₦airaland Forum

If football clubs were to be academic institutions in
Nigeria....

1. ARSENAL= UNILORIN: Where the students work hard
throughout the year but fail to succeed.

2. MAN CITY= OSU: Where the students purchase all
expensive items and live large but are never interested in
their primary assignment.

3. LIVERPOOL= OAU-IFE: Where the students are very proud of
the academic achievements of their grandfathers.

4. MAN U = UNIBEN: Where students don't perform well in
class except during their final exams were they do everything humanly possible to get help from the lecturers before they can pass and achieve good
results.

5. CHELSEA = UNILAG: Where students fail and put the blame
on their VC, after which the government would intervene to
find a new VC for the school every year.

6. REAL MADRID = AAU: Where students think they perform
best and keep beefing the best students of other schools.

7. BARCA = UNN: Where students work hard, perform
well in class and achieve the best results in the whole
country.

Pls feel free to add yours

If football clubs were to be academic institutions in
Nigeria....

1. ARSENAL= UNILORIN: Where the students work hard
throughout the year but fail to succeed.

2. MAN CITY= OSU: Where the students purchase all
expensive items and live large but are never interested in
their primary assignment.

3. LIVERPOOL= OAU-IFE: Where the students are very proud of
the academic achievements of their grandfathers.

4. MAN U = UNIBEN: Where students don't perform well in
class except during their final exams were they do everything humanly possible to get help from the lecturers before they can pass and achieve good
results.

5. CHELSEA = UNILAG: Where students fail and put the blame
on their VC, after which the government would intervene to
find a new VC for the school every year.

6. REAL MADRID = AAU: Where students think they perform
best and keep beefing the best students of other schools.

7. BARCA = UNN: Where students work hard, perform
well in class and achieve the best results in the whole
country.

Pls feel free to add yours

If football clubs were to be academic institutions in
Nigeria....

1. ARSENAL= UNILORIN: Where the students work hard
throughout the year but fail to succeed.

2. MAN CITY= OSU: Where the students purchase all
expensive items and live large but are never interested in
their primary assignment.

3. LIVERPOOL= OAU-IFE: Where the students are very proud of
the academic achievements of their grandfathers.

4. MAN U = UNIBEN: Where students don't perform well in
class except during their final exams were they do everything humanly possible to get help from the lecturers before they can pass and achieve good
results.

5. CHELSEA = UNILAG: Where students fail and put the blame
on their VC, after which the government would intervene to
find a new VC for the school every year.

6. REAL MADRID = AAU: Where students think they perform
best and keep beefing the best students of other schools.

7. BARCA = UNN: Where students work hard, perform
well in class and achieve the best results in the whole
country.

Pls feel free to add yours

Shocking Revelation Mortician

– Mr Kalu Ben Chima has made shocking
revelations as to his practice as a mortician
– Chima who is the proprietor of Emeka
Mortuary has revealed why morticians knock
at the doors of mortuaries. Chima whose is popularly known as Emeka
Ambulance, Okunmi Community, located at the suburbs of Ikom, Central senatorial district, Cross River state, has revealed that morticians have to battle the spiritual in the line of duty. The mortician said that now and again, people
in his line of business go through warfare with occultists and members of some secret societies before their corpses were embalmed in his mortuary. The mortician must battle the spiritual sometimes. Vanguard reports that the Arochukwu-born
mortician, whose mortuary is located along Ikom-Calabar highway, confessed to NDV that dead bodies, especially those of occultists and members of secret societies “do give us
trouble while being embalmed because their bodies have been ‘fortified’ by the devil or some spiritual forces.” There are forces beyond the human. “In such cases, we have to pet and persuade them by talking to them to allow the chemicals to penetrate their bodies, but if they remain stubborn, we have to employ our own spiritual force and of course, power pass
power and we can then embalm them,” he
disclosed. No ambulance causes family to carry corpse in wheelbarrow According to him, he learnt the trade in
Onitsha General Hospital, Anambra state, and had come to know that some dead bodies were so “powerful” such that they do not allow others to lie close to them and he was
always careful when attending to such bodies. Some corpses don’t allow others to lie near them His words: “Some powerful people do not allow other dead bodies to lie close to them, so in the night, they will remove other bodies near them and dump them far from where they are or they would go to an isolated place and lie there – all dead bodies are not the same, which is why we knock before we enter there.”
*Mysterious stories* A few months after it Mr Chima’s mortuary
was established, there was an unsubstantiated
story about a man, whose car broke down
close to the mortuary late in the night and he
decided to seek for place to spend the night, and knocked on the door of a house he saw light burning close by. A security guard reportedly came out and gave him a mat to sleep in a section of the room, only for him to wake up the next
morning and discovered that he slept among corpses and he instantly passed out. Another case was that while conveying a corpse, the mortician occasionally walked
behind the ambulance, while the corpse drives
the van and the bizarre- that he sells body parts of dead people and so on. Chima confirmed some creepy stories and described others as hearsay. On the man who allegedly slept in the mortuary with corpses, he said it was not true and he does not keep security guards in the mortuary. The dead still have spiritual powers Mr Chima said: “The corpses may be dead, but they still possess some spiritual powers to protect themselves. We have about 100 corpses right now and 18 abandoned ones,
but we keep the place open, both day and
night, without any security and anybody, who attempts to do anything funny by going there to steal or do anything has himself to blame” .
He, however, described as false claims that
some people sell parts of dead people or do
have sex with them.
The mortician further disclosed that Sex with the dead is a deadly affair. He asserted: “Do not think that because she is lying down there, she is finished and you can go and have
sex with her. You will die also in a matter of
hours or days and how can someone sell
body parts of a corpse or water used in washing a corpse, such water is poisonous. People die from different ailments such as HIV/AIDS, and water used in washing their bodies is poisonous and any person who uses it will either die or contact sickness.” On the report that he has rented crowd of women, who enga

Here we present the Courses Our Ministers Studied In School ,lol This is Nigeria of 2016

The Minister of
Agriculture studied French

The Minister of Education studied Accounting

The Minister of Solid Minerals studied International relations

The Minister of Power studied Law

The Minister of Communications studied Law

The Minister of Transport studied English.

Minister of Labour and Employment studied Surgery

Minister of Budget and national planning studied law

Minister of Foreign Affairs studied Medicine

Minister of Petroleum studied Law

IGP studied Agriculture

I didn't say anything o but I hope u know why your economy is on recess.

APC government feeding Nigerians with lies.

Gov Peter Obi quotes that set the internet on fire...

"To you young people, Take Back your Country...it is your future they are toying with". - Peter Obi

"I reduced my convoy to 5 vehicles and you cannot buy fuel unless I am in the car".- Peter Obi

"If I sleep in a hotel and have to pay N250k a night, I will be awake all night...feeling like I was robbed". - Peter Obi

"You know there are many big men in Anambra state, so when they want to see me, I say to them I will come to you instead".- Peter Obi

"We handed schools back to Churches and by 2013, we were number one in WAEC."- Peter Obi

"I beg you to participate more in politics, the society we help them abuse today will take its revenge tomorrow".- Peter Obi

"The only way out of recession is to spend for growth. You can only spend for growth either from savings or from borrowing.
The question is: what are you borrowing for?
Are you borrowing for consumption or for production?
When you borrow for consumption, you are heading for disaster."

-- Peter Obi.

" I had to stop the Presidential lodge in Anambra... A project awarded at 400million. I had to close down state house in lagos and Abuja... Because I felt we dont need it.... Even when other states had."

" They said President Obasanjo is coming... I went to borrow the kind of cars they wanted... Instead of spending millions... From a neigbouring state."

"I requested Obasanjo to spend the nights in my lodge Since they said he must sleep over... I asked my wife to pack out of my bedroom... We went opposite to lodge in a hotel (name mentioned) for the week, we paid N30,000 instead of N100,000."

"I used the 150million for 2 bullet proof cars to buy almost 50 Peugeot cars at 3 million each.. gave 17 to JUDGES and 18 to permanent Secretaries (because i discovered they did not have cars) and kept 10 for govt house... which I used as Governor... I did not use bullet proof cars as Governor."

"They said we should attend world Igbo Congress in U. S.... That the budget WAS cut from 40 to 32million.... I asked them why... That only one person should go and come and tell us what was discussed."

"Instead of paying 30,000 for each security personnel (about 30) per night in Abuja, I told IG to give me Police whenever am in Abuja....I travel alone... Ppl complained.... The 15 drivers lodged in Abuja state house...who come to airport to cause confusion, i asked to go, kept only 3. The others to go back to Akwa or look for job... I asked the cook to go back to Akwa instead of giving him 30,000 per plate."

"When Governors lodge and Govt house was burnt before I came... With budget of 400million and 300 million, I repaired them for 42 million and 80million respectively. They wanted to impeach me that I did not spend by due process... Following the awarded Contracts and contractor.... I saw a table.. That my predecessor used, they said its old... I asked them to renovate it... That all i needed was a table to write as Governor... "

" So so so I was able to save money and made sure that ANAMBRA HAS THE BEST ROAD NETWORK THAN ANY OTHER STATE IN NIGERIA....."

PETER OBI....WORDS ON MARBLE! "

Copied

Surely we won't get to this stage sha cos am cooking something serious that will get us out of this recession.

Change begins wit dem

Nigeria shall be great again

My brother u can join this man nd do d needful. Relocate pls

If all d anti crafts agencies cannot find out why no one has ever won d biggest balloon then they shld all bath naked in the bathroom and let us rest.
This is wia corruption started from

General anoda corruption rice beans don land again o

General abeg u still remember ur Twitter/Facebook password wey I open for u?

General u don hear wetin ur boi dey talk?

...just wasted my mb

Good day everyone pls how does one sale share certificate?

```TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of
Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of
Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the
National
Anthem?
CHILDREN: D-Banj and 2face!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do
you call people from Moscow?
CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That’s great! You’re going to be like this until Buhari pays my salary.```
Happy weekend to you ma dear

```TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of
Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of
Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the
National
Anthem?
CHILDREN: D-Banj and 2face!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do
you call people from Moscow?
CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That’s great! You’re going to be like this until Buhari pays my salary.```
Happy weekend to you ma dear

This car is still available for sale at a negotiable price

@a give away price
Honda Accord (Baby Boy)

Features:
Interior: Clean Leather
Transmission: Automatic
A/C: Factory Chilling
Engine: Top Performance
Wheels: Alloy
Brake System: ABS
Power Steering
Power Door Lock
Side Mirror: Auto Control
Driver Seat: Auto Control
Open Roof Vent
Full Light: Bright
CD Player/Stereo
At a token of #650k negotiable
Location at Amadi-flat GRA Port-Harcourt phase one
CONTACT DETAILS
Jesse 08134801337 (Only serious buyers pls!)

Oga abeg see dis person dey waste MB nd we are cutting cost of everything

PET

Oga someone is complaining of inflation here. Abeg the masquerade dressing form done finish I want give am one

The anointed minister of darkness searching for blames.

So who epp

In other words this feat will EPP our economy

Oga no trust that Okorocha's candidate o cos d devil u know is beta than d Angel u don't know.

Baba make we just forgive this man na

When a lady is desperately looking for a toast she dresses unclad to attract one

Ameachi and hatred for GEJ are like

Pls this guy should be fast forwarded to Abuja. He knows the root problems of our youths. Our major challenge remain lack or disconnection between the past and the present. We simply don't know our history even if you try to disagree with me. Now a days I see civic education is schools and history is not there. For God sake civil is a glorified social studies. Senior Secondary school offering Civic Education without History is bad. Some real good manipulative politicians won't support this cos they stand to gain when we don't know our past. God bless Nigeria