₦airaland Forum

Cheriepet: for me it is too early for drinks

I see......fruit juice?

daveP: ( as she asks who, a Royal trev Duchess musical Band steps in and fill the compound. They play sonorous slow music and the following peeps come out

Lanicky
Cheriepet
Charijee
Frankben
Xtarxhyne
Lorlaahlozz
Donlino
JeffreyJames
Kingk
Missyhorlah
seunfavour
Redgem ( wipes her sleepy eyes)
etc alllll come out to watch. Then suddenly the royal band stop and switch to original highlife- They play a Happy birthday song accompanied with Pomp and style. The air is filled with musical tunes.)



Happy Birthday to you Queen BANEGA!! (GESTURES IN ENGLISH DUKE'S STYLE OF GREETING)



(AT THE CLICK OF A HAND, FRANKBEN ROLLS OUT A TROLLEY CONTAINING ALL THE DRINKS IN D BAR THAT was Missing.) we both planned it guys! ( anoda click of the finger and a buffet follows in) hehe, this is truly TGIF!!
( anoda click of the finger and more mexican chefs appear @ d counter.) haha ( anoda Click of the finger and lights fill everywhere) haha!! ( smooches beard softly) ( anoda click of the finger) Lanicky screams like a baby ) hehe ( anoda..........













Click of the finger and frankben is in a french royal guard's suit of navy blue with full armor) he's be serving at the bar today. Pls lets make this day for Banega!!



Let the music begin!!!! ( walks out in majestic swag)





( anoda click of the finger)

*Scratches ear*.

your voice sucks bro

glitest: Hmm!!

ah-ha....... what up mama!!

*sniffs *

I can perceive the perfume of glitest.... *looks around*....Shes around somewhere.

JeffreyJamez: It's my ring!!

Oh?!!.....erm..... *moves away *......sorry bro!!..

*sights seunfavour crying*

seunfavor: oh my God! *run into d room nd start crying* who is lorlaahlozz? wats she doing in ma frankie's room? frankie can u xplain d meaning f dz? so dz wat u do wen am nt arnd? *sob*

Hey hey beautiful why are you crying?!

Cheriepet: No tanks....

Why not?

JeffreyJamez: Dude...........easy on the Scotch.......it's beclouding your thinking faculty.... didn't you see the ring on her finger?!!

Yeah....so?....back off dude!!

charijee: Are you trying to seduce me or what?

Maybe.....

Cheriepet: well nothing... since it is u n ur stomach

Come have a taste...

charijee: Donlino your new crush?. ...sweet my princess

Is that what she told you?

lanicky: Em. Em .it's donlino


Morning sis....ao was ur night?

*Checks her out And whistles *

look at those curves....

daveP: ( check time) oh yes!!

Then you haven't been to italia or Russia..

Cheriepet: Hey Don.... scotch dis morning?

What's bad about Scotch in the. Morning

charijee: You again!!!!

Hehehe..... you missed me?!!..*seductive wink *

daveP: whew. Erm quite early. (Dials JB) okay ( gives him 3 bottles. ( from my private collection. Gracias

11:02 is early to you?!!

*grabs bottle of Scotch,pours in glass and gulps it*


aaaaah that's the stuff....

*looks around and notices Cheriepet and Cherijee*

*In Barney stinsons voice *

Hellooo ladies.....

JeffreyJamez: Wait.......you take from my bar too?!!!......who the fück are you anyways?!!

Hhhuuh.........only the awesomest guy ever!!

daveP: lol bros, morning o! Definitely this was internal/ corporate robbery!! The cctv feed picked out Frankben, the police are on their way....

All I want is a glass of Scotch.....can you get that?""

*Walks in like Barney Stinson *

*goes to bar and finds it empty*

hey JJ what happened to the drinks?

16

Recruitment form?......na Jamb?!!...SCAM OF LIFE... No Oil company would ask you to pay any money recruitment form......who even sells recruitment forms?!!

A picture of the plate number would have been better because I know like 3 people with this kinda ride and the exact same colour.

*Runs in*
https://www.nairaland.com/1855145/hit-not-hit#1855145.2

*runs out*

Houseofglam7: *yawns*

Your breath stinks like horseshiit

I was listening to some guys argue about this :
In an intense fight. With your Partner. In a Committed relationship. Is it Okay. To hit, or not to Hit.

This Argument tickled me silly because:
1) Of all issues to discuss (like How to achieve World Peace, What to do about Global warming, The Glory & beauty of Plantain & egg sauce etc.) these folk gave Preeminence to THAT issue.

2) Everything tickles me Silly (//?\\)

3) The Argument made me remember Teejay’s Relationship. You’ll understand why in a bit.



Back then in school, i had a rented apartment off Campus. In my Compound alone there were close to 7 other apartments (BQ inclusive), all being Occupied by Students. Different Calibres of Human Beings: Males, Females … Then Teejay & His Girlfriend.

The Reason why I know that in Love, the Answer to that “To hit Or Not to Hit” question is very Dynamic is because I, along with the other tenants, were witnesses for almost a Year to the Freak show that was Teejay’s Relationship.

The First time we had cause to be alarmed about the new couple that just moved in to the BQ was when we were all rudely awakened one Night by Screams and Sounds of Objects breaking. We Rushed out, barely dressed, thinking the Compound was under siege by Mutant Armed Robbers or something.

It was Not.

In front of the BQ, we found Teejay Kneeling down while his screaming Girlfriend was tugging at his tee shirt, half pulling him through the Gravel on his knees.

To Start with, Teejay was not a Small Man. You know Flo ryda? The Musician? That’s EXACTLY how Teejay’s Physique was. Beard and all. And his Girlfriend had the Stature of MoCheddar.

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/flo_rida_roxy5.jpg[/img]
Mo’ cheddah.. -___-

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/2802f01-mo-cheddah.jpg[/img]
Flo-rida

So we, the Tenants, could not understand how the feck this Scene was happening. I mean, with the Laws of Physics being the Laws of physics …

Apparently, the Girl was helping Teejay understand that he Simply Should not be seen holding hands with other girls in Public, we came to find out.

We separated the Fight. They calmed down. We all went back to sleep.

Little did we know That was the Most Domestic Squabble they would ever have. (That We knew of)

There was that one time we all came back from school and Discovered that Teejay had Padlocked the Central Compound Gate with HIS own Padlock and refused to allow us in because he suspected that his Babe was in their apartment with another man, and he was waiting for them to open the door.

She wasn’t. But Teejay had been abused for so long, he was starting to see things.

That’s when we started to realize maybe we ought to report happenings to the Landlord. We were coming to understand that Teejay and his Mate seemed to want us to waste our house rent money with their behaviour.

Or the Other time the babe burnt most of Teejay’s Clothing in a Mini-bonfire in the centre of the Compound.

Or the Countless Nights we’d hear Teejay’s Weeping floating through our windows on the wind.

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/crying-man2.jpg[/img]
Is it until she kills me?

Anyway, after having witnessed so many of these Nollywood-like incidences most of us became used to the dramatic couple’s incessant public linen washing, drying & ironing and we carried on life as usual.

Until the day Teejay asked his Girlfriend to Move Out.

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/images.jpg[/img]Ghen Ghen!!!!

We all had to Rush out again because we thought Either an Earthquake was Happening, Or a small Bomb had been Lobbed into our Compound without our Permission.

Broken Bottles Everywhere, The Babe had thrown Virtually all Teejay’s Electronics & Appliances outside their BQ.

The things we heard that day about the Screaming Couple from the Screaming Couple ehn?

They blamed each other for EVERYTHING. Their Bad Sex life, Teejay’s Carry overs, the Babe’s inability to gain admission to school, Teejay’s Addictions, the Babe’s family history, the fact Teejay had no Car, the babe’s inability to have an Orgasm … EVERYTHING.

After a long while of Throwing things in this version and Both their Voices were hoarse with Screaming, Teejay said something he Perhaps should not have said at the Moment.

“Pack Your Things And Go Or So help me God, I WILL SLAP YOU!”

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/uh-oh-baby-face.jpg[/img]
Shit is about to go down yo…

This was New to us all. Even to Teejay. The ensuing Silence was deafening as Observers and Fighters all individually tried to Process this unusual Twist in the now familiar Plot we were accustomed to.

Then Suddenly, as if her Batteries had just Recharged, the girl’s voice went into Chipmunk mode.

I imagined she screamed something that sounded like “EHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!! SO YOU WANT TO SLAP ME ABI?” While clapping and going forward to grab Teejay by the neck.

We had never known Teejay to be Violent so What happened Next was so XQSP%GXZBYTPLQXYZ!!!! (//_\\)

KPAS!!!

The Slap landed Smack on the Middle of the Babe’s forehead even as she was screaming “SHEBI IT’S SLAP YOU WANT TO SLAP… YOU MUST SLAP THAT SLAP TODAY OR YOU’RE A BASTAR— “

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/grey.jpg[/img]
hehehe..hehe..he hit her..hehe.

The Silence Again was Overwhelming.

In that brief Period of that Second Silence Teejay surprised us all again and the Girl even More with a Second well timed Backhand that sounded like a terminal Punctuation.

KPOS!!!!

All of us Witnesses Gasped out a Collective “AAH!” …

The Babe, now seemingly slightly Crazed started laughing Softly.

Then She Promised Teejay he was going to Regret this incident.

[img]http://tscng.files./2012/06/funny-pictures-black-cat-dress-will-kill-you.jpg[/img]
…I’m not even joking yo.

Then Teejay screamed about how she could do nothing.

We Separated them at this Point and the Girl left the Compound promising death and Doom and Problems.

It was later that evening the Police Van Came. I learnt they Packed along some Observers too along with Teejay in the back of the Police Van en route the Station to explain their Versions of what they witnessed. :’)

Of course, yours Truly serves a Living God. I was not among those Unfortunate Observers as I was in school at the moment.

That was then. Learnt quite recently that Teejay and the Girl have now done their introductions and are getting married sometime this year.

You See?

So, the “To Hit Or Not To Hit” Question depends on the Relationship. But Generally, life (being life) does not Permit Males to Physically Treat the Bleep up(s) of Females. Unfair, you Guys say? They can Verbally beat you up, you Guys say? Well, learn how to Verbally fight Tai-Chi too & See if that don’t make a Difference. Just don’t Overdo it. So the Missus don’t go learning ACTUAL Tai-chi. ‘Cause if all you’ve got is your Verbal Attacks, & she Knows Tai-chi, She’s Gonn’ Bleep you Up.

Guys, if you enjoy being hit, by all means … Buy her a Whip even. But Do Not Hit a Lady. Please.

Unless She hits your Mother (First).

Or your Mother hit her and your Mom ain’t know she Knows Tai chi. And she Murks your Ma all over the Kitchen floor.

…Or you're Unless Teejay

To God Be The Glory

SOURCE

Flawlessangel: hw much is swift sold for?

Depends on what you want.....

MzMariah: Did you also celebrate your birthday?

Do zombies celebrate birthdays? ...I know I don't..

charijee: Do I know you Mr?

Nope you don't..........probably never will!!