided to move there too.

Nice. What was Ghana like?
Omo, it wasn’t amazing. The treatment of Nigerians in Ghana is so bad. You’ll see it in situations like simple marketplace transactions where once a merchant hears your accent, they shoot the prices up and when you complain, they’ll say, “You’re a Nigerian. You have oil money.” I heard news of Nigerians being beaten in street squares for the tiniest offences. People act harshly towards you once they know you’re a Nigerian. It was terrible.

One day, I was walking in Circle when I saw a newspaper headline: “Nigerian Man Caught For Stealing Phone”. I was stunned. Do you know the process it takes to have something on a national newspaper headline?

Weird question: why did you stay?
I was making really good musical connections and some good friendships, and I didn’t want to throw it all away because I was offended about the way I was being treated. If I was in the US, I’d probably have to be afraid of violent racism too, but that doesn’t mean no black people should step foot in the US.

Did you experience xenophobia in other forms?
I’ll tell you a few stories. One year, on the night of December 31st, my Ghanaian friends and I went to a bar to have some drinks. On the table beside us, some men were having a terribly loud argument. One of them was saying Nigerians were better than Ghanaians, and the others said he was absolutely out of his mind because Ghanaians were superior to Nigerians. They were all Ghanaians.

Apparently, the guy that was saying Nigerians are better than Ghanaians had been to Nigeria and his argument was that we did things better than them. It was so weird hearing such an unnecessary argument when I was just trying to have a nice time with my friends. You want to know the crazy thing that happened next?

Please tell me.
One of my friends stood up and joined in the argument, equally raising their voice about how Nigerians are in all ways inferior to Ghanaians. I just sat there and watched in awe.

No way!
Another time, I was being interviewed on live radio about my music, but we had to pause the interview once it was 12 p.m. for the midday news. As I sat there, the newscaster reading the midday news said, “The crime rates in Ghana are rapidly increasing and we know why — it’s because of the influence of Nollywood.” She then went on to talk about how Nigerian movies are the reason for a lot of the terrible crimes happening and Ghana and implied that if Ghanaians didn’t watch as many Nollywood movies, the crime rates would reduce.

Omo.
The interviewer sounded so pissed. When the show resumed, she publicly apologised for the statement before we continued. Me, once again, I was stunned.

Whoa.
Another time, I was at a musical conference where some bigshot white guy was supposed to speak via a live video call that would be broadcast on the huge screen. But the organisers of the show had some technical issues setting up, so he had to wait for a long time. When he finally came on, he refused to speak because he said they didn’t respect his time. What made it worse was he ended the rant with: “You guys need to learn from the Nigerians. I had to speak with the Nigerians earlier, and it went very smoothly.” Then he hung up. All of this played on the huge screen for everyone in attendance to hear.

Ah.
The president of the Musicians Union of Ghana was part of the audience. He stood up, took a microphone and began to rant, but his rant wasn’t about the guy that had just spoken to them. It was about Nigerians. “What is special about Nigerians, and why are they comparing us?” It was embarrassing.

When did you eventually leave Ghana?
I left in 2015, but it wasn’t because of xenophobia. I just needed to move on with my life and do better things, because I’d been in Ghana since 2009. Brazil was the next destination for me.

Do you think you’ll go back to Ghana?
If I have the chance, I will. It’s not like I swore never to go back there. It’s just time and chance.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/i-experienced-terrible-xenophobia-in-ghana-abroad-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

Read more stories about Nigerians living outside the country here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/abroad-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.131221

The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.

Today’s subject on Abroad Life moved to South Africa in 2011 after her husband persuaded her to join him for greener pastures. She talks about the struggles of settling into a new place, the thrill of starting a successful business and the acceptance that came with losing it all.

When was the first time you left Nigeria?
November 2011. I was 21. My husband had gone to South Africa to check on a business opportunity his friend told him about, and even though the opportunity didn’t turn out well, he wanted us to move there.

What does your husband do?
At the time, he frequently travelled to Dubai and sold whatever he brought back — clothes, phones, shoes, watches, everything. He had been doing it for eight years and it was bringing good money to him. From the money he was making, he set up a business for me where I sold recharge cards in bulk.

By 2010, his business started failing because he didn’t have a shop. People would buy things from him, come to the house to pick them up, and promise to pay later. He realised that something had to be done.

Tell me about the business opportunity in South Africa?
As the debts increased, and his business in Nigeria stopped working, he started considering other options. One of these options was the phone market in South Africa. The idea came from a friend there. He could come in and sell phones just like people do in Computer Village, and make good money.

At first, my husband fought the idea. To him, South Africa was an African country just like Nigeria, so they couldn’t offer him anything special. He didn’t have any faith in Africa. Apart from that, he also knew about the xenophobia that was happening in that period, so it didn’t make any sense to go. After a bit of convincing from his friend, he decided to visit.

When he got there, what he saw wasn’t what he expected from an African country. There were good roads, water, and electricity. The phone business didn’t work because he realised that his friend was trying to get him into selling stolen phones, but he saw a life his family could enjoy, so he stayed.

How long after did you join him?
Seven months later, but after a lot of fighting. When he told me he was staying in South Africa and that I needed to join him there, I outrightly refused. I’d never left Nigeria before and I was enjoying my life, so I didn’t see any sense in leaving. I’d also heard of all the xenophobia and I was pregnant so I didn’t want to go into a country where I thought my life wouldn’t be safe because of a man.

After I had my baby in June 2011, my mum convinced me to join my husband, so I did. In the few months, while he processed our visas, he advised me to learn hairdressing because he wasn’t sure I would easily find a job in South Africa. Even he didn’t find a job easily, so he resorted to barbing, a skill he’d picked up in his youth.

What were your first thoughts when you arrived in South Africa?
I didn’t have the mental space to think so much about the country because when I saw my husband, I was in shock. He looked so shrivelled and despicable. Like he’d been suffering.

Why?
He was disguising. It’s not like we were flat broke before he left Nigeria because he still had money from his former business dealings, but he didn’t want people there to know he had money. He lived in an apartment with eight men, most of whom were strangers and so he lived like them — sleeping on the floor, skipping meals, living rough, etc. I remember one day before I joined him there when he called me crying because he removed a pair of jeans before taking a bath and one of his roommates kept it for him. He thought they would find the dollars in his pockets and steal them. It turned out the guy didn’t even check his pockets and just returned his jeans when he came back to the room.

What was he keeping all his money for?
He was keeping it to relocate me and our daughter. He got our visas, paid for flights, and brought us down here. Three days after we got there, he got us an apartment. I used the money I got from selling all my bulk recharge cards off to furnish the apartment, and our life there started.

What was life like?
In the beginning, we struggled because we were new to the society, and South Africa isn’t the most welcoming place. There was no straight-up xenophobia, but it was hard to find jobs, make friends, and all that. We survived on my husband’s barber salary until he found me a place to work as a hairdresser. Omo, my boss was evil. She constantly cheated me of my wages because she thought I didn’t understand how much I was meant to be getting. This went on for a few months until I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left.

I got another hairdresser job shortly after, and while this woman didn’t cheat me of my wages, her problem was that she liked my work a bit too much. She enrolled my daughter in school to rid me of distractions and made me work long hours. Every time I tried to spend time with my daughter, she made it a big deal. I was good at hairdressing and my services were bringing lots of customers to her shop, so she didn’t want me to go. On the surface level, she was nice, but deep down, she was strategising ways for me to work for her for as long as she could. People started noticing and warned me to keep my distance from her.

In South Africa, it’s common for residents and citizens to hold foreigners who work for them hostage by threatening to put them in police trouble that could get them deported. Some employers even go as far as planting drugs on their employees and having them get caught by police. Because it’s all planned, they’ll talk to the police to let the employee go, and the employee would have to keep working for them for saving their lives. If the employee tries to leave, they pull the criminal card and threaten them with jail terms.

Did that ever happen to you?
I think it almost did. I left my daughter with her one day, and a few days later, my daughter fell really ill with diarrhoea. When I took her to the hospital, the nurses called the police on me because they found huge amounts of a natural laxative in her system and they needed to know how she ingested it. After I explained that I didn’t know, they let me go. I went back to the shop and caused a huge storm and that’s when I quit. I didn’t want anyone messing with my daughter.

A queen! Did things get better?
Yes. Because my husband and I knew we wanted to stay in South Africa for a long time, we lived a simple life and saved most of the money we got. By 2015, we were able to open a huge hairdressing shop for me and that’s when things started getting better. In the same period, my husband got his cut from a monthly contribution thing he was doing and decided to start a second-hand car business. He’d found out that South Africans often disposed of cars with the slightest problems, so he went to the park, found a car with a tiny problem, fixed it, and sold it at a huge profit. That way, he was able to buy another car and do the same. Within a short while, he was buying three cars and selling them.

Nice. How was the hairdressing shop on your end?
It was blooming. People loved me and loved my services. I know my employees can never forget me too because they still call me to thank me for “changing their lives”. I understood what I’d suffered in the hands of my former employers and I promised myself I would treat my own employees right.

So business was good, I had another child, life was good, and my marriage was good. The only problem I remember having in that period was fighting with my husband daily because he wanted me to come home early. He was always home by 6 p.m. with the kids while I worked till midnight because my working-class customers trooped in after work. We’d talk about it, I’d change a bit but go back to coming home late again. It was just the nature of the business. At some point, he understood. He was just afraid for me.

I’m curious, what was your relationship with your family back at home like?
Almost non-existent. My dad died when I was a child and we weren’t on good terms with his side of the family. My mum, with whom I had a great relationship, passed away in 2017, so the only person I spoke with and sent money to was my sister.

Did you ever consider coming back?
The first time we ever considered coming back to visit was in 2017, but things were moving so smoothly, we didn’t eventually make the trip back until 2020. March 2020.

Right in the middle of the pandemic.
Exactly. Shortly after we got back, lockdown happened. We’ve been stuck here since.

Wait, what happened to your shop?
I left it in the care of a friend without any legal agreement. I just told him to send me money occasionally. I haven’t gotten any money from him since. At first, he and his wife ran the business terribly and then because of the pandemic, they had to shut it down. Now, I hear that the business is running again, but he’s blocked me. I have decided to let it go.

AH! What about your husband’s car business?
By the time we were leaving, he had 9 cars ready to be sold, and he left them with his friend to help him sell them and send the money.

Oh my God…
We’ve received only about ₦50,000 from that friend for cars worth millions. We’re pretty sure he’s sold them and he’s just being fraudulent, but what can we do? After my husband dragged the issue with his friend until the point where they started cussing each other out, we decided to let it go too.

What’s your plan for the future?
We’re staying in Nigeria. It’s home. Last year, we used the money we had to build our own house. I got a job as a hairdresser at a small salon and that’s where I work now. In December last year, I found out I was pregnant again and had the worst nine months of my life because I absolutely did not want a child in the situation we were in. But when the child came a few months ago, it was like I was giving birth to an angel. Every negative emotion went away. She’s the highlight of my return to Nigeria.

That’s amazing. What does your husband do now?
When we were building our house, he decided to import a bulk of the house’s furnishing from Germany, so he bought them along with a huge bus. After we settled, he was looking for something to do when an old friend reached out to him to find out if he wanted to work at the cargo-hauling area of the international airport. If he wanted the job, he would need a bus, and luckily we have a huge bus. That’s what he does now.

Sweet! Good luck in your future endeavours.
Thank you.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/we-lost-everything-we-had-in-south-africa-but-were-not-going-back-abroad-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.091221

Read more stories by Nigerians living abroad, here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/abroad-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.091221

Zikoko has scored an exclusive interview with Detty December, where they discuss 2019, COVID, and other juicy things. Come rain, sunshine, or COVID variants, Detty December has vowed to be outside, because being “inside” is an emotion she’s not familiar with. She also has a bone to pick with Queen Elizabeth due to the recent addition of Nigeria to the Omnicron travel restriction list, effectively reducing our inflow of IJGBs.

Read the full interview here: https://www.zikoko.com/life/interview-with-detty-december-come-rain-come-shine-we-outside/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.091221

The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” plays chess for a living. He tells us about navigating societal disregard for his chosen career, his persistence even in the face of dwindling funds and why chess has him in a chokehold.

MONDAY:
It’s 8:00 a.m., and I’m just waking up — I was up late playing chess online with my friends. Because of my relatively flexible schedule, it’s not uncommon for me to play chess into the early hours of a new day. This is usually in addition to whatever real-life games I might have played during the day. There can never be too much chess.

I play chess for a living, so I start each day reviewing my strategies from previous games. I break an old game down to reveal the flaws and try to see if I could have done something better. Next, I exercise my brain muscle by reading books on chess strategy. A few hours in, when my stomach starts to demand food, it’s time for my first break of the day. After breakfast, I usually take a quick nap before scheduling matches with various opponents both online and offline.

However, today is different. I’m starting my day with meditation. In the last few games I played, I noticed that I was bombarded by distracting thoughts. And because chess is a high-pressure game, I’ve had to research various ways of calming myself.

I’m a little worried that meditation might not work but I’m confident that like chess, I can always review my process to see what I did wrong. Ultimately, I’m positive that I will find a solution.

TUESDAY:
Considering that chess is half good and bad, I’m not doing too badly. But it depends on who you ask. To society, mostly the uninitiated, I’m wasting my time playing chess instead of getting a “real job.”

To the initiated who understand the pull of chess — the appeal that draws you in and blinds you to everything — I’m doing okay. These people understand the obsession when you, who think you’re intellectually superior, lose to an opponent and you want to avenge your pride. Only they understand the drive to go back to the drawing board when someone bests you. They’re familiar with the endless cycle of certain defeat that awaits all chess players, no matter how good they are. It’s only these same yet diverse strange entities that chess attracts that understand my struggle.

And that’s why the day I had was completely frustrating. A friend staying over at my house was worried about me staring at my chess board for almost 30 minutes. To put her mind at ease, I switched to playing a tournament online and she mistook this for idleness and started to show me funny WhatsApp statuses. I had to explain to her the importance of what I was doing and how much I could make from winning the tournament. Only then did she understand. In her head, she always wondered what I did for a living. I wonder how different things would have been if I was seated in front of a laptop receiving calls all day.

To worsen things, while talking to my mum and her friends today, someone asked what I did for a living. My mum hesitated and looked at me. I hesitated and looked at her. The entire incident was extremely awkward.

At that point, I decided to apply for a formal job, not because I needed one but to show my mum that I could get a job whenever I chose to. Maybe that would put her mind to rest and remove some of the awkwardness.

All that one is future planning. Now, the only thing on my mind is what to eat and when to sleep.

WEDNESDAY:
Today was a relatively good day. I woke up earlier than 8 a.m. and completed my routine one hour before my usual time. This left me with enough time to let my thoughts wander. I remembered how I started playing chess in secondary school and vividly remembered the big trophy I won that signalled the beginning of my obsession with chess.

I had flashbacks of the time spent in cyber cafes after secondary school playing chess online. I also didn’t forget getting my ass whooped in the first major in-person competition I played after multiple streaks of online winning. That experience reset me and made me always review my strategy after every game.

Like yesterday, I still remembered the look on my course adviser’s face when I asked for permission to play in the NUGA games. In his head, I’m sure he was like, “who has time to set another exam question for you?” Of course, he refused.

I’ll never forget applying some principles from chess — like introspection —

to my life during my NYSC year, seeing positive results and promising Caissa, the goddess of chess, that I’d play chess for two years to repay her for helping me improve my quality of life.

There’s no way I could ever forget going to Ghana with money for one leg of the trip, accommodation, and barely enough for food. I knew that I absolutely had to win something at the tournament or I’d trek back from Accra to Lagos. Thankfully, I came first in the tournament. The alternative would have been calling family members back in Nigeria.

It’s not a perfect life but through chess, I’ve seen amazing places, had amazing experiences and suffered amazing misfortunes. Not a bad deal I suppose.

THURSDAY:
The 2020 pandemic affected many things in the world: from health safety measures to travel to relationships and finally, my earning potential.

My two-year promise to Cassia started at the end of 2018 and 2019 was fairly decent. I played in enough tournaments and won enough money to get by. Then, 2020 came with the pandemic and all the tournaments got cancelled and moved to 2022. This meant that my finances were thrown into a very dark place.

I suddenly went from being very generous with money to auditing every purchase. I also started considering alternative earning paths, like coding.

I have no regrets about playing chess professionally for a few years. I find comfort in the fact that I’m relatively smart so I can afford to take some risks.

Whenever I want to panic about my decision, I think to myself that when I was in my final year people used to brag about following Game of Thrones (GOT). But one day, I started watching GOT and binged it for two weeks and caught up with them. It’s a completely useless analogy but I feel that no matter how much wealth my mates amass now, I can always catch up whenever I’m ready to pursue money — just like I did with the GOT series.

Today, my biggest headache is that I have only N3,000 left till I get more money from playing tournaments. I’m craving parfait which is N3,000 but I also realise that the same money can get me two whole fish, some pepper, and rice which I can cook and hold body for another one week. The right choice is glaring.

Playing chess professionally sometimes forces me into decisions like this but I don’t mind, for now. Even when I transition to do other things and explore other skills, I can never leave chess. It is always drawing me back and it’ll always be an important part of my life.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/hustle/there-can-never-be-too-much-chess-a-week-in-the-life-of-a-chess-player/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.071221

Read more stories about everyday Nigerians and their chosen careers here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/a-week-in-the-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.071221

You know how everyone is always crying about how Lagos men are wicked, serving breakfast up and down? Well, let’s introduce you to Abuja men and their shenanigans. Known for hobosexualism – the art of squatting with your sexual partner, these men are the real pandemic. But you know what? They’re actually hardworking as well. Here are some of the inspiring jobs they take on when they’re not eating all your food for free.

Fitness Trainer
One of the most lucrative Abuja baby boy roles has to be the fitness trainer route. You see them all the time on Instagram and probably in every gym in town. These guys have like 18 packs and will take off their shirts faster than CBN can announce a new financial cock-blocking policy. During the day, they’re at the gym helping their clients learn the new booty building squat routine, and by night, you’ll be sure to either spot them at the latest clubs in shirts so tight they can barely breathe or in the bed of one of their clients doing plumber work.

Selling “bespoke” trad
Everyone who is anyone in Abuja has a clothing line at this point. What do you expect in a city where everyone dresses like they have a high-class wedding to attend? This is also another job you can take on while you live off your girlfriend. To do this well, you need to have a reliable tailor and a little bit of Instagram clout, so when you decide to sell one up and down for ₦80,000, no one will bat an eyelash. After all, it’s not really the trad they’re buying, it’s the aesthetics.

Running a barbing salon
Another lucrative scene in Abuja is the barbing salon industry and we don’t use the word “Industry” lightly. In Abuja, a haircut can go for as high as ₦5,000 depending on the location and general je ne sais quoi of the place. Some will cut your hair, rub your head small, and decide it’s enough reason to bleed your account dry. If you can convince a woman to let you live with her for free, then getting her to open a barbing salon for you shouldn’t be so hard.

Chasing contracts
This is the Abuja version of “I have containers on the high sea”. Unconfirmed statistics show that one in every six Abuja men has one or two contracts in the pipeline and that’s why they’ve mastered the art of drafting proposals. Literally, anyone can write you a business plan in Abuja. This is also one of the ways Abuja hobosexuals weasel their way into your bed and your Garki apartment. They’ll tell you one of their contracts is being processed and if you’re not jazzed up, you’ll enter one chance.

Influenza
Thanks to social media and Keeping up with the Kardashians, it’s easy to make a life for yourself just by being internet famous these days. Tapping into this market, Abuja men can be influencers for any and everything from waist trainers and slimming tea to just strolling through restaurants with Lecrae’s Coming in hot playing in the background. All you need to excel at this is a fine face, nice outfits and a phone with a good camera. For extra followers, throw in some muscle ear and dear.

A lirru bit of gheigh
Landing a senator or minister in Abuja is not as easy as Abuja Connection made it look. While Clarion Chukwura and Eucharia Anunobi were battling it out for the tough men in the city, your competition here might just be the boyfriend you left at home. You’re not the only one who likes money, sis. And like the popular video says, “All of us na ashewo.” So please, keep that in mind.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/life/general/6-jobs-abuja-men-do-on-the-side-while-squatting-with-their-babes/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.071221

Read more funny articles like this here: https://www.zikoko.com/tag/humour?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.071221

In 2018, the 20-year-old in this #NairaLife randomly applied for a coding training course and didn’t look back. Three years and a couple of courses later, she works as a front-end developer. How much does the job pay her per month? ₦470k.

What’s your oldest memory of money?
When I was four years old, my sister and I frequented my grandparents’ house because my grandmother was ill. Our visits usually coincided with my granduncle’s, and he would dash every kid in the house ₦5. I knew the money could buy me biscuits or sweets, so I looked forward to the drop. But my sister always complained that she couldn’t do a lot with the money. This was how I learnt that more money meant more sweets.

The biggest awareness of money came when I was in JSS 3 when I was stuck at home because I owed school fees. It shocked me because I always thought my parents were doing well.

Do you remember why you thought so?
I never heard them complain about money. I knew we weren’t rich-rich, but things were just always done. Our school fees were paid on time, and we didn’t lack any basic needs. It wasn’t until much later that I found out that my dad was in-between jobs, and my mum worked as an instructor at a catering school and occasionally worked some catering gigs.

Anyway, the school fees thing opened my eyes, and I had more appreciation for money. Deep down too, I wanted to start making money as soon as possible because I thought it was up to me to assist my parents. I quickly realised that the only thing I could do then was to go to school and become one of the best in my class and that’s what I did.

I got two opportunities to make some money while I was still in secondary school though.

I’m listening.
When I was in SSS 1, I helped about 15 guys in my class buy roses and greeting cards for their crushes during Valentine. I made about ₦1500 in profit. God, it made me so confident in myself and gave me the ginger to do the second thing two years later.

What was it?
During our final exams, 50 people in my class gave me ₦1k each to get exam dubs for them — I knew a guy, and I paid him about ₦20k and kept the rest. Because of this, I had a bit of money on me when I finished secondary school. This was July 2018.

Interesting. What happened after you left secondary school?
I started trying to figure out what to study in university, but I wasn’t particularly interested in any course. In the end, I went for what my folks liked: electrical engineering.

I had time to kill when I started my application process. In July, I found a one-month computer coding training sponsored by the state government, and I applied for it.

Was coding something you had always been interested in?
I learned some of the basics at a summer camp I went to when I was in SS 1. While I liked the experience, I didn’t give it much thought or do anything with it after the camp ended. The training I found felt like a good opportunity to return to it. Besides, it also felt like something I could do to make money.

When the training ended in August 2018, I wasn’t sure how to proceed. I knew I didn’t know enough about coding to make money off it yet. Luckily, I got another training opportunity with a tech company to learn python programming, and I went for it. I applied and wrote the test in August and got accepted in September. It was a 3-month course with an option to apply to their internship programme upon completion.

How much was the internship, and did you apply to it?
₦25k/month. I was 17 years old, and the money felt like a lot. But no, I didn’t apply because they needed me to stay for a year, which wasn’t possible since I was in the middle of my university application. I was a little sad about it, but we move.

Unfortunately, my university application wasn’t successful. In December 2018, I signed up for the state-sponsored coding again. I was there for about two or three months and learned about HTML and CSS.

The first few months of 2019 was about applying to the university again, writing the exams. I was also registering for every training programme for young developers I could find — this felt like the easiest route to improve my skills. It was a good thing I did this because one of them moved the needle.

Tell me about it.
I had developed an interest in front-end engineering. In July, I applied to a three-month programme at DevCareer and was accepted the following month. By November, I could tell that I was ready to start taking on jobs.

Nice. When did you get your first job?
July 2020. It took nine months to get my first job. A couple of things happened between that time too: I got admitted into the university and started classes in January 2020. Then Covid happened and academic activities just stopped. There was nothing much to do, and I threw myself into finding my first job.

So you got your first job in July 2020. How did it happen?
A referral. One of the guys at DevCareer knew someone who needed a front-end engineer for an e-commerce website. The pay was about ₦210k. However, the project ran for a few months, and I was paid in instalments. I got ₦75k at the beginning of the project, then another ₦75k a month later. The balance came at the end of the project, which was in February this year.

Ah, I see. How did the project go?
Omo, it wasn’t the best. They kept asking for specifications and features I didn’t agree to when I came on board. Unfortunately, I didn’t know enough to ask for a contract renegotiation. I cared too much about adding the job to my CV, so I stuck with it. In hindsight, that was a mistake. But lesson learnt.

I got a couple of little projects in the months that followed, which paid between ₦100k and ₦150k. In December 2020, I got my next major gig with a fintech company. I worked with them for three months, and I was paid ₦350k.

Neat. I’m curious about what your expenses were at the time.
I was living with my parents and didn’t have many expenses. The only thing on my mind was saving money to buy myself a MacBook so the bulk of my earnings went straight into my savings. A gig I got in March 2021 and finished up in April got me to my goal. I got ₦400k from it. I bought the laptop the following month, and it cost ₦560k.

Well done. A segue: what would you say your relationship with money was like after you got your first couple of gigs?
I became quite generous with money for other people. I would ask my mum what she wanted and get it for her and randomly send my dad some money. My friends would ask for loans, and I wouldn’t think too much before I made it happen. To make sure my savings wasn’t affected though, I didn’t do a lot of things for myself in the first couple of months. I had money somewhere and that was the most important thing.

That sense of security. What does it do to someone?
I became a little proud, and rightfully so. I was 19 years old and making small moves. I could handle my most basic needs.

Sounds nice o. Back to your gigs.
The last guys I worked for decided to put me on retainer in May for three months at ₦160k/month. I liked the structure that came with getting money every month, so I started looking for a full-time job and threw myself into job applications.

I heard about how TalentQL helps programmers in Nigeria find jobs from some people I knew from my time at DevCareers. I applied to their talent pool in April and wrote a test the same day. A few days later, I had an interview with their recruiter. In May, I did another batch of interviews and wrote another test. By the end of the month, I was accepted into the programme and they sent my CV to a couple of tech companies.

Two months later, I got my first offer. ₦200k/month.

Did you take it?
No. I told them that it didn’t work for me and they increased it to ₦250k/month. I would have jumped straight at it then, but they said it was going to be a while before I would be up for renegotiation. Sounded like bad vibes.

I was interviewing with another company I had a good feeling about. I reached out to them and told them that I had an offer I was considering. That must have woken them up because they sent their offer before the week was over.

Haha. How much?
₦470k + equity options and health insurance. The email came in around 11 p.m, and I returned the signed copy of the offer letter the following morning. I started the job the same month.

Congratulations. I’m curious about how you think about money now.
I deeply respect money, and that’s why I save as if my life depends on it. My salary is paid in USDT and for the most part, I leave it in my crypto wallet untouched. I have a small gig that pays me ₦35k/month, and that’s what I mostly live on every month. When I have to touch my salary, I don’t take more than ₦50k/month.

Omo. This is the part where I ask you to break down your monthly running costs.

I know that this is only possible because I live with my parents and we live very close to the university. I don’t always have to worry about food. I don’t worry at all about rent. I help with money at home now and then. The fact that I do this even used to be a problem — my parents feared that I was so bent on working because I felt Iike I had to support them. But we’ve had a series of conversations about it, and everyone is now on the same page.

Wholesome. If you live on ₦35k/month, I wonder what your savings look like.
Right now? I have about $4k, which is in USDT. I used to save in Naira, but when I realised that it didn’t make much sense, I moved my money out of my Nigerian accounts.

Fair enough. Are investments your thing?
Not really. I have some stocks here and there on Bamboo, but nothing major. I started with $25 and put money in it whenever I can. Also, I have some crypto assets that are worth about ₦80k at the moment, and that’s it. My primary strategy at the moment is savings and increasing my income.

Interesting you mentioned that. How much do you feel you should be earning right now?
Anything between $2k and $2500 sounds great. I’ve grown as a developer and should easily get a job that pays that much. But the fact that I’m still in my second year of university is affecting my earning potential. That said, I’m good at what I do and I deserve all the dollars.

Preach! You should be out of school in five years. How much do you imagine you will be earning then?
If everything goes well, that number should be between $12k and $15k. In five years, I would have about seven years of work experience. And I’m pretty sure I would have left front-end engineering and dived into something else. I guess that it would be the blockchain or web3. That knowledge should come with a big paycheck.

Besides, I would very much like to retire by 30 if I can help it. I need to figure out how to consistently increase my income if I want to save more and invest in the right opportunities.

Sounds like a plan. Back to the present. What’s something you want right now but can’t afford?
The new M1 Max MacBook. It’s so fast, but it also costs more than $4k. I’m not rich enough to splurge on it right now. I don’t think it’s something I’m getting next year either. It’s going to be a fun fantasy for a while until something else replaces it.

Is there something you bought recently that improved the quality of your life though?
That should be my iPhone. In August, I traded my iPhone 8 for an 11 pro and added ₦350K. Now, I don’t have to worry about my phone dying on me every time. It’s bliss.

How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
I’d say 6. I think I could be earning more, and I’d feel a lot better if I am. At the moment, I can’t help thinking that things could still go south, which is crazy because I save almost everything I earn. The best way to deal with this is to save more and the best way to save more is to earn more. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but I can’t wait for that $2500/month job.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/naira-life/the-nairalife-of-student-doubling-as-a-software-engineer/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.061221

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

Inside this #NairaLife is a 30-year-old actress and screenwriter whose biggest struggle is income stability. Does her line of work have something to do with this? Yes, but it runs a little deeper than that.

Let’s start with your earliest memory of money.

It was watching my mum carry most of the financial weight of the family. My dad is a full-time pastor and my mum is a civil servant. Although her civil service salary wasn’t much, it was better than what my dad earned at the church. I was 10 years old when I became aware of this. But that wasn’t the most important realisation.

What was it?

I found out we were living on faith. For every major project my parents wanted to do and couldn’t afford, they prayed for the money. Somehow, the money always showed up. It could be a loan from my mum’s place of work or a gift to my dad. This wasn’t very healthy. My parents — my dad especially — started making decisions because he hoped that we would find the money, not necessarily because we could afford it.

Tell me about a time this happened.

When I finished secondary school in 2007, my dad insisted that I go to a private university and study economics. We could barely afford a public university o. We settled on a university in the south-south, and when we found out how much it would cost, it became a prayer point. The tuition was about ₦230k.

The family started gathering the money little by little. A week before resumption, we needed ₦50k to complete the fees, and it didn’t seem like we would find the balance. Then on the night before I was supposed to leave, someone my dad knew showed up at our house with an envelope. There was ₦50k in it.

The exact amount you needed?

The exact amount. There were other cases like that when things came through at the last minute. In the long run, this made me complacent with my finances. The financial education I got from my parents was pretty much “pray for the money and it would come”.

How did uni go?

I switched to another private university in the southwest in my second year because my grandmother wanted me to be closer to her. My mother covered my tuition until I graduated, and she took a lot of loans for it. I didn’t have a steady allowance because tuition took most of our budget. On average, I was getting between ₦3k and ₦5k at a time, but I didn’t know when it would come.

I didn’t have a lot of needs. It didn’t matter that a lot of the people in my school drove cars and everyone I knew had a BlackBerry phone. As long as I had food, I was fine. I also had a thing for spending money on my friends when my parents sent money even though it meant I’d go back to being broke within a week. For someone who liked to give money away, I didn’t care about getting extra income. Until the time I graduated in 2011, I had never done anything for money.

When did this change?

2012. I served in a state in the north central. Nothing much happened in my Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), which gave me time to get a front desk officer job at a hotel. The pay was ₦15k/month. Add this to the ₦19,800 I got from the federal government and my total monthly earning was ₦34,800. Most of the monthly running costs went into transportation and chipping in at home. The way my family worked, whatever one person earned is everyone’s money. I spent six months at the job.

Why did you leave?

I got bored. In the same month I quit, I got another job as a receptionist at a real estate company. ₦30k/month. However, I had to work at least 12 hours every day in unfavourable conditions. I had a bar stool for a chair, and I’d sit there from 8 a.m to 8 p.m, trying my best to smile at customers because that was what I was expected to do.

A month after I started the job, one of my aunts noticed how much weight I had lost and asked me to quit, promising to send me ₦30k every month until I finished my service year. I thought it was a good deal and quit.

Did she come through?

Haha. She did for a month, and that was it. I decided to live on my monthly stipend from the government until I finished NYSC. My service year ended in 2013.

Post-NYSC?

I had always wanted to do something creative for work, never mind that it’s a pivot from what I studied in university. I found a school in Lagos that offered a 3-month certificate course on screenwriting. The tuition was ₦165k. My mum gathered the money for me, and I moved to Lagos in February 2013.

Something else happened in the same month.

What was that?

My mum won a scholarship sponsored by the Australian government, and they said she could bring her husband and her children under 18 with her. Everyone in the family, except me, was eligible to travel with her, so I remained in Nigeria. I didn’t mind this because I had my screenwriting course.

How did it go?

Very well. As soon as I completed the programme, I got an offer to write scripts for a cable network. They paid $1k per script.

Baller. How did this work?

I pitched my ideas to them and wrote the ones they liked. I got paid a month or two after the script was approved. Between 2014 and 2015, I wrote four scripts. The exchange rate of dollar to naira at the time was $1 to ₦200, so I earned ₦800k from the job. The bulk of the payments went into settling debt.

Oh

I couldn’t turn to my family for help much because they were out of the country. And because they were living on the stipend my mum got from her scholarship, I thought they needed money more than I did. The next best thing was to turn to friends and ask for loans, so I was borrowing money from friends. I have to point out that I didn’t think I was living from hand to mouth. For some reason, I was in a bubble where I thought I only needed to have faith, persevere a little and everything good would come. That bubble burst in 2014.

What happened?

My younger brother won a football scholarship to study in the US. However, the scholarship only covered 60% of his tuition. As usual, the family believed that God would do it. I think my parents raised some of the balance and sent him on his way, hoping to find the rest. My brother started to struggle in the US and nobody could come through for him. My mum had only her stipend, my dad had no income, and I was in Nigeria living from hand to mouth. In the end, my brother failed to meet the multiple payment deadlines and extensions, and he lost the admission offer. It broke all of us.

Damn. That must hurt so bad.

See, my mindset shifted immediately, and I started to realise that I may need to start looking for ways to get money and not trusting that it would just show up.

What came after this realisation?

I became interested in money and how to make it. Later in 2014, I got another job in the writing room of an indie TV show, and I got paid ₦20k per episode. From 2014 to 2016, I wrote 23 episodes of the show.

Were you still borrowing money from your friends?

Oh, I was. Small loans from multiple sources helped me survive the period. I would borrow money, return it when I get paid, and borrow from someone else. It was a never-ending cycle.

I spread my wings a little after 2014. I got my first acting job in 2015. It was a small role in a TV show, and I was paid ₦25k for it. I was written back into the show during the second season, and that brought in ₦40k. While I was shooting this show, a TV network reached out.

What did they want?

They wanted me to voice a character for a show they were translating into Yoruba. I got hired, and that gig paid me ₦250k.

That must have felt like a big break.

It would have felt like that if I got a couple more roles that paid that much. Now, I was a little more interested in money, and I decided to act on it.

What did you do?

I started a drama company of sorts and worked on my first stage play. I had always been active in the drama unit of my church, so people volunteered as cast and crew members. Someone even sponsored and dropped ₦250k. I got an additional ₦100k from individual contributors. In December 2015, we showed my first stage play.

Yay. How did it go?

A ticket to the show cost ₦1k and we had 250 people in the audience. But we made about ₦220k in ticket sales because not everyone bought a ticket. Regardless, everyone thought it was a success.

My mum came home from Australia to support me, and she pushed for me to take the show to Abuja. I put the money we made from the Lagos show and some extra money I got from my mum and showed the play to an Abuja audience in January 2016. Bruv, everything went down the drain.

What happened?

To be honest, we did the Lagos show based on vibes and spent nothing on marketing. I thought we could ride on the same wave in Abuja. Only 50 people came to see the show, and just about 15 people bought tickets. Most of them were even family and friends.

That’s rough.

That taught me I wasn’t special, but I continued working on more shows. Nothing much happened until August 2017 when I got another job.

Where was this?

A children’s clothing store, and I was hired as an e-commerce officer. The pay was ₦45k/month. After three months, a new chief operations officer came in and moved me to the brand and marketing department. I quit four months later because there was hardly any space for expression and the owner thought they owned us because they paid us a salary. When I couldn’t deal with it anymore, I turned in my resignation letter. This was February 2018.

What came after?

My focus returned to writing and producing stage plays — all of them faith-based stories. By 2019, I had written six plays and done 15 productions in Lagos and Abuja. None of them was as successful as the first one I showed in 2015. Whatever little money I made from a show went into paying a vendor I was owing or planning the next one. I wasn’t even paying my cast or crew — they were there because they volunteered. But I had to care of all the logistics. I borrowed money to make it work. By December 2019, there was a problem — I was neck-deep in debt.

Omo. How much?

About ₦500k. My team understood when I told them I could no longer run the organisation, and most of them raised money for me to settle the debt — ₦500 here, ₦1000k there. With what they raised for me and some additional money my mum got, I cleared half of the debt.

With that settled, I knew I had to go back to full-time employment. It didn’t make sense to continue producing plays no one was coming to watch. I started looking for a job.

When did you find one?

February 2020. A bank had just started a creative unit to create ads, and they needed a screenwriter. Someone referred me, and I got the job. My salary was ₦230k.

Nice.

This was the first time in a long time I got paid every month. My priority was clearing my debt, and I did that within the first few months. Then I figured it was time to start saving, but that just didn’t work.

Why not?

I returned to being an impulsive giver. 2020 was tough for a lot of people I know. I couldn’t see my people constantly in need without stepping in. Whenever people hit me up, I sent whatever I had, even if it was money I had intended to save. My partner at the time also had a major financial challenge, so my money was going out almost as quickly as it was coming in.

Things move fast when you have a little money to spend. Soon, it was January 2021, and it came with a feeling.

What was it?

I was going to lose my job. Since after the lockdown, they had been asking people what they were bringing to the table. They also let some people go in 2020, but I wasn’t touched because my department head was fighting to keep us. I knew she couldn’t do it for much longer, and I was right. From January to April, it was one issue or the other with HR. None of it was hardly my fault. The whole back and forth started to stress me. I figured it was time to leave in April.

Now that I think about it, I probably decided to leave because I had started another production company. I shot my short film in January, and it was released in April. I spent ₦450k on this — my mum dropped half of the money. Then I started to work on a series, which cost me ₦200k to produce.

Back to the job. I told them in April that I was going to leave. This happened in May. Like that, I didn’t have a monthly income anymore. Thankfully, I got an acting job, which paid me ₦220k in June. In the same month, I was hired to write a screenplay for a show, and I got ₦150k for that. One month later, I got another writing job that paid me ₦650k.

Man, you were on a streak.

Haha. The payment was made in four instalments between July and September, so the money didn’t have as much impact as I imagine it would have if I had been paid everything at once. I worked on my second short film and released it in September. The production cost was about ₦120k.

I’ve been on a dry run since that time — I haven’t gotten another gig or worked on a project. I woke up one day in October and came to terms that I was back to being broke.

What steps did you take after this?

My parents had returned to the country in 2016, so I moved back in with them. That was the best decision I could make for myself at this point.

Fair enough.

I’m still figuring out what next to do, but I need to continue earning in the meantime. In October, I registered on Bigo, a live streaming platform where I have been hosting a show. I made ₦50k from that at the end of the month. The show continues this month, and I’m hoping to surpass that number.

What’s a good number for you right now?

Oh my goodness, anything from ₦700k sounds great. I have a friend who makes about ₦800k/month from the same platform. Realistically, it will take a while before I hit that number on Bigo.

I also believe that I should be earning as much from paid employment. I know what I can do, but I haven’t explored the possibilities of a full-time job that much. Although paid employment will give me the income stability I don’t have at the moment, I don’t think it’s for me. I can’t deal with the whole routine that comes with it.

I see. How do you navigate life without a steady income?

It’s the same way I’ve navigated everything else: contentedness. I make do with what I earn when I earn it. As long as it covers my feeding and other basic needs, I’m fine. Some people might argue that I’m not ambitious. While I don’t think that’s true, I’ve always struggled with making long terms plans. I have to find a way to fix this now that I’m back to filmmaking.

What do your finances currently look like?

The only savings I have to my name is ₦28k locked in a Cowrywise plan. At the moment, most of my expenses go into data and food. I would say I spend about ₦50k every month, and a lot of it comes from money gifts from my mum and friends.

How have your experiences over the past years shaped your perspective about money?

Having faith is great, but it won’t automatically put you on a path to financial independence. Financial education will. I feel like if I had been interested in how to make money earlier, I would have done better. I wish my parents had actual conversations about money when I was younger and didn’t always go down the “let’s pray and the money will come” route.

My dad woke up one day in 2017 and realised that he didn’t have anything he could leave behind for his kids. The realisation and regret hit him deeply, and he struggled a lot with it. He talked about starting a couple of things but didn’t have the strength and knowledge to make it happen. More importantly, he had lost time. I’m 30 now, and while I feel like it’s not too late to turn it around, I also know I’m now in a race against time.

What parts of your finances do you think you could have been better at?

Impulsive giving. That was something I did consistently over the years even when I couldn’t afford it. I don’t think I’m very good at saving money either, but I didn’t give myself a chance to find out.

I have a feeling that there’s something you want right now but can’t afford?

There is. Film equipment — camera, light and sound. All of this should run into about ₦3.5m. I can do more with them, but I don’t have that much money laying around at the moment.

What about something you purchased recently that improved the quality of your life?

I bought a used iPhone XR in August for content creation, and it cost ₦185k. It’s the best investment I’ve made this year. The quality of my videos has greatly improved just because of that phone.

Lit. How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

I’m at a 3 right now. I’m still super broke and nowhere close to where I could be. That said, I’m very grateful for the opportunities to tell stories, and I have told a couple. This — for me— means I’ve not lived very badly, and I’ll just focus on that.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/naira-life/the-nairalife-of-a-struggling-creative-who-is-racing-time/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.221121

Are you looking for the best way to make money online? Are you a student who could use some money or do you have a full-time job but won’t mind an extra source of income? Maybe the plan is to even turn your online business into a full-time job. The point is, whatever your needs are, there are multiple ways to make money online.

The popularity of the internet in the past two decades has transformed every form of our lives, including the way we conduct business. The internet is now a platform connecting people who require some service and are willing to pay for it with people who can provide the service.

How to make money online zikoko
Needless to say, the concept of online marketplaces is becoming increasingly popular, and everyone wants a piece. Millions of people across the globe make their money from businesses they build online. With a phone/laptop and internet connection, you can join in the fun too.

Let’s dive in.

Top 10 Ways To Make Money Online In 2021

1. Freelancing

Do you have a skill or service you feel like exchanging for money, a laptop, and an internet connection? If yes, then you should consider freelancing.

The best thing about the freelancing industry is that there is a market for every skill you can think of, although there may be some disparity in demand. Are you good at writing? There are tons of content writing gigs online. What about programming, graphic design or translating or transcribing? Nothing is off-limits, really.

A good way to start freelancing is to register on freelance platforms: they match clients with talent all over the world. Create your profile, apply to jobs and get to work.

Some of the top freelance marketplaces include Upwork, Fiverr, PeoplePerHour , Freelancer, and local platforms like Kula.

To get started, you should check out this resource.

2. Affiliate Marketing

If you have a blog, a website or even a YouTube channel, and people buy a product from a third party via your platform because you talked about it, that’s affiliate marketing. And you can make money from it.

Affiliate marketing has a low barrier to entry but can be a reliable source of income.

Here’s how it work: You apply for the affiliate program where it is available. If you’re accepted, you get a custom link to the product you’re looking to promote. When your link successfully converts a customer— i.e. they make a purchase via the same link, you earn a commission.

Affiliate marketing is designed to increase sales and a good strategy to use is content creation.

If this sounds good to you, here are some affiliate programs in Nigeria you might be interested in.

3. Influencer Marketing

A couple of years ago, celebrities were the only sets of people considered as influencers. But that’s no longer the case — anyone with a strong online presence and engagement can sign up to become an influencer.

This gig is for you if you have some following on your social media account and are looking for a way to monetise it.

Influencer marketing is a type of word-of-mouth marketing strategy that relies on recommendations and endorsement from “influencers” — a term for people who have built a strong presence online and engage their followers. Influencer marketing is one of the organic ways brands promote their products and services, so they don’t hesitate to earmark some of their advertising budgets into this.

How does this work? Influencers partner with brands and “sell” the products to the target audience by posting “sponsored posts” on their social media platforms.

While reach is important in influencer marketing and brands look for people with a massive following, they also look at engagement. Not much might happen if you have 10k followers on Instagram but struggle to get five comments on your posts. Quality and relatable content, for the most part, is the best way to increase audience reach and engagement.

If this sounds like you, you will find this guide to becoming an influencer marketer useful.

4. Dropshipping

Dropshipping is a retail business model where the seller doesn’t have to stock the products they sell. This is how it works: when a customer makes an order from you, you purchase the product from a third-party merchant — usually a wholesaler or the manufacturer — and have them ship it directly to the customer in your name.

Many people will argue that the best thing about dropshipping is that it’s not as capital intensive as the standard retail model. For starters, you won’t have to worry about the cost of setting up a physical store to keep your inventory. And since you aren’t required to buy the products before you find a buyer, you won’t have to lose sleep over recouping your investment. What’s more? You still get to buy the products at wholesale prices and sell them to the customer at retail.

Read more about dropshipping in this article here.

5. Social Media Marketing

Social media marketing helps brands and businesses find and connect with their target audience on social media. As people spend long hours online, brands are also looking for ways to leverage this to reach more people and promote their products. This is where social media marketers come in.

A social media marketer’s job is pretty much using social media to promote products and services. So, if you know how algorithms work and how you can use them to boost audience reach or how to use paid advertising to hack growth, you should strongly consider finding work in social media marketing. But remember, the end goal here is also conversion.

This guide contains all the basics of social media marketing.

6. Setting Up A Virtual Store

The internet has transformed people’s buying behaviour and how they shop for things. With the rise of e-commerce stores, more people are open to buying things online.

Jumia and Konga are two of the biggest e-commerce platforms in Nigeria. While they sell products from their warehouses, they also allow other vendors and merchants to set up stores to sell and market their own products. You should consider tapping into this. If you have a product to exchange for money, you can leverage these marketplaces to reach more people and subsequently make more sales.

All you have to do is sign up to become a vendor and you can put up your products on the sites and start selling once you get approved. However, you should know that these platforms will charge a commission on every sale you make off their platform.

There’s another way to do this: you can easily create a custom online store on e-commerce platforms like Shopify and direct your customers there. Shopify has this detailed article on how to do this, and you can find it here.

Alternatively, you can set up your store on popular social media websites. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have opened up a new revenue stream for business owners, and they should be part of your marketing and sales strategy. It’s also easy to set up a store on these websites — sign up, post your products and create content around them, receive orders and fulfil.

If you’re looking for more information about how to use social media websites for e-commerce, this article is a good place to start.

7. Selling Online Courses

If you’re an expert at something and are looking to share the knowledge with others for a fee, creating an online course might be the way to go. You also have the freedom to choose whichever format works best for you — text or video.

Work on your online course, make sure it’s packed with value, put it on online marketplaces — it could be your custom website or an educational marketplace like Udemy — and start selling.

8. Starting A YouTube Channel

There are about 122 million active daily users on YouTube. In the past few years, there has been an increase in video monetisation attempts by individual content creators and vloggers. With a YouTube channel, you also can make money online. Some of the most popular ways to make money on YouTube include sponsored videos, monetising ad views and joining the YouTube Partner Program

9. Becoming A Virtual Assistant

Virtual assistants work remotely and help clients, which could be individuals or companies with their administrative tasks. As a virtual assistant, you’re making someone’s job easier and getting paid for it.

To find clients, you can use social media sites like Linkedin and Facebook to your advantage in addition to good ol’ word of mouth marketing. Freelancing platforms like Upwork and Fiverr are also effective places to scout for your clients.

10. Investing In Stocks
This is not exactly an online business, but it can be a good way to make money on the side. Also, it requires some capital, some level of financial education, and an appetite for risks. Financial services like Rise and Bamboo provide a range of foreign stock options you can research and put some money into. Now, sit back and watch your money grow.

5 Things To Do Before You Start Your Online Business

1. Research like your life depends on it… it kinda does:

Research doesn’t solve all of your problems, but it fixes most of them. The thing about making money online is that there are limitless options, and that can be overwhelming.

To get past that overwhelming phase, you must answer the question: will people pay for this service? A business that solves a problem will most definitely get paying clients, so it’s important to scour the internet for the necessary information before making a decision. Also, find out what the other players in the space are doing to secure the bag and see if there’s anything to emulate or tweak to make it better.

2. Equip yourself with the necessary skills or tools:

A lot of money-making options on the internet require a set of skills and abilities or tools to work with. For example, you can’t make money online off freelance content writing if you don’t build your writing skills. In the same vein, if you hope to make money from photo editing, you need editing skills and photo editing software.

It’s important to give your skills an honest evaluation and figure out what areas you need to develop. This will help you as you go.

3. Find out your target market:

This should be something you consider when conducting your research. It’s one thing to know that the service you’re looking to sell is in hot demand — it’s another thing to identify the people who are willing to pay for it.

Also, the market shifts all the time, and a widely-sought after service at a time might see a sharp drop in demand after a few months. Think about the long-term sustainability and market share before you commit to the business.

4. Prepare for the long haul:

It’s hard to build a business. Some sources claim that 90% of online businesses fail in the first four months of operation. This is scary, isn’t it?

There’s no guarantee that your business will become an instant hit. So, it just pays to be prepared to hang in there and consistently make moves to turn it into a reliable source of income.

5. Have a concrete marketing strategy:

A good advertising and marketing plan, in many cases, is a prerequisite to how much you can make. Promotion matters a lot, and it might be what you need to kick start your business and build it to scale.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/how-to-make-money-online-in-nigeria/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.031121

Read more like this here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/money/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.031121

The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” has been unlucky. One bad decision in conjunction with a faulty educational system took him from studying a professional degree to selling cattle. Now, he’s trusting God and waiting for his big break.

MONDAY:
I’m awake before my alarm rings. I unlock my phone to check the time and it reads 3:25 a.m. — this means I’m up early by five minutes. Every day, for the past six weeks, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night for tahajjud prayers.

I roll out of bed, perform ablution and drop on my praying mat. It’s a little bit past 4 a.m. when I’m done praying so I go back to sleep. The next time I open my eyes, it’s 5:30 a.m. and I’m just in time for morning prayers. Although standing up requires a little effort, I manage it. From this point, my day starts in full swing.

I say my prayer, have a bath, wash plates from the night before and cook breakfast. By 7:00 a.m., I’m out of my house and on a bike to the market where I sell livestock for a living. The first thing I do when I get to the market is survey prospective animals for sale. Because I do not [yet] own any cattle; I start my day by convincing people to let me handle the sale of theirs. After negotiations, we usually settle on a cost price, after which I’m free to add my own markup. Sometimes, if a cow costs ₦250,000, I can sell it for ₦255,000 or ₦260,000. The final price depends on the bargaining power of the customer. For expert customers, I usually end up selling at the cost price so the owner doesn’t make a loss. In scenarios like this, my commission ranges between ₦1,000 – ₦2,000. At all at all na him bad pass.

Mondays are typically slow. All the parties have happened over the weekend and there aren’t any more till the next weekend. So, after surveying prospective animals, I spend my Mondays feeding and cleaning them up to look healthy for sale during the week. I also stock up on support items like ropes, feed, etc so I can at least have something to sell and show for my efforts at the close of the day.

My plan for today is simple: make at least ₦1,000 to cover food and transportation back home.

TUESDAY:
Cows are very wicked. And that’s why I always carry my cane anytime I’m feeding or cleaning them. For any cow that is proving stubborn, I use my bulala to reset its head. Yet, these animals can be sneaky. One time when I wasn’t looking, a cow hit me on my chest with its horn. The blow packed enough force to make me sore for a few days but not enough force to make me bleed. After that incident, I became extra careful around the animals.

Truthfully, not all cows are wicked. Some are gentle, easy-going and even allow you to touch them. Currently, I have one cow that fits that bill. Although it has been paid for, I’ve been taking care of it for a month. It’s such an easy-going animal that I sometimes wish it were mine.

But it’s not and I’m just a caretaker. I can’t wait until I start going to the North to buy my own cattle. Until then, I’m going to be spending my days, like today, cleaning, feeding and caring for the animals.

WEDNESDAY:
Sometimes when I compare how much I make on average versus my expenses, I ask myself what I’m doing here. My average daily commission falls somewhere around ₦1,000 – ₦2,000. Bike to and from my house costs ₦400. Food that can sustain me for the kind of work I do costs me around the same: bread and beans costs ₦300 while fufu or eba costs ₦400. Whatever is left goes into my kolo for the rainy days. Sometimes, in a week, all I make is transport money with nothing to save.

For me, this reality is twice as painful because I used to be in the university until I dropped out in my final year. Most times, I find myself thinking that with my level of exposure I should be in a better place. But Allah knows best.

This afternoon, after some older men sent me to buy recharge cards and Amala, I found myself thinking about my life.

It started with a carryover in 200 level, although the repercussions only surfaced in my final year. In my department, one of the requirements to be eligible for final professional exams was having zero carryovers. However, because of a mixture of my negligence and horrible record keeping, I wasn’t aware that I had failed a course. At least, not until when I was prevented from registering for final year. I was asked to retake the course I had failed and that meant an automatic extra year.

Then I made a bad decision.

Because I was very active in school, and because of the shame and stigma I associated with having an extra year, I dropped out.

I got a job at a restaurant, continued to lie at home, and allowed one year to pass me by. By the time my parents found out what had happened, the school had removed me from their system. I begged, wrote letters, and even lobbied, but I was told I couldn’t be reabsorbed into the system. Even though I was on a good academic standing, I was kicked out for not deferring the admission and just ghosting. While I take full responsibility for my actions, I wish I had someone to tell me that a carryover wasn’t the end of the world.

Because I did not and I lived with the stigma of failure alone, I made the wrong decision. Now, all I’m left with is menial jobs and no professional degree.

I’ve accepted my fate and the part I played in making it so. But on days like this, my regrets are fresh again. My only consolation is that I believe that not everyone is destined to work a white-collar job. Perhaps this is my destiny and I should bear it with more humility. Whenever I wake up to pray at night, the one thing I ask God is that the things I’ve lost should not be greater than what I’m going to achieve in the future.

THURSDAY:
I try as much as possible to fast on Thursday to cut down the cost of feeding. Additionally, I also use the day to reflect and be grateful for my life so far. Although I’ve lost a lot, there’s still a lot to be grateful for.

Today, I’m especially grateful for a good support system; my parents and siblings, and friends who have encouraged me. I haven’t been the best person or been in the best of places but they’ve been rock solid.

Sometimes, when I complain of the fact that I’m almost thirty with nothing to show for it, they encourage me to go further. Also, when necessary, they do not hesitate to tell me difficult truths.

For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel like my old self and starting to pick myself up. The first sign is that I’m feeling restless again. More than ever, I’m constantly thinking of ways to save up money to buy livestock from the North. Even if I buy just one cattle or sheep, I’ll know that it is mine. With the income I earn, I don’t know how I’ll do it but I’ll make it work one way or another.

It has to work because my plan of going back to school depends on it. I can not, in good conscience, ask my parents to fund my education again, especially after what happened the last time. My dad is a retiree and my mum has my four siblings to take care of. I have to sort myself out even though I don’t yet know how.

On some level, I understand that this is a trial, so I’m constantly praying to Allah for forgiveness and the strength to see this through. I also understand that it’s not the trial that matters but your attitude while undergoing said trial.

I don’t have the answers but I know that my life story will not be defined by my mistakes. Even if I don’t know how I’m going to achieve any of my dreams, I’m going to try. I want my life story to be a testament to the fact that you can be at your lowest point and still pull yourself out. I believe that there’s no limit to what you can achieve as a human being.

I may not have all the answers but I have God. And his presence alone is sufficient for me.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/hustle/one-bumpy-semester-made-him-drop-out-of-school-now-hes-a-cattle-seller-a-week-in-the-life/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.031121

The subject of today’s What She Said is a 23-year-old woman who loves working as a prostitute. She talks about wanting to be a nurse when she was younger, the challenges of her current job, and her dream of teaching mathematics.

What’s an early memory of your childhood?
In primary school, we had one of those career days where you’d dress up as what you wanted to be when you grew older. I wanted to be a nurse. I remember wearing my white gown and carrying a thermometer around to check people’s temperatures.

I liked the idea of taking care of people, and at that point, that was all I wanted out of my life. To have a job where I’d spend the whole day caring for someone else.

So, did you study nursing?
I didn’t. As I got older, the idea of caring for people still appealed to me, but nursing seemed so stressful and hard. Also, after I heard all the years they were going to spend in university, I wasn’t interested anymore.

My secondary school had a tutoring program where they’d pair one really smart student with a student who was struggling, to see if the grades of those students would improve. I was really good at mathematics, so I tutored three students. By the end of the term, their grades improved, and I realised teaching was something I wanted to do.

I studied mathematics education in university and I’m working on getting my master’s by next year. After that, a PhD. Right now, I’m just working so I can save up enough money for all the things I have to do.

Glad you found what you loved. How’s the saving money part going?
Well, it’s going great. The goal is about fifty thousand dollars in savings before I leave for school. Also, to invest and earn some passive income.

I currently don’t have a job that makes me a fixed income, but I want to believe I’m doing okay. When I initially decided I wanted to be a sex worker, it was rough for a couple of months, but it’s been two years and life has finally balanced enough for me to say I can save fifty thousand dollars in a year and some months.

How did you decide you wanted to be a sex worker?
It was in 2019 and I was at a restaurant when someone propositioned me. He sent a waiter with a card that asked me how much it would cost for him to take me to his hotel. At first, I was shocked. Other than randomly being called a prostitute by men and women who were trying to insult me, nobody had actually offered to pay me to have sex with them. I was also curious to see if he was serious. I was working at a bank at the time, and the money coming in wasn’t great, so I decided to play along with it. I told him to pay me 125k because I thought he wouldn’t, but he agreed.

I want to believe that the combination of being drunk, broke and curious led me to do it the first time. Looking back, I should have been more careful because I didn’t tell my friends what I went to do or who I went to do it with. I just followed a stranger to a strange place.

How did that go?
It was average sex and he gave me the money in cash. When I was getting ready to leave in the morning, he gave me an extra 20k and his card and told me to keep in touch. At the time, I was still trying to wrap my head around what just happened. I got home, had a nap and woke up to almost 150k in cash beside me. I knew I would call him back. I just didn’t know when.

I called my best friend and explained the entire thing to her. After she scolded me for my recklessness, she helped me come up with a plan. We decided I would need to invest in my appearance, and that’s how the money that man gave me became capital for maintaining the business that is my body.

Was he the only one you slept with?
Of course not. As he and I saw more often, he took me along to parties with his friends and I met more people. They’d give me their numbers and I just did what I did. They ranged from businessmen and businesswomen to politicians and their wives.

Not all the people were old. The youngest person I ever slept with for money was 35. We met at a sex club, and she was bored and wanted to try something new. Honestly, I would have done it for free, but money must be made.

How much would you say you’ve earned?
The money wasn’t a lot in the beginning. It was very dependent on how many people I slept with, and at that time, I actually had to have sex with people. I wasn’t just an escort or some fine girl they were trying to impress. It was an average amount of 350 thousand naira a month. Way more than I earned in the bank job I quit after my first month as a sex worker, and even more than anything I would have earned at any job I was doing at the time.

As I expanded my circle and paid more to take care of myself, the price went up. Now, sometimes I’m paid in dollars or pounds, and I can make millions of naira in a month.

It’s hard work constantly being beautiful, but it’s honest work. I don’t have sex with as many people anymore, so most of my money comes from people trying to impress me like young guys I meet at the gyms, clubs, restaurants, etc.

Do your family members know?
No, and I intend to keep it that way for now. The thing with being a sex worker is constantly having to explain your means of income. To my parents and brother, I’m an entrepreneur. Most sex workers have other jobs they use to mask what they actually do. We live in a very weird society and I’m not ready for the onslaught that’ll happen once they find out the money I’ve been giving them to spend is sex money.

I do plan on telling them eventually, but maybe after I’ve done my master’s.

What’s the hardest part of your job?
There are so many hard parts, it’s unbelievable. One thing that stresses me out is always having to worry about your appearance. In this industry, you need to always look good. Even if you’re just going to pick up garri from the market, you need to put in effort.

Also, sicknesses. I’m very careful when it comes to sex. I encourage my regulars to get tested regularly, and so do I. I also always use a condom and visit my gynaecologist as often as possible. I have an IUD, so I’m covered on the pregnancy front, although I did get pregnant once but miscarried it.

I can’t tell people what I do. There’s also harassment. People just feel like since you do what you do, they’re free to constantly harass you and try to touch you without your consent. It’s crazy and absolutely disgusting.

Lastly, dealing with people’s spouses. There is almost always one partner threatening me with some form of violence or the other. All I do is provide a service, I’m not trying to marry them or anything. Will you shout at me if I was a dry cleaner?

How long do you see yourself doing this?
For as long as I can. I’m aware that being a prostitute is not a sustainable idea. I’d no longer be as young or as flexible as I am now and would earn less and no longer be as sought after, so I’m going to milk it for as long as I can.

I love my job, but I also have bigger plans. Teaching is my passion. I just want to be in a classroom and change people’s lives. I also enjoy studying mathematics.

Do you have any regrets?
That maybe I should have charged that man more on my first night. I’m happy and able to travel to a lot of countries by myself, whenever I want. I can afford way more than the basic necessities, and I have more free time than I know what to do with.

I’m great, and life is treating me fantastic.

Are there any misconceptions about your job you’d like to clear?
Firstly, not everyone hates their job as a sex worker. I love being a prostitute. Also, a lot of people hate their jobs and also only do it because they need to survive. Why then is prostitution a problem?

Secondly, I am not selling my body. I’m selling a service and that service is sex. My body is not for sale in any way.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/her/what-she-said-i-love-being-a-prostitute/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.031121

Read more stories by Nigerian women here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/her/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.031121

Waist beads are strands of beads made from crystal, bone, seeds, glass, metal and wood worn around the waist and stomach as jewellery. Waist beads have been around for thousands of years and can be traced back to the 15th century. They were called “girdles” and women in ancient Egypt wore them as a status symbol. Nigerian waist beads are believed to be made popular by Yoruba people. However, different people wear waist beads for different reasons. Some of which include:

1. For adornment
Most people who wear Nigerian waist beads wear them for beauty’s sake. It is the same reason why people wear necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.

2. For ceremonial purposes
Waist beads are a part of the ceremonial outfits of some tribes. Women wear them during cultural activities like traditional weddings and chieftaincy title ceremonies to accentuate their overall look.

3. As a symbol of love
Some people wear rings as a symbol of love for their partner and others wear waist beads instead or both.

4. Weight awareness
Some people wear Nigerian waist beads so they can control their weight. This depends on their weight goals.

5. For religious purposes.
This is common among people who practise African traditional religions. Some people wear it because they believe it helps them get pregnant and protects the unborn baby as well.

Different colours of waist beads are associated with specific meanings. They include the following:

White: Purity and truth.

Gold: Wealth and good health.

Blue: Healing and harmony.

Black: Protection and power.

Red: Confidence, passion and sexual energy.

Green: Prosperity, fertility and abundance.

Purple: Spirituality and royalty.

Yellow: Energy and joy.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/her/lets-talk-about-waistbeads/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.011121

Read more like this here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/her/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.011121

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

You can send your questions to Aunty Z! through this form.
https://airtable.com/shrTLMwBhSVCCNWlz

Dear Aunty Z!,

I’m in love with my best friend. He’s straight and he knows I’m into guys, but he’s only ever been supportive.

I hate that I have feelings for him because it feels like I’m betraying our relationship. Why can’t I be friends with a straight man without falling for him? What kind of cliche nonsense is that?

I’m wondering if I should tell him how I feel or I should just shut my mouth and keep my feelings to myself. They are starting to eat me up inside, but I’m scared of losing the friendship if I tell him.

What should I do?

– James, Male, 25, Gay

Dear James,

This is a tough one. Unrequited love is a stinking thing. Trust me, I know. We can’t control who we have feelings for, and that can be quite exhausting. But the truth is that telling your friend how you feel might not help either of you in the long run. However supportive he seems, he is a straight man and cannot feel the same way you do about him, no matter what you say or do. He can only share your burden which might be too heavy for him and the friendship.

It’s easier said than done, but there are two ways you can go about this. You can try to create a little distance between the both of you. It may be hard but sometimes “out of sight, out of mind” does wonders. The second thing you can try is just accepting that you love this person in the way that you’re capable of and they love you in the way they can. Those two ways don’t match but that’s just how life can be sometimes, my dear.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation but hang in there, feelings come and go and what that means is that you could wake up in a few weeks and there’s another sweet young man in your life who likes you as you like him. Make sure you write to me then o!

Love,
Aunty Z! .

Dear Aunty Z!,
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months but he has never acknowledged our monthiversary (I know it’s not that big a deal though). On my birthday, he didn’t get me a gift, but I got him one during his birthday. I did that as a way of showing him that I love a little effort. He just said, “Thanks,” like it was nothing.
It’s a long-distance relationship, but he never makes an attempt to come to see me, call me — voice or video — or even text me.

I feel alone in the relationship, and I don’t know how to tell him. He asked me out himself and has acknowledged that we are in this relationship, but he isn’t putting any effort and that’s pissing me off.

Would it be wrong to ask him if he really still wants to be in the relationship?

— Cherry, Female, 19, Straight

Dear Cherry,

I’ll start by saying, if a monthiversary is a big deal to you, that’s totally fine. It’s not ridiculous to expect your partner to understand the things you love and make some effort.

From what you’ve written, you clearly really like your partner (because if you don’t none of this stress is worth it, honey). With love sometimes, you have to teach your partner to love you. It’s a lot of work. It’s work you need to decide if you want to do or not.

In the event that you do like this person enough to do the work, sit them down — I know it’s a long-distance relationship so maybe you guys can do a date over Zoom or something — and tell him the things that bother you. Let him know how much you like birthday gifts and how you would like him to show more effort with your relationship because not calling or texting you sounds quite problematic.

At the end of the day, this will be your decision to make, but I do think that after telling your partner the things you’d like from them, they should, at the very least, make an effort. If he doesn’t, then it may be time to let that man go.

Write to me again after you’ve had the conversation. I really hope it helps.

Love,

Aunty Z!

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/ships/ask-aunty-z-unrequited-love-is-a-stinking-thing/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.011121

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

There are some things to note about the 25-year-old in this #NairaLife: she’s the breadwinner and was in about ₦2m debt. Three months ago she got a big break and her life changed — possibly forever.

What’s your oldest memory of money?
I was in primary school and living with my grandparents because my mum was in university. My parents would visit every two weeks and they’d give me between ₦300 and ₦500. This was in the early 2000s, so it meant a lot to me.

What could the money do for you?
I could ball a lot in school. I loved to spend the money on myself and my friends. I’m not sure if I was trying to show off or if I just liked to buy things for people. However, gifting got a little tiring when I was about 10 because books started to interest me. From that time, I started to spend more on books.

By 2005, I was in JSS 1 and my mum was done with the university so I returned to my parents’.

Ah, sweet.
Things were good. We weren’t rich-rich, but we were very comfortable. My dad sold cars and business wasn’t bad. He travelled to Germany a lot and even took me on some of the trips.

My mum was a stay at home mum. It didn’t matter because what my father made was enough for the family. It’s funny because at the time I didn’t even think we were comfortable, even though everyone thought we were.

Why didn’t you think you were comfortable?
I was very sheltered. I suspect that I may have taken everything — including the trips — for granted because my parents didn’t have conversations about money with me. But in 2008, I realised how comfortable we were.

What happened?
My dad died.

I’m sorry about that.
Thank you. It was challenging because my parents had four kids after me. Now, my mum had to worry about all five of us and she didn’t have a job.

Oof.
The good thing was that we have good extended family members on both sides. After we buried my dad, one of my aunts living in Ghana spoke with my mum and offered her two options: she could allow me to live with them in Ghana until after I finished university or I could remain in Nigeria and they would sponsor my education until university.

When my mum spoke to me about it, I decided to go live with my aunt and her family. I figured that my mum would still have to bear some of the cost of raising me if I stayed in Nigeria but if I lived with my aunt, my mum wouldn’t have to worry about me.

That’s how I moved in with my aunt at 14.

What happened in Ghana?
I was in a boarding school and my monthly allowance was GH₵100 until I finished.

When I got into university in 2013, my aunt and her husband were going through a tough time financially, so it was a bit of a struggle raising me with their five kids.

Regardless, they committed to seeing me through university but my allowance was reduced to about GH₵20 per month.

The four years in university were a little tough, but I survived and graduated in May 2017. I was broke as hell though.

Whew. What happened next?
I picked up my first job. Although, I should add that I did a couple of odd jobs here and there in uni to raise extra money for myself.

I returned to Nigeria in October and registered for NYSC immediately. I was posted to work at a university in Ogun State. I studied Human Resources in school, so I worked in their HR department and my salary was ₦10k. The federal government was also paying me ₦19800, so that brought my monthly earnings to ₦29800.

How were you moving money?
I lived in a 3-bedroom apartment with three other girls, and the total rent was ₦200k. One of my family members was paying my cut of the rent. My housemates and I also split household expenses amongst ourselves. However, I was the closest thing to a breadwinner my family had and I tried to send ₦10k home to my mum and my siblings. I also tried to save ₦5k every month but at the end of my service year, I had only ₦10k in savings.

How?
It was because of my money management skills. I was still an impulsive buyer and dipped a lot into my savings to buy things I didn’t need. Thankfully, I had started applying for jobs months before the end of my service year and got an offer two weeks after NYSC ended.

Tell me about it.
I got into the graduate trainee program at one of the Big Four consulting firms and my salary was ₦150k. This was 2018.

That’s a significant income jump.
It was. Moving from ₦29k to ₦150k in the space of a year was huge. I splurged on a lot of things that caught my eye in the first two months. I relaxed after that and started thinking about saving when I wanted an expensive new phone. I realised that I would be broke for months if I splurged on it at once. A better alternative would be to save the money for as long as it is required. I also had four siblings to worry about. I started to save ₦20k per month for the phone and another ₦10k in an emergency fund. About ₦40k went to my family. I lived on what remained. But it was hardly ever enough and I always ended up dipping into my emergency savings. I was pretty much living from paycheck to paycheck.

Omo. How long did you spend at the job?
Close to three years. I left in 2021.

How did your salary evolve during your time there?
I got my first promotion in October 2019 and my salary increased to ₦190k. My standard of living rose with it and I started spending more on some of the things I used to think of as luxuries. I ditched buses for Uber and hopped from one restaurant to another. Also, I increased my monthly support for my family from ₦40k to ₦50k. But there were other sacrifices I had to make for my family. Remember that money I was saving up for a phone in 2018? Towards the end of 2019, I had about ₦180k but my brother needed money because he was leaving for school, so I gave the money to him. I eventually opted for a lower-end phone.

You were something close to a breadwinner for your family too. What was it like navigating that?
For the longest time, I thought it wasn’t fair that I was working but didn’t have much to show for it because I had to think about my family first. But I’d also hate myself if we had to depend on members of our extended family before we could meet the most basic needs. That said, I learned to prioritise myself too and spend as much money on my most pressing needs as soon as I got my salary. The way I saw it, if I left the money in my account, I would end up spending it on something my mum or siblings needed.

Fair enough. When did you get the next raise at work?
October 2020. My salary went up to about ₦250k. However, I was already deep in debt.

Oh? Could you talk more about it?
In 2019, I took a ₦650k bank loan because our house rent was due. A few months later, my sister was about to resume university and because I wanted to send her off with something, I took another ₦200k loan from the bank. Later in 2020, my mum needed help restocking her shop but I didn’t have enough money. As a result, I applied for a ₦500k loan at the bank and got it.

You were at least ₦1.3m in debt and your salary was ₦250k. How were you paying back?
First, a chunk of my salary was going into loan repayments and this brought my take-home down to about ₦190k – ₦200k every month. Then I did something I probably shouldn’t have done: I stopped paying them off. Immediately after I got my salary, I cleared all the money in my account and transferred it into another bank account. Not the best move because the interest kept piling up.

My quality of life took a hit because I knew the debt was still there. I had also lost interest in my job in June 2020 but I couldn’t quit because I didn’t have a lot of options. But I started learning about frontend development. For some reason, I thought my next money move would be to transition into tech.

I was floating through 2020. In November, I went on a work trip and was there for close to a month. When I returned in December, I found out that I had Covid.

Damn. That’s rough.
It was. But it gave me a much-needed break from work and I dedicated the time I spent in quarantine to my software engineering courses. Nothing much happened until February 2021 when I had Covid again.

Ah.
It came back in full force and my body forgot how to work. I was bedridden for more than a month. Unfortunately, my HMO didn’t cover costs for my treatment, so I had to dip into the small savings I had. It wasn’t enough. As a last resort, I took another loan from the bank. ₦200k this time.

Whew.
It was so crazy. I was sick and still had to worry about money. When I recovered fully in March, I realised that I wasn’t earning enough, and I would probably need to take loans every time I needed money. The only thing on my mind was how to increase my income.

Was there a plan?
First, I needed to quit my job and find a tech role. I had an interest in it already, but my job was standing in the way of me learning the things I needed to make a full transition. I started to apply for HR roles in Nigerian tech companies and got interviews with a few, nothing came out of it.

Then I started attending online conferences, hoping to network my way into the ecosystem. In May, I attended a random conference where I met a white lady. We kept in touch after that. During one of our conversations, I mentioned that I was looking for a role in the industry. It turned out that her company — a freelance platform — had an open role and she promised to refer me.

I see where this is going.
Haha. In June, I got an email from her people. They were looking for a talent specialist and wanted to know if I was still interested. Of course, I was. I wrote a couple of tests and sent them in. One week later, I got another email from them.

It was an offer letter. I almost let out a scream when I saw how much they were offering.

I’m listening.
$3k, and that’s just the basic pay. There are also profit and performance bonuses.

Wow. That’s something.
I knew my life was about to do a full 180. I thought about what this meant for me and my family, and all the things I could now afford to buy.

In the same vein, I feared that they would rescind the offer, so I was scared to resign from where I was working.

LMAO. That didn’t happen, did it?
Haha, no. I started the job in July.

Congratulations. How did it feel when the first salary landed in your account?
Funny story. I was at the send forth party my former workplace organised for me when I got my first salary. If I had any doubts about my decision to leave the place, the credit alert erased all of it. I just started grinning at everyone.

Haha.
One of the first things I did was to get a group of my friends’ gift cards, and each one cost $80. They were always there for me. It felt nice to do something for them for a change.

Then I sat down and drew a plan to pay off my loans, which had accumulated to about ₦2m because I had defaulted on payments. I cleared everything in less than three months and am now completely debt-free.

Sweet. What do your savings and investments look like at the moment though?

Core savings — $750

Crypto investment — $500

Stocks — $250

I’d have put more money aside but we recently moved apartments because of some issues with the old landlord. The new apartment cost ₦1.3m.

Also, the initial excitement of getting a huge increase in income is phasing out. I’ve bought most of the things I couldn’t get this time last year, so I’m beginning to think about how to be more intentional about how I spend my money.

It feels like I’ve just started my financial journey, to be honest. And I’m hoping to have a better relationship with money going forward.

Great. How have all of your experiences shaped your perspective about money?
I’ve realised that spending money makes me happy, and that’s not a bad thing. The only thing on my mind now is to figure out how to consistently make more. The more I can manage to do that, the more I can increase my standards of living. I’m excited about my next level of income and the kind of life it will get me.

What do you imagine will get you there?
I currently work where I can focus on my job and have enough time I could dedicate to my software engineering courses. The plan is to upskill and fully transition into a tech role. It’s already happening actually.

I’m listening.
I’m currently in talks with the engineering team in the company I work at about the possibility of interning with them. We’re still ironing out the details, but it’s a paid role. It’s a win-win: I get to work on software engineering projects and learn on the job while also earning from it. I’ll start the new role this month.

Rooting for you. Is there something you want right now but can’t afford though?
Travelling to Dubai and the Maldives are high up on my list. But I don’t have the money for that now. If I save a few months, I might be able to do that, so fingers crossed.

Fingers crossed. What was the last thing you bought that improved the quality of your life?
My MacBook. It cost about ₦570k, but my company refunded the money. It was stressful to code on my old Dell laptop, but the new Mac has made it more fun.

What part of your finances do you think you could be better at?
Impulsive buying decisions. I bought a new phone in September, which isn’t a bad thing. But I didn’t plan for it. I saw the phone online a day after I got my salary and I placed an order for it even though it cost $500.

I also need to think more about investing. My mood used to be “What’s the point? What if I die soon?” Now it’s “ What if I live long and end up being broke because I didn’t plan well when I was younger?”

That said, I think the mindset shift is a reflection of my current earnings. I’m earning a lot more money now and have enough left to play with after settling my basic expenses.

I hear you there. On a scale of 1-10, financial happiness?
7. I’m in a good place right now and I know that I will be in a position to earn more soon. It’s amazing how much one job can change your life.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/naira-life/the-nairalife-of-a-talent-specialist-masquerading-as-tech-babe/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.011121

Read more Nairalife stories here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/naira-life-interviews/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.011121

Investment in Nigeria requires common sense. If you ask people, they might tell you to invest in Cryptocurrency and all those kinds of things, but listen to us: THE SOURCE OF YOUR WEALTH LIES AROUND YOU. Every day things are rising in cost. Why not buy and hold them as investments? Don’t worry, we will guide you through it. Here are 9 profitable things you can buy and hold as an investment in Nigeria:

1. Maggi cubes.

Maggi was two for N5 in 2012, but now it’s one for N10 now. Who knows, you could wake up next year and hear that one cube of Knorr Chicken now goes for N50 per piece. Better buy the dip now before it rises.

2. Titus sardine.

Sardines are now hotcake, but Titus sardine is the hottest of them all. It recently attained a record high when it rose from N340 to N650 in less than one week. Bitcoin is shaking. You better buy and hodl now, so you can resell when it lands at N1k.

3. Egg.

You can bear me witness when I say eggs once sold for N25 per piece, four pieces for N100. Now, one piece of egg goes for nothing less than N80. Chickens are now laying the new Cryptocurrency. Egg-o-currency to the moon!

4. Gas.

Before we say anything, it is important to let you know that anyone who can afford to refill their gas these days is a ritualist. If they cook for you with that gas, you better not eat it. Maybe they want to collect your destiny and use it to refill gas. But please, investing in gas is one easy way to cash out these days. Do you know how much one kg costs now? You better buy and hodl now. Christmas is coming, you will make your money back. Just stay safe sha. Don’t let your investment kill other people. Their ghost will swear for you.

5. Onions.

Onions will soon start competing with gold. Two small pieces now sell for N100. And these are sizes that used to sell at N20 per piece. Can you see how wide the profit margin is? If you are lucky, you can enter into partnership with a caterer. Year in year out, you will just be cashing out. If we were you, we would even buy stocks for our unborn children with it.

6. Titus fish.

Like Titus sardine, like Titus fish. One piece now goes for N1k plus, and according to the investment analysts on Zikoko’s Wall Street, this is still estimated to rise higher. You better buy ice blocks and convert your bathing drum into a cold storage. Stock up Titus fish and wait. When the boom happens, even Dangote will be begging you to invest in his business. Dangote wey still dey find money.

7. Frozen turkey and chicken.

Frozen turkey is now N2,500, if not more. Frozen chicken is slowly climbing up to N2,000 per kilo. If after all our advice, you still don’t know that you should invest in it now, then we are sorry for you oh. Don’t you want to get rich?

8. Vegetable oil and palm oil.

If anyone is saying tech is the best place to make money, it is a big lie. Tech, when you can invest in vegetable oil and palm oil, and cash out big time Do you know how much one gallon of vegetable oil is now? BUY THE DIP NOW OH. BUY IT NOW. A lot of these tech people are surviving on investment returns from vegetable oil and palm oil. They are just using tech to cover face. If tech is as easy as they say, how come you have not made money after one week of UI/UX?

9. Cows.

If you need us to spell out how profitable this is for you, then you don’t know anything. Go and start your investment portfolio now. May the dip be with you. Sha don’t forget us when the returns come in. It’s not only Dangote that is still looking for money. Zikoko sef still dey find money.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/life/9-things-you-can-buy-and-hold-as-investment-in-nigeria/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.281021

Read more funny Nigerian articles like this here: https://www.zikoko.com/tag/humour/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.281021

*Nduka (29) and *Bolanle (28) started out wanting to be best friends and prayer partners. Now, they’ve been dating for 3 years. Today on Love Life, they discuss how they fell in love and the pros and cons of an inter-tribal relationship.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Bolanle: He walked past me at the airport and my first thought was, “Who is this fine boy?” I didn’t say anything to him because I didn’t want him to think I was tripping for him. Then, as God would have it, I was with my friend and he stopped us to ask for directions. Turned out we were at the airport for the same reason.

Nduka: We were both participants in a multinational training for West Africans. The training was in two phases: an online phase and a two-week offline phase. To make things easier, a Whatsapp group was created to share information. One day, I asked a question on the group and someone came to my DM to answer the question. That person was Bolanle, but I didn’t know her at the time, so I replied ‘Ok’ and moved on. Apparently, she got upset that I didn’t continue the conversation.

Bolanle: I wasn’t upset that you did not continue the conversation. I was upset because you didn’t say “thank you”. What kind of a person is that? I thought that was very rude.

Nduka: She said my profile picture looked like something a proud person would choose, so she decided not to talk to me if we met physically. But I talked to her at the airport and we became instant friends. It wasn’t until the next day when I called her on WhatsApp that she figured out that I was the same person. By then, of course, it was already too late.

LMAO this is giving holiday romance. What came next?
Bolanle: When I went for the training, I wasn’t sure what kind of people I was going to meet. As soon as I discovered that Nduka and I shared similar values, I texted my best friend and told her I found a friend. And because I could call him a friend, I was intentional about keeping him in my space.

Nduka: We remained friends. Her personality made me look for chances to be with her or around her. We were in different groups for the training, so getting these chances meant a lot to me. She checked on me too, prayed for me and she’d tell me all the ladies that were liking me.

She told you all the ladies were liking you?
Nduka: Yes.

That’s actually a typical Nigerian woman toasting technique.
Bolanle: Please, please, please. Toasting who? I never even thought we would be more than friends. I just knew I could trust him.

Why?
Bolanle: He has a very beautiful heart. He’s always looking out for people and he’s very intentional about caring for them and making them feel involved. He’s also very empathetic. The bus taking us to the venue of the program got stuck in the mud, and while the other male participants were forming fresh guys, he rolled up his trousers, got into the mud, and helped them get the bus out. This took more than an hour. It was at this point I decided he was going to be my friend. He loves God too. Let me stop here. If I continue, you might fall in love with him.

God abeg oh. How did your friendship progress after the training ended?
Nduka: Black Panther came out just before the training, and in one of our conversations during training, I asked her to tell me what Marvel movies she had watched, but my good sis had no track record. I started yabbing her and she said, “Shebi you will take me to watch Black Panther”. We met up after the training and I took her to the movies for our first date.

Bolanle: I still don’t know how that came out of my mouth. Part of me wanted the friendship to end at the training.

Nduka: Really?

Bolanle: Yes. We were getting too close and I didn’t want this.

Why? Were you in a relationship outside the training?
Bolanle: I didn’t want a relationship that year. I felt the friendship we had was strictly for spiritual purposes.

Nduka: Oshey, prayer warrior.

Nduka, when the movie date happened, how did you feel about Bolanle then? Did you see her as just a friend, or did you think there was the possibility of a romantic relationship?
Nduka: We were already holding hands then which was weird because we hadn’t known each other up to a month at that point. But I felt at peace with her, even though she wanted to be my female bestie. According to her, the reason we got to know each other was so she’ll be praying for me so that ladies won’t lead me astray.

Bolanle: Well…

And look at you two today. Clearly, the prayers worked.
Nduka: After the movie date, we talked on the phone everyday. We had great banter, talked about our days and everything else we fancied. We laughed a lot. Then she started running away…

She’s a runner, she’s a track star…
Bolanle: Please o, I had to. I realised I was liking him too much. My best friend and my former mentor pointed out that I liked him a lot when I was gisting them about the training. They said it felt good to hear me talk about a guy like that and that I should go and pray about it. When my best friend agreed that I needed to pray, I knew it was time to RUN.

Nduka, did you try to pursue her?
Nduka: I spoke to her about it. I was actually not shopping for a relationship at that point. I was just recovering from a one-sided situationship. I wanted us to be friends and keep it going.

Bolanle: This man didn’t allow me to run too far. One of the things that made us very close in a short while was that we were vulnerable with each other. At first, it felt like he didn’t even know what he wanted. We talked about how we felt about each other and I told him I was not ready for a relationship even when he became sure that he wanted a relationship.

I had broken off a relationship two years before that because of genotype issues and I felt I still needed time to heal. But I stopped running when I realised the feelings were growing. I prayed about it and I realised he was someone I wanted to spend my life with. I was deeply in love with him.

How many months into the friendship was this?
Nduka: About 4 months, possibly longer. When I became very certain that I wanted her in my life, I took the bold step and asked her out. And guess what? This lady took a whole month to reply.

Bolanle: Tell them how it happened oh.

Nduka: When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she asked why, and I told her I wanted to see if we were fit to get married and she said no. She said we could only date if we had decided to get married. Something shifted in the way I saw her that day. I stopped seeing her as a ‘possible mate’ and instead saw her as my ‘soulmate.’ She wasn’t just an option, she was the full option.

Alexa, play “Normally, you be full-option, normally, you be wife material.”
Nduka: Haha. This mindset has helped us a lot. When we fight, instead of looking for reasons to break up, we’re looking for reasons to make up. When we point out each other’s faults, it’s not with the intention to lay blame but to get the other person to adjust and grow in that area.

Bolanle: We both knew that we liked each other even though I had made it clear that I didn’t want a relationship. When he eventually asked me out, I laid out the reasons I thought it wouldn’t work. Number one was tribal differences. Number two, we hadn’t known each other for that long. And number three, I didn’t want to date for dating sake. He assured me that we could make it work. It was after this I prayed about it and got my confirmations. We started dating about a month later

Nduka: I was indifferent about the tribe differences, but she was scared that my family wouldn’t like her.

How so?
Bolanle: I’m Yoruba and he’s Igbo. I wasn’t sure his family would be comfortable with him bringing me home. I didn’t want to marry into a family where they had to endure having me around. I’ve always dreamed of having a mother-in-law who I partner with to play pranks on her son. He assured me that there wouldn’t be any problem with his family.

Nduka: And there isn’t. My family loves her and the same with her family too. We’ve been together for three years.

Bolanle: Three years, four months and seven days.

Wow. How has the journey been?
Bolanle: Better than I could have imagined, more blessed than I could have prayed for.

Nduka: I feel so at home. I am at my last bus-stop, there is no further journey from this place. This is home.

What do you love most about each other?
Nduka: I love that she intentionally built relationships with all my friends, and that these relationships are not dependent on me. I also love how thoughtful and generous she is. She almost always has a gift for me every time she visits.

Bolanle: I love that he loves God, his family, and me. I also love him and his kind beautiful heart.

Are there any peculiar things about an inter-tribal relationship in your experience?
Nduka: I’m tempted to mention language differences as a con, but it’s very minor. The Igbo ladies I dated in the past barely spoke Igbo so we communicated in English. Dating someone who doesn’t speak Igbo doesn’t make much of a difference to me.

Bolanle: Except we want to tease each other, we speak English. When we are with people who speak our native language, we interpret for each other. We trust that while we are with each other, no matter the language being spoken, we are safe.

Nduka: I had to learn to be conscious of ‘respectful cultural ways to greet’ especially when I visit her family. I almost always forget to bow or bend when greeting. Chiefly because they don’t matter in my culture. For example, in my culture, you can tell an elder they are lying or challenge them when they are wrong. But in hers, ‘respect’ has to supersede those sentiments.

Bolanle: He had to learn how to greet like a Yoruba boy. Lying flat to prostrate or bowing completely and touching the ground.

How about food?
Bolanle: He likes amala and ewedu, if that’s what you want to know.

Nduka: Bolanle doesn’t know how to cook Igbo soups and that’s fine because I love to cook myself. I actually think I’m the better cook.

Bolanle: I choose not to disagree because I love eating your food. If Nduka starts a restaurant, other restaurants might have to close shop.

Do you wonder if your tribe might affect certain future decisions? E.g. the type of wedding you’d both go for, the names for the children, etc.
Nduka: I’m a proud Igbo man, but that doesn’t mean I feel superior to other tribes. It means I’m aware of my identity and open to other people regardless of their culture. I already know some of my extended family might not be in support of my marrying from another tribe and that’s their business. We discuss all decisions we make that involve both of us. And we make choices based on the right thing to do, not necessarily the cultural or tribal thing to do.

Of course, our wedding will be a Yoruba wedding. And our kids may have both Igbo and Yoruba names.

Bolanle: Our relationship is first about us before it is about any other person. Yes, we love our families. Yes, we would always think about them when making decisions, but at the end of the day, we make our decisions based on what we want and deem fit for us. We have the blessings of the most important people in our lives and we believe that they trust us enough to make the best decision for ourselves.

It’s both of us against the world so we’ll always find a balance despite our differences. We are our own tribe.

Have you both had any fights?
Nduka: Plenty.

Bolanle: I can’t even count them all.

What were these fights about?
Nduka: Most times they’re based on differences in our personality and almost always my fault.

Bolanle: Both of us have coconut heads.

Nduka: She never forgets a promise, so any promise forgotten is wahala. She’s actually quite understanding though. One thing that we agreed from the beginning is that we don’t do silent treatment. We talk to each other when we feel offended, listen and try to resolve the issue, sometimes we’ll argue and by the next day, we’ve settled.

Bolanle: Food has caused wahala too. I’m very picky with food. I can decide that I don’t like a particular food just by looking at it. This doesn’t always sit well with him especially if at that point it would be stressful to get what I want. The good thing is that I love any food made by him.

Nduka: Oh and another thing. Bolanle is very trusting and generous, often to her own detriment. One time, she literally bought items to sell and gave them out. That’s something we still fight about.

Bolanle: But to be honest, we’ve not had any fight that has made us talk about breaking up and we agreed from the start that no one is going on a break. Break-up is not an option. It’s till death do us part. We will give our best to each other without having it at the back of our minds that there is a breakup option.

Hmm. What aspects of each other would you love to see improvements in?
Nduka: I want Bolanle to worry less and believe in herself more.

Bolanle: I am improving. You’ve taught me to be better, and you still keep teaching me. From my own end, I can’t think of anything we are not working on already.

How would you rate the relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?
Nduka: It’s a 10 for me. I’m at peace with her and I know she’s got my back

Bolanle: God gave me more than I asked for so I might even add 1 to the 10. He is intentional about me and I’m at rest with him.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/ships/love-life-breaking-up-is-not-an-option/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.281021

Read more love stories by real Nigerians here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/lovelife/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.281021

It’s no secret that drugs and alcohol affect the human body and mind in many different ways, so it’s expected that having sex under the influence would be a vastly different experience from having sex sober.

So, I decided to ask a bunch of Nigerians to share what sex is like when they decide to get high, drunk or, in most cases, both beforehand. The answers were all very intriguing.

N.B: Do not use this article as an excuse to go drug-hopping. Be safe and responsible.

Ada, 30/Female/Bisexual

It was a night out in Lagos. I took my friend’s babe with me, and we went for pre-drinks at my Bleep buddy’s house. From there, we all went to a club and ended up smoking weed laced with molly.

That night, the three of us got back to his place and just started fucking. Then he invited another babe over, and it turned into a mad foursome. It was great. Everyone there made me come at least once.

The outcome of that insane experience wasn’t as great. I got tested when I returned to London and found out that I had contracted chlamydia and gonorrhoea. Luckily for me, both are treatable.

John, 25/Male/Gay

I was very apprehensive about getting high, but all my friends swore that it would make sex so much better. I decided to try it with a guy I really liked, but it ended up being a horrifyingly embarrassing experience.

I had what I now know is called a bad trip. The weed made me very paranoid. I was convinced that I had shit myself and that made me start crying. This dude had to baby me until I eventually fell asleep.

He was really sweet about the whole thing, but the shame didn’t allow me to see him again. I’ve also sworn to never get high. My friends say it was just one bad experience, but that one is their own business.

Esther, 22/Female/Bisexual

I take weed with wine. It’s not a regular thing for me, but it probably should be because sex is always incredible. I’m way more sensitive than I am during sober sex.

pre-intimacy is so much more intense, and my orgasms feel like my soul is leaving my body. With sober sex, it’s just my legs that shake, but when I’m high, my entire body vibrates.

I also can’t ride for long when I’m sober, but I don’t get tired when I’m high. I don’t even recognise myself sometimes. It’s like it turns up my sexiness from 100 to 1000. Amazing.

Tolu, 27/Male/Straight

This babe I was hooking up with brought a strain of weed called Marley for us to try. The thing is, sex with her was already pretty great, but this day was on a totally different level.

The intensity was out of this world. We kept on mumbling shit to each other all through. It was as if we were possessed. It’s easily one of the top three sexual experiences of my entire life.

Sarah, 20/Female/Pansexual

I smoke weed before and during sex. I also drink beer right in the middle of sex. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I get dehydrated a lot, so I always have to stop for a drink.

The sex is usually mind-blowing when I’m high, so it’s now a regular thing. I almost cannot have sex if I’m not high. I get distracted so easily during sober sex. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I tried it.

Folarin, 26/Male/Straight

I have two friends that I typically get high with, and one day they came over with roofies. While we were smoking, they wanted to put the pills in my mouth and I let them.

It was mostly a blur, but we ended up having a party. Even though I was technically cheating on my girlfriend, it was still fucking great. One of the babes squirted so much I had to dump my bedsheet.

Tolani, 24/Female/Bisexual

I’ve been smoking weed regularly for a couple of years now, so I’d never hook up with someone I couldn’t smoke with before and after sex. That’s just one of my rules.

That being said, my most amazing experience was actually molly-induced. It was like an out-of-body experience. The molly kicked in for both of us at the same time, and that just made it way more passionate.

We were both on such a high that we cried after. That was probably the best sexual experience of my life, and I’ll never forget it. Haven’t done it since then though.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/ships/sexlife/7-nigerians-talk-sex-while-drunk-high-or-both/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.271021

Read more stories about Nigerians and their sex life here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/ships/sexlife/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.271021

The subject of today’s What She Said is a 26-year-old woman. She talks about not really having a childhood, not wanting children, living with PCOS, wanting a hysterectomy, and wanting more money.

Tell me something about your childhood.

Growing up was fun. I’m the last born and even though my parents didn’t have much, it never really bothered me. I was somehow still very spoiled and protected.

I didn’t have toys or watch cartoons because we didn’t have cable and I was growing up with people 5-11 years older than me.

That’s a huge age difference.

My siblings are all way older than me. I am 26 now and my parents still ask for their approval about things I want to do with my life. It’s like my siblings are my parents and my parents are higher authorities.

How does that make you feel?

It doesn’t bother me much. I just wish my parents would take me more seriously, but I don’t see that happening. I know my siblings always have my best interest at heart and it’s a lot easier to go through them till I no longer have to.

They’re also very close and that’s what I knew. I learned friendship from my siblings. We are friends with each other and always have each other’s backs. It’s nice and warm.

They have been very big influences on my life. From listening to rappers like DMX, Ja-Rule, Snoop Dogg and a lot of artists from the early 2000s because of my older brother, to getting a PCOS diagnosis with the help of my sister.

Why did you think you had PCOS?

I’d never had regular periods. I started seeing my period in 2006 and even then they weren’t regular. I told my mum about it, but it wasn’t a big deal until I didn’t get my period for 5 months at a stretch in 2012. We went to the doctor and he said it was stress from writing WAEC. The period eventually came in October and came for a while. It was on and off.

I started having sex in 2016 and didn’t get my period for months. I took multiple pregnancy tests and they kept coming back negative, so I eventually told my mum about the delayed period and she insisted we go to a gynaecologist to get me checked.

Before that, I’d done some hormone tests, so I already knew I had a hormonal imbalance. I just didn’t know it was PCOS. My sister has PCOS and my mum is a retired nurse, so she put two and two together and she said I probably had PCOS too but wanted a proper diagnosis. I went to two different gynaecologists, and I got the diagnosis.

I went to a government hospital and then I went to a fertility hospital. I got a scan to check the size of the cysts and my female gynaecologist told me not to bother so much about it till I’m ready to have kids, but I don’t even want to have children. Not for any particular reason, I just don’t care much for them. I have two nephews and a niece I love very much but I’m not keen on having any of my own.

What happened after the diagnosis?

I got medication and I’m very nonchalant about it. I didn’t really start paying attention to my PCOS until this year when it felt like it was going to kill me. It was like every single symptom hit me at once. It was insane and drove me to read a lot about PCOS. The more I read, the more sense things made.

What were these symptoms?

I got period pain so intense, I couldn’t sleep. I was taking medication, but it wasn’t working. I was even having hot flashes.

I’ve only had two periods this year and they’ve both come with different madnesses. I had to induce the first one by taking the medication my doctor prescribed and the period lasted for 16 days and left me depressed and ill for the whole month. The second period I had this year came on its own but it felt like all the blood in my body was going to drain out and it lasted five days. Honestly, I’m really looking forward to a hysterectomy.

That’s very intense. Why a hysterectomy?

I don’t want a uterus anymore, and I want to live a life free from PCOS even if it’s just for my mental health. I went from a size 12 to a size 18, and I’ve had bouts of severe anxiety. It’s also worse when I’m on any form of medication for PCOS. September was an awful month but I’m a lot happier in October. No more medication, plus I was a lot more intentional about my happiness.

I thought medication made things better?

Better ke!? All the medication did for me was make my period come. It left me miserable. Letrozol, the medication my doctor prescribed for when I hadn’t seen my period, showed me pepper. I would have joint pain and be unable to sleep. I was crying and had to throw it out even though I’d used it for just two days. I’d rather not get a period than be in so much pain.

Honestly, what’s the point of periods anyway?

I don’t know. Nothing happens when I don’t get my period for months. If anything, I’m always so happy. I just want the period because I like to feel like a woman, but it’s like being a woman comes with hardship because why should I be crying for days because I didn’t get pregnant?

There were some times I even tried getting pregnant just for fun, but that didn’t work. No periods mean no ovulation. I’m not so bothered because like I said, I don’t want children. I consider that symptom of PCOS a blessing in disguise.

Since you don’t want children and your uterus is stressing you, why haven’t you done the hysterectomy?
I don’t know how much it costs, but I really don’t think I’d be able to afford it. Also, it’s a really big step and I haven’t given it much thought. I fancy the idea of not having a uterus, but am I ready to give it up? I need to think it through a lot more.

What’ll make life easier for you?

Money. I don’t think about PCOS when I’m enjoying my life. I want to earn enough to survive on my own and that’s one of the reasons I really want to leave the country. I’m only earning enough to make it through a few days post salary day. Money gives you a lot of options, and I don’t have that yet.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/her/what-she-said-im-looking-forward-to-a-hysterectomy/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.271021

Read more stories by Nigerian women here: https://www.zikoko.com/stack/what-she-said/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.271021

The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a process engineer at an oil-producing facility. Process engineers ensure that the process of crude oil production from collection to processing for sale runs smoothly. What this means is that they spend a lot of their time, solving problems or preventing problems from happening.

Our subject tells us about being the only woman at her job, life at sea, and what it takes to extract crude oil.

MONDAY:

The time I wake up depends on whether I’m working from my house or I’m working offshore at sea. At home, my body wakes up by 7:30 a.m., but my brain starts by 8:00 a.m.

When I’m offshore, my day starts at 6:00 a.m. and doesn’t end until about 2 a.m.

Today, the thing that wakes me up is the sound of my 5:30 a.m. alarm. I almost press snooze until I remember that I’m on a floating oil production facility at sea. I have just enough time to get out of bed, shower and prepare for my day.

It’s a few minutes till 6:00 a.m. when I leave my room for my first meeting of the day. Dressed in my coverall, safety goggles, hat, safety boots, and earmuffs, I slowly make my way to the meeting point.

The first meeting of the day is typically a handover shift. Because oil production is a 24-hour affair, personnel work 12-hour shifts. This means that every 12 hours, one shift is handed over to the other. At the 6:00 a.m. meetings, the technicians on the night shift inform their colleagues on the morning shift of whatever happened during the night. While the technicians get to work shifts, my job as an engineer requires me to work round the clock.

I listen attentively during these meetings because their updates determine the course of my day. If they raise an issue, my plans for the day take a backseat until I fix that issue. If there’s nothing to report, my day proceeds as planned.

Thankfully, the meeting ends at 6:15 a.m. That gives me time to relax before my 6:30 a.m. meeting. At this meeting, managers from the different teams on the platform gather to give updates about what happened the day before and also map out plans for the day.

The meeting ends at 7:15 a.m. with a reminder of safety precautions. This gives me some time to prepare my notes for the next meeting at 7:30 a.m. Here, I report to the higher-ups. As the engineering rep on board the facility, I summarise all the updates from the technical team and update my senior colleagues on our progress regarding oil production.

It’s 8:30 a.m. before I’m done with my final meeting for the day, and that’s when my day truly begins.

TUESDAY:

It’s currently 2:00 a.m. and I’ve barely slept. I started yesterday with meetings, continued with reading safety reports, extended the day by inspecting oil pipes in my facilities, and ended it in my room responding to emails.

I find engineering super fascinating. It’s interesting that some people used some super cool technology to locate crude oil-producing rocks, mapped out an area and drilled for oil. Then, the drillers not only discovered oil, but they confirmed — using various methods — that the oil was present in commercial quantities.

So they made oil pipes, machines, and other cool equipment to extract the oil from 10,000 feet below the ground to the surface. But, because this oil isn’t exactly fit for use, they now extended pipes from the spot where the oil was discovered to production facilities like mine.

On the facility, there’s me, whose job it is to ensure that oil flows smoothly from where it is produced to production facilities where we process into a form fit for sale to refineries. Whew.

The cool part of the job is that I’m always solving problems. One valve spoils and because of that, a well isn’t producing oil? I’ll brainstorm, send an instrument technician to look at it and provide technical oversight. Some machine part is not doing what it’s supposed to do? I’ll think over it, share a repair plan and send a mechanical technician to fix it. Safety precautions not being met that can spell danger for us? I’ll get in front of it. My entire job is an exercise in firefighting and proactiveness.

The downside? The subtle pressure. Being in charge of the oil production process means I must be on top of everything. The facility I’m in charge of has a target to produce more than *60,000 barrels of oil a day. Crude oil is $85 per barrel. Do the maths and tell me what it adds up to.

You don’t want to be the person who missed something that caused the company to lose 60,000 times $85 for every day the facility is down. But, no pressure. It wouldn’t be fun for me if it wasn’t this challenging and rewarding.

WEDNESDAY:

Life at sea is peculiar; the problems differ every day but the scenery remains the same. I’m surrounded by miles and miles of water with nothing else in sight. When I get stressed from work, I go out and stare at the water. Surrounded by water I feel very small and I’m reminded that not a lot of things matter. This helps to decompress and centre me.

You already know how my days go, but today is different.

I have a difficult problem that I can’t quite crack: cravings. Because I’m at sea and I can’t quickly cross the road, I’m stuck with the nonsense feeling. Yesterday, I was craving puff puff. Today, I am craving waakye. I wonder what craving I will have tomorrow. The most annoying part is that when I’m on land the cravings won’t come, but immediately when I’m offshore, they’ll start to hit me. And I can’t do anything about it but endure until it passes.

The good thing is that there’s a lot of food, fruits and snacks in our offshore canteen. This is in addition to my own specially prepared offshore starter pack.

Ebeano plantain chips: present ma.

Chocolate Mcvities biscuits: present ma.

Gestid for acid reflux: present ma.

Excess sanitary pads: present ma.

Painkillers for cramps: present ma.

These are the things that make life a little bearable for me. At least, if I can’t eat waakye, I can eat plantain chips and manage myself.

THURSDAY:

Everywhere I turn on this facility, someone is always shouting, “Our Engineer,” “Well-done, Engineer.” I suspect I get special treatment offshore for two reasons: The first is that I’m an engineer which is a highly respected role in the organization hierarchy. The second is because I’m the only woman in my facility. For various reasons such as family responsibilities, marriage pressures, etc women typically don’t go offshore. For this reason, the men are usually excited to see a woman among them.

The good part? The men are some of the funniest people I know. I guess humour is how they deal with being separated from their families for long stretches in a year.

The bad part? The people who don’t know me sometimes try to proposition me. Well, up until they find out who I am and then the conversation changes to that of deference and respect.

Today, I wake up thinking that one of the reasons this role works for me is because I’m single, I don’t have kids, and nothing ties me down to one place or city. For many other women, this is not the case. With children and family responsibilities, their priorities shift and this role with its demands no longer suit them.

I don’t know what will change if I decide to start a family someday. I love engineering because of how much there is to learn and discover, and the closest I come to practising it is when I’m offshore. The thought of giving it up if push comes to shove is something I have never considered. I wonder what choice I’ll make.

But that doesn’t matter now because I have a ton of inspection and oil pipe integrity testing to do today. A perk of this job is that you can get so immersed in monitoring day to day operations that your personal problems take a back seat. And to be honest, that works for me. At least, for now.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/money/hustle/im-the-only-woman-at-my-job-a-week-in-the-life-of-an-oil-and-gas-engineer-at-sea/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.261021

If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, the chances that you’ve thought of ways to relocate from Nigeria are high. The process of legally migrating is rigorous— from research to getting finances right, to finding the easiest countries to migrate to and to deciding how you actually want to relocate.

In this article, we’ll share all the ways you can legally migrate from Nigeria to other countries. Some processes are more straightforward than some others, while some are more expensive than others. With some ways to relocate from Nigeria, you are assured that your japa is final, while with some other ways, you still have to fulfil some requirements for some time in the destination country. We’ll discuss everything in this article.

1. You can relocate from Nigeria through family.

Whether it’s your spouse or your family of origin, having family members who are citizens or permanent residents of other countries is a direct way of migrating from one country to another. With marriage- also termed “family formation- getting legally married to a citizen of another country will grant you some form of citizenship in most countries. Because most countries know this and want to avoid doctored marriages for visas, the process isn’t as straightforward as getting your new passport on the day after you get married.

Many countries undergo background checks before giving people their new passports through this method. Some of these background checks may include finding out how long you were dating before you got married, requiring citizenship applicants to show genuine pictorial proof of dating period, wedding ceremony, mutual friends, etc. You also have to have been married for at least five years in some countries before applying for citizenship.

Family reunification, according to the International Organization for Migration, is “the right of non-nationals to enter into and reside in a country where their family members reside lawfully or of which they have the nationality in order to preserve the family unit”. In this case, you have to be able to legally prove that you’re either the spouse, parent or child of the “principal migrant”. The laws for family reunification vary from country to country so you have to do your research based on the country you plan to. In some countries like Canada, siblings and grandchildren count as family you can reunite with, while in some others they don’t. See the full list here.

2. You can migrate as an asylum seeker.

Although the rules vary from country to country, the general concept of asylum is an independent country granting refuge in its country to an individual who is fleeing persecution or serious harm or for other reasons. If you’re fleeing persecution from your home country, you can apply for asylum in other countries. Don’t expect a simple and unchallenged process though, because many people file for asylum even when they’re not in danger. There is typically an investigation done to determine if you qualify for refugee protection. Not every asylum seeker will ultimately be recognized as a refugee, but every recognized refugee is initially an asylum seeker. Just in case you were curious, here’s Canada’s asylum application process.

3. You can relocate from Nigeria as a student.

Relocating as a student is one of the most popular ways to relocate from Nigeria. While a student visa is typically not a for japa-ing, being a student in various countries gives you a high chance of integrating into society after you complete your studies. The UK for example now lets international students stay and work in the UK for an extra two years after they graduate with the Graduate Route. Every country you want to japa to has schools that offer courses to international students, and while some countries have a strict policy of making people return to their home countries after they graduate, many others like Canada, Australia, UK and Belgium encourage people to stay, join the work force and become permanent residents. Manty international students even get jobs before they graduate!

Worried about cost? Many European and Asian countries offer cheap, or even free education to international students. Many countries and schools abroad also offer scholarships. With good research and a good application process, you can secure a legitimate scholarship.

4. You can relocate from Nigeria as an investor.

Some countries have investor visas, where if you invest a certain amount of money in the economy, you automatically become a permanent resident or a citizen. Some other countries allow you to become a permanent resident when you buy land and properties.

You could also japa by starting a business in countries that let you start a business in their country because you would be helping their economy.

In some other countries, you can buy a citizenship. Just pay the government, and you become a citizen.

Here are some ways you can gain immigrate by investment in the US and in other countries.

5. You can relocate from Nigeria on a talent visa

Australia, China, France, New Zealand, UK, and the US are the countries that offer talent visas to highly skilled professionals, distinguished athletes and artists, and people with advanced degrees in select fields.

6. You can relocate from Nigeria as a professional

While this is a wide spectrum, a lot of Nigerian professionals are leaving Nigeria to continue their businesses and professional careers abroad. Countries all over the world offer work visas to people to move into their countries to work, and then become immigrants. For instance, a lot of Nigerian doctors and nurses, are leaving Nigeria to start work abroad.

Some non-English speaking countries are constantly looking for people who can speak English to migrate into their countries to teach English. This is a way to migrate professionally.

Canada, Australia, Spain, UK and many other countries also offer startup founders startup visas where you can go to their country and set up your startup.

If you work for an international organisation, you can relocate from Nigeria by transferring to a branch of your company in another country. Companies that allow this help the applicants through the process.

Remote work visas are also now a thing. You can travel to these countries and still work remotely.

With professional visas, research is needed to find what works best for you and your family.

7. You can relocate from Nigeria through a point-based system.

Some countries like Canada, and recently the UK, open their borders to people that just want to japa from their countries. They use a point-based system to qualify or disqualify people. These points are allocated through different metrics such as age, qualifications, work experience, understanding of language, etc. Many Nigerians living in Canada are there through this system. Once you are able to prove that you have the funds to take care of yourself, and you can survive in the new environment, the other factors will work together to help you secure your permanent residency.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/ways-to-relocate-from-nigeria/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.261021

Read more about leaving Nigeria here: https://www.zikoko.com/citizen/migrating-from-nigeria/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.261021

As told to Femi

A vasectomy is a procedure where the tube that carries sperm from the testicles is tied up or sealed in order to prevent the sperm from reaching the penis. This procedure is mostly permanent although it may be reversed in some cases.

Last year, I spoke to five men about their opinions on vasectomies. These men were in various stages of their lives and all of them agreed that it was something they would consider. One of these men, Ayo, a 35-year-old man, reached out to me a few weeks ago to let me know that he had followed through with the procedure. He spoke to me about how his vasectomy procedure went.

When we got married, my wife and I agreed to have three children. After our first child, we agreed to go on family planning to give space between our children. My wife wanted the intrauterine device birth control method but the doctors kept putting off the procedure for different health reasons. By the time they cleared us, the doctors found out that she was already pregnant with our second son. This was January 2016. After we had our child in September 2016, my wife finally got her IUD.

Unfortunately, she started getting a lot of unpleasant side effects like painful period cramps, weight gain and mood swings. In 2020, we considered other family planning options that would not affect her negatively. I did some research and read about vasectomies but I was initially sceptical. I still wanted to have three kids and vasectomies are sometimes irreversible. I discovered that the procedure wouldn’t affect my sexual performance in bed and it only meant that my semen would just not have sperm in it. I started warming up to the idea.

I couldn’t get the procedure done immediately because my family and I were moving to Canada and this meant I couldn’t meet my follow-up appointments.

When I got to Canada, I started making plans so I contacted a doctor. He was sceptical and asked about my wife’s birth control methods. I let him know that my wife’s family planning measures were having effects on her and I’d like to take over the responsibility. Although I really wanted a third child, I quickly found out that raising one child wasn’t easy, let alone three. The doctor referred me to a specialist. We set up an appointment, the urologist assessed my genital area and I got cleared for surgery. After this, we agreed on a date for the procedure.

Six weeks later, on the day of the surgery, I drove down to the hospital around 9 am. I had taken the morning off from my job. I was told to shave my entire scrotum completely before the vasectomy to avoid contaminating the site. I wasn’t given general anaesthesia so I was awake during the procedure and even had a casual conversation with the doctor about our kids. My scrotum area was numbed with local anaesthesia while I lay on the operating table and she made a small cut and tied up my tubes.

The vasectomy took only 30 minutes. There was a plaster on my scrotum covering the site of the surgery. I had to keep the plaster on for at least 48 hours and I couldn’t shower for 24 hours. I also couldn’t do anything strenuous for two weeks because it could aggravate the vasectomy site.

I stopped playing football or doing any exercises and focused on healing. I was told to avoid sex during that period although I couldn’t have sex even if I wanted to. I couldn’t bear the thought of accidentally hurting myself.

I work from home and I was able to go back to work that same day. I was initially concerned that sitting long hours at a desk would affect me but that didn’t turn out to be a problem.

For the first three days, I walked like a penguin as I was being careful not to hurt my scrotum which was painful. By the eighth day, I was able to walk normally again. I even had sex with my wife.

Two months later, I went for my follow-up appointment to check if the procedure was successful. To do this, I masturbated into a cup and my semen was tested to check if there was any viable sperm in it [as there could be residual sperm for about 12 more ejaculations.] The next day, I got an email from the doctor telling me that there was no sperm count in my semen sample, meaning the procedure was successful.

I’m really glad I went through with this procedure. Not only is my wife able to live normally without the side effects of the IUD, but we can now have sex without contraceptives and not worry about pregnancy.

My wife was surprised I went through with the vasectomy. She thought I was going to chicken out along the way because Nigerian men are usually scared of vasectomies. She was concerned for me but I reassured her that everything was going to be okay. To me, it was something that needed to be done if we wanted a healthy sex life without constantly worrying about unplanned pregnancies. My successful procedure even made a friend of mine decide to get a vasectomy.

Not a lot of people know that I underwent the procedure, but some of the people who do are sceptical about it. Someone asked me what I would do if my wife left me and I had to marry someone else. However, I’ve made a personal decision that I don’t want any more children, especially when I’m old. It’s easy to make your peace with a vasectomy when you’ve made that decision.

I work from home and I was able to go back to work that same day. I was initially concerned that sitting long hours at a desk would affect me but that didn’t turn out to be a problem.

For the first three days, I walked like a penguin as I was being careful not to hurt my scrotum which was painful. By the eighth day, I was able to walk normally again. I even had sex with my wife.

Two months later, I went for my follow-up appointment to check if the procedure was successful. To do this, I masturbated into a cup and my semen was tested to check if there was any viable sperm in it [as there could be residual sperm for about 12 more ejaculations.] The next day, I got an email from the doctor telling me that there was no sperm count in my semen sample, meaning the procedure was successful.

I’m really glad I went through with this procedure. Not only is my wife able to live normally without the side effects of the IUD, but we can now have sex without contraceptives and not worry about pregnancy.

My wife was surprised I went through with the vasectomy. She thought I was going to chicken out along the way because Nigerian men are usually scared of vasectomies. She was concerned for me but I reassured her that everything was going to be okay. To me, it was something that needed to be done if we wanted a healthy sex life without constantly worrying about unplanned pregnancies. My successful procedure even made a friend of mine decide to get a vasectomy.

Not a lot of people know that I underwent the procedure, but some of the people who do are sceptical about it. Someone asked me what I would do if my wife left me and I had to marry someone else. However, I’ve made a personal decision that I don’t want any more children, especially when I’m old. It’s easy to make your peace with a vasectomy when you’ve made that decision.

Source: https://www.zikoko.com/man/i-got-a-vasectomy-heres-how-it-went/?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.251021

Read more real stories by Nigerian men here: https://www.zikoko.com/category/man?utm_source=nairaland_reshare&utm_medium=referral&utm_id=nairaland.251021